02x16 - Going For The Gold

[bunniefuu]

That was amazing.

How did you hit
free throws in a row?

New system.

I realized if I picture
myself in a happy place,

All the pressure
goes away.

So where is your happy place?

Can't say.
You might show up.

Yo, arwin.
I didn't know you ran.

Yeah. Just ran miles.
I feel great.

Who put the floor here?

Are you ok?

Yes, mother.

Maybe you should
take it easy.

No, I can't.
I'm getting in shape

For the annual
hotel engineers games.

And this year,

I'm gonna win
the golden plunger

And finally b*at
irv wheldon.

That's what you think.

Hello, wheldon.

Hello, hawkhouser.

I just came by
to wish you luck.

Really?

No. 'cause you're a loser.

Am not.

Are too.
Not.

Too. Duhh!

Will both of you st--

See you at the games,
hawk-loser.

You can take
that guy, arwin.

Maybe not in
a doughnut-eating
contest, but...

You're right.
This year I'm gonna
be stronger, smarter,

And have the quickness
of a jungle cat. [hisses]

Watch it.

Don't touch. Don't touch.
I got it. See?

Jungle cat.

Good thing there's
no luggage in the jungle.

♪here I am in your life ♪

♪here you are in mine ♪

♪yes, we have a suite life ♪

♪most of the time ♪

♪you and me,
we got the world to see ♪

♪so come on down ♪

♪just me and you
know what to do ♪

♪so come on down ♪

♪it's you and me
and me and you ♪

♪we got the whole place
to ourselves ♪

♪you and me,
we got it all for free ♪

♪so come on down ♪

♪this is the suite life ♪

♪we've got a suite life ♪

Captioning made possible by
abc cacable networks group

Mr. Moseby, I know
you're a busy man,
so I'll make this quick.

I'd like a raise.

I'll make it quicker. No.

Can't we talk about it?

We just did.

Oh, moseby, did daddy ok me
opening up my boutique

Here at the tipton?

He sent a fax,

And I'm afraid he's
less than enthusiastic.

Are you sure? Well,
what exactly did he say?

I don't understand.

N-o.

That spells "no."

Oh! But why not?

Every time
you start a project,
you tend to quit.

Name one.

There was the time you
wanted to be an equestrian,

So your father bought you
a stable full of horses.

You walked in
then walked right out.

It smelled like horseys.

The time you wanted
to be a dancer,

So we bought you
that russian ballet teacher.

The horseys smelled better.

There was the time
that you wanted
to be an ice skater.

Let me guess.
He bought you
an ice rink.

He bought her iceland.

Ok. So I quit a few things.

But this time
it's different.

I'm afraid your father
is not gonna pay
for the latest whim.

But I don't want a whim.
I want a store.

London, you're gonna have
to pay for it yourself.

Fine. I'll use the $
grandma gave me for my birthday.

London, $ is not enough
to open up a store.

I know.

But the $ was wrapped
around a diamond

The size of a potato.

And I'm gonna use
my potato diamond
to open up my business.

Good luck with that.

Done.

A minute and seconds.

Oh! I'll never b*at irv.

I'm such a loser.

Loser! Loser! Loser!

You got to be
more positive. Try this.

Winner! Winner! Winner!

That doesn't work
so well either.

Well, I've got
a great technique
to keep from getting nervous.

Think of a happy place,

The pressure
will just melt away.

Well, thanks. But no matter
how happy the place,

It'll never be me
up on that winner's podium

Accepting the golden plunger

And a kiss
from the plunger girl.

Come on, guys.
Time to get home.

Can't we stay
a little longer, mom?

I'm sorry. But I've got
to get upstairs and work
on this stupid song.

The tipton's hosting
some kind of geek games.

Moseby's making me sing
at the opening ceremonies

And hand out
the golden plunger.

You're the plun--plun--
plun--plun--plun--

Plunger girl?

Wheldon's going down.

Can someone maybe
give me a hand?

Nobody else is in here.

London, how's it going?

It's going to be fabby.

I'm gonna put purses
over here

And matching belts
over there.

And do you have
a business plan?

Weren't you listening?

I'm gonna put purses over here
and matching belts over there.

No, no, no. He's talking
about financial planning.

Ordering stock,
taking inventory.

I said I'm putting
purses over here

And matching belts over there.

I know where you're
putting the purses.

I'm sorry.

It's just that
it takes a little more

Than just putting things
on shelves to run a store.

He's right.
Take the candy counter.

It's not just nougats
and nuts, you know.

Hey, that was
kind of funny to say.

Nougats and nuts.
Nougats and nuts.
Nougats and nuts.

Nougats and nuts.
Nougats and nuts.
Ok, that's enough.

