02x18 - Sole-Brothers

[bunniefuu]

[Groans]

I hate mondays.

Rudy comes in all depressed
about how lonely his weekend was.

I know. We either get stony
silence or muffled sobbing.

[Southern accent] And I can smell it
in the air, there's a sob a-coming.

Don't worry, guys, Jack and I are
on top of it, to keep him happy...

We bought him this giant cookie.

This weekend he told me he was gonna sit
at home and watch his cat lick himself.

- We're gonna need a bigger cookie.
- [Quietly] Yeah.

I had the greatest weekend of my life.

Yeah, I went on a date
with Bethany Applebaum...

♪ And it was amazing.

Wait. Our health teacher
went out on a date with you?

Yes, she did.

All: Why?

Because she has the vision to
see what , other women didn't.

That I am dateable.

Jack! I was down at Doctor Kicks Shoe Store
getting these new swag A.B. High-Tops.

You're not gonna believe
it. They're hiring.

Yes! Dude, we gotta get jobs there.

Yo, absolutely.

You get an employee discount and
free odor busters for your feet.

You have got to get this job.

Wait.

Why are they called A.B.'s?

A.B. stands for air bags. They give you
maximum bounce on the basketball court.

Jerry: Check it.

[Shoes whirring]

Yeah, it says not to go past five
pumps, but I'm going up to .

Uh, you really think
that's such a good idea?

I think I know what I'm doing, Kim.

[Whirring continues]

[Crashing] [Coughing]

That's what I'm talking
about. Maximum bounce, baby!

Woo! [Coughing]

[Rock music playing]

- ♪ Don't...
- ♪Don't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Get all tough with me!

♪I'm saying...

- ♪Won't...
- ♪Won't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Come kick it with me?

♪And we could have a
ball, run up the wall!

♪That's just how we do.

♪And no matter how much I chop and punch
it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.

♪Here we go, let's start the party!

♪Chop it up like it's karate.

♪Everybody!

- ♪Don't...
- ♪ Don't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Get all tough with me!

♪I'm saying...

- ♪ Won't...
- ♪Won't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Come kick it with me?

♪And we could have a
ball, run up the wall!

♪That's just how we do.

♪And no matter how much I chop and punch
it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.

How great is this place, man?

Dude.

Yo, check it out.

- Woo!
- Oh!

We gotta get jobs here.

Hey, listen. We always talked
about working here together.

So let's agree they either hire
both of us or neither of us.

Oh, smart.

Hooking yourself to the J-train.

Here at Doctor Kicks, we believe the
customer is always right. [Back cracking]

Ah.

Max, we believe that not only
is the customer always right,

but we are always wrong.

Yeah, we don't know a
thing. Am I right, Jack?

- No, he's...
- Jack, I got this.

[Arguing indistinctly]

[Blows whistle]

Guys, I think I got all I need.

I'll be in touch.

Um, just for the record, that
basketball mini-tramp is a great idea.

That was my idea.

Might as well bounce those kids right
over to the cash register, am I right?

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

[Whimpers]

Jack. I like you.

- Welcome to Doctor Kicks.
- Whoa.

Jerry, I'm afraid...

Thank you, Sir, but if you're
hiring me, you're also hiring Jerry.

You know, in the shoe business
you don't break up a pair.

No matter how defective one of them is.

Jerry, you're in.

You guys start tomorrow.

- Yes, thank you so much.
- No way!

- We're in, dude.
- Here's your company whistles.

Oh.

- [Whistling]
- I...

I'd boil that.
[Chuckles] It was Benny's.

He used to blow it,
but not with his mouth.

[Whistles, spits]

And so the lonely peanut passes
through the large intestine,

out the rectum, and
into your toilet bowl.

And that my friends, is the scoop...

On poop.

I do not think I'm ever eating again.

Oh, great job. "A."

Ever since Ms. Applebaum
started going out with Rudy,

this class has gotten a lot easier.

Yeah, well, I didn't do my report.

But I think I have
another way around it.

Kim, you're up.

See, I was with Rudy...

[Giggles]

And I worked on it with Rudy.

[Giggles]

And Rudy.

[Squeals]

"A" plus.

I need some air.

♪ Kickin' it with you!

Ow.

Show me something in a petite, you.

Petite? Your foot is a catcher's mitt.

Are you gonna show me a
shoe that will fit me or not?

Oh, yes, Ma'am. Just give me a
minute so I can call a blacksmith.

All employees, please
meet me at the slam-poline.

Hustle up, people. Five
minutes ago. %. You're late.

Big news, guys.

Our store was just chosen to launch
NBA superstar Kyrie Irving's new shoe!

The Air Mini-Flyer.

- No way.
- He'll be here in person...

On Friday for the launch.

Bring it in.

Okay, back to work!

Dude, Kyrie Irving is coming here.

[Chuckles]

Jerry: Hey, Jack. Jack, that
guy's taking those sneakers.

[Grunting]

All right, let's go
inside and ring you up.

[Applause]

Yeah, man.

Wow, Jack. That was unbelievable.

No, you want to know
what's unbelievable?

