01x12 - Its a Mad, Mad, Mad Hotel

[bunniefuu]

Give me the ball!

Block!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Oh, no. It's broken.

My half isn't broken.

Make up these rooms post-haste.

Think he noticed?

He noticed.

It wasn't us! We were-- we-- we were framed!

Here I am in your life

Here you are in mine

Yes, we have a suite life

Most of the time

You and me got the world to see

So come on down

Just me and you know what to do

So come on down

It's you and me and me and you

We got the whole place to ourselves

You and me, we got it all for free

So come on down

This is the suite life

We've got a suite life

This painting has been hanging in the Tipton

For nearly years.

Well, good. Now you can buy a new one.

Old is good.

And that's what makes you great.

Oh, Mr. Moseby, forgive us.

Back home, they would tie my arms and legs to goats

And send them off in different directions.

It is also what they do for people with bad backs.

Which is what you'll have after working a double shift.

I'd better find a goat.

Who is going to pay for this?

Do you take game tokens?

Keep your tokens in your pants, young man.

Arwin can fix it. Arwin can fix anything.

Except a nice quiche.

I can't get the cheese to harden quite right.

With my new super-strength glue.

I call it super-strength glue.

Catchy. See what you can do.

Check this out.

All you have to do is put a little drop down here,

A little drop up here,

And then you stick it down there

And stick it up here,

And voila!

Smoke!

No, thanks. It's a nasty habit.

No, the frame is smoking!

That is the silliest thing I've ever--

Aah! Aah!

Duck and cover!

Works perfectly until I try to stick it to something.

Which is kind of the point of glue.

Well, I'd go back to the drawing board, but --

It exploded, too.

What's that?

It's a newspaper from .

Tipton treasure

Gangster's gal tells all.

Big time mobster Alfonse "Hot Peppers" Dealio

Was caught at the Tipton.

As they pulled him away,

He swore he'd come back for his treasure.

So there's money hidden somewhere in this hotel?

It could be millions!

Hmm, millions.

Oh, I owned you,

And I'm not giving you back!

Zack, honey, time to eat.

What's for dinner?

Popcorn and candy.

For dessert?

Candy and popcorn.

Thanks, sweetie.

Look out!

New high score!

A genius in the kitchen

And a tiger in the game room.

Baby, you're the greatest.

Dude, why did you just kiss me?

Sorry. Daydreaming.

I've got to ask mom for my own room.

If we find this treasure,

You could have your own house.

That's not what I'd spend my money on.

Thank you! Thank you!

I expected to win the Nobel Prize in physics,

Chemistry, biology, and mathematics,

But to win one for baking, well,

That just takes the cake.

I'd like to thank "Hot Peppers" Dealio

For funding my research,

And my personal assistant, Dr. Inga.

Dude, now who's on the fritz?

Can we get back to finding the money now?

What money?

Uh, it's none of your business.

And there's nothing you can say or do

To make us tell you.

-Zackie? -There's treasure hidden in the hotel.

Sucker.

So I'm in love. Sue me.

Read all about it.

Hey, wait a minute. Is that...

That's a picture of Muriel!

How can you tell?

Look at her. She's sitting down with her feet up.

If anyone's gonna know something about that money,

It's Muriel.

Good idea. Thanks, Maddie.

Thanks nothing.

If there's money involved, I want my cut.

Without me, you wouldn't have known to ask Muriel.

Conference.

She's got a point. We should cut her in.

I don't know. She's already ,

And she only works at the candy counter.

If she was smart,

She would have made something of her life by now.

You know, I'm standing right here.

Ok, you're in.

Goody!

Muriel, can we ask you a question?

Does it involve moving?

No.

sh**t.

What can you tell us about "Hot Peppers" Dealio?

Oh, does that name bring back memories.

I had just started working at the Tipton.

Peppers was a thief,

Ah, but I stole his heart.

Hey, Muriel.

I'm crazy for you, toots.

Get in line, pal.

Let's go on the lam together.

Does it involve moving?

I'll carry you, babe.

Hi, Peppers.

Is it hot in here or is it just you?

Get your mitts off the boss, floozy.

It's pronounced Flossie.

Come away with me, doll.

She's not gonna want to go where you're going, Peppers.

