02x37 - The Suite Life Goes To Hollywood-Part 2

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Suite Life of Zack & Cody". Aired: March 18, 2005 - September 1, 2008.*
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Comedy centered around twin brothers Zack & Cody living at the Tipton Hotel with their single mother who is a lounge singer.
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02x37 - The Suite Life Goes To Hollywood-Part 2

Post by bunniefuu »

[knocking on door]

I'll get it.

Thank you.

You had your
socks dry cleaned?

And pressed.

Ah, still warm.

Guys, I'm not liking
what I'm seeing here.

Me neither.

This crease
is crooked!

No!

I am not convinced

That being in this tv show
and moving to hollywood

Is the best thing for you.

Where's the bad?

We're gonna be
my favorite things--

Rich and famous.

Yeah, but if you wind up
on a television show
in hollywood,

You won't see any
of your friends back home.

Ah, we'll make plenty
of new friends here.

Hey, we've
already started.

The prop man gave us
his picture and resume.

[knocking on door]

Oh, that
must be the limo.

I love being a star.

Ha! They call this
a deluxe hotel!

I asked for
a : a.M.
Wake-up call--

You know what time
they called me?

: !

Oh--
shoddy!

Shoddy, I tell ya!

Oh, now maybe
on the west coast

: means : ,

But on
the east coast,

: means :
on the nose!

Mr. Moseby,

I'm kind of in the middle
of an important talk

With my boys.

[gasps]
I'm sorry.

Boys, whatever
this woman
is saying,

I want you
to listen up!

She knows what
she's talking about.

She wants us
to dump the tv show
and move back to boston.

Oh, have you lost
your mind, woman?!

No, I haven't, man!
Aah!

Sorry.

Look, this would be

A wonderful
opportunity
for me...

Them.

He's right, mom.

I can put all my money
right into my college fund.

And I can spend
my money on girls.

Which includes
my best girl.

Who wants
a tennis bracelet?

So you guys really
want to do this?

Even if
it means moving

And starting all over
in a new place?

You bet. Please?
Please?

Pretty please?

Ok.

All right!
Yeah!

[crying]

Mr. Moseby,
you're crying.

[squeaks]

You are going
to miss us, aren't you?

Yeah.

♪ here I am in your life ♪

♪ here you are in mine ♪

♪ yes, we have
a suite life ♪

Osof the time ♪

♪ you and me,
we got the world to see ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ just me and you
know what to do ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ it's you and me ♪

♪ and me and you ♪

♪ we got the whole place ♪

♪ to ourselves ♪

♪ you and me,
we got it all for free ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ this is the suite life ♪

♪ we've got a suite life ♪

Ok. Ok, guys.

Let's rehearse
this scene,
all right?

Now, remember,

You're hotel kids,

And you really
wanna keep the pet
that's in that box.

But...The box
is empty.

You're actors.

Act like it's full.

[grunting]

It's a hamster,
not a hippo!

Give me that!

And...Action!

Look, mr. Moseby,
we have a new pet!

He has one eye
and legs.

We call him "lucky."

I'm sorry.
But you two

Are the only
animals I allow
in the hotel.

Mom!

Mr. M., you should,
like, chill.

Good grief.

One day I'm gonna
get you to totally

Release your chakras.

Good luck
with that.

Um, c-can we stop
for a second?

Our mom doesn't
talk like that.

Thank you.

I love the way
you talk.

Hmm, seems like zack
is really bonding

With his new mommy.

Excuse me?

Can we pick it up...

From there?

And action!

Mr. M., you're, like,
totally uncool!

Thanks for being
on our side, mommy.

I love you.

And cut!

Wa-wa--
wait a minute!

Wa--nobody
says cut but me!

Sorry, just looks

Like the time
for a cut.

Hey...

All right,
you're new here,

So you probably
don't know this.

We all have
a job to do.

My job is
to say cut.

Your job is not
to do my job.

So can you
do that?

Can you
not do my job?

No. I mean, yes.

I mean, I--whatever
the correct answer is.

I'm so sorry.
Uh-huh.

She says cut.

Take , everybody.

Dinner was
so much fun last night.

You wanna
hang out again?

After rehearsal?

No.

I thought
we were friends.

I was just acting.

I'm good, aren't I?

Yeah.

Oh, I was
just...Kidding.

I really do like you.

Really?

No! I was
acting again.

Excuse me?
Actress boy?

I have a few
pointers for you.

No. No more pointers.

I've had it
up to my pupik
with your pointers.

