04x09 - Sugar Daddy

[bunniefuu]

DRE: There are so many great
things about being black.

We save money on suntan lotion.

We look good,
even when we lose our hair.

And we all know someone
who knows someone

who knows someone
who knows Barack Obama.

But as easy as we seem to have it,

we're twice as likely
to get diagnosed with diabetes.

While genetics are a factor,
diabetes has also been linked

to obesity, poor diet, and inactivity.

But don't get it twisted...
It's not all our fault.

For a lot of us, it's hard to
be fit living in a food desert

with no decent healthcare or gyms.

And let's be honest...
Who has time to exercise

when you're working two jobs
to make ends meet?

Even if you can make time, it's dicey,

because if someone sees you

- running in the hood...
- Hey!

...they'll give you
something to run from.

Despite our best efforts,

the sugars is super common
with black folks.

. million black Americans are
currently living with it today.

In fact, it's so common
that I already have it.

♪

Type diabetes?

But I feel fine.

Well, many of the symptoms
are quite mild.

Have you experienced excessive thirst?

Not necessarily.

[GULPING]

Hunger? Fatigue?

No, not at all.

♪

Frequent urination?

- [TOILET FLUSHING]
- What'd you say, Doc?

Frequent urination.

Oh. Mnh-mnh.

Some men even complain
of erectile dysfunction.

Absolutely not.

I'm fine in that area. Tell him, Bow.

Why is it taking you so long
to tell him?!

- He's fine.
- [CLEARS THROAT]

It's... He is magnificent.

[CHUCKLES] You hear that?

The best she's ever had.
Her words, not mine.

I didn't say that.

Perhaps we should get
back to your diagnosis.

Listen, I know this is
not what you hoped for, Dre,

but the good news is
diabetes is manageable.

- Okay.
- Exactly.

You'll just have to make
some adjustments.

You'll want to exercise,
change your diet,

monitor your blood sugar, and
start taking some medicine.

Yeah. These are all doable things.

I mean, and I can help you
with the medication.

I have been giving sh*ts
since med school, so...

Did you guys practice on oranges?

No. You know what?

We used to practice on hot dogs.

- Oh.
- A boiled hot dog

has the same snap as human flesh.

Yes, it does.

And you know what else has
remarkably humanlike flesh?

Don't do it. Don't do it.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Okay!

- BOTH: Kiwis!
- [BOTH LAUGH]

- 'Cause of the hair!
- The hair!

- Right? It's like a little... Like an arm.
- It's like an arm.

Okay, this is worse than the
time I got diabetes.

Doctor, show her everything
that I need to know,

and she'll demonstrate on
a piece of fruit for me later.

- Yeah.
- I've got to get to work.

Okay. Bye, babe.

Bye, babe. Mm. See you later, Doc.

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- Oh, since we're sharing...

- Mm...
- my first year of residency,

I may have k*lled a guy.

Lemons are also really good.

- Mm.
- Lemons.

♪

Mmm.

♪

What's wrong? Girl trouble?

God, no. It's Devante.

I think he's gunning for me.

- He's only months old.
- Impressive.

I didn't start gunning for you
until we were .

No, I'm serious.

[ENGINE REVVING]

[BEEPING]

At first, I thought
I was imagining things.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

But then, i-it kept happening...

Anybody see my ball?

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

Now I realize he wants to k*ll me.

Okay, that last one
may have been a dream.

But that doesn't change
the fact that Devante hates me.

- [SIGHS]
- What am I going to do?

I've never been hated before.

I say embrace it.

My haters give me life.

Jack, babies don't hate.

They're too busy sleeping on clouds

and laughing with the angels.

Not this baby.

Hey, Devante.

It's me, Jack.

[DEVANTE CRIES]

- Whoa.
- Oh.

I haven't seen that much hatred
in a baby's eyes since...

Me.

Well done, buddy.

[CHUCKLES]

- [CLINK]
- I'm gonna build

our Christmas-party
champagne tower with this.

It's one of Grandpapa's rare,
antique, crystal glasses.