Detective, that's the man who stole my money.

Now I'm down to my last billion.

You're gonna fry, Peppers.

Which reminds me, we should grab some lunch after this.

We'll save you, boss!

Nice try, boys.

Write to me, baby.

Yeah, yeah, if I can find a stamp.

I think we're wearing him down.

Yeah, I'm exhausted.

I'm coming back! I'm coming back for my treasure!

Did you ever look for the treasure?

Of course. I spent the entire s looking.

Maybe we should give it a sh*t.

Oh, be my guest,

But you got to count me in

If you find the treasure.

Conference.

Should we count her in?

Well, she is the only one who was actually there.

Good point.

We could always short her when we split the loot.

She's too lazy to count it.

You know, I'm still sitting right here.

Forget I said anything. You're in.

Do you remember anything?

I went to see Peppers in prison once

To ask him where the treasure is.

And he said, "The treasure lies beneath the heart."

What could that mean?

Esteban, our newlyweds are on the way.

Please take this champagne to the honeymoon suite.

Ooh, I love the honeymoon suite.

Everything is shaped like a heart.

Heart-shaped headboards, heart-shaped soap,

Heart-shaped pillows, hearts, hearts, hearts.

Well, I'm stumped.

Esteban, we need your pass key to get us into that room.

Oh, no. It is against hotel policy.

Why?

Conference.

If we want to get the treasure,

We'll have to cut him in.

Why?

Because I can hear everything you're saying.

Ok, you're in.

Follow me. Stay low.

Remember, the treasure lies beneath the heart.

Find the treasure!

Under the pillows! Under the bed!

Uh. Hello?

Congratulations to the happy couple.

We turned down the bed for you.

And most of the room.

Well, Hot Peppers treasure

Wasn't under any of those hearts.

"Hot Peppers" Dealio?

That monster mobster

Stole money from my great grandmother.

I want it back.

Conference.

We may have to cut her in.

No! She's too rich already.

She's spoiled rotten.

And for christmas, she gave me a lousy key ring.

You know, I'm standing right here.

This conference thing, not working out.

And I do know every inch of this hotel.

Ok, you're in.

Yay!

Ok. Ok. Ok

The heart of the hotel should be the center of the building.

Well, London, where do you think the center of the hotel is?

Anywhere I am.

According to my calculations,

It's below the garbage room.

Did you find any money?

Not yet.

Losers.

Oh, I just remembered something.

What?

I once saw Liberace at radio city music hall.

What a showman!

It has to be something obvious and we're just missing it.

I got it!

Beneath the heart is the stomach,

And the stomach of the hotel is the kitchen.

Brilliant.

You keep this up

And I'll trade your key ring in for a sports car, Mister.

But then I'll need the key ring.

You guys are gonna make a great team.

Too bad you're looking in the wrong place.

Ok, obviously the heart refers to the valentine room,

And below that is the lounge.

I like the way you think, sweet thing.

You like anything she says, desperate thing.

Well, I'm going with candy girl.

And I'm going with bellboy here.

Well, wait a minute. Who's going with me?

Nobody, calculator boy.

Fine. We'll go our separate ways

And meet back here in an hour.

And whoever finds the treasure first gets the biggest cut.

What about sharing?

What about honor? What about integrity?

What about finders keepers, losers weepers?

Zack, have you found anything?

No, nothing,

Just a large ball of lint.

And a spider the size of a cat!

It's ok. I got it.

Will you stop clowning around and look?

I want that money.

Good news, Madam president.

Your policies have now officially saved the whales,

The rainforest, the ozone layer,

And most importantly, the people with bad haircuts.

It was a good week.

And to think I couldn't have done it

Without Hot Peppers' money funding my campaign.

And you, Zack.

Hey!

Sorry, bub. This is my fantasy.

Ok, here I come.

Give me a hand.

Oh, yeah!

Why catch me

When you can make out with a broom?

Aha.

Aha what?

What are you doing in there?

I lost my pen.

Do you need some help?

Help? I've done this a thousand times.

Ok, help!

I can tell.

You're looking for Hot Peppers' loot, huh?

How'd you know?

I heard your brother in the vent.

By the way, he k*lled my pet spider.

I'm so sorry?

Sorry doesn't buy spider love.