"clap like this!
Wave like this!

Jump like this!"
so now,

You can just
talk to this.

Actually, I do it
more like this.

See, you have
to...Turn.

'scuse me?
'scuse me, sir.

Uh, look, look.

See? You're hitting "luck."

You have to hit "that."

I'm about
to hit you.

Yo, man,

You best be
stepping off,
all right,

Because you got
no business

Telling an actor
how to act,

Because you
ain't no actor.

Oh, yeah?

Well--yo, yo, yo,
yo, yo, yo, yo!

You best be
getting out my face,

'cause you ain't got
no business telling me

How to be me. What?!

But I made us
friendship bracelets!

See?

That is not
how I scurry
away from people.

I make little
hoppy steps.

Look at 'em--
hoppy, steppy thingy.

See?

Listen, folks,
you've been
a really big help.

Both: Oh, thanks.

So we want you
to watch the rest
of the rehearsal

From a...Special place.

Oh!
[giggling]

[gasps]

Hi!

[giggles]

He's big.

Aah!

Aah!

Can't believe
we got kicked out.

Of my own hotel!

I'm calling daddy.

Not your hotel.

Hello?
It's a set!

Make believe.

Make believe what?

That you
have a brain.

Now, now,
let's not squabble.

Let's go
sightseeing! Ha ha!

We're near the museum
of hotel history.

[both groan]

They have
a doorknob sign

From biblical times.

"thou shall
not disturb."

Mr. Moseby?
Mm-hmm?

As exciting
as that sounds,

We're on
a movie lot!

Let's go
celebrity hunting!

Oh! Found one! Me!

Oh, my. Oh, my--

Oh, it's ok, maddie.

Look, I'm just
a regular person.

I put my diamond
earrings on
one lobe at a time.

Not you!

Johnny vaine!

[squeals]

Then we can go
to the la brea tar pits

And picnic under the shadow
of the wooly mammoth.

Ooh! Let's go!

Terrific!

Whoa. Where do
you ladies think
you're going?

Wherever johnny goes.

I'm sorry,
but only cast and crew
are allowed inside.

No, wait!

We have a really
important reason

For getting in there.

What's that?

We really want to.

Oh, well,
in that case...

No!

Look, we have got
to get in there.

We can sneak in
if we're in costume.

[gasps]
great idea!

I'll be a princess,

And you'll be
my ugly step-sister.

Or...

Well...

Howdy there, partner.

Let's move along,
little doggies.

Go!

Please excuse
my ugly step-sister.

Sorry, only cast
and crew allowed.

No, but
we are cast.

Someone took
our costumes.

We're
the saloon girls.

And I'm
the sheriff.

Watch me run you
out of town!

[both scream]

Wow!

This is
incredible!

I know!

Somehow, we traveled
back through time
to the old west!

[gasps and squeaks]

Ooh, there he is!

[gasps]
there's johnny vaine!

[squeaks]
he's so...

He's so...
I know.

Hey!

Those girls are
wearing the same
outfits as we are.

How embarrassing!

Yeah. Why do they have
sets of people

Wearing the same costume?

[new york accent]
ah, you two must be
our stunt doubles.

Both: Huh?

Now which one
of you two
specializes in

Falling off
of tall buildings?

Great, then you can
both do the fall.

What?

Sheriff jenkins
is mine.

[scoffs]

He's mine and has been
ever since he changed

My wagon wheel
at fort hickhowie.

You keep
your filthy hands
off of him.

[gasps]
[both grunting]

And...Cut!

Oh!
That was really
good acting.

Thank you.

You're such
a sweetie!

All right, bring in
the stunt doubles!

[giggling]

Ok, girls--

You just found out

You're both dating
sheriff jenkins.

Now when
I say action,

I want you two
to come flying out

Onto the balcony,
scratching
and clawring.

Then you cr*ck
through the railing,

And--phbtth!--
You fall
to the ground.

I have
a question about
the "phbtth" part.

Won't that hurt?

Not if you
fall on this pad.

But it's
way down there.

And it's filthy.

Oh, that?
No, that's just
a little dried blood.

Don't let that
scare you. I think
the person lived.

Ok, everybody--

Places!

You know, maddie,

I've met
celebrities before.

I think I'll pass.
Have a nice fall!

I'm with you,
sister.

Nothing on earth
can make me
take that fall.

Hey, eddie,

Don't you think
it'd be better if I...

Kiss both of the ladies
after the fight?

