01x14 - Cookin' with Romeo and Juliet

[bunniefuu]

Mr. moseby! Mr. moseby!
Mr. moseby! Mr. moseby!

It's a hideous
monster!

And it's coming
this way!

Boys, I can assure you there are
no such things as monsters.

Oh, yeah? Look!

I'm back.

Aah!
Aah!

Quick, get
behind me, boys!

Don't look her
in the mole.

I mean the eyes.

Mr. moseby.

Miss shikelgrubermiger.

Actually, since
you had me fired

from the tipton
organization,

I've gotten married.

You're kidding.

No. My married name is
Ilsa shikelgrubermiger-

Von Helsing der
kepperlugerhofer.

You're kidding.

That must take forever to
write on your underwear.

I have a stamp.

But that's not my
only happy news.

I have become
the manager

of the St. mark hotel
across the street.

Oh, no.
Oh, yes!

And I will not rest until
the tipton is a parking lot

and you are parking
the cars.

Grrrrrr.

Mr. moseby, that
was awesome.

You weren't
scared at all.

Mr. moseby?

♪ Here I am in your life ♪

♪ here you are in mine ♪

♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪

♪ most of the time ♪

♪ you and me
got the world to see ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ just me and you
know what to do ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ it's you and me
and me and you ♪

♪ we got the whole place
to ourselves ♪

♪ you and me,
we got it all for free ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ this is the suite life ♪

♪ we've got a suite life ♪

Hey, maddie, would you
try some of my cookies?

Sure.

What do you think?

Careful. If you tell him
there are too many walnuts,

he'll lock himself in
the bathroom and cry.

Cody, these are amazing.

You know, girls like
guys who can cook.

I helped!

Mmm, these are
fantastic.

How much are they?

They're free.
For $ . .

I'll take
the whole basket.

All right!

Cody's cookies are
going to make me rich.

Ahem.

Did I say "me"?

I meant us.

Ah. Well, I see our
dental conventioneers

appreciate
the sugarless gum.

Well, out of
of them do. Ha.

Oh!

That's funny.

Oh!
Hey!

Would you watch
where you're going?

I-I'm so sorry.

No, no, it was
my fault.

Forgive me for staring,
but your teeth...

They're like perfect
little pearls.

Oh, thanks.

You're kinda cute
yourself...For a dentist.

I wish.

My dream is to attend the
Zurich dental institute

and make the world safe
from chronic periodontitis.

I don't know
what you just said,

but it sounds
so...Medical.

Moseby.

Yeah, I just
wanted to see

if the Japanese ambassador
had checked in yet.

Oh, wait.
He couldn't have

because he's staying
at the St. mark.

That's impossible!

He always stays here
at the tipton.

Oh, it seems he heard
you were having a problem

with cockalockers.

That's German
for cockroaches!

Well, he must have
heard that lie from

the head cockalocker
herself!

It's Ilsa!

You know her?

Yeah. She runs
my dad's hotel

across the street.

If he finds out
I'm here,

I'll be in big trouble.

You're Todd St. mark?

I'm London tipton.

My dad hates your dad.

My dad hates your dad.

We have so much
in common!

Ilsa: Todd!

Ooh, good
hiding place.

It was so hard
to see you

behind the -foot cupie doll!

You know your father
doesn't approve

of your
dental dream

or this tipton.

IT IS VERBOTEN.

COME WITH ME. MACH SCHNELL!
BUT...

Dut, dut, dut!

Left, left...
Don't look back!

Left, left, left...

[Knock on door]

Is it true that you two are
selling unauthorized cookies

in my hotel?

Nope. No truth
whatsoever.

Mm-hmm.

Then why is
the kitchen a mess?

Uh, mom's a slob.

I'm a what?
Job.

You're doing a great
job for a single mom.

I mean, look at us.
We're adorable.

You two are
absolutely forbidden

from selling unauthorized
cookies in my lobby!

Hoppin' hippos, these
things are fantastic!

Cranberries?

With a pinch of nutmeg.

Genius.

You know, Mr. moseby,

you could serve
Cody's cookies

at the beacon hill ball.

You know how
those society types

like designer cookies.

I'll take .
Done.

Not done.
I'm cookied out!

Zack, your brother's
tired.

Thanks, mom.

I don't even want to
look at another stove.

What about the one in
the hotel kitchen?

You mean
the samurai ...

With stainless steel
convection ovens

and computerized
temperature controls?!

Not to mention our
tungsten cooling racks.

Honey, you need
to rest.

Stay out of this, mom.

[Dialing,
beeping]

Oh!

[Gasps]

Ha ha ha ha!

You were doing so well,
right up to the wall.

Um, I've been text
messaging with Todd

for the past hours.

Why don't you just
go over to the St. mark?

I'd never make it
past Ilsa. [Sighs]

There's nowhere
we can meet

where our fathers
won't find out.

[Sighs]

This is so romantic.

Oh! What you two need is a
secret romantic hideaway.

The laundry
room?

This is your idea
of romantic?

No wonder you don't
get dates.

Hey, it was either this
or the men's room

on the third floor.

I love it!

London...

