04x22 - Collateral Damage

[bunniefuu]

Love you guys! Bye!

- Love to pieces!
- Have a good time!

If anyone can knock this out, it's us.

- Just tell me what you want.
- I told you what I want.

- You're not listening.
- Oh, here we go.

- Oh, so now this argument is my fault?
- Yes, it's your fault.

I literally have no idea
what you want from me right now!

I don't want anything from you!

- We can't keep doing this.
- I think you're right.

We need space.

How the hell did we get here?

[Voice breaking] I don't know.

DRE: Marriage...
the sign of eternal love

- and, yet, in the U.S.,
- [Screaming]

every seconds...

...someone gets divorced.

That equates to divorces per hour...

, divorces per day.

, divorces per week.

And , divorces per year.

It makes me wonder...
why do I even bother

wasting money on wedding presents?

But it's not just about
the couples who get hurt.

It's the families.

The collateral damage
in any divorce is the kids

because they didn't ask for any of this.

- All right, let me be clear.
- Mm-hmm.

Your mother and I
are not getting a divorce.

- Mnh-mnh.
- We're just taking some space.

- We're just taking some space.
- Mm-hmm.

Totally temporary, totally cool,

and just nothing to worry about.

- Nothing to worry about.
- Mnh-mnh.

- There's no need to tell your friends.
- Mnh-mnh.

Or your teachers because
they don't need to know.

'Cause it's totally temporary.

Totally temporary.

Yeah, and nothing to worry about.

Nothing to worry about.

Yeah.

Any questions?

- Yeah.
- Okay. Great.

Okay, yep. Nope, nope.

So, what does "space" mean?

Yeah, because when I think of space,

I think of a vacuous,
freezing-cold environment

incapable of sustaining life.

- Or...
- Oh. Or.

...it is a separate, warm...

- Mm-hmm.
- ...healthy environment...

- Yes.
- ...where we can process our feelings

and then come back together...

- Stronger.
- Stronger. Mm-hmm.

Okay. So who's moving out?

- What?
- Hm?

Somebody is moving out.
I've seen this on TV.

Okay.

There's gonna be a coatrack
in somebody's car.

- No, sweetie.
- No, no.

- Mm-hmm.
- No.

But... But I don't want to move out.

I just memorized our address.

- Okay, no one is moving out, all right?
- Mnh-mnh.

We are trying this new thing
called "nesting"...

- Nesting.
- ...where we share an apartment...

- So cool.
- ...and take turns living here.

That way, you guys don't have
to go back and forth.

Spoken like a guy with the coatrack.

I know it's a lot,
but we're gonna be here

talking you through all of it.

- Yeah.
- Right here with you.

- All of it.
- So Dad's gonna get Mondays.

No, no. I get Tuesday.

JUNIOR: The more Mom and Dad
kept talking,

the more questions we had,
so we all did "a Jack"

and just nodded and smiled like we knew

what they were talking about.

But the dog and Ruby
stay here at all times.

- Oh.
- They'll be here.

- Yeah.
- Ruby stays here.

Uh, so, what just happened?

Mom and Dad are over, dummy.

We're lucky if this doesn't end
in Dad kidnapping four of us.

There's five of us.

Sorry, Junior.

Well, she's not wrong.
They got an apartment.

- Yeah.
- It's not an apartment.

It's, um... a warm, separate environment

where they can work out their issues.

It's a Ramada with a mini-fridge.

Guys, it's Mom and Dad.

They're gonna be okay.

They've been through hard times.

I mean, they survived AIDS in the ' s,

Suge Knight in the ' s,

and they potty-trained Jack.

♪

My brother and sisters were
clearly having a hard time,

so I needed to be the glue
to hold us all together.

I had to stop being Junior

and start being Andre Johnson Jr.

Damn. That's just a longer way
of saying "Junior".

I need to be... J.R.

Oh, my God.

How am I just now getting that name?

I could have been J.R.
through high school.

Welp, better now than never.

