02x35 - Back in the game

[bunniefuu]

Ow! Zack,

Cody, no basketball
in the lobby!

What makes you think
we're playing
basketb--

Oh.

Yo, toss the rock.

Oh! You gentlemen must be
the rockland rollers, huh?

Oh, wonderful.

Welcome to the tipton.

Now, over here, boys.

Heads up!

Oh!
[ding]

Yes?

False alarm, esteban.
Oh!

Yes!

Now, chill!

What are you boys thinking
tearing up this man's hotel?

Y'all trying to make
the coach look bad?

All: Sorry, coach.

Children who listen
to adults?

How refreshing.

And you letting them
tear it up.

Ok.

Yeah, how come they
can play basketball
in the lobby

And we can't?

You know, it's
just that, uh...

You know,
I didn't want to--
I mean, they're--

In wheelchairs?

Are they?
I hadn't noticed.

Shall I check you in?

Sure.
Ok.

Thanks, man.

Hey, listen,
for future reference,

Just because a person
is in a wheelchair

Doesn't mean you have to
give them special treatment.

Oh, of course.

Now, why don't you
just sign here
for the rooms?

Whoa! Partner,
man, this is steep!

Man, I can't believe
you won't give a brother
in a wheelchair a break.

Uh, but--

Perhaps a
special adjustment
can be made.

What did I just
tell you

About giving
people in wheelchairs
special treatment?

Ok, I'm so sorry!
How can I make it up
to you?

How about a discount?

You just said--
we had the whole
conversation about--

You know what?
Pay whatever
you like!

Ok! It's free!

Who threw that?

♪ here I am, a new life ♪

♪ here you are in mine ♪

♪ guess we have the suite life ♪

♪ most of the time ♪

♪ you and me got the world
to see ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ just me and you
know what to do ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ it's you and me,
and me and you ♪

♪ we got the whole place
to ourselves ♪

♪ you and me,
we got it all for free ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ this is the suite life ♪

♪ we've got a suite life ♪

Maddie, that make up
you're wearing

Makes you look
all sad.

I am sad.

Oh, no.

Now you're probably
gonna tell me why,

And I'm gonna have
to pretend to care.

London, you're
the last person

I would ever go to
for sympathy.

Ok.

I can't find
a leading lady
for my movie.

Here's me
pretending to care.

What movie, maddie?

My student film.

What's it about?

Well, it's about
society's indifference

Towards
the impoverished

And the triumph
of the spirit

Over oppressive
soci-economic
circumstance.

What's it about?

It's about a girl
and a boy.

Oh! Sounds good.
Can I be the girl?

Well, can you act?

I just pretended

To listen to
everything you said.

You did, didn't you?

Hmm.

Ok, all right,
you're in!

So, who am I kissing?

Sorry I'm late.

Some kid threw up
in the hot tub.

It's really hard
to pick up the chunks

When they're swirling
around like that.

You'll be kissing him.

Ok, I'll kiss him,
but I won't shake
his hand.

Uh, maddie?
Yeah?

On page two of your script,
it says I enter walking.

I was thinking instead,
maybe I should
enter swimming.

Your scene is outside.

We'd have to dig up the street
and put in a swimming pool.

I think it might
be worth it.

Dude, you got to get
over here right now.

Jessica simpson is
in the hotel.

Jessica simpson is here?

Oh, maybe I can get her to
perform for a pta fundraiser.

I don't think the bake sale
is going to go very well.

Don't be silly.
Jessica simpson isn't here.

Oh, I just saw her
walk by.

Hi, jessica!

Hey, y'all!

Want to come hang out
with me by the pool?

I need someone to help rub in
my suntan lotion.

Jamie's on his way.

I miss jamie.

Yeah, me, too.

We used to get in
so much...

Good clean fun
together.

Jamie hasn't
been the same
since his accident.

Yeah. All he ever does
is go straight to school

And then go straight home.

Like cody.

Excuse me.

You're forgetting
about stamp club?

I came up with
our motto:

You can't lick us.

Well, here's my motto:
My brother's a geek.

