02x31 - Risk It All

[bunniefuu]

[dramatic music playing]

Come on, come on, man.

Both: Oh, no, no! Yeah!

All right, man!

What are you guys
watching?

It's this game show
called risk it all.

It's where you
win stuff, then--

You risk it all?

You've seen it?

Just took a sh*t.

Host: Whoo! Ok,
kevin, johnny,

Do you wanna keep
the prizes you've
already won, or...

Audience, zack, and cody:
Risk it all!

We'll risk it all,
jerry.

Yeah, risk it all.

Ok.

Sodium chloride is what
common household item?

So easy. Salt.

Um, toothpaste?

Toothpaste?

Ooh! Sorry, no.
It's salt.

[audience groans]

Man, if we went
on that game show,

We could win the grand prize
in no time.

I mean, you got
every question right.

Yeah, I did.

And the physical
challenges,

Well, I could handle those
with my friends thunder and...

Well, I haven't
named this one yet.

Mom, they pick
contestants right out
of the studio audience.

Can we go? Huh?

Yeah, can we? Huh?

Oh, guys, I don't know.
It'd be a whole day,

And I'm pretty busy,
what with--

Well, the grand prize
is a trip to hawaii.

How about tomorrow?

All right!
All right!

Ai yi yi!
Ai yi yi!

Hey ey ey ey!

I'll go make dinner now.

♪ here I am in your life ♪

here you are in mine

yes, we have a suite life

♪ most of the time ♪

♪ you and me,
we got the world to see ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ just me and you
know what to do ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ it's you and me
and me and you ♪

♪ we got the whole place
to ourselves ♪

♪ you and me,
we got it all for free ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ this is the suite life ♪

♪ we've got a suite life ♪

Ahh! What...

And where might
you be going?

Home.

I'm going to
the revolving door.

It is so much fun.

You're not going
anywhere, young lady.

Look at your stock.

The oldest candy
should be in front.

These expiration dates
are completely willy-nilly.

And you think it's silly
to be willy-nilly.

[both laugh]

Maddie: That's so funny.

I didn't think it
was funny either, sir.

Well, you are
staying here, madeline,

And rearranging
these confections.

And, you,

[stammers]
you need to be doing

Whatever it is you're
not doing right now!

That is
a lot of things.

I don't know
where to start.

Man, he is such a pain.

He's a meanie-bo-beanie.

We really shouldn't
have to take this.

I agree.

After all,
there are some things

That are
beneath our dignity.

Moseby: Esteban,
scrape the gum off
mrs. Hamilton's shoe!

Coming, sir!

You guys look great.

Both, as elvis:
Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Ok, now remember,
the further you go,

The rder
the game gets,

So if one of us
wants to quit,

Then we quit, and we
don't risk it all. Deal?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Real,
"yeah, yeah, yeah,"

Or, "stop talking to me.
I'll do whatever I want.
Yeah, yeah, yeah"?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you guys are gonna
work together as a team,

You gotta listen
to each other.

Both: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Announcer: All right, kids,

Let's give a big
risk it all welcome

To your favorite host,
jerry barns.

[cheering]

Yeah. Whoo! Great job, kids.

Ha ha ha ha!

You all look
like freaks.

[all laughing]

He's gotta pick us. I know
he's going to pick us.

Who else would dress
as twin elvises?

Those two over there.

We need to get
his attention.

Well, I can
do birdcalls.

Hey, jerry,

Ever heard a grassland
yellow finch?

Buh-caw! Buh-caw!

Buh-bye! Buh-bye!

[laughter]

Yeah.

I meant something
not lame.

Hey, jerry, we're
willing to risk it all.

Yeah.

[laughter]

Wow! Well, hey,
like your pants,

Why don't you
come on down?

Ohh! Ohh!

Aah!

[laughter]

What ya doing?

I'm composing an irate letter
to mr. Moseby

In an effort to expunge
my inner angst

And achieve
emotional catharsis.

What ya doing?

Typing.

Oh. Heh.

Esteban!

I wrote a letter
to mr. Moseby

Telling him
what an inconsiderate
jerk he is,

And you know,
I feel a whole lot better,

I will miss you,
maddie.

