01x04 - Devereux Wigs

[bunniefuu]

[delicate music]

♪ Ooh, Devereux ♪

Devereux Wigs.

♪ Ooh, Devereux ♪

Devereux Wigs.

♪ Ooh, Devereux ♪

Devereux Wigs.

We guarantee our wigs

aren't made from hair off dead bodies.

♪ Ooh, Devereux ♪

♪ From Rhonda Devereux ♪

I don't like it.

I don't like it at all.

- You don't?
- Why not?

Well, let's just cut to the chase.

Why bring up the thing
about dead body hair?

Our wigs aren't made
with dead body hair.

- Yeah, that's the whole point.
- So why bring it up?

Advertising .

Answer the question before they ask it.

Who's asking that question?

Rhonda, the main reason people

don't buy wigs is because

they're afraid they're
made from dead people hair.

But our wigs aren't made
from dead people hair.

Yeah, I feel like we're
saying the same thing here.

Okay, you don't like the
mention of dead people hair.

Fine. We'll look at that.

Is there anything else?

Yeah, that song. Is
that you two singing?

[both laugh]

Guilty as charged.

- Yeah, it is. It is.
- Oh, okay, okay.

When are you gonna bring
in the real singers?

I'm sorry, did you say real singers?

Yeah, real singers.

- [laughs]
- Wow.

- I mean...
- I mean, like, real singers?

I mean, I'm right here.

I'm listening. I'm
going, "What the [bleep]?"

- WTF?
- I mean, she's like,

"Real singers," to
my face, to your face.

Dumb to my face, you know what I mean?

There is to be absolutely
no mention of dead people.

I just want a sexy lady on a sexy horse

and a nice, sexy song...

I mean, that's basically what you got.

Not sung by you two.

[groans]

♪ Next time when they ask you ♪

♪ Where you're from ♪

♪ You gon' say Detroit city ♪

♪ When we get back
on our feet, yeah ♪

[phone ringing]

Cramblin Advertising.

No, he went crazy.

Well, mama said there'd
be days like this.

I mean, I know I put up
a good front in there,

but that "real singers"
comment honestly bothered me.

- I had a feeling.
- I mean, I almost cried.

You should have.

You know, as professional
and calm as I seemed in there,

I was actually a little pissed

about that dead people hair thing.

Real singers. She
asked for real singers.

What does that make
us, huh, fake singers?

Hey. You can't just say it to
somebody and not expect them

to cry in the middle
of a business meeting.

You know what we need to do right now?

Go down to the morgue and
check the heads for hair?

No.

That is a great idea, though.

But first...

Up next, Tim and Sam,
everybody, Tim and Sam.

♪ I know you want to leave me ♪

♪ But I refuse to let you go ♪

♪ If I have to beg and
plead for your sympathy ♪

♪ I don't mind 'cause
you mean that much to me ♪

♪ Ain't too proud to
beg, sweet darling ♪

♪ Please don't leave me, girl ♪

Both: ♪ Don't you go ♪

♪ Ain't too proud to
plead, baby, baby ♪

♪ Please don't leave me, girl ♪

Both: ♪ Don't you go ♪

♪ Now, I've heard a crying man ♪

- ♪ Ain't half a man ♪
- ♪ Half a man ♪

♪ With no sense of pride ♪

♪ No sense of pride ♪

♪ If I have to cry to keep you ♪

♪ I don't mind weeping
if it'll keep you ♪

Both: ♪ By my side! ♪

♪ Ain't too proud to
beg, sweet darling ♪

♪ Please don't leave me... ♪

Tim and Sam, everybody!

Give it up for Sam!

[cheers and applause]

And Tim.

[crowd murmuring]

Great job, Sam.

- Amazing job, Sam.
- Thank you.

Hey, Timmy.

So, Tim, I was thinking

about what Rhonda said,

and I may have come up with a way

to fix the Devereux Wigs jingle.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

Uh, so I was thinking,

maybe instead of both
of us singing the song,

what if I just...

Ladies and gentlemen,

I don't want to put him on the spot,

but we have a legendary
singer in the house tonight.

Maybe we can get him on the stage.

Come on, everybody,
Freddie "Motown" Brown.

