07x29 - Opie's Most Unforgettable Character

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Andy Griffith Show". Aired: October 1960 to April 1968.*

Moderator: Lindaballou

Watch on Amazon Merchandise Collectibles


Andy Taylor who is a widowed sheriff raises his son in Mayberry, N.C.
Post Reply

07x29 - Opie's Most Unforgettable Character

Post by bunniefuu »

"The best-laid plans
of mice and men

aft g*ng agley,

and leave us nought
but pain and grief,

for promised joy!"

Oh, just a minute,
everybody.

We'll go into this
again on Monday.

Now I want to give you
this weekend's assignment.

I'd like you to write
a composition on

"my most unforgettable
character"

of words or more.

Can we write about anybody,
miss crump?

Uh, yes, Betsy, anybody who's
made an impression upon you.

How about George Washington?

Well, George Washington's fine,

but I prefer that
you wrote about

somebody that you know
and admire personally.

Miss crump?
Yes, Betsy?

I had an uncle once who had one
brown eye and one blue eye.

Well, that's a good start,
Betsy.

I just hope you can get
words out of the rest of him.

All right, class,
you have your assignment.

You're dismissed.

Who are you going to
write about, ope?

I don't know.
I don't know,
either.

Looks like
a long weekend.

Well, there must be somebody

that you could
write about, Opie.

I just can't think

of any unforgettable
characters in Mayberry.

Oh, nonsense.

Mayberry's got as many
unforgettable characters

as any other town.

That's right.

I could reel
off a dozen.

You could?

Yes.

Mr. Bristol,
the egg man.

Who talks to his chickens
like they were real people.

That's fascinating.

Yeah, but I need
more than that.

Does he do anything else
that's nutty?

Well, you might
ask around.

How about goober?

Well, I started to write
about him,

but I only got words.

Well, whoever
you choose,

you'll get
your usual "a."

Maybe.

Howard sprague --
he's a possibility.

He single-handedly
reorganized

the entire sewer
system of Mayberry.

That's no ordinary man.

Yeah. Howard would be
a good bet.

Well, I've got to get
over to the lodge.

Big membership meeting.

I'll see ya.

Bye.
Bye.

I really like miss crump,

but she sure can hand out
tough assignments.

Oh, Opie, as you
go through life,

you'll meet many
tough assignments.

You might just as well
learn to face them.

How do you think
your father got

where he is?
Well, it wasn't because...

Opie!

What did I do?

The perfect subject for your
unforgettable character --

your very own father,
the sheriff of Mayberry.

Paw?

Yes. He's got

the most exciting job in town,
hasn't he?

Yeah, he does, doesn't he?

And he's certainly colorful.

They'd never reelect
a dull man sheriff

year after year,
now, would they?

No, they wouldn't.

Hey, I think I'll go over
to the courthouse tomorrow

and really watch him
for a while.

He'll be so proud when
he finds out you selected him.

I don't think we ought
to tell him yet.

Might make him nervous.

Yes, that's true.

It might make a person nervous
if he knew he was unforgettable.

Opie.

Morning, paw.

How long have you
been standing there?

Oh, I just got here.

Oh.

Excuse me.

Are you expecting

to lock somebody up
this morning, paw?

No. Just cleaning up
a little bit.

Since Otis started doing his
drinking in mt. Pilot,

about the only
customers I have

are couple of
fat old spiders.

Boy, bet if these bars
could talk,

they could really tell
some stories, huh, paw?

I don't know.

It's not exactly
sing sing.

What brings you
over here today?

Oh, you know, paw,
it's Saturday

and I didn't have
anything to do,

so I thought
I'd come over here

and hang around
for a while.

Oh. Oh.

Don't you have
a composition to write?

I'm working on it.

Oh.

Hey, paw, aren't you going
to open your mail?

Look, something
from the FBI.

Aw, that's just
a wanted poster.

I get them
all the time.

See?

Boy, he looks mean.

Bet you're not scared
of him, huh, paw?

Well, I'll tell you,

long as he stays
where he was last seen...

Seattle --

I'm not scared of him a bit.