That's good.
That's--

Last one
over the rail's
a rotten egg!

[both scream]

[both groan]

Girls, that was great!

That was beautiful!

Next time,
wait until I say action.

Ok? All right!

Let's do it again!

[both groan]

Ladies and gentleman,

Welcome to
the very first taping

Of a brand-new series,

How suite it is.

That's s-u-I-t-e.

Get it? Uh...

All right, see if
you get this one.

If you don't laugh
you don't get any pizza!

[all laughing and clapping]

Great.

Hey, guys.

Break a leg!

That means
"good luck"
in show biz speak.

Whoa, whoa, mom,

You can't kiss us!

We're wearing make-up.

Not exactly the phrase
a mother wants to hear

From her teenage boys.

Hey,

There's my two
favorite kids.

Lou, kiss
their heads.

Oh, ho!

Mwah!

Mwah!

Hey, guys,
you nervous?

Nope!
Piece of cake.

Good. Don't even
think about

That million
people are gonna

Watch us
at home.

Just do it
for the

That are
out here now.

-- -- ?

That's , eyes.

Yes.
Congratulations--

You're good at math.

Now, be good
at acting.

Places, everybody,
places, places!

And...Pull
the floaters.

[screeching violins playing]

So you guys
ready?

[quivering]
uhh...

I'll take that
as a "yes."

All right.
Here we go.

Background.

And...

And...Action!

Look, mr. Moseby,
we have a new pet.

[quivering]
h-h-he has one...

One eye and...

Uh...

Oh, cut!

What are you doing?

I forgot my line!

Well, how could
you do that?

It's so simple.

I had
a mental lapse,

Like...Every time
you take a math test.

If you're done...

Ok, good. Ready?

And...And action!

Look, mr. Moseby,
we have a new pet.

He has one eye

And legs.

We call him "lucky."

Hey, that's my line!

Oh, now you remember!

Oh, and--and...

Well, no--cut! Cut!

Cut, cut, cut.

He stole my line.

Well, maybe he
wouldn't steal it

If you remembered
to say it.

Well, I was
going to say it.

I was just...Taking
a dramatic pause.

Oh...Oh, yeah,
that's good.

That's really good.
A dramatic pause.

Only this
isn't a drama,

It's a comedy.
[laughs]

All right,
let's try this again.

And...Action!

Look, mr. Moseby,
we have a new pet.

He has one eye
and legs.


[speaking rapidly]
we call him "lucky!"

[laughter]

See? I didn't
screw up that time.

Oh, cut!

You see,
you want me
to do both

'cause I--I could
do both parts easy.

I mean, it's not
even that hard.

Girls, now,
in this part,

You come
flying through
the saloon doors

Holding onto
each other's hair

And you land
in the horse trough.

And the inside
of the trough
is made of some

Special, soft,
cushiony...

Wood.

I think it's pine.

What they make
coffins out of.

Why are we
doing this again?

And then johnny vaine
moseys over, picks you up,

And kisses you both.

Oh, yeah.

That's why.

[squeals]

[screams]

Let's fight, sister.

All right,
girls--places!

And...Action!

Good, good, good.

You're pushing,
you're shoving,
you're fighting,

You're clawring.

Excuse me--
what's "clawring?"

You know,
when you claw.

[hisses]

Claw. All right,
keep it rolling.

Come on, come on!
Claw, claw, claw.

Take the fight over
to the hitching post.

Now, you got--
all right, I want
you to fight

Over the hitching post
and then--

Yes, phbtth is good.
Phbtth--all right.

All right,
now, girls, get up

And--and--and
chase her.

Blondie--
chase her around!
Chase her!

Run over
to the water trough!

Chase her!
Come on, come on!

Run around!
Jump! Chase her!

All right, chase her.

All right--now
jump into the water!

Both: The what?

Yeah--phbtth--
in the water.

[both scream]

That was pretty good.

Oh, oh!

All right, now--
I want youse two

To get out
of the water,

And then flop
into the mud.

[sputtering and groaning]

Out, out, out, out,
flop, flop, flop!

Good flop!

Ok, good flop.

Now roll over
on your back.

[groaning]

Oh, good, good,
good, good.

Now, in comes
johnny vaine.

Oh, come on now,
little girls.

Why, there's enough
of me for both of you.

Come on.

That's it--closer. Closer.

Closer, closer, closer--

And cut!

All right, bring in
the real actresses.

Both: What?

Out with
the stunt doubles.

All right,
stand up, girls.

