02x16 - Wedding Crashers

[bunniefuu]

Ah, here it is Mika.

This is the place where I got
my black belt and b*at down Jack.

Oh, hey Jack.

- Uh, we should probably go, Mika.
- No no no no.

Why don't you show her
how you b*at me down?

Uh, see, I... the thing is I
don't... I don't really remember.

Oh, I do. First, he
got me in an arm lock.

Like this.

[Screams]

Then he gave you a front snap kick.

Oh!

- And then he flipped you.
- Wait, what? No!

[Foreign accent] Wow, you're
very excellent fighter, Jerry.

Hey, Bobby's on his way over here.

- Oh!
- Ooh!

What is this Bobby?

Oh, he's the rich guy who owns the dojo.

Whenever he visits, he makes the
most insane over-the-top entrances.

Okay, not one of his best.

Bobby? What's the matter?

I'm lonely!

But why are you lonely? Do
you not have a girlfriend?

Excuse me!

I am...

Bobby Wasabi.

And no, I have no girlfriend.

Wait, well, that's it.
That's what you need.

I'm gonna help you find a girlfriend.

- You will?
- Trust me, Bobby. I got your back.

Because if there's one thing I know...

It's how to deal with the
crushing blow of loneliness.

It is Tuesday. Come to Falafel Phil's.

It is singles' night.

Oh... [chuckles]

Falafel.

Forget falafel! We are
gonna find you a lady.

And how hard could it be? You're smart,
an ex-movie star and really really...

Handsome.

I was gonna say rich.

Rich and handsome it is!

[Rock music playing]

- ♪ Don't...
- ♪Don't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Get all tough with me!

♪I'm saying...

- ♪Won't...
- ♪Won't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Come kick it with me?

♪And we could have a
ball, run up the wall!

♪That's just how we do.

♪And no matter how much I chop and punch
it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.

♪Here we go, let's start the party!

♪Chop it up like it's karate.

♪Everybody!

- ♪Don't...
- ♪ Don't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Get all tough with me!

♪I'm saying...

- ♪ Won't...
- ♪Won't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Come kick it with me?

♪And we could have a
ball, run up the wall!

♪That's just how we do.

♪And no matter how much I chop and punch
it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.

This is your night.

And I'm your wing man. And I will never
leave your side until we find you a woman.

I, uh, noticed you when you came in.

You wanna get out of
here and grab some fro-yo?

Good night and good luck.

Jerry, I don't know how to do this.

Oh, come on. You just gotta be smooth.

Uh... yo, check it.

What it do, girl?

You see that?

- Ah.
- All right, your turn.

Yo, try that girl in the purple dress.

Go!

Yo, check it.

[Coughs]

What it do, girl?

Um, what does what do?

Quick question...

What exactly is "it" and
what is it that "it" do?

Guys, great news!

This woman Leona came into the dojo
and she's a huge martial arts fan.

She insisted on meeting
you right away, Bobby.

Really?!

You're gonna love her. She
even has her own ninjas.

Oh!

[Doors open]

[Grunts]

[Rock music playing]

Hello, Bobby. I'm Leona.

What it do, Leona?

You're what it do, Bobby.

You hear that?!
Apparently I am what it do.

Ha!

You lock the wrist...

- [People screaming]
- [Wings fluttering]

What is that noise?

[Birds squawking]

It's a giant flock of doves
lowering Bobby into the courtyard.

That sounds about right.

Lower, my doves!

Lower.

[Screaming continues]

There like a thousand doves up there.

Oh, actually, it's .

I haven't been a thousand
doves since high school.

I take it the date went well.

Oh... you might say that.

In two days, I am...

Getting married! [Laughs]

- All: What?!
- No way.

Bobby, this is crazy. You can't
just jump into something like this.

Absolutely not.

There are a lot of decisions to
make... the music, the invitations.

The flowers, the food.

Where to sit that crazy
aunt that smells like ham.

Excuse me, I do not have an
aunt that smells like ham.

Yeah, you do.

Well, Milton, Mika...
you will plan my wedding.

And I can sing. Hey,
I've done a lot of...

Bah bah bah bah bah bah.
Not gonna happen, Eddie.

- We're hiring a professional.
- Come on, Milton. Who do you really...

Don't make me "bah bah bah" you again.

Bobby, you can't just marry the first
woman who gives you any attention.

I mean, I haven't even met her.

Oh well, that's a shame because I was
going to ask if you'd be my best man.

I accept!

- We're getting married!
- Yay! [Laughing]

Come on, people! Let's move it!
The wedding is in three hours.

You... sweep under those tables.

You... fix those napkins.

And you... I told you I
didn't want you in here.

You have one of those... "Stay
in the kitchen" kind of faces.

Now let's go!

What happened to the shrimp
puffs? I put whole tray out here.

Wait, do you mean the bay shrimp
wrapped in a phyllo dough crust,

tied together with
baby asparagus spears?

