02x12 - Neither a Borrower Nor a Speller

[bunniefuu]

"Pneumatic"-- p-n-e-u-m-a-t-I-c.

Pneumatic.

Exactly.

"Exactly"-- e-x-a-c...

No. I mean you were exactly right.

You are so gonna win
this spelling bee.

Thanks. But the other
kids are brilliant,

And they come from families with

more than one smart kid.

You know, I took second place

in my big spelling bee.

Really?

Would've won that thing, too,

if it hadn't been for politics.

There's always politics
in kids' competition.

No, it was the word "Politics."

I spelled it p-o-l-i-t-i-c-k-s.

So you got it right.

Zack, we're busy.
This better be an emergency.

It is. I need money
for the game room.

That's your emergency?

Glad you understand.

Forget it!

I've told you over and over,

If you can't afford something,

You either wait,
or you save for it.

Don't tell him that.

Last time he needed money,

He tried to sell my blood.

Lucky I'm a light sleeper.

Come on, mom.

Think of all those coins
just sitting in your purse

Doing nothing.

They could be down
in the game room

having fun right now.

Forget it.

Neither a borrower
nor a lender be.

William Shakespeare.

I just need a couple of bucks.

Zack Martin.

Here I am in your life

Here you are in mine

Yes, we have a suite life

Most of the time

You and me,
we got the world to see

So come on down

Just me and you know what to do

So come on down

It's you and me and me and you

We got the whole
place to ourselves

You and me, we got it all for free

So come on down

This is the suite life

We've got a suite life

The Suite Life of Zack&Cody S E
Neither a Borrower Nor a Speller Bee

The Tipton is proud to welcome you

To Boston's -day
championship spelling bee.

Now, have fun and bee-have.

You know, last year's
winner got that joke.

Why are you dressed like that?

Because it makes me look gooooood!

Remember, our school volunteered

to help fix up apartments?

So I hope it looks gooooood

splattered with paint.

What does that have to do with me?

Sister Dominick is gonna be
here any minute in the bus,

And you need to be in it.

A bus...like public people use?

Just think of it as a long,
yellow limo.

I cannot be seen on a bus.

Are the windows tinted?

Yes, with gum and dead flies.
Now, come on!

Take that, you dirty alien!

No fair! I got you
right in the eye stalk.

Excuse me,

But how would you like to finance

A space pioneer's voyage
to defend the earth

From alien scum?

You wanna borrow money?

That's another way to put it.

%...per day.

I'll take it.
I'll pay you back later.

I'm sure you will...

Or else.

Don't worry, you won't
have to "Or else" Me.

It's only a buck.

Nooooooooo!

You owe me bucks.

How'd that happen?

You stink at this game.

I expect my money by
this afternoon, plus %.

Say, why don't you
give me your address,

And I'll mail it to you.

Mail it to me?

Do I look like a big, dumb idiot?

From here, you just look big.

Hey, princess...

It's heir-ess.

Whatever, heir-ess.

The rest of us are bustin'
our humps painting.

I'm painting, too.

Fingers don't count.

You're right. I'll do my toes.

- I...
- Hey, London

Part of the idea of volunteer work

Is for the volunteers
to actually do the work.

And you are doing a very fine job.

London can't talk right now.
She's working.

I know! We can't
believe it, either!

Maddie! Gabbing on your phone

While everyone else is working!

You should be working
as hard as London.

But, sister, London--

Forgive her, sister Dominick.

Not everyone feels the pain

of others like I do.

Oh, you're going to feel a pain!

I'm going to check the volunteers.

Madeleine, when I get back,

You better not be lollygagging!

I can't believe we do all the work

And you get all the credit.

We all do what we do best.

You do everything the best,
London.

Can I name my cat after you?

- Is it a purebred?
- No.

No.

London, if you don't
want to paint,

Could you at least put
down some more newspaper?

Hey, Portia Tannenbaum's
picture's in the paper!

Look at. I can't believe

Portia got in the paper
for doing charity work.

I mean, I would do
some charity work, too,

If I wasn't stuck here doing this.

This is charity work.

Well, then, I should
be in the paper, too.

Wait! Maybe I am.

London, no! Don't!

Could you hold still?
You're blocking my light.

Madeleine, this is not playtime!

Get down immediately.

Fast enough?

Well, now you've dented the floor.

You're going to have
to work through lunch.

Not you, dear.

Why don't you take a break?

Oh, well... if you insist.

I'm not supposed
to show favoritism,

But you da man, Cody.

Thanks. I've already cleared
a place above my bed

For my trophy,

So I hope I win.

Otherwise there will be this big,
empty space there,

Mocking me for the
rest of my life.

Way to be confident.

Don't worry, honey.
There's nothing to be nervous about.

You'll do just fine.

Unless, of course,
you choke, like I did.

Way to give a pep talk.

- Hey, guys.
- Oh, hey, Zack.

How nice of you to be
here to support Cody.

What? Oh, yeah. Sure.

