02x10 - Not So Sweet 16

[bunniefuu]

Great news!

The revolution has
begun in my country,

And the people want
to put my grandmama

back on the throne?!

Close.

I'm having my sweet party

at the Pimiento Garden restaurant.

So don't make any plans
for next Saturday.

Great news!

The revolution has
begun in my country,

And the people want
to put my grandmama

back on the throne?

Would you give it up?

Oh, not until my grandmama's
once again wearing her crown.

You're all invited to the biggest,
most extravagant

Sweet in the
history of sweet s.

I'll go to yours if
you come to mine.

And I'll go to yours
if you come to mine.

Party! Party!

Mine's next Saturday.
When's yours?

Next Saturday.

Huh?

You can't have your party that day.
It's my birthday.

So move it.

Yay!

Would you stop already?

I can't move my party.

My grandma Marilyn is
flying in from Oregon.

Well, I can't move my party.

Sheryl Crow's flying in from...

An airport.

Look, I spent months having
people organize this.

Do you know how hard it is

To get elephants in Boston?

Ho ho, London, where exactly
is this party going to happen?

Here at the Tipton.

Of course.

Where all the best elephants stay.

At least they carry
their own trunks.

London, this isn't fair.

Your birthday was months ago.

So? I can have my
party whenever I want.

I seem to remember on
your actual birthday,

You took a cruise around
the Mediterranean.

What do you call that?

Tuesday.

Here I am in your life

Here you are in mine

Yes, we have a suite life

Most of the time

You and me,
we got the world to see

So come on down

Just me and you know what to do

So come on down

It's you and me and me and you

We got the whole
place to ourselves

You and me, we got it all for free

So come on down

This is the suite life

We've got a suite life

The Suite Life of Zack&Cody
S E Not So Sweet

Esteban, I need to
talk to you man to man.

Oh, don't tell me you want to talk

About the birdies and the beesies.

Don't worry, big guy.

I already had that
talk with my dad.

Oh...

Listen, I want to get Maddie the
perfect gift for her birthday.

What do you think she wants?

Well, I know she
wants Miss. London

to change the date of her party.

I meant something that I can wrap.

Well, what man really
knows the perfect gift?

Here it is! Maddie's perfect gift!

I guess it would be that man.

What did you get her?

A tea set,

Including a china cup with
her name painted on it,

Her favorite tea
imported from India,

And a box of cinnamon sticks.

Well, how did you know
she wanted all that?

Because last week, she said to us,

"For my birthday,
I'd really like a china cup

"With my name painted on it.

My favorite tea
imported from India,

And a box of cinnamon sticks."

Well, what was I doing
when she said that?

Staring at her,

Thinking about that
talk we had with dad.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, man!

I have to get Maddie the
greatest gift in the world

For her sweet .

Let me have that one.

No way.

I'll buy it off of you.

Name your price.

$ , .

Name a lower price.

Zack, I'm not going to give you

My gift for Maddie.

Fine.

Then I guess I won't find
Maddie the perfect gift,

And she'll never love me,

And we'll never get married,

Forcing me to live
on your couch...

Eating your food,

Not doing my laundry,
year after year...

Ok, stop it already!

How about I help you
buy her a great gift?

Cool.

Hey, guys. Get ready to party.

Like the invitations?

The theme is "Italian Riviera."

I drew the gondolas myself.

Your gondolas look like bananas.

Hear me, hear me!

I'd like to invite you
all to my sweet party

This Saturday!

Gee, London,

Maddie already invited us to hers.

Why are there people
standing in bananas?

They're gondolas.

Cute.

These , please.

This is your invitation?

You are cordially invited

To celebrate the magnificence
that is known worldwide

As the carnival London!

Now there's an invitation.

Zack, Cody, of course,
you'll be coming.

I mean, why wouldn't you?

Because they're going to my party.

London, will you really
have a ferris wheel?

Yep.

Zack and Cody are not
gonna be taken in

By your fancy invitations,
your ferris wheel,

Or your elephant rides.

Right?

Right!

I'm also giving out gift
bags with flat screen TVs.

That I'll be taken in by.

Well, I won't.

Get me an extra gift bag.

Ok, you can't go
wrong buying jewelry.

Now, when buying diamonds,

Follow the rule of the cs--

Cut, clarity, carat, and color.

Don't forget about the fifth "C."

Crime, which is the only way

I'll be able to get any of this.

Well, I'm sure there's
something here in your budget.

Yeah. That light bulb...

Maybe.

My good lady, can you help us?

The potty's on the main floor.

Madam, we went
before we left home.

Oh! Goody for you.

How much for that little bauble?

$ , .

I can't afford that!

There's a shock.

Well, what's the
cheapest thing here?

Apparently, you.

So how's it feel to be almost ?

Almost terrific.

I may not have rides
and caviar like London,

But I've got a great place,

a great band, and a great dress.

Sounds...great.

