02x30 - Club Twin

[bunniefuu]

Hey, guys!

So how'd the summer
job hunt go?

I tell you.
It's tough to
secure employment

In an economic
climate where
interest rates

Are climbing
and large cap stocks

Are fluctuating
wildly.

Plus we got turned down
by taco schmaco.

Well, senor schmaco
doesall we want to does
ee is earn a few bucks

So we can get
into this new teen club,

But whenever we ask mom
for some money,

She just
gives us coupons.

And it's hard to bribe
your way past a bouncer

With cents off
toaster strudel.

The only way we're
going to get into a club

Is if we
open one ourselves.

That's not
a bad idea.

The lounge is empty
on Monday nights.

That's it!

We open our own club,

Fill it with kids,

Make a fortune,

Put that
into a record label,

Make a bigger fortune,

Then retire
to a south pacific island

And fan ourselves
with money.

Great!
And in the meantime,

You owe me a buck
for the candy bar.

Cody, give her a buck.

Do you take coupons?

♪ here I am in your life ♪

♪ here you are in mine ♪

♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪

♪ most of the time ♪

♪ you and me,
we got the world to see ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ just me and you
know what to do ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ it's you and me
and me and you ♪

♪ we got the whole place
to ourselves ♪

♪ you and me,
we got it all for free ♪

♪ so come on down ♪
this is the suite life
we've got the suite life

Maddie, if I have
some real exciting
news to tell you

About me, do I
have to ask
about you first?

Well, you do if you
want to be polite.

Go on.

Daddy is giving me
my own line
of cosmetics,

And he's letting
me name it

Just like my cat
cat.

Here's my list
of possible names:

Number one,
good smell;

Number two--

Eh, who am I
kidding?

Number one is gold!

Boy, you're simple.

How about calling
your cosmetics

Ooh! I like that!

I'm gonna tell
daddy.

Simply...

What was
the last part again?

Mr. Moseby, may I direct
your attention

To the following
presentation?

This is what your lounge
currently looks like
on Monday nights,

And this is what it
could look like if we
open club twin.

Why would I want
my lounge filled
with kids?

I don't even like
having two of them
in my office.

Listen, pal.

You know what this is?

It's opportunity knocking,

But you're too chicken
to come to the door.

Ohh!

Buck, buck, buck,
buck, buck, buck--

Zack, what did I
say about you
being quiet?

I don't know.
I wasn't listening.

Just let me do this.

This is business,
and I know business!

No. This is fun,
and I know fun!

Boys, I'd love
to watch you argue
in hushed tones,

But I do have
a hotel to run, hmm?

That is why
you'll love
this next graph.

Oh.

Figuring a peak allowance

Of $ per kid

And your current lack

Of revenue on Monday nights,

Our plan will bring
a % increase
to your bottom line.

That's an attractive
bottom.

And all it will cost
you is some startup fees.

I figure gs.

Mm. Here's one "g."
go!

How about bucks
for snacks and balloons?

Deal. Much more
sensible,

And that is why
cody will be in
charge of the money.

Then what am I
in charge of?

Blowing up
the balloons.

[dance music playing]

Great juice, cody.

A lot of people
don't like guava.

It's very high in fiber
and vitamin-c, you know.

Yes, I do know.

I wrote a paper
on it.

You know what I know?

This place is
a morgue.

Not for long!

Max and agnes are here!

So when do you guys open?

Two hours ago!

Oh. That's
not good.

Well, don't worry.

This place is about
to take off.

So am I!

No, no, no, no.

Not before you have
a dance!

Hoo ha, hoo ha!

Yeah!

Come on.
You love to dance.

I sure do.

You think she's
coming back?

I wouldn't.

Well, I better get
all these tips
to the bank.

You don't want to
walk around alone
with all that money.

I'll go with you
for protection.

Was it really
that bad?

The only reason
I'm still here

Is you have
the room key.

Well, don't worry.

I'm sure next week
will go better.

Oh, it will
for two reasons:

Number one, I'm gonna
be in charge.

What's
the second reason?

You won't be.

That cost cents!

[pop]

!

[pop]

! Quit it!

Here it is!
The first bottle
of my new perfume.

Want to try it?

Sure. Wait.

Has it been tested
on animals?

No, but it turns men
into animals.

Watch.

That doesn't prove
anything.

Men follow you
around anyway!

True, but do they
usually follow a chair?

Whoa! And that chair
doesn't even have
nice legs.

Give me that!

I hope you two
will be happy together.

[dance music playing]

Zack: Sorry.
You guys will
have to wait.

The club is
absolutely full.

Whoa. Look
at the size
of that line!

How did you get
all these girls
to show up?

Hey. We're looking
for club twin.

It's girls get in
free night, right?

Absolutely.
Right this way.

Hello, hello.
Whoa! Hello! Ha ha!

Zack, how are we
going to make money

If you let the girls
in for free?

It's simple
nightclub math--

One hot girl equals
desperate guys.

Hi!

We're looking
for club twin.

You're letting the babes
in for free, right?

That's right,
and now that
you're here,

The party can start.

extra bucks,
and I'll put you

Right in between
her and her.

bucks,
and I'll get you
away from him.