That's why I'm here.

Listen, if you happen
to see a really huge kid

Who looks like he can eat me,
tell him--

Hello, Zack.

That I love him.

I'm crazy about you, too.

Let's talk.

Gee, love to,

But I have to stay
here and help Cody.

No, you don't, honey. That's ok.

You and your little
friend go have fun.

Nice to meet you, ma'am.

Come here.

Where's my money?

I gotta get onstage
for the spelling bee.

I thought only nerds
were into spelling bees.

Do not make fun of spelling bees.

I would never do that.

Spelling bees are... cool?

You better pay me, or else.

Or else what?

Do I need to spell it out for you?

Save the spelling for the bee,
ya big winner.

By the way, my money's on you.

What?

I mean... your money's on you.

I'm ready to work now.

Be still, my heart.

Someone should get
a picture of this.

London! London! London! London!

Smile! Smile! Here!

I spoke too soon.

Gee, London, I wonder how

they found out about
your charity work.

Well, I have no idea.
Oh, hey, Tom.

Mark, does this sh*t work for you?

Psoriasis. P-s-o-r-i-a-s-i-s.
Psoriasis.

That is correct.

Whoo! Cody rules!

Ma'am?

I'm sorry. I got a little
carried away there.

Barbara...

Your word is "fracas."

Could you repeat the word, please?

"Fracas."

Country of origin?

France.

Definition.

A disorderly disturbance or fight.

Could you use the
word in a sentence?

If you don't spell this word soon,

There will be a fracas.

"Fracas." f-r-a-k-i-s. Fracas.

Ooh, so close.

F-r-a-c-i-s.

C-e-s.

I-s.

U-s!

"U-s" Done!

Now get off the stage.

Yes!

Uh, and that concludes
today's competition.

The finalists going
into tomorrow's round

Are Cody Martin.

And Maynard Kaye.

Oh! That's my boy!

- Carey?
- Yes.

The have been complaints
about offensive behavior

By some parents in the audience.

I'm not surprised.

Some of these people get

way too caught up in
these competitions.

All the complaints
have been about you.

Who complained?

It's politics, I tell ya.

P-o-l-I-t-I-c-s-- politics.

Get over it.

Look, the next time
Cody gets a word right,

Try not to start the wave.

I'm not a child, Mr. Moseby.

I will control myself.

Cody! Ha ha ha!

That's my boy!

Hey, I've got good news.

There's another way for
you to pay off your debt.

You want to be best
friends forever?

No.

Convince your brother to
lose to me on purpose,

And we're even.

And if I don't?

I know, I know.

Or else.

Right.

Feelin' the pressure, huh?

A little. I'm so close to winning,

But I'm so close to losing.

Don't worry.

Your big brother has a way to
get rid of all your stress.

Really?

What should I do?

Lose.

Don't think so.

Hear me out.

If you make up your
mind right now to lose,

Then the pressure's off.

Even for you,
that's a stupid idea.

It's a great idea.

It's my motto.

"Aim low and avoid
disappointment."

I thought your motto was
"Sleep and eat."

No, that's my other motto,

And it's not as easy as it seems.

Sometimes you eat too
much and you can't sleep.

Sometimes you sleep too
much and you miss a meal.

It's...

Wow.

Your life is a real
delicate balance.

You have no idea.

Trust me. You're gonna
be a lot happier

If you lose this bee.

Why?

Because I borrowed
money from Maynard.

And he's gonna pummel
me into pudding!

I like pudding.

Get the money from somebody else.

I've already borrowed from
everyone in the hotel.

You're the only one I can turn to.

Well, forget it.

I already gave you
all of my money,

Not to mention half a
pint of AB negative.

Forget the money.
Forget the blood.

Maynard will only
call off the debt

If I get you to throw
the spelling bee.

Zack, this spelling bee
is important to me!

It's a chance for people
to stop calling me a loser.

Who calls you a loser?

You do!

Look, buddy, there will
be other spelling bees,

But you only have one brother.

Mom's still young.
She can have more.

Fine.

This is my last
will and testament.

I, Zack Martin...

Leave all my unopened textbooks

to my dear... beloved,
wonderful...

Brother, Cody."

Sad, isn't it?

Sure is.

You spelled "Textbooks" wrong.

Hey, Maddie, can I--

No.

You haven't even heard
what I had to say.

Just sounded like your
"Can I" borrow money voice.

- 'ello, Maddie!
- No.

- Norman, my main man!
- No.

Mr. Moseby, my other main man.

No.

How are you supposed
to pay people back

If they don't lend you any money?

- Maddie!
- Huh?

Why are you so tired?

Oh, I don't know.

Could it be because I
worked all day yesterday

Fixing up that apartment?

Well, I held up a paintbrush...

And smiled.

You don't hear me kvetching.

Oh, goody! There's the paper!

"The delightful London Tipton

"Would rather help
out a needy family

Than go shopping with
her wealthy friends."

That'll show Portia.