Anyway...

Remember those kids
playing basketball in the lobby?

Mm-hmm.

Well, I was hoping
if jamie meets them,

He might be interested
in basketball again.

He was the best player
on our team.

Ahem.

He was the best player
on our team.

And now he won't even
pick up a ball.

I think it's great
that you guys want
to help your friend,

But what happens
when jamie gets here

And there's no
jessica simpson?

Oh, no. I am not
putting on a bikini.

Esteban, thanks again
for being my cameraman.

I prefer
cinemaphotographer.

Ok, how do you work
this thing?

You push the
little red button.

Oh. Start, ah. Stop.

Start. Stop.

Stop!
Ok!

Not until
I say "action. "

Ok, london, your character
is selling her wares.

What wares?

Those wares.

Where?
There!

Your wares are there!

Pears.

The pears are my wares?

Ok, lance, remember,
you're rich.

Rich who?

No. I mean
you have money.

So I'm rich...
And my name is rich?

Cool.

No, no. Your name
isn't rich.

What's my name, then?

It doesn't matter.

Then why can't
it be rich?

Ok, it's rich!

Look, I am trying to win
a film festival here, people!

Ok, lance,

You're about
to enter the hotel

When you see this poor girl
in tattered clothing.

Oh, thanks for lending me
your clothes, maddie.

Right.

Let's try this, people.

And...Action!

Pushing the
record button...Now.

Oh, poor sales girl,

Can you tell me
where I might find
the room

Of princess
anastasia?

Uh, line, please?

No.

Fine. Then I'll just
go look it up in my script.

No, no, no.
Your line is, "no."

What is
going on here?

And why are you wearing
maddie's clothes?

I'm sh**ting
my student film.
Or trying to.

But you can't sh**t
in front of my hotel.

I can't?

Absolutely not.

It would disrupt
my guests.

Wait...

Say that again.

Say what?

What you just said.

I mean, the power
of your voice,

It's--it's riveting.

Riveting?

Yeah.

You mean when I said,

Absolutely not!

You'll disrupt
my guests!

Oh, wow!
I mean...

You would be perfect
for the part of--of
the hotel manager!

Oh!

I don't suppose you've
done any acting before.

Well, actually,
in second grade
I played a pirate.

My teacher gave me
two hooks up! Argh!

Argh!

You're hired!

Oh, great, I'll
go get my peg leg!

Ok.

[knock on door]

I'll get it.

There's no one there.

Man: Hello!
I'm down here!

Argh...

Hey, daryl.
Thanks for coming
to meet our friend.

Hey, no problem.

Daryl! Hi, I'm carrie.

I have been wanting
to meet you

Since I saw you
at my show last night.

Oh, really? Mmm...

[sprays]

Oh, no, I'm not
interested in you for that.

I mean,
not that I couldn't be.

I mean, you're a very
attractive man.

What I'm trying to say--

I dated a guy
in a wheelchair once.

Maybe you know him!

Aw...
Aw...

Carrie, listen,
I was just playing around.

I have a girlfriend.

Oh, is she
in a wheelchair, too?

No, she can walk.
Maybe you know her?

Ok, ok, what
I wanted to ask was,

I know that you're
in town for a tournament,

But is there any way
you could squeeze in

A charity game of wheelchair
basketball with my boys' team?

It'd be a great way
to raise money for their school.

To play a team
that's able-bodied.
You don't expect u

It just wouldn't be fair.

Well, don't worry.

We could spot you
a few points.

No. I mean it wouldn't
be fair to you.

Sounds like
a challenge.
We accept.

Who can work'll have
a wheelchair. Our team

That is, if we
convince jamie to play.

Great! All I have to do
is book the gym,

Ets, s

We'll need food.

Oh, you can't go wrong
with cookies.

No!
No!

I'll buy some.

[pounding on door]

I'll buy somi'll get it.

All right, I'm here
to see jessica.

Hey, you must
be jamie.

All right, no offense,

But you're not nearly
as pretty in person.

Ok, we kinda lied
about jessica simpson

So you'd come meet
our friend daryl.

