01x19 - The Ghost of Suite 613

[bunniefuu]

Guys, get out here.

Yeah, mom?

When I left,

There was a room under this mess.

I'd like it back. Start cleaning.

Next thing you know, she's gonna make me take a bath.

Gotcha!

No. Got you.

Cody...Why are you cleaning the carpet

With your brother's face?

Although, if it gets the stain out...

Mommy, Zack scared me again.

Zack, you know that Cody is...

Sensitive.

Why do you try to scare him?

It's my job.

Well, you're fired. Clean the room.

Here I am in your life

Here you are in mine

Yes, we have a suite life

Most of the time

You and me got the world to see

So come on down

Just me and you know what to do

So come on down

It's you and me and me and you

We got the whole place to ourselves

You and me, we got it all for free

So come on down

This is the suite life

We've got a suite life

Hey, guys, watch this.

No. Oh, no. That was not me.

Esteban, you may excuse yourself.

Quickly, please!

We will discuss your dietary habits later.

Oh, Mr. Moseby, the gassy noise is not me.

Leave.

Zack, I'm a little tired of your impractical jokes.

Sorry.

I wasn't scared.

You were white as a sheet.

Don't tell me you saw the ghost in suite .

There's a ghost in the hotel?

Cool! Let's go see it.

Uh, maybe later.

What's the matter? Afraid?

No, I just had lunch.

And...

You're supposed to wait an hour

Before you dive into the supernatural.

There's no such thing as ghosts.

Wrong, as usual.

I've seen this ghost.

It was so scary,

I dropped my new purse...

And left it there.

With money in it?

Oh, just the regular $ , bill

Every kid gets for an allowance.

Hey! Just 'cause I don't need it

Doesn't mean it's not mine!

Hey, watch it!

I got clock radios

And a DVD player hidden in here!

Muriel, where is suite ?

Over there.

But if you value your life,

Don't go in there.

Let's go in!

Let's not!

On second thought,

Here's the key.

Told you there was a ghost.

Her name was Irene,

And she was beautiful and rich.

Ooh, think me...

With less money...

And probably not as pretty...

And dead.

As I was saying,

In , Irene and her husband

Checked in on their honeymoon night

And the next day...

He went off to w*r.

She waited years.

But he never came back.

So he d*ed in battle?

Oh, no. He--

He met some Italian babe

And opened up a pizza parlor in Naples.

Irene was so angry, she threw the silver hairbrush

He had given her at the mirror.

And the mirror shattered, and a shard flew out,

And that was the end of that.

Good luck.

Come on!

Oh, oh, sorry. Leg cramp.

Arwin...Why are you walking around the hotel

Wearing a welding mask?

It gives me an air of mystery.

The force is strong with this one.

Have you ever seen the ghost?

Sadly, no.

But...I have seen Muriel in a hair net.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have something really scary to deal with...

The toilet in .

Coming, mother!

I can't get it open.

What a shame. Let's go.

It's the ghost!

-No! -No!

Stop!

It is not.

We obviously loosened the lock,

And the wind opened it up.

Wow. Is that her?

Yeah. That's the ghost of suite .

Check out the broken mirror.

Check out the gargoyles.

Check out of this room!

Cody, they're just statues.

They put them there to ward off evil.

Even the guy who designed this hotel knew it was haunted.

Wait. Do you hear that?

It's Cody's teeth.

Cody, trust me.

There is no ghost here causing weird things to happen.

Welcome back.

There is no ghost.

But I do see a purse.

Finders, keepers. Losers, weepers.

Hand me the loot or you get the boot.

The ghost stole my money!

She is so dead.

What's that sound?

It's a ghost!

Sorry about the whole dead thing.

London! Save me!

Thank you. I will bill you for the hearing aid I now require.

I could hear you screaming from the lobby.

Mr. Moseby, have you ever seen the ghost?

There is no ghost.

Told you.

Now let's leave before she gets annoyed.

And I'm completely alone here.

Tell us about the ghost

Or we might have to ask you again...

In the lobby...

When people are checking in.

Very well.

It was a long time ago.

I had just started working at the Tipton as a bell hop.

It was a dark and stormy night,

And I was working diligently.

Oh, man. I gotta catch me some z's. Oh.

I had heard rumors about room .

But I didn't believe in ghosts.

Until I felt a sudden rush of cold air...

Followed by an overpowering aroma of pizza.

Mmm, pizza. I could dig a slice.

I hate pizza!

It reminds me of my unfaithful husband!

Yo, man, I didn't mean a slice of me!

Fortunately, my voluminous fro

Saved me from a concussion...

Although I did injure my ankle.

I was never able to boogie oogie oogie again.

That was awesome!

You should have seen your faces!

Oh, wait. I can show you your face.

Let's see what my hand looks like

When it squishes your face.

I wasn't scared.

If you weren't scared,

Why were you shaking in the elevator?

Because it hasn't been inspected in years.

Don't you read that little card?

Well, I wanna see the ghost.

So I dare you to spend the night with me in suite .

bucks say you run out first.

I'd take that bet...

But mom will never let us do it.

Darn right I won't. Do what?

Camp out tonight in suite .

Otherwise known as the haunted room.

Well...

So that's a no.

We accept your wise and carefully considered decision.

You just don't wanna go because you're chicken.

She said "No," And no means no, Mister.

Don't make her say it again.

Zack... No brother clucking.

So...can we go?

I don't think so.

What if we got Maddie and London to stay with us?

Well, I guess that would be ok.

You know, you don't have to give in to him.

What kind of mother are you?

Cody, you do whatever you want.