Which has nothing to do
with being charitable.

Charity requires sacrifice.

Hey, I gave up a
whole day of shopping

To pose for these pictures.

Oh, you're a saint.

Nice picture, London.

I think the work you were doing

On the behalf of the poor and
needy is really...needed.

And speaking of need,

I really need $ .

Ok.

I was gonna throw these
bills out anyway.

They're all wrinkly.

Thanks, London.

This money is going
to save my life.

Thank you.

Thank you.

But...

You only left me with a buck.

The buck you owe me.

Now, I know you love Cody,

But try to control yourself.

You won't hear a peep out of me.

Maynard?

Your word is "pneumatic."

Pneumatic.

Uh...Pneumatic

You can do it, Maynard!

Just trying to be a good sport.

Pneumatic.

Pneumatic?

P-n-u-m-a-t-i-c, Pneumatic?

So close.

But close only
counts in horseshoes.

Now, if cody spells it correctly,

Then he will be boston's
next spelling bee champion.

Him...

Me...

Zack, what are you doing?

Uh...um, just so nervous for Cody

That I had a twitch.

Oh, don't worry.
He knows this word.

Oh, Zack, your brother
will finally stop

Thinking of himself as a loser.

Who calls him a loser?

You do.

Again, the word is "pneumatic."

Pneumatic.

Uh...

Uh...

"Uh"? There's no
"Uh" in pneumatic.

What is he doing?

He being a good brother.

What?

Cody, don't worry about me.

I'll be ok.

Just spell that word right.

One more outburst from
the Martin family,

And Cody will forfeit.

Pneumatic.

P-n-e-u-m...

a-t-i-c. Pneumatic.

That's correct!

Oh! Cody Martin,

you are Boston's new
spelling bee champion!

Yes! Whoo!

I am so proud of myself
for helping that family.

Do you honestly think
you helped those people?

Of course!

I'll bet a picture
of their apartment

Was never in the paper before.

Now they'll be the envy of

all their pathetic neighbors.

Excuse me. We're looking
for Maddie F itzpatrick.

Oh, that's me.

How can I help you?

Hi. We live in the apartment you

and your friends fixed up,

And we just wanted to thank
you for all your hard work.

Oh, it was my pleasure.

Right. Uh... anyway, Maddie,

We wanted to thank
you for the toys

you left for the kids.

Toys? What toys?

You're welcome.

But how did you find
out they were from me?

They were supposed
to be anonymous.

Well, we noticed the toy oven

Had "Chef Maddie"
Written on it, so...

Well, we baked you a cake.

So you baked a cake in an
oven that uses a light bulb?

No, our real oven,

Which is even more amazing.

Thanks. You guys want a piece?

Psst, Maddie.

Why didn't they bake me a cake?

Because you really didn't
give them anything.

I gave them publicity.

That was for you.

I won, I won. I'm not a loser,
I'm a winner.

W-i-n-n-e-r.

Good job.

Thanks.

If I were you, I'd start running.

No. I have to face up to this,

Even if it's gonna
cost me my face.

Want to borrow my trophy
to defend yourself?

No. He'd just eat it.

I'm goin' to get a first aid kit.

If you're gonna b*at me up,

Can we do this in the park?

That way, at least when I fall,
it'll be on grass.

b*at you up?

Why does everyone
assume that I'm violent?

You're a building with feet.

Are you trying to make me violent?

No, no, no, no.

But if you weren't talking
about b*ating me up,

What did you mean when
you said "Or else"?

I meant, either you give
me my money, or else...

I'll tell your mother.

Tell my mother?

That was your big "Or else"?

You're the worst bully in
the history of bullies.

I'm not afraid of my mom.

You should be.

Zack, what did you do now?

Nothing, mommy.

He borrowed $ . from
me in the game room,

And he can't pay it back.

Only $ . It was that
stinkin' interest rate.

Zack, didn't I tell you,
neither a borrower nor a lender be?

Well, I'm halfway there.

I never lend.

Zack, you are in big trouble.

Doesn't it count for something

That I didn't let cody
throw the spelling bee

Like Maynard tried to make me do?

You did what?

Dad, I can explain! I--

Don't bother.

You have disgraced
the grand tradition

Of the American spelling bee.

No crossword puzzles
for a month, young man.

Can I finish the one I started?

No! Now come on!

We're meetin' grandma
at the beef shack.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Wow. Hearing what a
terrible thing Maynard did,

Kind of makes what I
did seem pretty minor.

Doesn't it?

Nope.

N-o-p-e.Nope!

O-w! O-w! O-w! O-w! O-w!

Who is it?

Can't say, but I've got gifts!

Don't worry about the mask.

Now, I'm here to help you.

Oh, but it's a secret,

And you can't tell anyone.

And it's going to
bring me inner joy.

Boy, it's hot under here.

You know, this is so sweet.

How can we ever thank you?

Bake me a cake

And bring it to the Tipton.

Ask for London.

Who, by the way, is not me.