Hey, I hear
you play hoops.

I did.
Not anymore.

Zack: Well, now
you can again.

We're setting up
a wheelchair game.

Oh, so this was
just a way to get me
back on the team?

Yeah.
It was all my idea.

Yeah? Yeah, well,
it's stupid!

You hear that, cody?

Your idea's stupid.

All right,
I'm out of here.

Wait, wait,
wait, wait.

Jamie, can't you
at least think about it?

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Look, daryl, why aren't you
going after him?

'cause my arms are tired.

Hey, look, man,
everybody comes to terms
with their injury

At their own pace.

You go through depression,
anger, denial.

How did you end up
in your wheelchair?

I'm in a wheelcha--

Holy cow, why didn't
no one tell me?

What are you doing?

Beats me.

You know we got a game
coming up?

Relax, trent,
it's only an exhibition.

My dad said if you're
not giving a maximum
effort all the time,

You're a waste
of human life.

Well, he must be
a lot of fun at parties.

Ha ha!

Daryl:
Hey, what's happening?

Figured I'd come
give you guys
a few pointers.

Hey, where's your coach?

Right here! Woo!

Ah, don't worry.
Electric wheelchairs

Are not allowed
in the game anyway.

What?
They're not
allowed here,

They're not allowed
in the carpool lane.

Where are they
allowed?

Daryl, this is
out coach--arwin.

Oh, hey,
how you doing, coach?

Daryl.

Cool. Good, good.
So, where'd you coach before?

Oh, wow, uh...
Nowhere.

So, where'd you play?

Oh, played.
Nowhere.

So why'd you get
into coaching?

Oh, this snazzy jacket,
of course. Ha ha!

Talk about playing
with the handicapped.

Good luck.

Hey, let's do
some layups.

Great. I'm real excited
to be on the court.

Yeah, you should
be good at this.

You're used to sitting
during our games.

Hey, zack, come on,
get the ball, man.

Whoa.
In the chair, partner.

Come on, guys,
let's focus.

I believe
in hard work.

Well, I believe
in frequent short naps.

Oh, hey, jamie.

You decide to
check out the team?

No. The wheelchair exit's
out that door.

Oh, you mean
the skateboard ramp?

Hey, why don't you
stick around
for a while.

I have better things
to do than watch you guys
make fools of yourselves.

We are not making fools
of ourselves.

[arwin screaming]

Incoming!

[crash]

I'm out of here.

Ow! Stop that!

You know,
the jamie I knew
wasn't a quitter!

If that's what you want to be,
then fine.

Just keep on walking!

That was
a poor choice of words.

Ok, now, this is
the dream sequence

Where the poor beggar girl
envisions herself dancing

With the young,
handsome tycoon.

Oh, you mean mer-man.

What?

See, I was thinking
that the tycoon comes
from atlantis,

But he's in boston
on business,

So he has to hide
his gills.

Oh...

You have got to stop
drinking the pool water.

Ok, london, I've written
all your lines in the props,

So if you forget them,
just subtly look down.

Ok.

I'm ready for
my close up.

Excellent!

Mmmaa. Mmmaa.

Maddie: London,

Remember, you're pathetic,
alone, and no one loves you.

And you're a poor,
squatty-legged freak.

I was talking about
your character.

Oh. Well, then so was I.

Camera!

Oh!

Pushing the
record button now!

And...Action!

I'm sorry,
but I run a hotel,

Not a charity.

Now, out on the
street with you!

But--but...

Og ot esle erehwon.

Cut!

Pushing the pause
button now.

Was she speaking elfish?

'cause if she is,
I want to speak dolphin.

Eeeee....

Ah!

Oh, put a fish in it!

Here.
Try it this way.

Oh.

Places.

Camera!

And...Action!

Unpushing the
pause button now!

I'm sorry, but I run
a hotel, not a charity!

Now, out on the street
with you!

But I have
nowhere else to go.

Yes, you do.

You can come with me.

Oh!

Would you like to dance?

But I don't hear
any mucus.

Cut!