[Door opens]

[Sighs]

Oh, hey, big guy.

- Hey.
- Let me help you with your bag.

We are all excited to start
your three days with us.

Couple of highlights
from me to catch you up on

to make your parenting
experience enjoyable...

- Mm-hmm.
- ...and productive.

Mm-hmm.

We are down to three
clean bowls, all right?

Everyone is pretending
like the kitchen trash

isn't overflowing,
and, oh, also my graduation

is on one of your off days.

I hope you can make it.

- I'll try.
- Yeah, just relax.

You know, the fridge
is over there, TV's there.

Oh. [Scoffs] You know.

- Yeah, I do.
- If you need anything, Junior's...

- J.R.'s got you.
- Yeah.

Thank you, J.R.

Don't mention it.

Oh, it's the man of the house

on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays.

[Groans] And alternating Saturdays

and every other Sunday.

Does no one understand
our temporary nest schedule?

Boy, you need to stop pretending
that this isn't permanent.

You realize that no one
comes back from space, right?

That's why they call it space.

And I don't need to be the one
to tell you

that divorce

- will demolish your pockets.
- Okay.

I hope you like driving
a four-cylinder vehicle.

- It's not coming to that.
- It better not.

You're not built
for the single life, son.

The only women available to you
will have problems.

Not small ones.

Talking about bad credit, weird kids,

- all kinds of medical conditions.
- Okay.

They'll wear braids
because they have to.

[Sniffs]

Pops, you're not helping.

I'm not trying to.

I see.

Oh, hey, Dad.

- Oh, hey.
- How you doing?

I'm all right. How are you guys?

Good. Wait, you're not here
to kidnap us, right?

What?

[Laughs] Just kidding.

Okay. [Laughs]

No, but seriously,
have you been patted down?

- Hey.
- Just kidding.

How about you just give me a hug?

Aww, that's my baby girl.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

♪

All right. Clear!

- Dad. Dad.
- Yeah?

You... [sniffs] You smell something?

- Jack, come on.
- No, no, no, no. No.

This time it's not
my butt that's stinky.

- It's my leg.
- What?

- [GS Boyz' "Stanky Legg" plays]
- ♪ Do the Stanky Legg ♪

[Laughs]

Hey, hey, turn with it! Turn with it!

JACK: I don't know
a lot about math or science,

but I do know when I dance,
people get happy.

♪ Do the Stanky Legg ♪

- ♪ Do the Stanky Legg ♪
- [Groans]

[Laughing] Oh, God.

What are you doing?

- "Stanky Legg".
- Okay.

Yeah. Do it with me. Come on.

Okay.

Hey.

Are you going in? Hey.

I feel better when I dance,

and so does everyone that sees me.

[Laughter]

What the hell is going on in here?

[Sniffs] Ms. Biggs.

You smell something?

It's hotel soap.
I've fallen on hard times.

No, no, Ms. Biggs.

It's my Stanky Legg!

- [Laughter]
- Okay, okay. That's it.

You're going to the principal's office.

Okay.

I'll go to the principal's office.

But you're gonna have to drag me
there by my Stanky Legg.

- [Laughter]
- Okay, come on now.

♪

Why are you looking at me like that?

Because it's your day.

All right,
this is obviously not my fault.

Well, it's not mine, either.

- Hey, Mom, can I ride with Dad?
- No, sweetie.

It's my day so you're
coming home with me, okay?

All right.

DRE: Bow and I had been trying
to keep it together

for the kids, but the cracks
were clearly starting to show.

- Can I have some ice cream?
- No.

- Sure.
- I said "No."

You just came home from detention.

- Go to your room.
- She's right. Go.

What are you doing here?

Well, I came to talk to you about this.

Yeah, we should probably talk about this

because Jack has been with you
for three days

and now he is one warning away
from an in-school suspension

and you are still
trying to be the fun dad.

Okay, so [scoffs]
you're putting this on me.