But you have caught
criminals before.

Ope, by the time they get
to Mayberry,

they're pretty tired

and it doesn't take
much catching.

Why all the questions?

No reason.

Boy, I bet if these g*ns
could talk, huh, paw?

Oh, I don't know if they'd
have much to say either.

I believe the last time
I sh*t one of those

was at the church picnic
to start a potato sack race.

Boy, there's not much excitement
around here, is there, paw?

Opie, excitement's
kind of relative.

I mean, there's more
excitement here

than at Lucy burnette's
dry goods store.

But then again, I don't
do near the business

that marshal Dillon does.

Hey, Andy.

Hey, ope, you want to hear
the latest on your paw?

Yeah.
In the middle
of the game,

he had three more checkers than
me, but I b*at him anyway.

Somethin', huh?

Yeah.
Want a re

you bet.

Now, ope, you want
some excitement,

you just watch
what I do to him now.

Ah, you see what you do.

I won one, I won one.

Cheaters don't win.

Oh, Opie!

Hi, aunt bee.
I didn't know you
got home so soon.

Well, I got about all I could
at the court house.

Well, tell me,
tell me.

Well, there's not
much to tell,

except paw b*at goober
two out of three at checkers.

Oh?
Yeah, then he went over
to the barber shop

and balled out Floyd
for sweeping his hair

onto the street.

Then he came back
into the court house,

changed a typewriter ribbon,
and that was about it.

Oh, dear.

Sure was
a forgettable morning.

Well, Opie, deeds
of derring-do

don't always measure
the quality of a man.

What makes some characters
unforgettable

is not what they do,
but how they do it.

You just have to draw
your father out more.

But I was drawing him out
all morning.

Well, you know him.
He's a man of few words.

That's my problem.

He's a man of few words,
and I need of them.

Well, you might try
a different approach.

You know, in the articles
that I've read

about unforgettable
characters,

it's the way
people think,

their philosophy that
makes them unusual.

You know, the philosophical
side of a person

is the most interesting.

Well, I'll try anything.

Good.

Hi, ope.

Hi, paw.

Can I ask you
a philosophical question?

I don't see why not.

What's your philosophy?

About what?

About life.

I'm all for it.

Let's see what aunt bee's
got for supper.

What's for supper?

Roast beef
and string beans.

Good.

Andy,
did you see Opie?

Yeah, I saw him.

Did you speak to him?

Yeah, we're friendly.

No, I didn't mean that.

Did you have
a little chat with him?

Yeah.

Nice chat?

Is there something
going on with Opie

that I should know about?

No, you shouldn't.

He's been asking me an awful lot
of questions lately.

Now, what's up?

Aunt bee, what's up?

Andy, can you
keep a secret?

Yes.

Guess who
your son's

most unforgettable
character is.

Me?

You.

No.

Yes.

Well, what do you know
about that?

Gee, I never considered myself
as being unforgettable.

I just kind of go along.

No, no, Andy, you're a man
with many sides to him.

Oh, I don't know about...

Only don't let it go
to your head.

Oh, oh, no.

I wouldn't do that.

I... I think I'll go have
a little talk with him.

See you.

No, no, Andy, this way.

Oh.

Oh, Andy.

Don't let him
know I told you.

It's supposed to
be a surprise.

Oh.

Hi, ope.

Hi, paw.

You know, I've
been thinking

about that question
you asked me.

Which one?

About my philosophy.

Oh.

My philosophy is,

do unto others

as you would have
them do unto you.

Oh.

Do...

Unto...

Others...

Okay?

Now, I believe
I'll go upstairs

and take a bath.

And maybe while
I'm in the tub,

I'll think of
some more things.

That's a boy.

Are you kidding?

I caught seven perch
and six largemouth bass.

It was the finest weekend
of fishing I ever had.

I heard they
were biting.

I caught more
'cause I was using...

Hi, fellas.

Hi, Howard.

Andy, you must
feel real proud.

You're interrupting,
Howard!

Didn't sound like
you were talking

about anything
important.

Well, what's not important
to you

may be very important
to me.