Well, hey, why don't
you come work here

And do your
business-type stuff for me?

I already have a job.

Which you're
not doing right now.

I'll pay you double.

And now I have
a new job.

Sorry, mr. Moseby.

I'm moving on
to bigger and better things.

I bet you regret not
giving me that raise now.

Ah. Oh, no.

Where will I find
another teenager

Looking for employment
at a -star hotel?

I know. I'll just
yell out the door.

♪when the toilet
won't flush ♪

♪we'll be there
with the snake ♪

♪right after our
mandated union break ♪

♪if the room's too hot
or the drain's not clear ♪

♪just shout for
a hotel engineer ♪

The name's wheldon.

Irv wheldon.

And I like to be shaken,
not stirred.

Ooh, that wheldon is
as smooth as porcelain.

You're gonna
be fine, arwin.

The first event
is in minutes.

Have you found your
happy place to think about?

Well, actually, at first,

It was me and mother
on a lovely tropical cruise.

But then a storm hit,
and the waves were huge.

And then her wheelchair
rolled off the side

And I yelled, "mother,
throw me the house keys!"

Ok.

How about thinking
about a nice cookie?

Ooh, that'll work.

Gentlemen, it's time
to start our first event.

The toolbox dash.

So take it away,
plunger girl.

Oh, I'm not taking
anything anywhere.

All right, first one down
to the fire hydrant and back

Th tir toolbox wins.

Ok, arwin,
thinking of your cookie?

Oh, yeah. It's got
chocolate chips
and walnuts.

On your mark, get set, go.

I even added sprinkles.

Just go.

What? Oh!

What time's lunch?

At : .

Think I'll have some soup.

It's lentil.

Uch better
than the bisque.

I am the winner!

All right!

Enjoy it now, hawk-loser,

Because when
the games are over,

It'll be me getting
that golden plunger

And a kiss from yonder
fair-haired beauty.

Don't you call our mom
a "fair-haired beauty."

Yeah. You should
see her in the morning.

There ain't nothing
beautiful about it.

Done!

In your face, wheldon.

Is it, hawkhouser?

Turn it on.

Oh!

Isn't it supposed
to blow out?

Maybe you should change
your name from ar-win

To ar-lose.

What happened?

I don't know.
I could've sworn--

Wait a minute.

This is a cunningham
on/off switch.

I could have sworn
I used a fonzarelli .

A bonehead mistake.

[whirring]

I deserve to lose.

Hey, plunger girl.

I can't wait
for our lips to meet.

I just...I just
threw up a little bit.

Boy, you know,
it sure isn't like arwin

To make a mistake like that.

Yeah.

Isn't it weird
how irv seemed
to know it wouldn't work?

What do you mean?

The fonz this means?

I will as soon as you tell me.

It means irv's cheating.

Look.

"property of arwin."

We can't let irv steal
the golden plunger,

And we definitely
can't let him kiss mom.

Both: Ugh!

So have we sold
anything yet?

Yes. items.

Ooh. That's not bad.

Considering
we sold them to you

And you used your
employer % discount
on all of them,

It ain't good.

This store
is a total failure.

What are you
doing wrong, maddie?

Working for you.

London, customers.
Ok, be cool.

Act like we've
done this before.

Gotcha.

Hello, ladies.
Welcome to london's,

A fabulous
fashion boutique.

Can I help you
with something?

We're just looking.
Thank you.

Oh, that is not for you.

Excuse me?

Those dresses
are made for women

With an hourglass figure.

You're shaped
like a pumpkin.

And you're more
like a butternut squash.

Oh!

Oh!

I have never
in my life...

I happen to love
butternut squash.

I love all
the winter vegetables.

Something stinks.

No comment.

I wonder what irv
was doing in there.

Look.

Irv put diagrams
on the toilet paper.

That's silly.

Everyone knows
how to use toilet paper.

No. It's a cheat sheet

On how to put the auto
flush back together.

We got to go tell
the judges.

No. It'll just be
our word against his.

Then we have
to catch irv in the act.

You don't mean...

No. Cheating.

[whistling]

Oh, mr. Moseby,

Are you going to watch
the competition?

Oh. That's it.
Competition.

Wouldn't miss it
for the world.

Thanks for coming.
Mm.

It just really
means a lot to me.

Ok, can we get this started?
Where's carey?

I'm not coming in there,
and you can't make me.

On your mark, get set, go.

I wish I could.

[flushing]

I am flush with victory.

[flushing]

Drats. Number again.

Ok, let's clear
out the bathroom

And move on to our
next venue. Quickly.

Arwin, you only lost
because irv cheated.

What are you
talking about?

He would never cheat.
He took the maintenance
engineers oath.

We can prove it.