Oh, thank goodness
you're still here.

I'm sorry I'm late,
but I couldn't get away

from Ilsa's watch dog
blitzkrieg.

Is he a German Shepherd?
Doberman?

Dachshund!

Nasty little thing.

I'd fight my way through
weiner dogs to see you.

Oh...My hero.

Maddie,
thank you so much

for setting this up
for us.

And in return,
when I become a dentist,

I'll fix that overbite.

Some people think
it's...Cute.

I've enjoyed our
cyber conversations,

but it is so nice
to actually be with you.

I know. Now when
you tell me a joke,

instead of typing "lol,"
I can actually lol.

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

[Sighs]

I love your lol.

I love finally
being alone with you.

Any machines free?

I have to do
my delicates.

Moseby!

Where is he?

I know he's here.

He who?

You know he who.

NO. WHO HE?
MY WHO HE!

Huh? Oh, stop with
your silly word games!

Todd, he snuck out.

Oh, you've lost Todd.

Which, by the way
isn't the only thing

that you've lost.

It turns out that the
beacon hill masquerade ball

will now be held
at the tipton.

Nonsense.

That ball's been held at the St.
marks for over years.

Not anymore.

WE SCHTOLE IT FROM YOU!

Hee hee hee.

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ unh, unh, unh ♪

Oh, Mr. moseby,
dance while you can.

I don't think Mr. tipton
will be very happy

when he finds out
his precious daughter

is dating Todd St. mark!

[Gasps] They've been in
constant communication.

Where are they?

I assure you
I have no idea.

Oh, maddie...

Have you seen London
and Todd?

Nope,
haven't seen 'em.

Not at all. Nary a sighting.
See ya.

Candy girl,
we have ways

of making you talk.

There's nothing
to say.

[High voice]
Here, blitzkrieg.

Ok, ok, they're on...
The roof!

I can't say I approve
of your methods,

but they are effective.

Enough of the yak yak.
To the roof!

Left, left...
Don't look back.

Left, left...

My doctor says I should
stay away from chocolate

and younger men.

Aren't you supposed
to be working?

What's your point?

I pictured this moment...

Differently.

But I have to
tell you something.

Yes, Todd?

London, I...

Ilsa's here!
Gotta go.

Nice boy,
but he doesn't say much.

He was about to.

Todd!
London!

London!
Todd!

Maddie.

Per your father's orders,

I am locking you
in your room,

taking away all your
communication devices,

and your giant
plastic tooth!

No, not Tommy tooth!

Yeah. And frieda floss.
Let's go.

London!

London. London, look,

if I allowed you to see
this St. mark boy,

your father would have
my head,

not to mention my job.

Look, I don't care.

Todd!

Todd: [SHOUTING] London!

[Blitzkrieg barking]

London: STOP, BLITZKRIEG!
STOP!

Oh! That's not a dog!

It's a piranha!

I can't believe
daddy had moseby

confine me to my room.

Don't worry, you'll see
Todd again someday.

[Sighs]

Of course,
he'll be a dentist,

so you'll have to make
an appointment.

This is the most
tragical thing

that's ever happened
to me.

Well, you know what
Shakespeare said.

"The course
of true love

never did
run smooth."

Huh?

Love stinks.

Oh, I know.

This is just so unfair.

I always get
everything I want.

So you get everything
you ever wanted

for Christmas?
Mm-hmm.

Everything you wanted
for your birthday?

And hanukah.

You can't get gifts
on hanukah.

You're not Jewish.

And miss out on
days of presents?

NOT THIS SHIKSA.

I just miss Todd
so much.

Todd: [SHOUTING IN DISTANCE]
London!

I mean, sometimes,

it's like I can
hear his voice.

It's Todd
with a bullhorn.

[Gasps]

Todd: BUT SOFT,

what light through yonder
window breaks?

It is the east,

and London is the sun.

Oh, he's quoting
Shakespeare!

I THOUGHT Shakespeare
WAS YOUR FRIEND.

He's a writer.

Romeo AND Juliet?

In a poetic way,

Todd's saying
that he loves you.

Ooh! Ooh! Ok,

tell me how to say "I love you,
too," in Shakespeare talk.

Ahem.

My bounty is as
boundless as a sea,

my love as deep.

Got it.

I love you, too,
sweet cheeks!

Nice rewrite.

What?

He can't hear me, and I
can't leave my room.

Maddie, will you
go tell him?

Sure.
Wait.

I want to give him
something.

What's romantical?

A lock of your hair.

Perfect!

Todd, London says
she loves you

and wants you
to have this.

This isn't all of it, is it? No.

Then I shall
treasure it always.

Give her this,

and tell her that it is but
a token of my love for her.

Gotcha.

Todd says it's
the token of his love.

Oh, that is so sweet.

Here, give him this.

And tell him "ditto."

Unh--oh!

Ok.

London says
"back at ya."

I have to give her
something better.

Yeah, can you keep it
under pounds?

A kiss.

Ok, but I'm not
passing it on.

You know, you're right.

It's just not the same.

Wait, I got it.

Tomorrow night is the beacon
hill masquerade ball.