This woman thanks her foot's a petite.

Oh!

Guys, check it out.

Bethany's status says "in a
relationship with Pudy pie".

That's me.

Hi, Pudy pie.

Hello, Bethany.

[Giggling]

Kids: [Groaning]

Hey, Ms. Applebaum. I uh,

I meant to give this to you after
class, but since you're here.

- Happy Birthday.
- [Gasps]

You remembered it's my birthday.

That is so sweet.

Oh, yeah.

It's just a box for your hair clips.

- Really nothing.
- Oh, but it is something. It's very...

It's pretty close to nothing.

But you're really gonna
love what I got you.

- Now close your eyes.
- [Giggles]

Um, see I shopped and I
shopped and I shopped...

Until I found something
that I knew you would love.

See, what I got you was this...

Beautiful, super
expensive, designer Beret.

Oh! I love it!

Hi. I left my really old, super cheap,
non-designer Beret in here the other day.

Did anyone see it?

Is this it?

Yeah, that's it.

I can't believe you lied to me.

Trust is the most important
thing in a relationship.

Maybe you're not the man
that I thought you were.

Good-bye, Rudy.

- Don't you mean Pudy pie?
- Pudy pie is dead!

Why do you think Max called us in here?

I don't know, man.

Maybe he's gonna fire me.

I bet that hoof lady filed a complaint.

Relax. Whatever happens,
remember our pact.

It's either both of us or neither of us.

Thanks, Jack.

Guys. I'm in a tough spot.

I'm promoting one of you, but I'm
gonna have to let one of you go.

Jack, you're fired. Sorry.

Both: What?

Congratulations, Jerry. You're
our new assistant manager.

Both: What?!

- But you can't...
- Sorry, but it didn't work out, Jack.

Jerry, isn't there
anything you want to say?

Yeah, there is.

I'm the new assistant manager, baby!

Woo!

[Blowing whistle]

What about our agreement
that if one of us gets fired

the other one would leave with him?

Hey, I only agreed to that because I
assumed I would be the one getting fired.

Whatever, dude. Enjoy your promotion.

You really deserve it.

Jerry, hey.

I want you in charge of security during
the Kyrie Irving visit to our store.

Me?

- Really?
- Absolutely.

You're the assistant manager now.
I'm gonna need to lean on you.

And also I'm gonna need you to spot me
in minutes when I do my power squats.

♪ Kickin' it with you!

The heart pumps over , gallons of blood
a day, making it our most important organ.

[Groans]

Wrong!

The heart is a pathetic, gnarled up
sponge that soaks up nothing but misery!

Now, take out a piece of paper and I
want you to write a , word essay!

On the similarities between
a man and a lying snake.

[Clears throat]

Milton.

Rudy said he was gonna try and win her
back by doing some big romantic gesture.

Maybe he was thinking
flowers or cards or candy.

[Clanging]

Woo-ee!

He went a different way.

Listen, Bethany.

I know that I messed up.

But to show you how much you mean to me,
I climbed to the top of Mount Seaford,

and carved a heart
with our initials in it.

That's the most thoughtful thing
anyone's ever done for me. [Giggles]

I have to see it right now!

Wait, what?

Oh, I'm a climber, too.

But you're in the middle of class.

Hey, kids, get out right now!

We just have to go by my place
and pick up my gear. [Giggles]

Let's go.

Let's go.

Rudy, let's go!

Yo, Jack.

[Grunts]

Look.

When you got fired and I was
hired as assistant manager...

There was something that I should have done
that I didn't do and I feel bad about it.

Okay, dude.

This is more like it. You've finally
honored our agreement and quit.

Close.

Yeah, I'm here to get
your company whistle.

You're unbelievable, you know that?

Oh, come on, Jack.

For once I got something you didn't.

Dude, that's never happened before.
I'm not used to getting ahead.

Dude, I was in kindergarten so
long, I had to shave for graduation.

Can't you just be happy
for me? I got a promotion.

You didn't deserve the promotion,
Jerry. You're incompetent.

All you did yesterday was bite the
hangnail off some old dude's foot.

Hey, I stepped up.

Okay, that old dude's hangnail
was tearing up our sample socks.

- [Cheering]
- [Dance music playing]

[Music stops]

I wanted the Kyrie Irving Air
Mini-Flyer to do three things.

Look good, feel good,
and improve your game.

So what Kyrie Irving is trying to say
is that if you were to buy these shoes,

you will be guaranteed
a career in the NBA.

No, no. That's not at
all what I'm saying.

Who are you, bro? I'm
assistant manager Martinez.

Yeah, if you need a
sandwich, I'm your guy.

If you need a water, I'm your guy.
Whatever you need, I'm your guy.

- I'll take a water.
- Helen? Get Kyrie a water.

Yeah, Helen's my guy.

I like you, man.

Here, let me give you
a pair of my new shoes.

- What?
- Mm hmm.

No way. Thanks, Kyrie Irving!

[Sniffs]

Oh, I love that new sneaker smell.

[Inhales]

What are you doing? Would you
get your nose out of the shoes?