- Yes.
- Haven't seen 'em.

[Growls]

"Bobby, I may be the best
man, but you're the best"...

"Man". [Chuckles]

Wait for applause, wink
at a cute bridesmaid.

Oh... beautiful lady legs.

I wonder if they're attached to a...

Oh, they are!

Hello, beautiful lady.

You got a little shrimp puff right here.

Oh! Thanks for un-puffing me.

My pleasure.

You know, I gotta tell you...

You have got the most amazing eyes.

Thank you.

I think they are spectacular.

They are?

You know, I have my mom's eyes.

Not like in a box or a drawer or
anything. They're just the same color.

Anywho...

I think that your
eyes are also rather...

[Whispers] Spectacular.

Aw, man, where'd she go?

Beautiful lady!

Eddie, we have hired
a professional singer.

Give rest to it already.

But when I sing in the shower, my
mom says I have the voice of an Angel.

Well, when I plan a wedding
in a shower, you can sing.

Excuse me, Mika. What are you doing?

Oh, making sure the table is strong
enough for the goat to dance on.

No no no. There are no goats
dancing in American weddings, hon.

[Both speaking in Hachmaki]

You speak Hachmaki?

Not a word.

I have got to find that
woman. She is the one!

There is nothing on this green earth
that will keep me from making her mine.

Oh, Rudy. There you are. I
want you to meet my bride-to-be.

The love of my life...

Leona.

No-ooo!

No-ooo!

[Screaming continues]

Www-way!

I am so happy for you.

Till death? Wow!

That's forever! And ever! And ever.

And ever...

♪Kickin' it with you!

Let's put these chairs over here.

Hey, look at all this cool
stuff from Bobby's movies.

Hey, what movie did Bobby
wear a wedding dress in?

Those aren't his. They must be Leona's.

Whoa! Dude, check this out!

This is the glove Bobby wore in
his movie "A Fistful of Glove".

What?!

When he put this on, his
whole hand became weaponized.

This button sh*t out numbing darts.

I know this is just a prop, but wouldn't
it be awesome if this thing really worked?

[Mumbling] I think it does work, Jack.

What are you talking about?

I can't feel my legs.

- [Screams]
- Dude, hey!

- Dude, are you okay?
- Oh yeah. I'm good.

[Screams]

Jerry!

Once Bobby Wasabi and I are married,

I'll eliminate him and
all his money will be mine.

[Mumbles] Not so fast!

Come on.

You want to help?

Don't move or I'll let you have...

Ow!

My bad.

I just got stuck with something!

It's a numbing dart.

Yeah. Yeah, I got hit too.

We heard about your evil plan.

[Mumbling] Forget
about that for a second.

How long will my mouth be like this?!

I'm getting married today!

Oh no. I'm hoping it's not too long.

Just about an hour or so.

Get them!

I said get them!

Hey, Jerry!

You're not marrying Bobby
because you love him.

You're marrying him to get to his money.

[Normal voice] Which I love.

Some girls scrapbook.

Others marry then eliminate
martial-arts millionaires.

Don't get me wrong, I scrapbook too.

Once Bobby puts this ring on,

the black-widow venom will
soak into his skin and tonight,

he will go to the big dojo in the sky.

[Normal voice] Oh wait...

You're the black-belt widow.

I've seen you on that show,
"America's Worst People".

What makes you think Bobby
would wear such a tacky piece...

Can I see that for a second?

Oh, he's a goner.

Wait a minute.

Why would you tell us all
the details of your evil plan?

Because it doesn't matter.

Once I take care of Bobby...

My ninjas will take care of you.

[Evil laughter]

[Snorting]

- Was that your evil laugh?
- [Sighs]

I know. It's not good, is it?

Well, no. A good evil laugh
starts from your diaphragm.

Try this. [Inhales deeply]

[Loud evil laughter]

[Imitates laugh]

Ah! That's better.

- Thank you.
- You see?

- Jerry!
- What?

Just trying to help her.
It's the woman's wedding day.

I'm telling you, little shrimp puff,
there was a spark between me and her.

It was undeniable.

But now I've lost everything.

You're all I have left.

[Crying] Oh no! Now I'm all alone!

Are you still crying to the shrimp
puffs about the woman you lost?

Yes.

If you're so brokenhearted
about this woman,

why don't you just find her
and tell her how you feel?

[British accent] Because my fair
maiden is betrothed to another.

She can pick whoever she wants.

But you'll never forgive yourself if
you don't tell her what's in your heart.

You know what, Eddie?

You're right. I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna find her and
tell her how I feel.

Go on.

Where in the heck is the wedding singer?

I fired him and hired Eddie.

- What?!
- He broke me down.

[Sighs]

Well, there goes my
wedding planning career.

Might as well smash the ice sculptures,
throw the plates against the wall!

And let a pack of wild hyenas
chase the crowd into the pool.