- Well, I...
- Well, I have to be the fun dad

because every time I pick up the kids,

they're so stressed
from you being the strict mom.

Oh, ple... [Scoffs]

Dre, someone needs
to give them structure.

Okay, and someone needs to make sure

they have joy in their life.

- Oh, God.
- Why do you hate joy?

I don't hate joy, Dre.

And you know what? This is who you are.

- Oh. [Scoffs]
- Is anybody making dinner?

Oh, sweetheart.
We didn't know you were there.

You know, we're just... we're
just having a conversation.

Yeah, we're... we're not fighting.

- No.
- We're just talking.

- Yeah.
- I don't care.

I believe discourse
is healthy and, sometimes,

if it has to get physical,
it has to get physical.

What? N-Nobody...
Nobody's getting physical.

DIANE: Unlike my weak siblings,
I was fine.

If you think about it,
what in this world

hasn't been made better
without conflict?

There's no Magic without Bird.

No Kyrie without LeBron.
No Whitney without Bobby.

And then no Whitney because of Bobby.

[Doorbell rings]

Oh, hey. Sorry I'm late.

It's okay. I'm used to it.

Okay. You know, I'm gonna go
upstairs and grab the watch.

I have it right here.

Okay, this is my favorite watch.

Why would we be giving this to Junior

for high-school graduation?

- Well, well, well.
- Sweetie.

What is this bit of unscheduled
cross-parenting?

- Oh.
- I mean, this deserves a celebration.

This occasion calls
for a screw-top Zinfandel.

- Wha...
- I'm gonna go wait outside of Trader Joe's

for someone with boot-cut jeans
to buy it for me.

- All right?
- I... Okay.

Why do I feel like
you've done that before?

Okay, look, this is not about the watch.

- What are you t...
- This is about you not listening to me.

Dre, it's very hard
to listen to somebody

who is constantly
telling you you're wrong.

Okay?

ZOEY: So, I come home from college

and Mom and Dad's marriage
is in shambles.

So does that mean that when you

fight with someone, you love them?

- If so, then my boyfriend, Luca, and I...
- [Cellphone vibrating]

...have been doing a lot
of loving lately.

Hey, weirdo. Why are you calling?

Wait, what... Why not?

Well, can't you stop by
on your way there?

Well, because I don't want to Uber.

Oh, so you don't know
why you deal with me?

Well, then, don't.

[Sighs]

Okay, fine.

Yeah, I'll see you in .

I love you, too.

[Cellphone beeps]

[Sighs]

[Door opens]

[Sighs] Oh, my God.

[Door closes]

♪

I'm just really worried about her.

I've never seen Zoey like this.

Yeah. I'm starting to see it, too.

And it's not only her.

You know, Jack's acting out,

Junior really wants this to work for us,

and Diane is even more
detached than normal.

And that's saying a lot.

The whole nesting thing was
supposed to protect the kids.

Yeah.

We're not doing a very good job
of that, are we?

No.

[Gasps] There's my favorite couple.

- [Chuckles] Hey, Linda.
- Hey.

- Black love at its finest.
- Oh, yeah.

My girlfriends and I were
talking about Cardi B and Offset

and your black excellence came up.

- Oh.
- Oh.

How long have you two been together?

- Ooooh.
- Ooh, together a long time.

We've been married... ?

- Yeah.
- .

Look at God.

I say to myself,
every Sunday when I tithe,

- my Prince Andre is out there.
- Oh.

Definitely not at that church,
but he is somewhere.

- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.

Anyway, what brings you two in today?

We are here to get
a graduation gift for Junior.

Yeah, I'm giving him
one of my old watches.

Oh, man. Time flies, doesn't it?
[Chuckles]

We just want, uh,
the watch to be engraved

and for it to say this right here.

"We'll always be here for you.
Love, Mom and Dad."

Mom and Dad.

That's lovely. Such black excellence.

I'll have it ready for you by Friday.

- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.

Oh, hey. Don't forget the watch!

- Oh, the watch.
- Oh. [Laughs]

I love y'all.