Ka-ching!

Thank you,
thank you, thank you.

[dance music playing]

One guava juice,
please.

Oh, sorry.
Zack turned off
the juice.

How about
a root beer?

Gee. I've never had
soda before.

I'm not allowed
to have sugar,
caffeine,

Or bubbles.

Hey. I drink it
all the time,
and I'm ok,

Better than ok--great!

So great I haven't
slept in days.

Try it, try it,
try it. Go.

Ok, ok, ok.

Go ahead.
It's not habit-forming.

Mm. It is good.

Hit me again.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Oh, hello, ladies.

Wow! Impressive.

Yeah. Well, we're
under new management.

Heh heh--me!

Ooh. I'm seeing
lots of vealcake.

Agnes likes.

All right, max.
Dance with as many
guys as possible

Because the more
they sweat,

The more drinks
they'll buy.

What's in it for me?

bucks and big old
kiss from zack.

I'll take the cash,
hold the lips.

Man, that's
tasty stuff!

What a sugar rush.
Whoo-hoo!

Yeah.

Ooh! Yeah!

All: ♪ go, barbara,
go barbara ♪

♪ go, barbara,
go barbara ♪

Zack, this is great.

The salty snacks are
making the kids drink more,

And the sugary drinks
are fueling their energy.

It goes against everything
I believe in,

And I couldn't be happier!

♪ oh, yeah, oh, yeah,
oh, baby! ♪

Correction.
Now I couldn't
be happier!

Well, me and my
friends agree.

[knock on door]

Shh! Shh!

You'll wake
the boys!

But it's
almost noon!

I wanted them to sleep.

They were working
late last night,

My little
club owners.

Yes. I understand
why you don't want
to wake them.

Perhaps you can
pay these bills.

Boys, get your
sleeping butts
out here!

You do realize
that I can't be held

Liable for these
bills in any court
of law, right?

Plus you were dopey
enough to give
them the gig.

Ok.

Boys, how do you plan
to pay for these bills?

Well, I was
thinking cash.

And I was thinking ok!

You sleep with
a huge wad of cash
in your pajamas?

Like a baby.

Well done, boys.

In fact, how would
you like to take
over the lounge

On Tuesday nights?

I sing
in the lounge
on Tuesday nights.

Yes, yes.

Of course you do. It's
wonder--wonder--wonderful.

We'll talk.

You will not!
I have a contract!

So for next week,
let's do a theme night.

Oh. You mean like
I'll go ironty
my orange vest.

No. I mean a theme
that doesn't stink.

Start taking notes.

We'll do
a sixties night--

Lava lamps,
psychedelic posters,

Live music,
and go-go girls.

Or, or, or...

What are you,
a seal?

Maybe we should
take our profits

And not push
our luck.

Cody, why are you
questioning me?

Who turned our club
into a success?

You.

And who was right
about spending money

To make money?

You.

And when we were ,
who convinced you

That if you ate
your toenails

A foot would grow
in your stomach?

And yet you still
doubt me.

Look, man.

I'm king midas.

Everything I touch
turns to gold.

You've really got
to work on that
low self-esteem thing.

Cody, if you
think small,

You're always
going to be small.

You got to think
big.

I'm going to turn
club twin

Into the biggest
thing boston
has ever seen

Because I am
the man.

What does that
make me?

You? You're
the brother
of the man.

Now, give the man
back his money.

Maddie: London,
that perfume you gave me

Is amazing.

Everywhere I went,
boys couldn't stay away,

And I gave some
to grandma.

Turns out, grandpa
can walk faster
than we thought.

I told you
it was great.

The smell of london
is the smell
of love.

You know, I do have
some other

Simply london
cosmetics.

Are you interested?

Gee. I don't want
to impose.

What you got?

Well, shampoo,
body powder,

Body wash,
body lotion,

Hand cream,
face cream,
foot cream,

Ear cream.
Ear cream?

You want
chapped ears?

No!

I'll take it all!

[rock music playing]

How tart is your
ginger ale?

Pretty darn tart.

My doctor says I'm
tart intolerant.

Why am I not
surprised?

Then maybe I should
go with grape.

Ok. Then grape
it is. Ha ha!

But I'm wearing
a white shirt.

Oh, please!

There's thirsty
people back here.

Boy, for a hippie,
you're not
very mellow.

Give me that!

I'm watching you.

Wow! This lounge
looks really...

Groovy?
Expensive.

Well, whatever
bread it's costing us

We'll make back triple.

Don't bring me
down, bro.

You're turning
my mood ring blue.

Ooh. Light
my fire, zack.

Oh. I get it.
You're speaking
in sixties vernacular.

Right on!

[cell phone rings]

Club twin, inc.
President zack
speaking.

No. No, no, no.

When I do hawaiian night,
I want real palm trees,

Real coconuts,

And a real pork volcano that
sh**t out barbeque sauce.

Then make one!

Wait. Next week
is hawaiian night.

Oh, yeah!
And then the week
after that

Is a night in paris.

Can we hold off
on next week

Until we get
through this week.

Your go-go dancers
haven't even
shown up yet.