Bored. Oh, Dre!

What say the doctor?

- He say I got diabetes.
- Mm.

- Oh.
- I thought you already had that,

because of your... [WHISTLES]

your skin color.

STEVENS: I'm not surprised either.

Now, if you had old me
that you had good credit...

- [CHUCKLES]
- I have excellent credit.

[CHUCKLES] Good one, Dre.

I do credit repairs now.

How attached are you
to your fingerprints?

Okay, look, guys, this Dr. Reagan

says many brave Americans
live every day with diabetes.

Well, he lied.

Diabetes is awful.

It can take years off your life.

- Years off my life?
- Decades.

And some people have to take
sh*ts in their stomach.

JOSH: Or in their arm.

That's how my uncle
took his diabetes medicine.

Right in the vein.

He said it makes you feel
like you're flying.

I don't think
that was diabetes medicine.

Mm. What else makes you
play trumpet like an angel?

I'll give you your sh*ts, Dre.

I'm like a ninja
when it comes to a needle.

My aunt... She was scared, too,

so, every day, I would sneak-att*ck her

and shank her in the gut
with her insulin.

Every day?

Well, not every day.

She skipped a day
once her foot got amputated.

Yeah, diabetics lose a lot of feet.

A lot of feet?

But, on the bright side,
if you do lose a foot,

you can sell half
your sneaker collection.

♪

Am I winning him over?

- Does he like it?
- No.

No one.

Likes it.

When you. Dance.

You know what? I have an idea.

You've got to make him jealous.

Let him know that he's not
the only baby in your life.

Here. Bond with this.

- Hey!
- Hm.

You know what'll make him jealous?

- Tickle that baby's belly.
- Tickle, tickle!

[SPEAKING BABY TALK]

Is it working? Is Devante mad?

No, but that lady behind you is.

♪

Maybe if you stay off your phone,

then people won't have the opportunity

to snatch your baby!

Don't try me, now.

- [DOOR OPENS]
- [SIGHS]

Hey, there, dia-buddy!

[LAUGHS] That's a funny one.

- I mean...
- [LAUGHS]

It wasn't.

Sweetie, it is time

to check your blood sugar levels.

Here. I am going to prick your finger.

- Oh, okay, okay. Do... Do...
- Okay. No, babe.

Babe, do we have to right now?

- There... There's so many nerve endings.
- Yes.

Dr. Reagan showed me everything.

And it was actually kind of
like going back to med school,

but without the bloody noses,

'cause I used to put so much
pressure on myself.

Okay, cool. I can't wait for you
to show me this, but you know what?

I've got to go buy something online.

Oh. Is it for me?

No.

Even in your lie,
you can't make it for me?

Dre, you've got to do this.

Okay, babe, yes,
I know I have to do this.

- Okay.
- And I'm gonna do it by myself.

You don't know how to do it.

I've got to learn sometime, right?

- Yes.
- I'm gonna learn by myself.

- Look.
- Boop!

- Okay.
- Got it.

All right. Got to put it in the finger.

I'm gonna put it in the finger.

- Right there. Boop!
- Okay.

Boop!

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]

[BREATHING DEEPLY]

[WHIMPERING]

[WHIMPERING LOUDLY]

What you doing out here... giving birth?

I wish.

This is so much harder.

- Pops, I don't want to prick my finger.
- Let me see.

Oh, you don't need to be
bothering with this mess.

Come here. Let me show you something.

[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]

Once I kicked
prescription dr*gs to the curb

and embraced natural healing,
my body cured itself.

Last week, I couldn't even walk.

Now I am dancing the cha-cha!

Mm!

You hear that, son? The cha-cha.

Why didn't my doctor tell me about this?

'Cause there's no money in the cure,

only in the treatment.

Also, there's also no money
in the restaurant business.

That's why I sold
my Papa John's franchise.

We were partners in that.

Not on paper.

Point is, diabetes doesn't
have to be a death sentence.

You're saying I can cure this?

I'm not saying it.
The documentary's saying it.

And a % Rotten Tomatoes score
doesn't lie.