O... Thank you.

Wow.

Yeah, wow.

You know...

Linda had a point.

What?

We do have something special.

That we do.

[Chuckles]

Ever since the beginning.

We just got to get back to us.

Us.

♪

DRE: Even though things were hard,

Bow and I decided to try to
find our way back to each other

for our kids, for ourselves,

for Linda.

I mean, we're Dre and Bow Johnson.

We've been together years.

We weren't going down without a fight.

Wow. The next time you guys see me,

I'll be a high-school graduate.

- [Laughs]
- I can't believe it.

Oop, uh, [chuckles] not true.

I forgot my cap.

- Oh.
- Yeah. Thank you.

And my gown.

- Yeah.
- And your speech.

Okay. All right.

- Public school.
- I know.

- [Chuckles]
- Is this seat taken?

Oh, just sit, honey.

You've reached the age where people

are uncomfortable sitting
while you're standing.

Let's not pretend that you're
not five years older than me.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi, Mom.

Oh, there's Junior.

Wait, that's... No, that's Junior.

He's so much harder to spot here
than he was at that prep school.

No, there he is right there.

- No, that's not him.
- Don't matter.

I'm not staying
for this whole thing, anyway.

[Chuckles]

[The Police's
"Every Breath You Take" plays]

The Latin translation of a valedictory

is basically summed up
as a farewell to family.

Let me tell you
what I've learned about family,

that you can never really
say goodbye to family.

- ♪ Every breath you take ♪
- As we all go on to pursue

our individual dreams...

♪ Every move you make ♪

...we'll always know
we have each other's backs...

- ♪ Every bond you break ♪
- ...because with family...

- ♪ Every step you take ♪
- ...comes love and commitment.

- ♪ I'll be watching you ♪
- We all know what love is.

Let's talk a little bit
about commitment.

- ♪ Every single day ♪
- It's the glue that binds...

- ♪ Every word you say ♪
- ...anything important in this world.

- ♪ Every game you play ♪
- And I've learned commitment...

- ♪ Every night you stay ♪
- ...from my parents.

Commitment...

- ♪ I'll be watching you ♪
- ...is what got my dad out of Compton

and into a house in Sherman Oaks.

- ♪ Oh, can't you see ♪
- That's right.

- ♪ You belong to me? ♪
- Commitment is why my mom graduated

at the top of her med-school class...

- ♪ My poor heart aches ♪
- ...while nursing a newborn.

RUBY: Mm-hmm.

♪ With every step you take ♪

JUNIOR: And their commitment
to our family...

- ♪ Every move you make ♪
- ...is why I'm standing here today.

- ♪ Every vow you break ♪
- So, Graduating Class of ...

- ♪ Every smile you fake ♪
- ...if we could develop just a fraction...

- ♪ Every claim you stake ♪
- ...of that fighting spirit...

- ♪ I'll be watching you ♪
- ...there is nothing

in the world that can stop us.

That's right, baby.

♪ Since you've gone,
I been lost without a trace ♪

JUNIOR: So, as I say goodbye,
remember...

♪ I dream at night ♪

- ♪ I can only see your face ♪
- ...it's not really goodbye...

- ♪ I look around, but it's you ♪
- ...because you can never...

- ♪ I can't replace ♪
- ...really say goodbye to family.

♪ I feel so cold,
and I long for your embrace ♪

♪ I keep crying, baby, baby, please ♪

Class of , we kept it lit.

- [Cheers and applause]
- Go ahead, Junior.

Ooh! That's my grandbaby!

- ♪ I'll be watching you ♪
- Go ahead, Junior.

♪ Every breath you take,
every move you make ♪

♪ Every bond you break ♪

♪ I'll be watching you ♪

♪ Every single day, every word you say ♪

- ♪ Every game you play ♪
- Thank you.

♪ I'll be watching you ♪

Junior, that was the best
valedictorian speech

I have ever heard.

- Mm-hmm.
- Absolutely.