Can I have
your locker?

No, I'm not gonna send
the e-mail.

I was just venting
my feelings.

Oh. Did you call him
a meanie-bo-beanie?

Meanie-bo-beanie-slowvenie.

Here. Take a look
before I delete it.

[chime]

Wait. Where's my e-mail?

Oh, the one to moseby?
I e-mailed it to him.

You what?!

Well, I had to check
my website,

And the letter
was in the way,

So I pressed
the little sendy button.

[gasps] mr. Moseby wasn't
supposed to see the letter!

Well, who writes
a letter that's not
supposed to be sended?

[scoffs] and you
call me dumb.

Maddie will get fired
and live out her life
poor and alone.

She's already poor.

Not alone. I mentioned
your name, too.

[gasps]

Ooh! You guys
are in trouble.

Hey, we have got to
delete that e-mail
before moseby reads it.

Ok.

Moseby: No, no--oh. Oh.
For the love of pete,

Would you--mother,
for the millionth time,

I will get married
when I'm good and ready.

No, I don't want
to meet the woman
who waxes your lip.

Mr. Moseby!

Can't you see I'm on
an important phone call?

Good-bye.

I wuv you, too, mommy.

Mr. Moseby,
there's an emergency.

What is it?

Flood!
Fire!
Rats!

Don't just sit there!

Uh, there's
a wet rat on fire

Running from
the basement
to the roof!

Run, man!
Run!

It's so big! Go!

Ok, london,
go keep lookout.

For what?
For mr. Moseby.

He just left.

And we wanna know
when he comes back.

Go!
Ok.

Ok.
Ok, ok.

All I need to do
is delete my e-mail.

Oh, and I need
a password.

Ohh. Oh, maybe it's
"esteban is the most handsome
employee in the hotel."

Why would it be that?

Because it is true.

Maybe he wrote it down
here somewhere.

Oh, check the drawer.

Ok.

Ohh! It's stuck.

Here. I'll get it.

Unh! Oh, jeez.

Oww!

Aah!

Ooh! You guys
are in trouble.

[risk it all music playing]

Yeah!

Hey, everybody,
and welcome back to...

Audience: Risk it all!

Wow! Wow! Great crowd.

I'd take you all out
for dinner after the show,

But you all look
like freaks! Ha ha ha ha!

[laughter]

Jerry: Yeah.

Ok, please help me welcome
zack and cody martin.

[cheering]

Whoo!

Let's get started.

The first category
is geography.

Tom, tell 'em what
they're playing for.

Tom: The sheer joy
of competition.

Kidding. It's a new
hi-definition dvd player.

Now, remember,
I'll handle all
the questions,

And you just get ready
for the physical stuff.

Our first challenge is
countries around the world.

What country has just
a red circle on its flag?

Japan.

Correct.

[laughs]

[cheering]

Ok, now it's time for
the physical challenge.

Step this way, zack.

Hel-lo.

You know, I'm about
to hit my growth spurt.

[sighs]

Whoo! Ok, zack.

You've got
seconds to pass
under that archway

And deliver
this plate of sushi

To our lovely
japanese maiden.

Zack: Easy.

But first you
have to get past our
hungry sumo wrestler.

[crowd gasps]

Aaaahh!

Ready?

Not really.

Too bad.
Ha ha ha ha!

Sayonara.

[audience yelling]

[audience groans]

Here you go,
big boy.

Want some sushi?

Go get it!

[cheering]

[bell dings]

Yeah!
Yeah!

Ok, terrific job, zack.

You're a freak.

[bell dings]
come on.

Man, freak.

All right,

Your next category
is sports.

Great. I know sports.

Yeah, but remember,
I'm the smart one.

And the annoying one.

[laughter]

Tom, tell us what
the next prize is.

Well, jerry,
it's a wide screen plasma tv.

Wow.
Ohh.

Ok, you guys wanna
call it quits and
keep what you have

Or go for the tv
and...

Audience:
Risk it all!

[cheering]

Both: We'll risk it all.