Get a costume
and a mask, sneak over,

and I'll have London
meet you there.

That's perfect.

[Blitzkrieg barking]
Uh-oh!

It's blitzkrieg!

Ilsa: [LOUDLY] BLITZKRIEG,
WHY ARE YOU BARKING?

[Classical music
playing]

[Doink]

Ecch! That is disgusting!

There is a hair
in the punch bowl.

Yeah, that would
never happen at the St. mark.

Enjoy.

Oh, I thought
I smelled a rat,

but it turns out
it was a mole.

What mole?

DO YOU OWN A MIRROR?

Come on, they've already run
out of cookies at the ball.

Boy, those
skinny rich people

can really chow down.

Let's go! Let's go!
Let's go!

You know,
I used to like this

when I did it for love.

Now I'm doing it
for money, and...

I feel dirty.

Wipe your filth off
with this ,

and get back to work.

WELL, I DON'T SEE
YOU WORKING.

Why don't you help out and
separate some eggs for me.

Done.
Cooking is easy.

I'll whip us up
a batch.

So Todd really wanted
to kiss me?

No, he wanted
to kiss the plant.

Why did he want
to kiss the plant?

HE DOESN'T. HE WANTS
TO KISS YOU.

So Todd really wanted
to kiss me?

It's a special night.

Don't make me slap you.

So, which one
is Todd?

The one in the mask.

Oh, that narrows it down.

Ok, here's
my first batch.

[Clunk, clunk, clunk,
clunk, clunk]

You baked
a hockey puck.

You could break a tooth
on one of these.

So what? There are
dentists in the lobby.

Yeah, but when people eat
a Codys cookie,

they expect it to
melt in their mouth,

not break their bicuspids.

[WHISPERING]
Todd?

You in there?

Sorry. Picked
the wrong nose.

[Embarrassed giggle]

Not him.

I don't need any more
of your help!

Just keep out
of my way,

and stay over there.

Did you just flick flour
in my face?

Maybe I did,

maybe I didn't.

Well, maybe
I flicked some back...

And maybe I didn't.

Well, I know
you didn't,

because if you did,

I would've done
this!

AND THAT'S HOW
YOU SEPARATE AN EGG!

Well, this is how
you separate a pie...

From its pan.

Come back here and
take this banana cream pie

like a man!

He wouldn't.

He would!

I love the twins.

This pie throwing
will stop this instant!

Mr. moseby?

Mm.

Right after this.

Oops.

[Stomp]
Ow!

Oooooh.

Ahhhhh!
Aah!

Zack! Cody!

Oh, what is going on
in here?!

Whoa!

Heh heh heh heh heh.

Yeah, of course--oh!

Now, that I didn't see
coming.

[General shouts, gasps]

We'll never find Todd
in here.

And we'll never have
our first kiss.

Eww! Get off
of me, pie face!

It's me! Todd.

Oh, Todd.

OH, YOU DID COME.

Of course I did.

I needed to tell you
that I love you...

And do this.

I guess some people do get
everything they want.

Happy hanukah, London.

[Shouting, laughing]

How dare you sneak out
to see this tipton!

You father is
on the phone,

and he wishes
to speak to you.

Yah.

So I guess you're
gonna lock me up

in my room now, huh?

I'm sure that's what
your father would want.

Good. If I can't
see Todd,

I might as well spend the
rest of my life in my room.

You really like
this boy, don't you?

I would love him
even if he were poor.

Really?

Yeah.

Well, in that case,

if you want
to see Todd,

it's not up to me
to stop you.

But won't you
get in trouble

with my father?

Sometimes when you care
about someone,

you have to think of them
before yourself.

Thanks, moseby.

That was so sweet.

IT MAKES ME WANT
TO... PUKE!

Yeah, ok, dad.

Bye.

Bad news?

Well, my dad said
I could go

to dental school
in Zurich.

That's great.

No, it means I'll be
away from you.

Which is exactly
why he said it.

He'd rather have me
scraping teeth

than be with a tipton.

Oh...I see.

So, I turned him down.

You did?

But it's your dream.

What about
all those poor people

with ptereodactylitis?

I'd rather have you.

Oh, Todd!

Oh, that's the most
wonderful thing

anyone's ever done
for me.

And I won't
let you do it.

What about us?

Sometimes when you care
about someone...

You have to think of them
before yourself.

[Sighs]

It'll only take me years
to become a dentist.

Then I can see you?

Can we make it
a morning appointment?

Absolutely.

That was really
wonderful, London.

Maddie...

That Romeo and Juliet book
has a happy ending, right?

Yeah.

Cody, don't you have something
to say to you brother?

I'm sorry I flicked flour
in your face.

Zack?

I'm sorry
you're my brother.

Zack!

I'm sorry I worked you
like a pack mule.

I was just thinking
of the money.

Lots and lots
of money.

Bagloads of money!

Zack!

Sorry.

It's ok that you wanted
to make money

off my cookies,

but I just need time
to make them just right.

And % of the profits.

.
!

Done.
[Both spit]

Ok, but I get %
of both your cuts.

Done.

It's not worth it.