Hey, Maddie. I mean, fatty.

Liam, be polite and say
hello to Ms. Martin.

Carey, this is my little
booger of a brother, Liam.

Nice to meet you, Liam.

Yeah, yeah. Whatever.

Look, I got some bad news for you.

I need braces.

How is that bad news for me?

'cause mom and dad
are payin' for 'em

with your party money.

So instead of Pimiento Garden,

It's gonna be at the goose lodge!

Honk, honk, honk!

I can see why you call him booger.

Ok, jewelry isn't the only
thing Maddie would like.

What about clothes?

You know, none of the sales people

Are gonna take us seriously here.

Sure, they will.

We just have to act like
we know what we're doing

Like mature adults--

Suave, sophisticated.

Aah! Naked lady!

Aah! Another naked lady!

Uh...my brother is just
practicing the Heimlich maneuver.

You can never be too safe.

If I sell you a necklace cheap,

Will you leave and promise
to never come back?

How cheap?

The cheapest thing
we have is $ .

Well, I've got
bucks and a bus token,

Although I need the
bus token to get home.

On second thought,
keep your money,

And I'll just kick
you out for free!

We were just gettin'
to know each other!

Oh, Mr. Moseby,
I'm rehearsing my entrance.

How's this?

Your entrance was wonderful,

But you need to
work on the landing.

Ok, this is why we rehearse.

Now either I need a
higher chandelier,

Or shorter throne-bearers.

London, you'll be happy to know

That everything is in
place for your party.

Did you make sure mommy and
daddy are in separate rooms?

Separate wings.

So, did you change your mind
about coming to my party?

No. I thought it might be nice

If I went to my own party.

Well, you're gonna miss
Sheryl Crow singing.

Well, you're gonna miss
my uncle Seamus singing,

And when he does auld lang syne,

There's not a dry
eye in the house.

We're here!

Oh, the new decorations
look fabulous.

Yeah, I wouldn't
miss it for anything.

But I thought you guys
were coming to my party.

Um, Maddie, we will be there...

Later.

We promise.

Uh, yeah. That's why
we got here early.

Oh, go peddle your
fish somewhere else.

Maddie! You can't blame them

for wanting to come to my party.

They're my friends, too.

I hope you realize they're
here for all the stuff,

Not because they like you.

Is that true?

You know I'd do anything
for you, London.

Mm, I'm pretty much
just here for the stuff.

And I'm ok with that.

Ooh, stuff! Come on!

Fine! You guys have a great time.

Because all of my real
friends will be at my party.

Well, all of my real friends
will be at my party.

Well, then... I guess
we're not friends.

Hey, I was too invited!
Put me down! Hey!

More party crashers?

Yes, there are so many crashers,

They're actually having
their own party outside.

Fine by me.

I only want my dearest
and closest friends here.

London!

Oh, darling! Oh,
so good to see you again!

We must catch up later.

Who was that?

I have no idea.

Oh, boy, those elephants can eat.

By the way, we need new
trees for the west driveway.

What?

And a new west driveway
for the west driveway.

London, when you asked me to
sing at your birthday party,

I thought you meant in the main room,
not in the bathroom.

I want my guests to be
entertained every second.

Well, now my career is
literally in the toilet.

Excuse me, gentlemen?

This is a private party.

Relax, Moseby! It's me!

Daddy!

Ok.

Mr. Tipton, it's a
pleasure to see you again.

Well, see your
security team again.

Daddy, I'm so glad you made it.

I wouldn't miss it for
the world, princess.

And I brought your gift.

Open up, men.

Yay, me!

I mean, yay, daddy!

Mr. Tipton, I should inform you

That your ex-wife
has already arrived.

Men, form the turtle!

No, sir, you're in the east wing.

Grandma, do you think my
friends are gonna show up?

Oh, of course, sweetie.

And until they do,
everyone's having a great time,

Even your parents.

I will not let my baby
have crooked teeth!

I had crooked teeth,
and it never held me back!

You haven't had a job in years!

That's because I can't stand

To be away from you!

You're right, grandma.
Everyone's having a ball.

Zack!

You're here!

Yep, that's right.

And I've brought you the
world's most perfect gift,

Selected by Zack
specially for you.

Oh, that's sweet!

Did anyone else come with you?

No.

But I'm ready to party!

Who d*ed?

No one, but grandpa Fitz
could go any second.

Well, this is kinda nice.

Oh, yeah. It's a dream come true.

This is so unfair.

I have to have my party
at the goose lodge

Because my brother needs braces!

Thanks a lot, you thumb-sucker!

You have no friends.

Except this creepy dweeb.

Come over here, booger!

I'll straighten your teeth!

Hey, did you hear that?

I bet it's the kids from school!

I'm...guessin' they got held back?

Can I help you?

Well, we're here for
our bingo night!

Oh, there's gotta be a mistake.

I booked this place
for my sweet party.