I don't know what you guys
are talking about.

You see? He had
the schematics here
the whole time.

They were here.

He must have
flushed them.

The only thing
that got flushed

Was arwin's chance
of winning.

♪all right ♪

Look, boys, I know
it's hard to face,

But the better man
flushed first.

I don't care
if no one believes us.

We have to stop irv
before he cheats again.

Hello. Anyone out there?

I seem to be
out of paper.

Oh! Ah!

London? Why aren't
you in your store

Turning the fashion
world on its ear?

Because I quit.

I guess daddy was right.
I am a giver-upper.

I wanted to do
all those things,

But they became so hard.

Well, most things
worth getting
require hard work.

Which is an experience,
shall I say,

You have been deprived of.

How so?

Whenever you want something,

You just call daddy
and he gets it for you.

It's not as easy as it looks.

Daddy has a lot
of different phone numbers.

Well, your sore
dialing finger aside,

There may come
a time in life

When you want something
that daddy can't get you

And you're gonna have
to work hard for it.

I did work.

and a half days
doesn't count.

Actually, it was
a day and a half.

I took yesterday off
to get a facial.

Pores were getting huge.

You know, london,

I understood why
you gave up in the past.

But I always thought that
fashion was something that
was close to your heart.

Certainly something
you were good at.

I really thought you
were gonna give this a go.

Oh, well.

Ing
to tell your father
you're quitting

Or shall I?

Congratulations.
You are our finalists.

Ok, thank you.

Thanks.

Yeah.

Whoever wins
this pentathlon

Will walk away
with the golden plunger.

There's an accomplishment.

Don't worry, arwin.
Victory is in the bag.

What bag? Where?

I want that bag.

Is it too late
to bet on irv?

Each of you must
change a light bulb
in a hallway,

Fix the central
vacuuming system,
unclog a sink,

Patch a hole, and repair
an elevator. Go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What happened to "on your mark"?

Just go.

What's going on here?

Why are you packing up
all the clothes?

Because you quit.

Quit?

I don't know the meaning
of the word "quit."

Wouldn't it just be easier

If you tell me the words
you do know the meaning of?

Maddie, I took
your original ad
and put it out there.

It's a little
too late for that.

On daddy's blimp.

Soon this place will
be flooded with people.

I knew you weren't
a giver-upper.

You're the best.

Ooh. Plenty customers.
Don't talk to them.

So is arwin
still in the lead?

No. He b*at irv
at changing the light bulb,

Flew by him while fixing
the vacuum system,

But arwin hit a snag
at the clogged sink.

What happened?

Well, it was another one
of irv's dirty tricks.

Arwin's plunger broke,

And he had to suck out
the clog with his mouth.

Ok, if arwin wins
that kiss from mom,

Don't tell her that.

You'll never catch up
to me now, hawkhouser.

My kiss is just
floors away.

And it's not
getting any closer.

Irv: Hey. Who stopped
the elevator?

Who turned out the lights?

I'm scared.

We sure showed irv.

Ahh!

What are you doing?

Both: Nothing.

Are you guys cheating
to help me win?

Irv's the one
cheating.

He's been cheating
all along.

We're just trying
to even the playing field.

It doesn't matter.
A hawkhouser never cheats.

Except for mother
on her diets.

Arwin, hurry.

Boys.

I'd rather come
in second fairly

.

Oh. So you're just
gonna let irv kiss mom.

Ha-ha!

Next stop, carey's...

Lipssss!

Get ready for the kiss
of a lifetime.

Hu!

What a hot dog.

Well, you are
what you eat.

Oh.

Hoi!

All: Ooh!

What happened?

It doesn't matter.
Just finish the race.

Both: What happened?

He lost
because he cheated,

And cheaters never win.

We're sorry we
interfered, arwin.

You interfered?

Yeah. We'll never cheat
for you again.

You mean you'll never
cheat at all again.

I know.
Cheaters never win.

Don't be too hard
on the boys.

They were just
trying to help.

Besides, because of them,
I have never felt
more confident.

Job well done, arwin.

Congratulations, arwin.
You win the golden plunger.

Wow. Arwin, I kissed you
and you didn't faint.

Yep, and I feel great.

Uh-oh.

What a fabulous day.

How much did we make?

Take a look.

Wow! That's a lot.

Wait, wait, wait.

I haven't deducted
our business expenses.

How much was the gas
for the blimp?

Way more than we made.

So after all that work,
we lost money.

But I cathat's right. And we're
I didn'tgonna be a huge success

Because we make
a great team.

By the way,
I can't pay you this week.

See ya.

Where are you going?

To get my old job back.

Quitter.

Quitter, quitter,

Pants don't fit her.

[sniffles] I thought so.