Come on, goob.
What were you saying, Howard?

Aunt bee was
telling my mother

about the composition
Opie's writing about you.

You must feel
very proud.

What composition
is that?

Most unforgettable
character.

Opie picked Andy.

Aw...

Aw, well that's nice.

That's really nice.

Well, I guess ope
and I are pretty close.

It must be a lot
more to it than that.

I bet he saw
something

mighty unusual
in his father.

Well, I don't know.

It's true, Andy.

He picked a good one.

With the interesting things
you're always doing.

Goober's right.

When you write about
an unforgettable character,

you need a very
colorful subject.

Well, I guess I have done
a little living in my time.

You can say that again.

Opie's real lucky.

I bet those other kids
had a hard time

finding somebody
to write about.

Oh, I don't know.

Hi, paw.

Hey, ope. Ope.

Hey, come here.

Come here.

Just, uh...

Wanted to know how things
went in school today.

Oh, they went okay.

Good.

Uh, how'd you do
in English?

English?

We know who you
wrote about.

You do?

Did, uh, miss crump
read your paper yet?

Yeah, she read it.

I guess you got
your usual "a."

Uh... not this time, paw.

B

well, not exactly.

What did you get?

I got an "f."

I'll see ya, paw.

An "f"?

Maybe that stands
for "fine."

Or maybe Helen wasn't
feeling good today.

Or it might have been
bad spelling.

Could have been
a hundred different reasons.

Yeah.

Hi.

Oh. Oh, hi.
What are you doing here?

I was just passing by

and thought i'd
offer you a ride home.

I'd love it
if you don't mind

hanging around
a little while.

No. That's fine.

I have to finish grading
these compositions.

I'll do it
as quickly as I can.

All right.

It must be a tough job
wading through all those papers.

Oh, no.

Some of them
are very interesting.

Oh.

Hit a good un, huh?

Excellent.

I guess the reason Opie
got his, uh... "F"

is because of his...
Sentence structure.

No. His sentence structure
was fine.

Oh, then it was

probably because of his lack
of vocabulary.

No trouble with his vocabulary.

Grammar?

It was fine.

If, uh...

If you think the reason
I gave Opie a bad Mark

was because, uh...

Well, it certainly
wasn't the subject.

Oh, no...

I know that when Opie
does his rewrite,

he'll get a lot more
interesting things

to write about you.

Oh, well, sure.
Okay?

Yeah.

Okay.

Uh, I just happened
to think.

I-I've got a lot
of things to do,

and maybe I
better run on,

and I'll drop you off
home another time, okay?

Okay. I've still got
a lot of work to do anyway.

Okay. Another time

bye-bye.

Come in.


Hi, ope.

Hi, paw.

How's everything?

Fine.

Good.

You're not sore
about my Mark, are you?

No. No.

How's the rewrite coming?

Oh, it's coming along
pretty good.

Good.

That's good.

Yep.

Are you looking
for something, paw?

Oh, no.

No, I was just browsing.

Hmm.

Well...

My old piggy bank.

Boy, does that bring
back memories.

I remember the first dollar
I ever put in there.

You do?

Mm-hmm.

For catching a wildcat.

A wildcat?

Really?

Yeah.

One of the most unforgettable
experiences of my entire life.

I was a young boy,
about your age,

and the county was offering
a dollar bounty

for every wildcat caught.

Gee, paw, that must have
been awful dangerous.

Nah. I was a devil-may-care
young scallywag in those days.

Hey, did you sh**t him?

Oh, no, no, no.

I didn't even own a g*n.

I caught him
with my bare hands.

Wow.

Milk break.

Thanks, aunt bee.

Hey, aunt bee, paw
was just telling me

how he caught
a wildcat.

Oh, yes.

I remember that.

You do?

Yes. I remember
this wildcat

crawling into
the back yard.

It was
the sickest animal

I've ever seen
in my whole life.

Aunt bee.

He could hardly stand up.
I felt so sorry for him.

He couldn't
stand up?

No. And your father,
who's very fond of animals,

picked him up
and cradled him in his arms.