Now, that's a wedding.

[Whispering] Yo, Jack.

Jack, I'm tied up, so
you have to go warn Bobby.

I'm tied to you, you lug nut.

I've got it! We'll do what
Bobby did when he was tied

to Tommy Tsunami in his
movie "Samurai Fist Party".

Oh... I didn't see that movie.

Just stand up.

Look what I did! Hey, next time
try and help out a little, Jack.

Come here!

Yo, we took out that guy, but
Leona's ninjas are everywhere.

How are we gonna get to Bobby?

There might be one way.

Would you be willing to wear this dress?

I don't know.

Think I've got the goods to pull it off?

♪Kickin' it with you!

Here you go, dear. Enjoy the wedding.

That was Bobby's hammy aunt.

Gah! This wedding is a disaster.

Jack and Jerry are missing,

the toilet's clogged up with a shoe
and Eddie's about to start singing.

On the bright side, that should
clear out the place pretty quick.

[Saxophone playing]

[Jazz music playing]

♪ Before Bobby met Leona.

♪ Before Bobby met Leona.

♪There was pit deep
inside his Wasabi soul.

♪That he kept trying to fill...

♪With ninjas and costly toys.

♪With ninjas and costly toys.

♪But then Leona came along.

♪But then Leona came along.

♪Oh, hold on, I'm getting a note.

♪If you're driving
a gray station wagon.

♪Your lights are on.

[Cheers and applause]

Milton.

When my mother gets here, don't
let her near the cheese platter.

She has a gastro situation
and I do not want to hear...

"You may now kiss the"...
[Mimics foghorn]

[Door opens]

["Here comes the bride" playing]

Milton: Oh no, she's early.
Bride walking, bride walking!

The minister isn't even here yet.

Oh... look at her.

Every bit the lady.

- Uh...
- [Music stops]

We are gathered here today to
join Bobby and Leona in marriage.

If anyone sees any reason why
these two should not be wed.

Speak now or forever hold your peace.

Objection, your honor!

[Guests gasp]

I am in love with the woman that
Bobby Wasabi is about to marry!

Rudy! What is the meaning of this?

I'm sorry, Bobby.

Leona, from the moment that I met you
my heart has been b*ating like a bongo.

I wanna spend the rest
of my life with you.

Hairy knuckles and all.

Leona...

Will you marry me?

Okay. Now that we know
where everyone stands,

I will resume my duties as
best man. [Nervous chuckle]

Carry on.

Leona, my love, I declare today,
in front of all these people...

My eternal love.

We shall forever be one, as
I seal my vow with a kiss.

[Screaming]

She's all yours, Rudy.

No way, Wasabi.

Bobby, Leona's the black-belt widow.

She wants to marry you so she can get
rid of you and steal all your money.

- What?
- [Door opens]

Bobby, it's not true!

[All gasp]

Don't listen to them.

Bobby: Leona. What is
Jerry talking about?

Bobby, I love you with all my heart.

- Now quick, put this ring on.
- Oh.

[Onlookers groan]

What did you do, you fool?!

It's called saving my friend's life.

Jack! You have ruined everything!

Get him!

Eddie! Sing something.
Maybe people won't notice.

- Hit it!
- [Pop music playing]

♪Everybody was ninja
ninja ninja ninja fighting.

♪This getting so exciting...

Milton, the cake!

[Grunting]

Take this one, Rudy!

- This one, Rudy!
- Really?

- Another one for you, Rudy!
- Seriously?

- You tried to take my bride.
- That's a good point.

♪To start her evil plan was
to off a rich kung-fu man...

[Grunting]

[Speaks in Hachmaki]

♪Hey, Jack be ninja! : .

♪How much did that move rock?

♪Everybody was ninja
ninja ninja ninja fighting...

[Glass shatters]

Ooh, that sounded expensive.

Oh!

I don't think so, honey.

[Yelling]

[Music stops]

Thank you!

Bobby: Oh, Leona. The
dreams I had for us...

The places we were going to go.
The things we were going to do.

Why? Why would you do this to me?

Because I'm a very very bad girl.

Oh, Leona... marry me!

- Jack: No you don't. Hey hey.
- Jerry: Walk it off, big guy.

Boys, can I have a minute?

Just so I know it wasn't all in
my head, that moment we shared...

It was real, wasn't it?

I'm sorry, have we met?

Get her out of here, boys!

♪Kickin' it with you!

Well, I am embarrassed.

I was so afraid of being alone,

I was ready to marry the first
homicidal maniac that looked my way.

I knew she was trouble
from the moment I saw her.

Bobby, you don't ever have
to worry about being alone.

Man, you'll always have us.

You're right.

I may have lost a wife today, but...

I have a family.

And that is reason to celebrate.

Eddie, hit it!

[Pop music playing]

♪Everybody was ninja
ninja ninja ninja fighting.

♪This is getting so exciting...