Yeah, right. Ok!

Can you help me move the dumpster?

It weighs a ton.

Sure.

What's in it for me?

The pride of helping a small plucky boy with a dream?

Ok. Hold this.

Wow.

Bran.

Thank you.

I'll get my screwdriver and we'll undo the drain.

Ok, stay back.

Is that the bran?

Boy, I hope not.

Hey, roughage.

You know, this looking thing really isn't so hard.

It's actually kind of fun.

Oodles.

Keep looking

I wonder what my life would be like

If I found the money?

Oh, it would be the same. Yay!

May I suggest that you stop clapping and start helping?

I'm more of an idea person.

Oh, well, here's an idea.

Get busy!

I am busy.

I'm busy owning this hotel.

Not after I find that money.

Enjoy your stay at hotel Esteban.

Front! Please show Mr. Jenkins to suite .

Oh, yes, sir.

And

Take the stairs.

It would be my pleasure, sir.

Oh, it feels good to be the boss.

Esteban it's : , and you know what that means.

Of course!

Attention, guests of hotel Esteban.

It is salsa time!

What in the world are you doing?

It's salsa time.

It's hiding time.

I'm not supposed to be here.

Quick! The dumbwaiter!

You know, I don't like to make fun of the help.

Are you sure this can hold the both of us?

Of course! We'll be perfectly safe in here.

Hey! I found it!

The loot?

No, my pen.

Hey, it still writes.

No, that's Italian dressing.

Fix dumb waiter

This is all your fault.

Oh, you're right.

It couldn't have been your fault

Because you didn't do anything.

-Zack -No!

I should get a bigger share

Because I worked harder than you.

Yeah, well, if you're working so hard,

How come we have no treasure?

You know,

I don't know what I ever saw in you.

Don't make me come down there.

And you! You owe me a spider, Mister.

One who can fetch!

You guys finally realized that I was right.

Well, you're not getting any of the treasure!

You found it?

No,

But when I do,

You guys aren't getting any of it, none of you!

Dogs have cleaner tongues than people.

Wait a minute!

I just remembered something important about Hot Peppers.

What?

Ohhh. It's gone.

This day just gets worse and worse.

Actually, I've had a great day.

I found my pen. I had a nice lunch.

I fixed my glue. R-stuck.

New name, new formula.

More sticking, less exploding.

Ew! Get that out of my face. It stinks.

It sticks. And it's not exploding.

See?

Have you seen my kids?

No. Have you seen my employees?

No.

I have a bad feeling about this.

Me, too, but let's stay calm.

I'm sure my kids are fine and your hotel's in one piece.

Or pieces.

I really need to fix that.

You think?

I'm not cleaning this up.

Are you guys ok?

Yeah, we're fine.

-Moseby -Aah -Breathe -Ohh.

Breathe.

Mama.

Mom, it wasn't our fault.

Yeah, we were only looking for treasure.

There's a hole in my hotel.

Oh, Mr. Moseby, we are very sorry.

I'm not. Look.

I've seen enough.

Me, too. You guys endangered your lives,

You damaged the hotel.

All in the greedy pursuit of--

Money!

Is the treasure!

Out of my way!

Hello! Welcome to the United Bank of Boston.

You know, if you want to make a withdrawal,

We prefer you use a teller.

I would have, but the lines.

Well, I think we all learned a valuable lesson about greed.

Yeah,

I learned not to stand between you and buried treasure.

I should have known that there was no treasure,

Otherwise Peppers would have gotten me something

Better than this cheap, heart-shaped locket.

The treasure lies beneath the heart.

That must have been the heart

Hot Peppers was talking about.

You hold her, I'll grab it!

Hold it!

Here, take it.

I could never get the darn thing open anyway.

To Muriel, you are my greatest treasure

Muriel, you were the treasure all along.

Yeah, that's what all the cheap guys say

When they don't want to spring for the good jewelry.

Now I'll never own this hotel.

And I'll never be the president.

And I'll never win the Nobel Prize.

I'll never marry Maddie.

On the bright side, I'm still rich. Yay me!

Yeah, and my glue will never work.

It grows hair. It grows hair.

I'm rich. I'm rich. I quit.

I'm rich. I'm rich.

Never mind.