People are looking.

Kyrie, the crowd's ready for you.

Thanks.

Jerry!

In the back, there's a pallet
of shoes that Kyrie autographed.

Signed, they're worth
like bucks a pair.

After you close up, bring
them out here so they're ready

- to be shipped first thing in the morning.
- Okay. All right.

Helen! Get your nose out of
that shoe. People are looking.

You are this close to
not being my guy anymore.

Rudy: I don't believe
it. I'm almost there!

I did it! I did it! I did it!

Woo!

Oh, that is so exhilarating.

Okay, carry me back down.

No, wait, wait.

Rudy, we came all the way up here to
see our initials intertwined in a heart.

- So.
- Yeah.

About that. Uh...

- The truth is...
- Hey, Rudy.

What the...?

You scared the daylights out of
me. What are you two doing here?

Well, we wanted to see
the beautiful expression

of your love carved into the mountain.

Yeah. A lot of people
want to see that, Kim.

But they're not gonna.

They will if they look right here.

Bethany: [Gasps]

Oh, Rudy.

It's amazing.

Okay, there's a part of me that
thought maybe you lied again.

You just don't really seem
like much of an outdoors man.

What? [Chuckles]

Are you kidding? I
live for the outdoors.

Well, I shouldn't have doubted you.

Yeah, Bethany.

You should have doubted me.

Because I am a liar!

[Echoing "liar"]

And I'm also handsome.

[Echoing "liar"]

That's a very judgmental echo.

The truth is...

I didn't carve those initials. They did.

But I only lied to you because I like you
so much, and I was scared of losing you.

But I promise I will never
ever ever lie to you again.

Okay, Rudy. I forgive you.

You know...

I can't believe you actually thought I
was an outdoors man for like a minute.

Well, it's a good thing
that you told me the truth,

because I was gonna suggest that we fly
down the mountain in these wing suits.

I'm sorry, wing-whats?

Yeah. With these suits, you
can jump off the mountain,

and glide down at
over miles an hour.

It's a real rush.

Bethany, I like you very much, but
there is no way that I would ever...

Whoa!

[Screaming]

I'm coming, Rudy!

Wow. He's really flapping
those little wings.

♪ Kickin' it with you!

Oh, dude, you got
Kyrie Irving's sneakers.

You've got a Kyrie Irving face.

Dude! You're Kyrie Irving!

That what my rookie
of the year award says.

Nobody likes a braggart, Kyrie Irving.

So how was your appearance
over at Doctor Kicks?

Did you meet my "friend,"
the new assistant manager?

Too much aftershave and big ears?

- That's the guy.
- Yeah, I met Jack.

No, his name's Jerry.

That's weird.

I gave him a pair of shoes and
he had me autograph them for Jack.

Man. I didn't see that coming.

I should go talk to him.

Hey hey. Do you want to see
why I won rookie of the year?

Sure.

You see that cup?

Not today, Kyrie Irving.

This is Tammy's house, rookie!

Hey.

Free Chinese food delivery.

Oh, no, thank you. I
don't like Chinese food.

Well, what do you like?

I like hot dogs.

Free hot dog delivery.

Oh [Chuckles] sweet!

Come on in.

Hey.

Oh, really, Jerry? Really?

All right let's start
packing up those shoes.

- Get over here.
- Oh, man.

Yo, Jack! These guys are
taking the autographed shoes!

Kyrie, untie Jerry.

[Grunting]

Come on, you're free.

[Grunting]

Woo. Eight and a half extra wide.

I think I may have
something in your size.

[Grunting]

- Yeah.
- Dude.

[Chuckles] Yes.

- Yo, thanks for helping me close up, guys.
- No problem.

No problem, man.

Now, I don't know who this guy is, but
I'm pretty sure this is our old friend...

Max.

How did you know that?

Well, I was thinking
about it during the fight.

So fired you because
he saw you as a thr*at.

And he made me assistant manager so I
would take blame for the missing shoes.

He only promoted me
because he knew I was...

Awesome.

An awesome employee is what you are.

And smart enough to put
the whole thing together.

Max.

- Hey, who called the cops?
- I did.

There were two -year-old
kids fighting a bunch of thugs.

How do you guys do this?

What can I say? We make a great pair.

Yeah.

Even if one of us is a little defective.

If that's Max, then who
do you think this guy is?

Jerry: [Gasps]

Helen, no.

You were my guy. She was my guy.

You might want to find
yourself a new guy.

♪ Kickin' it with you!

- There you go. That's good.
- Oh, nice.

Hey, guys.

- Oh, hey, Ms. Applebaum.
- Hey.

Let me get Rudy.

Hey, Rudy? Ms. Applebaum's here.

Coming.

Ow. Ow.

Bethany: [Chuckles]

There's my outdoors man.

- Ow ow ow ow.
- [Chuckles]

Reservation's at : ,

but it's gonna take a minute to
bungee cord you to the top of my car.

Oh no! A mummy!

No!

- Rudy: [Grunts]
- [Yelps]

[Rudy moaning]

You might want to change
your reservation to : .