- Hit "play."
- [REMOTE CLICKS]

DRE: That documentary
Pops showed me was the truth.

Dr. Reagan just wanted to
manage my diabetes.

I was gonna cure it.

- Son.
- Mm?

What is that?

It's Rare Earth Seltzer...

antiviral, anti-inflammatory,

and it regenerates cell growth.

It looks like tap water
from Flint, Michigan.

Oh. And I also take six
of these four times a day

to help me detox.

What a coincidence.

I take six of these to help me re-tox.

[LAUGHS] All right.

That dirty Flint water tasted bad,

but put me on the right track.

So four sweat lodge sessions,
two colonics,

and one heavy metal detox later,

I knew I was that much closer
to curing my diabetes.

These are the only thing
I got in my grandpa's will.

My cousins, they got the business,

the houses, the cars,
but I got these glasses

he swore were not n*zi w*r loot.

[CHUCKLES]

Rachel, what... What'd I say?

Bacon-wrapped shrimp?

- Ooh. Yes, I will.
- Ah.

More like dead
swine-wrapped bottom feeder.

Dre, what is wrong with you?

These are delicious deep-water sea buds.

Respect your temple, like I do.

I don't put that garbage in my body.

I don't put anything in my body.

Dre, you're not eating food?
You love food.

That's the only thing
you took out of your office

- when the fire alarm went off.
- Not anymore.

Three wellness blogs and
an online certified health coach

showed me that fasting cures diseases.

And in just two short days, you
can renew your immune system.

Mm. I used to fast a kid.

I would eat a big meal in November,

then wouldn't eat again
until I woke up in the spring.

- Wait a minute. That was bears.
- Mm-hmm.

[WHISPERING] Stop talking
about bears in public.

Stop talking about bears in public.

Stop talking about bears in public.

Okay, Dre, so, you're gonna cure
a chronic disease by fasting?

- Yup. Yeah.
- Uh-huh.

Better than taking pills.

I need all my pills.

Why?

What does that do for you?

Well, it's either gonna
rev me up or calm me down.

Just got to spin the wheel.

It's, uh...

- It's so simple that it's crazy.
- Mm-hmm.

When our bodies talk to us,
we just need to listen.

- You know what I mean?
- I don't, Dre.

And a matter of fact,
I am gonna outsource

this entire office to India

unless I get
a crab-stuffed mushroom cap!

You, Santa's helper, come here!

[SIGHS]

Oh, man, it's hot.

I need something to drink.

[SCOFFS] Look at this yearbook love...

"You da man," "you da best."

But Devante would never write that.

- He doesn't even like me.
- [SIGHS]

Can I let you in on a little secret?

Lots of people don't like me.

Yeah, but... but what's the secret?

See, Jack,

you have a tender, unblemished heart,

while mine is rough and callused

from familial neglect, ridicule, and...

Get on with it, Long Head.

See?

That didn't even faze me.

And if you follow me,

soon, horrible abuse
won't bother you either.

But how?

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]

Hello, friend.

Oh, no, no, no.
There has to be another way.

JUNIOR: You can do it, Jack.

Build that scar.

Okay.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Mom had Devante to replace you.

You're her biggest disappointment.

[SIGHS] Nothing you haven't said before.

All that matters is that I'm alive.

Um, well, then...

you got a pity invite to Cooper's party,

and everyone hung out after
and didn't even tell you.

So?

That doesn't bother me.

Carla said it's because
your stories meander.

But Vanessa said it's
because you're a bad dancer.

- [BREATHES SHARPLY]
- Vanessa said that?

You're the slow reader in class,

and everyone texts about it
when it's your turn.

I'll tell Miss Davis.

She started the group chat.

Wow.

Feels pretty bad, huh?

Bet you want to cry to your mommy.

- Hmm?
- Hmm?

I have no mommy.

I'm ready to go break that baby.

♪

Hi, there.

CONNOR: Hi. Hello.

I'm gonna take it from all the pictures

that Charlie has of you on his phone

- that you are Dre's wife.
- Yeah, I-I am.