Jerry: Ok,
next question,

In baseball,
who holds the record

For the longest
consecutive game
hitting streak?

Joe dimaggio.

Correct.

[cheering]

That's what
I'm talking about.

What are you doing?

Well, I answered
the question.

See? You're not
the only smart one.

Yeah, but now I'm
the one who has to do
the physical challenge.

Oh.

Maybe you are
the only smart one.

All right, since your brother
answered the question,

You're up to bat.

Uhh. Really, my brother
is much better at sports.

I have astigmatism.

Then this'll be
almost impossible.

[laughter]

You can do it, honey!

[cheering]

He can't do it.

All right, it's opening day
at fenway park,

And you have seconds
to hit a home run
through this hole.

Here's your ball.

Oh, that looks easy.

And here's your bat.

Oh, that looks dif

Here comes the pitch.

[cheering]

Carey: Come on!
Hit that!

[audience groans]

Come on,
f-flip the bat around.

Flip it arou--
there you go.

[air escaping]

[bell dings]

Yeah!

Whoo! Ho ho!
All right!

You guys have won
a hi-def dvd player
and a plasma tv.

Your next category
is literature.

Ooh. My favorite.

Who cares? Ha ha!

[laughter]

What's the next prize we
have to offer, thomasito?

Tom: Well, jerrycito,
if the boys win
the next round,

They get all-terrain vehicles.

Are you
kidding me?!

Those better
come with helmets.

Tom: And helmets.

All right, then.

So, guys, are you

Gonna leave
with your loot or...

Audience: Risk it all!

[cheering]

We'll risk it all.

Yeah, risk it all, baby.

Ok. Tom sawyer was
written by mark twain.

Ooh, did you know
his real name is
samuel clemens?

What was his real name?

Oh. Would you
let me do my job?

[cheering]

Ok, one of the books
mark twain wrote

Was a connecticut yankee
in king arthur's court--

A time of brave knights,
stone castles,

And drafty bathrooms.

[laughter]

But instead of rescuing
a fair maiden,

You're jousting her.

Audience: Ooh!

Look, man,
I can't fight a girl.

Yaah!

Yeah!

But this girl's a freak.
Ha ha ha ha!

The object is--
is to get past her
and grab that flag.

Goeth.

Heh. Goeth.

[audience cheering]

Yeah!

Get up!

Come on, come on,
come on, come on!

Here we go.

Carey: Come on.

Whoo!

Hey, look,
orlando bloom.

Where?

"yeah!" yourself.

No, it's still wrong.
I'm telling you,

It was afro, fade,
jheri curl.

Where do
the dreadlocks go?

[jamaican accent]
right there, mon.

Why am I standing
out here again?

Because you're being
a lookout for mr. Moseby.

Well, why would I
look for him when
he's standing right here?

Hide!

Ohh!

Go.

No vacancy!

Moseby: Irene,
cancel that call
to the exterminator.

London? What are you
doing in my office?

Praying.

And here you are.

You answered
my prayers.

Eh, eh. You know what?
I did not appreciate

Being sent on
that wild-goose chase.

It was rats, not gooses.

[groans]

The very idea.

There are no rats
at the tipton.

[chitters]

[tapping fingers
as a scuttling rat]

Ohh!

Rats! Filthy vermin!

[screams]

Oh, look.
He logged in.

Ok,
retrieving e-mail.

And now...

Deleting e-mail.

Oh, I am delighting
in your deleting.

Oh, yay! We're safe.

Aah!

Ohh.

Ok, let's go
before he realizes
we are here.

Gh
[slams]

Ok, it was afro,
fade, jheri curl.

Right.

[pig squealing]

Nice job, zack.

You got that pig dressed
with one second to spare,

You freak. Ha ha.

Yeah, putting her
into the hat was
no problem.

It was the pantyhose,
really.

Yeah, I know.

[squeals]
oh, ok.

That pig's a freak. Ok.

All right, guys, this is
what you've won so far--

A dvd player,
a plasma tv,

Mountain bikes, a.T.V.S,

Season tickets
to the red sox,

And a pair
of matching jet skis.