Don't worry.
These babes are
gonna be hot.

Wow! Far out, man.

Those babes
wouldn't be hot

Even if they were
on fire.

Wow! This place is
out of sight!

Yeah. Now I can see.
It's very nice.

Woman: Hey, boys.
We're the caged women.

Arr! Arr!

Yeah. Well, who
let you out?

No, no, no.
We're the dancers.

Yeah, the go-go dancers.

Oh, ya.

No offense, lady,
but it looks like
your go-go went-went.

Mm. I love
these cages.

If it really
doesn't matter,

I'd like to dance
in the cage nearest
to the bathroom

In case I really
have to go-go.

Zack, you told me
you booked two dancers

Who looked like they
were from the sixties,

Not two dancers
in their s!

Well, they
looked great
in the pictures.

You didn't notice
the brontosaurus
in the background?

Well, I was a little
busy planning
future theme nights.

Oh, that's great
since you did
such a good job

Booking tonight's
dancers.

Wow. Nice pattern
on your stockings.

I'm not wearing
stockings.

So where's this
hot band?

[engine revs]

[horn honks]

Oh, don't be
the young rebels.

Don't be
the young rebels.

Don't be
the young rebels.

We're
the young rebels!

Whoo-hoo! Rebels!

Hey. Look at this, paul.

They dug up
the caged women.

Did doreen get
a hip replacement?

Looking good,
doreen.

Let's hit the stage.
Come on, guys.

Bob said I can't have
any more soda.

Well, you did go
a little overboard
last week.

Listen, mister.
I take ap math,

Ap geography,
ap science.

I even
take ap lunch!

Not to mention
cello, piano,

And my bat mitzvah
lessons.

So if once
a week I want
to cut loose

With a little soda,

Just give it to me
without all
the mishegas!

Ok. Um, bob,
one root beer,
hold the mishegas.

Man: All right, kids.
Here's our big hit
from ,

And I'm sure you'll
all remember it.

I hope
I remember it.

♪ give me, give me,
give me right now ♪

♪ love lightning ♪

♪ I've got to have
your love and how ♪

♪ love is like
♪ love tn a lightning bolt ♪

♪ love lightning ♪

♪ it gets me
like a-- ♪

[coughs]

♪ love lightning ♪

Hey, hey, hey!
Wait, guys!

Stay for the finale.

They smash their instruments.

It's so cool!

[microphone squeals]

Rock and roll!
Oh, oh, oh!

[electricity crackling]

We tried this
years ago,o

And it didn't
work then.

Agnes: Zack, your club
is smoking.

Thank you.
You see?

My club is smoking.

No, no. I mean,
your club is
really smoking.

Ohh!

Whoa! This like
chicago in ' .

The man
is hosing us down!

And a really
small man, too!

Nice job, midas.

Everything you touched
turned to old.

I want you to know,

People are gonna tell you
that you really messed up,

That tonight was
a disaster

And you made fools
of yourselves.

I just wanted to say

I'm one of those people.

Cody: Well, after
paying for the band,

The dancers,
advertising,

And barbara's
sugar intervention,

We're left with $ .

Well, hey.
That's not bad!

Oh, no. That should
cover about half
the damages.

The rest you can
work off scrubbing
pots and pans

For minimum wage.

Peace.

Well, hey.
We got summer jobs.

Heh heh...

All right. Say it.

Say what?

Say that I was
too busy being
a big sh*t

To listen
to anyone else.

Go ahead.
Tell me off.

Zack, I have to admit

Running a hot nightclub
was a great experience.

Thanks.

You know, I don't
think you're
really grasping

The whole
tell me off concept.

Sure. We had
some ups and downs,

But it was
a great ride,

Like a roller coaster,
just without the nausea.

Although I did feel
a little queasy
watching doreen dance.

Ehh.
Ehh.

So. You don't
blame me?

Oh, I blame you,
but I admire
your chutzpa.

Barbara taught me
that word.

So you don't think
I'm a total loser?

Total? No.

In fact, one day,
I think you'll
hit a winner

And stay with it
all the way to the top.

You know, I'm
glad that you
mentioned that

Because I heard
about this great new
franchise, right,

And I was thinking
that we might dip
into our savings.

You don't have
any savings!

Well, I was thinking
that we might dip
into your savings.

You are not
touching piggy.

It's a can't-miss
opportunity.

All right.
What is it?

Glow-in-the-dark pizza.

What makes it glow?

Don't ask.

Maddie, maddie!

Maddie?

Where are you?

I have more simply london
cosmetics products for you!

Really? And what makes
you think I want
to use them?

Did my products
do that to you?

No, no. I decided
to go to clown college.

Well, then you
look perfect.

Of course
your products did this!

Oh, my.

Oh. What's
that smell?

Most people are guessing
dead ferret.

Apparently, your perfume
changes the longer
you wear it.

That's not good.

You think?

Did you test
the stuff?

Yes. On you.

I should take
a picture of this

For the boys
in daddy's lab.

They'll probably
want to know
about it.

No, no. Please don't.

Ow! I can't see!

You're lucky.
You're not
looking so good.

Ohh!

Aah!

Security! Clown down
in the lobby.