Well, every Saturday night

Is the swingin'
single seniors bingo.

Try saying that times without

having your teeth fall out.

Yes, daddy, I'll be right there.

London, what are you doing here?

They've already started
cutting your cake!

Who blew out the candles?

I don't know.

But whoever it was,
I got a picture with him.

London, your parents are
wondering where you are!

I've received constant phone
calls and text messages

And the odd cantaloupe
heaved at my head.

You mother has quite the arm.

I just can't keep up!

My mom wants me to be with her,

But my dad wants
me to be with him,

But my mom and my dad don't

want to be with each other!

Moseby, what should I do?

Breathe in.

Now breathe out!

I made a schedule for you, ok?

Now, each hour, you will spend

minutes with your mother

And minutes with your father.

What do I do with
the other minutes?

Have fun!

Thanks, Moseby.
This should help a lot.

I'm glad.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have an elephant emergency.

One of them refuses
to wear the funny hat.

Ok, from : to : ,
dance with daddy.

I notice Sheryl Crow's on a break.

Any chance I could fill in
for her in the main room?

I don't care. Sing where you want.

What's the matter, London?

Isn't your party
everything you expected?

I thought it was.

Just seems like everyone else

is enjoying this party but me.

I don't know half the people here,

My parents have me
running back and forth,

And my ice sculpture
makes me look fat!

Oh, don't worry, honey.

It'll melt.

You know, sometimes you
build something up so much

That the real thing can't
possibly live up to expectations.

I bet Maddie's
having a great time.

She had no expectations.

I wouldn't be so sure.

I bet she expected her
best friends to be there.

I- !

I- !

I...hate my life.

Cheer up, Maddie.

I will not cheer up.

Give me oneered in any form.

Well... you got bingo.

Bingo over here, my good man!

I can take it from here.

You see, Maddie?
Maybe things are getting better.

Nothing can make this better.

I'm sorry you came out
all the way from Portland

For this lame party.

Oh, don't be silly, honey.

I'm having a wonderful time.

I got to see you, and I've
met some very nice people.

Excuse me, honey.

I want to see if that hunk
has still got some game.

Great. My nana's hooking
up at my sweet party.

Open my gift.

It'll cheer you up.

I doubt it.

Unless there's kids in there

Having a great party,

I've hot rock bottom.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Your card is mismarked.

This isn't a bingo.

You just have a "Bing."

Sorry.

No one gets in without
an invitation.

I don't need an invitation.

I'm London Tipton.

This is my party.

You got any I.D.?

Don't you recognize me?

Yay, me!

Oh, yes!

In that case,
why don't you go wait

With all the other London
Tipton who's trying to sneak in.

Yay, me!

Back of the line, yay me.

So are you having a good time?

Not really.

I always dreamed of my sweet

As the greatest night of my life--

With all my friends,
amazing decorations, great presents.

Well, maybe you
don't have all that,

But you have something else.

A roomful of people that love you

And want to help you
celebrate a special day.

Except for Liam.

Yeah, Liam's a dork.

Look, I don't fly across the
country for just anybody,

But I'd do it anytime for you.

Thanks, grandma.

I love you.

And I love you.

Maddie, I got you the
greatest gift in the world,

And I insist you
open it right now.

This party might
barely have a pulse...

Hey, is that guy breathing?

Ok, good.

But this present will make
everything worthwhile.

Ok.

Wow! It's exactly what I wanted,

Right down to the cinnamon sticks.

Oh, a card.

Card?

"Dear Maddie,
Zack didn't buy you this.

I did. Love, Cody."

Dang.

Just like him to put an
extra card on the inside.

Maddie, I'm sorry.

I wanted to get you
the best present ever,

But everything was too expensive,

And they don't sell
puppies to minors, so--

I love your present.

But it's not even from me.

I'm not talking about the gift.

You came to my party,

And that's the best present
I could have ever gotten.

Women!

Women!

Oh, more guests!

London? What are you doing here?

I've got locked out
by my own party.

I don't need any I.D., do I?

No.

I'm sorry you got locked out.

Actually, I don't care.

I wasn't having a good time.

Neither was I.

And to tell you the truth,

This guy's the life of the party.

My parents have been making
my life miserable all night,

And they don't even speak.

You're lucky. I wish my
parents didn't speak.

And the worst part of it is,

We didn't even get to have
a miserable time together!

Well, you're here now,

And the night's still young,

Even if the guests aren't.

Let's make the best of it.

Yeah. We don't need other people

And fancy stuff to
have a good time.

We can have fun,
just the two of us.

Totally!

Thank goodness!

Thank you guys for coming.

We told you we'd show up.

Looks like everyone's
having a great time.

Even London and her dad.

So you're not mad that
I stole your present?

Nah.

Not if you don't mind that
I gave your gift bag away

To that cute maid from
the seventh floor.

And oddly, I'm ok with that.