Ha ha ha ha!
Tom, tell them what
the next prize is.

Tom: It's a trip for you
and your family to hawaii.

[gasping]

I've always wanted
to go to hawaii.

They'll be staying at
the malalaka aki hali hotel,

Overlooking mount
halawaki wana nama.

Well,
how about it, guys?

Are you feeling
wana naki lucky?

[laughter]

Unh!

Or do you wanna
keep your stuff
and go home?

Well, we've won
a lot of stuff,

And I'm too tired to do
another physical challenge.

Maybe we should stop.

What are you
talking about?

We're doing great.

Hey, you're not the one

Who had to wrestle
a squealing pig into a girdle.

Yeah, but what about
all this great stuff
we won?

Ohh, I love stuff.

So, guys, what are
you gonna do,

Go home or...

Risk it all!

[grunts]

I hate to say it,
jerry, but--

We're gonna
risk it all!

Slling.

See? I'm great
at spelling.

Well, you better be,
because your word is
"tyrannosaurus."

I got it.

T-y-r-a-n-n-o-s-a-u-r-u-s.

Tyrannosaurus.

That's right.

[cheering]

Ok, then, zack,
all you gotta do

To win the trip
to hawaii

Is spell
the word "dog."

D-o-g. Dog.

Aloha.

Uh, no-ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Man. Follow me,
though.

No, you've gotta spell
"dog" top-down using
these giant letters.

You have to stack them
on top of that doghouse

Without tripping
over these obstacles.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

It's so confusing.

Good luck.

[cheering]

[yipping]

Hurry! Hurry!

You got it!

You can sleep
in hawaii!

Ohh!

Ooh, sorry.
You spelled "og."

Ice try. Ha ha ha ha!

I mean, yeah!

You risked it all,
and you lost it all.

[laughter]

Don't be too sad.

We have a fabulous
consolation prize.

Tell them
what they get, tom.

Tom: It's a -night
hotel package

At the luxurious...

Yeah?
Yeah?

Boston tipton.

No.
No.

London: Don't look now,
but here comes moseby.

Maddie: London, we are
not on lookout anymore.

On lookout for what?

You'll notice
that the expiration dates
are in order,

Just as you asked.

Oh. So you didn't
feel my request
was unreasonable?

Absolutely not.

Or a waste of
your valuable time?

Absolutely not.

And, esteban,

You don't feel I've been
a bit hard on you lately?

Absolutely not.

You know, a bit of a...

Meanie-bo-beanie-slowvenie?

The slowvenie part
was hers, not mine.

Ah.

Wait. How did you know
about that e-mail?

Not before I read it
we deleted ion my cellphone.

And what do you mean
you deleted it?

Well, they snuck
into your office.

I was lookout.

Mr. Moseby, I never
meant to send
that e-mail.

I was just
venting my feelings,

And then I was
gonna delete it.

So you never meant
to send it?

Of course not.

That would be
disrespectful.

Well, that does make it
a little better.

I really
am sorry.

Me, too.

In the future,
if either one of you

Feel I have
done something
that is unfair,

Please just come
and talk to me.

And if you ever sneak
into my office again,

Your jobs will reach
their expiration date.

Understood.

It will never happen
again, mr. Moseby.

And by the way,

It's afro, jheri curl,
then fade.

I'm rich.

I can't believe
we lost all
that great stuff

Because you decided
to get greedy.

I know, I know.

Guys, I'm sorry.

[as elvis] I ain't
nothin' but a loser.

Honey, no, you're not.

It was just a game show.

And so you didn't win
the trip to hawaii,

Where I've always
dreamed of going,

Lying on the beach,
with sun on my face,

Listening to
the sound of the waves.

Oh, I wanted
that trip so bad!

[sobbing]

Don't cry, little lady.

You're gettin' tears
on my blue suede shoes.

Forget it. She's gonna
be crying all night.

We're never
gonna get any sleep.

Hey, didn't we win
a free room in this hotel?

[as jerry]
that's right, codycito,

You freak.

Race you down
to the front desk.

Sure.
Ohh!

[sobbing]

Ow!