Whoo-hoo!

I think I just figured out
what this pill does.

Gonna need a little water. Mmm.

- Oh, okay.
- I'll just get...

Oh, my. Okay. Okay.

Wow.

Um, do you know where Dre is?

Yeah, he's over there. He's sick, man.

He's sick. [CHUCKLES]

I'm feeling
a little bit dancy right now.

Would you like to dance
with me a little bit?

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

Ooh.

- Hey, Dre.
- Mm?

Honey, are you okay? Wha...

Oh, I'm fine.

Are you okay?

'Cause you're really blurry.

Come here, baby.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, Dre, your pulse is racing.

Did you take your medication?

I don't need it.
I'm doing fine without it.

- I'm fasting.
- Okay.

You're about to pass out.

I am not going to pass out.

- Yeah, okay, yeah. Yes, you are.
- I'm passing out.

- Oh, God. Oh, God!
- Gone.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- Okay. Dre? Dre?
- Aah!

Oh, no. Oh, Grandpapa's glasses!

- Oh, my God.
- No, no.

Honey.

Oh. Oh, wait.

M-My tower's over there. It...

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]

Charlie. No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no!

[GASPS] Oh, thank God.

Does anybody want to kiss me?

Anybody? It's okay.

- Just step forward.
- No, Connor!

Con... No!

[CROWD GASPING]

Whoo! Who wants to kiss me?!

I can't believe that you haven't
been taking your medication.

- I don't need it.
- What?!

All right, I'm gonna cure
my diabetes naturally.

I'm gonna do the cha-cha.

Diabetes isn't curable.

We can help manage it with
proper diet and exercise,

but you need to take your medicine!

Of course you would say that...

Doctor.

Please do not say "doctor"
like I'm the enemy, okay?

I am your partner in this.

You're just a passenger, okay?

I'm the one that's dealing with this,

and I'm gonna need you to support

the way that I want to heal myself.

Complications from untreated
diabetes can k*ll you.

You could have
a heart att*ck or a stroke.

Have you thought about
what happens to your family?

Or your kids?

Or are you just thinking about yourself?

That's not fair.

You know I always
just think about myself.

Oh, my God. Okay.

♪

JACK: I want some orange juice
and some toast.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION IN DISTANCE]

♪

- Can I get some egg, please?
- Junior, you want some tea?

- Do you want some tea?
- Yeah, can I get a cup, please?

- Oh, I'm fine.
- Hey, morning, fam.

- Junior, you want fruit?
- Oh, yes, please, Mom.

- Can you please leave it there?
- What's for breakfast?

Sure, sure, sure. All righty.

- How about you? You want fruit?
- Of course. Thank you.

- Mom.
- Oh, of course.

They can't hear you.

- You're dead.
- Here. You want some tea?

Told you to take your medicine, dummy.

You told me not to take my medicine!

Oh, don't listen to me.

I'm just the crazy old man that
lives in your backyard.

Mom, when is New Daddy coming home?

Oh! Not soon enough, sweetie.

"New Daddy"?

Bow remarried?

She mourned for you
as long as she could,

but the children needed a father.

How long did she mourn?

A couple of days.

- New Daddy's home!
- TOGETHER: Yes!

He is! Yay!

Rick Fox?!

I know she didn't!

He's an incredibly attractive man, son.

- Yeah...
- Dude was a Laker and a Celtic.

And he's not dead
from a manageable illness.

I am so glad I'm
the only child in this family

who's not genetically
predisposed to diabetes.

I always knew
Rick Fox was her real daddy.

Everybody knew that.

I mean, look at their faces,

and then look at your potato face.

- Here you go.
- Thank you.

Since Dad d*ed, it's like
the hatred in my heart

was buried with him
in that little coffee can.

- Oh.
- Coffee can?! No!

At least spring for a Costco coffin!

I love you, Rick Dad!

- Get in here.
- Yay!

- Yes, yes.
- Oh!

- Aww!
- Aww!

[LAUGHS] Yeah!

Ditto, New Pop.