Except for the one that I wrote...

which I would have given had
the valedictorian fallen ill.

That is a nice timepiece you got there.

- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.

- Watch your back.
- [Laughs]

I got a car and a trip to Europe,

but your used watch is nice, too.

It is. I think this is the nicest gift

you guys have ever gotten me.

It definitely is,
and if it's ever between

the watch and your life, remember...

you lived a great life.

- What? Dre.
- [Pops laughs] Come on, y'all.

Let's clear this table so we can
get this Spades game going.

- RAINBOW: Oh, yeah.
- I'm gonna whoop y'all's asses in Spades.

[Laughs]

- He looks tired.
- Huh?

I think I'm gonna take him to bed.

Yeah. You look tired, too.

Why don't you put yourself to bed?

- Stroke?
- Probably.

Mwah! Good night. Thanks, Mom.

I'ma go get the cards, guys.

Okay.

- Hey. Bow?
- Yeah.

You know, uh...

Today's been really nice.

- It has. I agree.
- Hey.

I know it's not your night...

Mm-hmm.

...but I was wondering
if you could stay over.

I'll sleep on the couch.

I just think it will
be a good thing for the kids

to see us together in the morning.

Oh, Dre.

I would if I could,

but I have to be up at : a.m.
for call tomorrow.

Call?

Yeah, I went back to work.

When?

A couple weeks ago.

Why didn't you tell me?

I don't know.

I didn't know I needed to tell you

I wanted to make money
to support my kids.

Okay, so... so this is what
you've been doing?

- What?
- Setting up for a life without me?

[Scoffs] This is why
I didn't tell you, Dre.

'Cause I knew you would overreact.

This is what you do.

- No, no, and this is what you do.
- What?

You change the rules when you want

and I have to go along with it.

- You want to go to therapy? We go.
- No.

You want to rotate
in and out of the house?

We do.

Have you made any other
life decisions without me?

Hey, hey, come on now, y'all.

- I'm not letting you put this on me.
- Oh.

I'm doing everything I can
to fight for us.

- Well, it doesn't feel like it.
- What does that mean?

It means it doesn't feel like it.

It means it feels like this is broken.

Then what are we doing?

Because this is exhausting.

Oh, I see.

I'm exhausted by you,
and you are exhausted by me.

Yes, I am.

What's going on?

Nothing, sweet...

Stop.

Stop lying to me.

Stop pretending
like everything is all right

when it's not.

God, I'm such an idiot.

I believed you guys were gonna be okay.

But you were just faking it
this whole time.

Has this all been a lie?

- Of course not.
- No.

You know what?

♪

I'm done being lied to.

Can everybody calm down?

Zoey, what's happening? Is this real?

Is this really happening?

Come on. Come...

JACK: Diane.

♪

I've already checked the hedges.

I'm gonna look over here.

Okay.

[Sighs]

What are we doing?

Trying to find this watch.

No, what are we doing?

That was not us back there.

I don't know who that was.

And in front of everybody?

I know.

We can't keep doing this.

It's not fair to the kids.

It's not fair to us.

[Dog barking in distance]

I think we need more than just space.

I think so, too.

♪

♪

[Siren wailing in distance]

♪

You okay?

No.

I didn't see this coming.

I mean, they fought before,
but just not like this.

I should've done more to help them.

I should've said more in my speech.

Uh-uh, don't do that.

Martin Luther King could've
delivered that speech, boy.

Same damn thing would've happened.

Pops is right.

I don't want anyone in here
blaming themselves.

When me and your grandma split up,

it wasn't anybody's fault.

It was your fault.

No, I mean, that's how you felt then,

but you've had time to think about...

Earl. It was your fault.

We saying the same thing.

Truth is,
we split up 'cause we split up.

Wasn't any of our kids' fault.

That's something I should've
told your daddy a long time ago.

Mm-hmm.

So, what now?

Well, nobody knows, baby.

But whatever happens,

we're never gonna stop being family.

♪