That was great.
You don't have
to run around

Like those
other palookas here.
That was good.

I told you.

Those are
the imposters.

Maddie: Let's go!

London, let's go!

I'm right behind you!
Ok.

Now I'm right
in front of you.

Give me the reins!

No, let me
have 'em!

[horse whinnies]

[both scream]

Wow...

I so wish
I got that on film.

[horse whinnies]
[girls scream]

Oh, well!
Take , everybody.

All right, all right,
let's do this once more.

For the lucky th time.

Guys, it's ok.
It's ok.

This kind of things
happens all the time.

Right?

No!

Es. Places.

Ok, now, we'll start
from...

Your line.

I don't hate you
yet.

All right, stand by.

And...

And...

And action!

Mr. M., you should
just, like, chill.

One day I'm gonna totally
get you to release
your chakras.

Ha. Good luck
with that.

Mr. Moseby,
no need to worry.

I'll clean up
after lucky.

And I'll clean up
after zack.

Quit pushing me,
you little brat!

I didn't push you!
Cody pushed me.

Like this.

Oh, well, I pushed
you because you were
in my way.

Like you always are.

I'd yell "cut,"
but what's
the point?

Oh, my lack of talent?

This pillow
is funnier than you.

[laughter]

See?

You know
what's hilarious?

That.

[laughter]

Oh, well, this ought
to make you chuckle.

Sorry I'm late.
What did I miss?

Uhh!

Shouldn't somebody
yell "cut"?

Be my guest.

I'll get them
to cut.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey, stop it!

Cody: You're such a jerk!

Yeah, well,
you should know.

When the jerks
of the world get
together,

You're their king.

That's enough.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Where you going?

I'm giving my boys
a time out.

There's no time outs
in show business.

Oh, there is
if you want a show.

I vote we give her
a time out.

[coughs]

Ok, uh, looks
like we're on
a little break here

While we take care
of some technical
stuff.

♪ if you're happy
and you know it,
clap your hands ♪

All righty, then.

Uh...

Do we have any talented
people in the audience?

Oh, ok.

You two girls,
come on down.

And you even brought
your guitar.

Oh, so you're twins.

So hello.

Both: Hey.

So you guys
are from England?

Both: Australia.

Do you hate it
when people think
you're english?

Both: Yes.

Do you always answer
everything together?

Both: No.

That's confusing.

But sing anyway.

♪ all my life you've had
an opinion ♪

♪ doing things
for the wrong reasons ♪

♪ well, not today ♪

♪ don't you know
I think for myself ♪

♪ I get on fine
without anybody's help ♪

♪ hey, why don't you
say it? ♪

♪ I'm breaking your heart ♪

♪ I'm breaking apart ♪

♪ all you do is ♪
♪ hold me... ♪

All right, look.

I wasn't wild
about you two
becoming actors,

But you insisted,

So now I insist
you behave like
professionals.

Well, I can act
like a professional,

But I don't think cody can.

Can so!
Cannot!

Hey!

Stop the sniping or
I stop your careers.

Well, I could stop
the sniping.

Can you stop?

I'm sniped out.

That's my boys.

Now, I know
you can do it,

So get out there
and have fun, ok?

And...Clean
the feathers, 'cause
you're molting.

♪ do ♪

♪ if I left today... ♪

Bud, lou,
we're sorry for
our behavior.

Yeah, we're ready
to get back out there

And do a great job
for you.

Kid, I can't tell you
how much we appreciate
that.

There's just one
little thing now.

How do I put
this gently?

You're fired.
Yeah.

What?

You can't do that!

We're you going to find twins
to be in your show?

♪ to say ♪

♪ if I said to you
just go ahead and cry ♪

[applause]

The networks loves
these girls.

They're cute, they're twins,

And they can sing,
and they're from England.

Both: Australia.

Yeah, whatever.

Lou, kiss their heads.

Oh. Mwah!
Oh. Mwah!

Cody: I can't believe
they fired us.

I can't believe
we had a chance
to be stars

And we blew it.

Look, so this one thing
didn't work out.

There's still a world
of possibilities out there.

Well, there is
for me.

I thought you were
out of snipes.

The important thing isleft
we'll always have each other.

And we have a wonderful home
back in boston.

No! No!

Oh, cruel fate!

Aah!

There. There.

Don't worry,
mr. Moseby.

We promise
to behave.

Thank you.

You don't mean that,
do you?

Nah. I just don't wanna
hear moseby crying

All the way
back to boston.
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