And after a few moments

the wildcat just put his head
on your father's arm

and went to sleep.

It was very sad.

And they paid you
a dollar for that?

It could have
been dangerous.

How about a catch?

I can't.

You still working
on the composition?

Yeah.

I don't have
to rewrite mine.

Hi, guys.

Hi, sheriff Taylor.

Hi, paw.

Playing a little
baseball, are you?

Well...

No, I guess not.

I used to play
a lot of baseball

when I was
in high school.

Pitched.

I guess I told you
about that, huh?

Yes, paw.

Did I ever tell you
about my wobble ball?

No.

Most unforgettable
season I ever played.

I had
a broken finger

and it didn't
set quite right,

and I had to grip
the ball in a funny way,

and, well,

that's how I developed
my wobble ball.

How do you do it?

Well, now, you
got to have

a crooked
middle finger.

Yeah, I'll never forget
that no-hit game

I pitched
against mt. Pilot.

No!

Yeah, it's all
in the record book.

Let me see the ball
there, Arnold.

Get on out
there, Arnold.

I'll show you
how it works.

Yeah.

Huh?

Ready?

Ah! Get him at home!

What do you say, ope, Andy?

Hey, showing off
the old wobble ball, huh?

Paw was just telling us
how he pitched a no-hit game

against mt. Pilot high.

The one we lost
ten to nothing?

Lost?

How could you lose
a no

he walked men.

It's all in
the record book.

Hey, Arnold, come on.

Burn some to me.

Come on.

The way I see it, Howard,

it ought to be left strictly
up to the united nations.

Hi.

Hi, guys.

Ope, come here a minute.
Come here.

I want to ask
you something.

How are you coming
on the new composition?

I finished it.

Did you get
your Mark yet?

Yeah. I got an "a."

"A"?!

Hey, that's wonderful.

I told you.

How about that, Howard?

I told you he
could get an "a."

What's all
the racket about?

Tell him, Howard.

Opie got an "a"
on his second paper.

Did ya?

Yeah.

Well, I better be getting
on home, paw.

Wait a minute.

Aren't you going
to let me see

what you wrote?

Well...

Go ahead.
Tell him, Opie.

He knew more about
my father than I did.

Your father?

Oh, you wrote about Dr. Bailey
the second time.

Yeah. You see, paw,

I was looking into my microscope
at this horsefly,

and I got to thinking
about germs and diseases,

and that's what got me
to thinking about Dr. Bailey.

Oh, sure, sure.

The important thing
is that you got an "a."

Yeah, that's
the important thing.

Yeah. It shows he can
write good compositions.

I got an "a," too.

Oh, well, good.

I guess Dr. Bailey
had enough diseases

for both of 'em.

I didn't write
about my father.

I wrote about you,
sheriff Taylor.

What?

Yeah. I couldn't think
of anything

to write about my dad,

but I thought
of a lot of things

I could write about you.

Oh, well, uh,
thank you, Arnold.

That's very nice of you.

Paw, could I speak to you
for a minute?

Sure.

Well, see, paw,

the reason I probably
couldn't write about you

and Arnold couldn't write
about his father...

Well, when you write
about people

you're real close to,

things that are
unforgettable about them...

Well, if you
wrote them down,

it'd sound kind of...

Sissy.

Oh.

I think I understand.

I wonder what Arnold
wrote about you.

I don't have
the faintest idea.

Well, aren't you even
the least bit curious?

No.

Mmm, goodness sakes.

I don't understand it.

Oh, my scissors.

They're always upstairs.

Boy, it was really
a good game.

Yeah -- well, I think
I've gotta go home now.

Oh, okay, see you later.

Uh um,
I wonder if you'd do me a favor.

I just noticed I just
ran out of razor blades.

Would you go down to the store
and get them for me?

Sure, paw.
You know
the kind I want.

Yeah -- see you later,
Arnold.

I'll see ya.

Well, I'll see ya,
sheriff.

Arnold? If you're not
in a big rush,

want to go in the kitchen
and have a glass of milk?

That always goes good
after a ball game.

Well...okay.

Okay.
Post Reply