Pushing the--
ok, we get it!

Ok.

Any mucus?

That's what it says
on the layout.

No, I think
it says muckus.

Oh.

It's music!

I don't hear
any music!

Layi.

Argh!

Just...
Do the lines.

Ok. Ha.

Places,
everyone.

Camera!

Ah!

And...Action!

And cut!

Yes, but--

I don't mean
to be a backseat
director,

But I just feel
so trapped behind
this desk.

I mean,
don't you think I'd
move on my line?

Yes. What was
I thinking.

By all means, move.

Action.

Ok.

I'm sorry,
but I run a hotel,
not a charity!

Now, out on the street
with you!

Cut! Cut!
What?

Your leg!

What about it?

Well, much like
your performance,

Den!

Oh!
[tap tap]

I thought you were joking
about the peg leg.

No, no, no!

I'm known for
playing pirates.

My fans demand it.

Hey, if you can be a pirate,
I get to be a mer-man!

Oh!
Aah!

This is--is--
I can't say what it is!

I'd have to go
to confession!

Oh!
Just get--

What I can say is,
you people all stink!

Yeah. Except for you.

You mer-stink!

Cool.

Ah...

Zack:
Cody, I'm open!

Oh!

[whistle blows]

Can't you throw?

Can't you catch?

I'd catch it
if you could throw it.

Well, I'd throw it
if you could catch it.

Hey!

Do you guys know what
I hate more than losing?

What?

You two!

Defense! Defense!

[cheering]

Come on, let's see
some "d!"

You're on offense!

Let's see some "o!"

[whistle blows]

Hey, jamie,
I didn't expect
to see you here.

I happened to be
rolling by.

Thought I'd
check out the team.

Well, how do I put
this to you delicately?

Your team stinks like
a gym sock in August.

I'm not on that team.

It wouldn't matter
if you were.

You wouldn't stand
a chance against
my guys anyway.

Don't worry, guys,
you'll catch up!

You really think so?

No.

[cheering, whistle blows]

Ok, let's huddle up, guys.

Ok, we need
a new strategy, so...

Who has a new strategy?

Well, I got one.

Let's quit.

Gee, who's
the quitter now?

Yeah, that
would be us.

What are you doing
on the court?

Well, I decided
I better play.

Not that I want to,

But I can't let
you guys

A laughing stock.

Too late.

Oh, it's never
too late!

Dude, you're
spitting on me.

Welcome back
to the team.

But who's jamie
going in for?

Well, I'll give you
a hint.

His number rhymes
with nerdy.

Yay!

[buzzer sounds]

I don't know
why everybody's
so happy.

We still lost.

Yeah, but only
by single digits.

Single digits, baby.

Wow, jamie, you got game.

And as for the rest
of you guys,

I hope you're better
on your feet.

Actually, we're worse.

So, jamie, I'm starting
a team in boston.

Are you interested?

Sure. Well, I mean...

All I want is a car,
a house for my parents,

And $ , .

How about instead

I teach you
how to use sympathy
to pick up girls?

See that one over there?

Been hitting on me
all week.

You're on.

Guys, we raised a ton of money.
Great job!

You know, I, uh,
did coach a little bit.

Sorry.

Woo!

[crash]

Arwin: Ow!

Moseby:
No, no!

I'm known for
playing pirates!

My fans demand it.

Lance: Hey, if he
gets to be a pirate,

I get to be a mer-man!

Now out on the
street with you!

Uh, uh...
Og ot esle erehwon.

Maddie:
So as you can see,

It's not easy
making a student film.

Hello? Hello?

Hey, is this thing on?

Hee hee!

So what do
you guys think?

Well, it's not
a very good love story.

That's because
I edited it
into a comedy,

Which wasn't too hard
with your performances.

Thanks.

I do have a gift
for comedy.

Thanks to you guys,
my film won the golden giggle.

You know what?
We should do a sequel.

What?

Maybe a mucusal.

Oh, we could sh**t
in the pool.

I could do a whale song.

Oo-ooh-ooh...

What do you say,
maddie?

Maddie?