I finally know what
it feels like to be loved.

TOGETHER: Aww.

Permission to hug you, sir?

You don't need permission...

son.

TOGETHER: Aww!

Junior?

- I'm so glad my dad d*ed.
- What?!

- Me too.
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Me too.

Aww! Aww!

Mwah!

- Oh!
- Oh!

- Oh, Rick Fox!
- Oh!

[LAUGHS]

- Oh!
- This is so great.

- Shall we?
- Yes.

- Let's do it.
- [CHUCKLING] Yes.

- Oh.
- Bye.

[VOICE BREAKING] Not in my bed.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]
Definitely in your bed.

[SOBS]

Nooooo!

[SIGHS]

RAINBOW: Hey, Jack, can
you watch Devante for a minute?

Yeah, I will.

Look, you little baby.

You can hate me all you want,

but you're stuck with me,
because I love you!

You don't like me mad?

Oh, you going to tell?

[SCOFFS] Try it.

No one's going to listen
to a little baby.

You're a little baby that can't talk

and doesn't know baby sign language

because Mom is too lazy

to keep up with modern parenting trends!

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

I'm sorry to serve you so hard,

but you asked for it.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, you think that's funny, huh?

[LAUGHS]

Wait.

You thought that was funny?

[LAUGHS]

I made you laugh.

Maybe you don't hate me after all.

See? I told you.

If you'd just be patient,
he'd warm up to you.

You told me to form a scar on my heart.

I did, but all that matters

is that little Devante "wuves" you.

Ow!

[CRYING]

He bit me.

I thought we were cool.

Oh, no.

I've lost him.

Looks like there's only room
in his heart for one of us.

Isn't that right, Devante?

We don't like Junior.

We don't like him.

♪

- Hey, babe.
- Hey.

Um...

can you help me check my blood sugar?

I-I may be a little scared of this.

Of course, sweetie.

You know, I'm not just your
partner... I am a doctor.

What?! You're a doctor?

Oh, come on, Dre.

Sweetie, I know you're scared.

[DEVICE BEEPS]

But [SIGHS] you got to come
to me with this stuff.

Mm-hmm.

We're together in this,

and I'm gonna support you,
no matter what.

I bet you say that to Rick Fox, too.

- What? [CHUCKLES]
- I'm sorry, babe.

- I have weird dreams on an empty stomach.
- Mm-hmm.

I guess I'm probably afraid
admitting that I'm a diabetic,

- because it means I'll be a diabetic...
- [CLICK]

for the... rest of my life.

- Is that it?
- Yeah.

That's what I was afraid of?

- Yep.
- Oh, babe.

If I can handle that...

I can handle my injections.

See, Dre?

This does not have to define you.

When people think of Andre Johnson,

they're gonna think...

great shoe collection...

Mm-hmm. One of the best.

...talented ad man...

Oh, the best.

- ...beautiful wife...
- She a hottie.

- ...smart wife...
- Oh. I'll give her that.

How did he get that wife?!

Okay, slow your roll.

Look, Dre, the important thing to know

is that diabetes
is not gonna "dia b*at-us."

[LAUGHS] Dia...

How long have you been
holding on to that one?

[LAUGHING] Oh, my God.

For so long.

But it's never been the right time, Dre.

And I can tell by the look on your face

that now isn't either.

But, my darling, I have about more.

It's do or diabetes! [LAUGHS]

Good news, guys.

We just got the Right Guard account.

- And I would like to introduce you...
- All right!

- ...to our new spokesman.
- Mm.

- [CHUCKLES]
- All right.

First my home, and now my work?

When is it enough for you, Rick Fox?

- I'm sorry. Do I know you?
- No, you don't know me.

You ain't gonna never know me.

Well, I think you're actually gonna get

to know each other quite well,

because you're the lead
on this account, Dre.

And Connor's on the team, too.

- Yeah, I am!
- Oh, my God.

Connor, are... are you okay?

Nope. No.

Whatever I took
has not worn off, all right?

I've done irreparable harm to myself.

[LAUGHS] Whoo!