But there's no such thing as ghosts.

If there were,

My mother-in-law would still be haunting me.

So you gonna spend the night

Finger-painting with mommy?

No. I'm gonna spend the night in suite .

Then when you run out first,

I'm gonna spend your bucks.

We'll see about that

London said she'd meet us here with the pass key.

She just had to pick up a few things.

Sorry I'm late.

It's Esteban's fault.

Yes. My hernia. My fault.

I thought you said you were going to rough it.

I only brought my overnight bag.

Please forgive me

For delaying our spooky yet fun adventure with ghosties.

Here's the key.

Here goes nothing.

Here goes my lower back.

This isn't so scary.

Ok, now it is.

It's the ghost!

And it's holding a club!

And now it's eating the club!

It's not a club. It's a sub!

Meatball marinara. You want some?

What's so scary about a sandwich?

The guy who's eating it.

I just think you're kinda creepy.

No offense.

None taken.

A lot of women say that.

Including mother.

See? The ghost didn't knock out the lights. The storm did.

Right, Arwin?

No. It was the ghost.

Again, I'm alone.

I've been tryin' to see her for years.

But tonight, tonight is my golden opportunity.

Why, because the lightning

Provides sufficient atmospheric ozone

Allowing your instrument

To pick up any ectoplasmic manifestations?

No, because mother's at bingo,

And I don't have to be home till : .

Ok. Uh...here we go.

Just as I thought.

-What? -What?

I forgot to plug it in.

Ok. We got about scary abnormalities in this room.

Granted, of 'em are me. But still...

Did you see that?

You mean the face moving, the eyes looking?

No.

Me, neither.

I did...

And there's a scary ghost in here

And she's mad.

Mommy!

Help.

Yes. That's what we must do.

We must help.

Thanks. You guys take each side.

I'll supervise.

I meant we must help the poor tormented ghostie

Cross over to a better place.

You mean, like, the St. Mark's hotel

Where they pay overtime?

This is not a joking matter.

Obviously, you haven't seen my paycheck.

I know how to contact the spirit world.

You do?

Of course. Shall we begin?

Sure.

It's ok, blankie. We'll get through this together.

Is everyone ready to call the spirit?

Apparently, the spirit is calling us.

Tell 'em we're not home.

Silence, please.

Everyone join hands.

I meant with each other.

Be very still. But relaxed.

Ghostie...

If I may call you that.

Speak to us

You are...

Maddie is channeling a spirit

Dopes, you guys are so gullible.

Disbelievers will be punished.

Ooh, I'm so scared.

I'm so scared.

You are?

Spirit, hear me. I am calling you.

What's going on?

I am on hold.

Either the table is getting higher

Or the floor is getting lower.

She's here.

hola, ghostie. Welcome to our--

Who dares to call me in the afterlife?

It's for you.

Are you the ghost of Irene?

Yes! My spirit is doomed to languish agony

For a-l-l eternity.

Whatever. Listen, um, could I have my $ , back?

You will be silent!

Ok. Sorry. Never mind.

What is your problem, lady?

I was betrayed. So I'm angry.

Does anyone smell...

Pizza?

Ohh, don't ever say that word!

I love pizza.

What are you gonna do about it?

Maddie, no!

Where did she go?

Anyone else have anything to say?

N-n-n-not me. I hate pizza.

Blankie! No!

Cody? Buddy?

Oh, man. Mom's not gonna like this.

Listen, Irene, I hate to be a nudge.

But, uh, about that $ , ...

I'll take a check!

Esteban! Hang up on her!

Esteban's gone.

Say adios, amigo.

Esteban!

They're coming to get you.

Got your nose.

Did you order room service?

I've got your ribs!

Hey, what's the matter?

You don't have to lose your head.

Gotcha.

That'll be bucks.

But...

Special effects courtesy of Arwin Q. Hawkhauser.

Seriously, you should have some pizza later.

And, uh, table...

Back doors...

And the front door.

Anyone for pizza?

You guys are mean.

We're sorry, Zack.

But you've played so many practical jokes on us,

We just wanna show you how it feels.

Yes. Forgive me, my little friend.

But you should not have made me

The butt of the gassy noises joke,

Most of which were not mine.

Or put itching powder in my coveralls.

Or send me that fake love letter from Orlando Bloom.

He took out a restraining order against me.

I didn't send you any letter.

Ok, that was me.

Well, the joke was all on you guys.

Because...I wasn't really scared.

Yeah, right. You should have seen your face.

Oh, wait. I can show you your face.

Ok, I was in the middle of a third encore.

Why do you need me?

Mom, stop him!

Zack. Zack. Zack! Stop right now.

What did you do to your brother?

Nothing. He scared me.

He did?

I mean, you did?

Oh, ok! Ok!

Thank you for coming up, Mr. Moseby.

I assume this was the ruckus to which you were referring?

He played a really mean practical joke on me, mommy.

Cody, tell your brother you're sorry.

Shame on you.

Sorry, Zack.

You're such a chicken.

I can't believe you got scared over a little ghost.

This hotel has a ghost?

Of course not.

Now tell the nice lady

You were just pretending.

Yeah. There is no ghost.

Well, that's too bad.

Because a lot of people would pay extra

To stay in a haunted room.

Oh, he meant no ghost in the hallway.

However, the room is lousy with ghosts.

The rest of the hotel is haunted by these two.

That'll be a buck.

Did you really leave your blankie here,

Or is this just another stupid prank?

Listen, I don't kid when it comes to blankie.

Now help me look around...

Unless you're too scared.

Excuse me. Is this yours?

Yeah, thanks.

Don't mention it.