[cheers and applause]

Come on, everybody. Please,
Freddie, just one song.

Listen.

Y'all crazy. Y'all crazy.

[cheers and applause]

I ain't getting paid to do this sh*t.

Hit it.

♪ I came home to an empty
house, flowers in my hand ♪

♪ Found my baby, she left
town with another man ♪

♪ Oh, I cried ♪

♪ Oh, I cried ♪

♪ I cried an ocean of tears ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I'm a ship lost at sea ♪

♪ And there's a storm rolling in ♪

♪ Need my baby here with me ♪

What were you saying about Devereux?

Oh, I was gonna say

maybe Freddie "Motown"
Brown should sing the jingle.

- Yeah.
- Right?

Yeah.

But that's not what you were gonna say.

- Yeah, it was.
- No, 'cause you didn't

even know he was here
when you started talking.

Come on, man.

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

- [camera shutter clicks]
- Bam.

[laughs] I like that.

Hi.

Can I get a Crown Royal on the rocks

and let me keep that little velvet bag.

Mm-hmm.

[clears throat]

You know, "Ocean of Tears"

is my favorite song in the whole world.

Mine too.

[laughs] Ka-ching.

How you doing? Tim Cramblin,
Cramblin Advertising.

And Sam Duvet,
Cramblin-Duvet Advertising.

[laughs]

I'm just kidding. It's
just Cramblin Advertising.

- It was my father's company.
- Yeah, but he went nuts,

and we took over.

He's my best friend. I'm
married to his sister.

- But she's an idiot.
- Leave her alone.

- I love her.
- [both laugh]

Sir, we represent Rhonda
Devereux of Devereux Wigs.

We were wondering if you'd be
interested in singing a jingle

- for one of their commercials.
- Mm-mm.

A commercial's just
not my thing, you know.

I don't do commercials.

Well, is there anything we could do

to make you change your mind?

No.

But I'll tell you what you can do.

Give me a ride home.

- Sure, you got it, Freddie.
- Absolutely, sir.

Where do you live?

- Lake Orion.
- Oh, wow.

It ain't that far!

No, no, no, it's our pleasure.

It's pretty far.

My dad knows Diana Ross.

Cool.

Come on in, yes, sir.

Welcome, welcome.

- Oh, nice place, Freddie.
- Yeah.

I won this place in a card
game from the Four Tops.

That's why there's exactly four rooms.

They were living here together
like the Ninja Turtles.

The Ninja Turtles live in the sewer.

Yeah, but together.

Is this a real gold record, Freddie?

Yes, it is. Got that back in

for "Dancin' on th Street."

Cool.

Want to see something really cool?

[dreamy music]

- Whoa.
- Whoa.

[laughs] Yeah, baby.

These are all the suits I
wore back in my Motown days.

Got married in that one.

Got divorced in that one, same day.

This one, Motown .

This one, Tom Green pranked
me in, made me eat goo.

You just don't do that to people.

Piece of sh*t.

♪ ♪

I know it's rude to ask but...

You want to put the suits on.

Yes, sir, very much so.

♪ ♪

[music stops abruptly]

I'll do it if Sam's doing it.

[upbeat soul music]

Keep working.

That's it. Right on the money.

♪ ♪

- Look at this.
- Check this out.

You can... that's good.

[upbeat soul music continues]

♪ ♪

You got it good.

♪ ♪

That's you. That's you. This is me.

Cheers to Lake Orion.

It's not that far.

It was. It really was.

That's good.

Ooh, look at all those albums.

Yeah, that's my whole
career on one wall.

This is my first album.

Tiny Freddie Brown. I'm years old.

If you look way back in the corner,

that's my daddy standing
there with a belt in his hand.

This is a Christmas album
called "Jingle These Bells."

All the songs are about
Santa doing the nasty.

Yeah. Over there, look over there.

That's my alter ego, Astro
Freddie and the Aliens.

Really, really trippy.

Scares me to just walk by.

Look at those eyes.

- [ominous musical flourish]
- Ugh.

California Raisins, y'all remember that?

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, yeah.

Okay, we did a less r*cist version

of that called the Milwaukee Peaches.

Needless to say, we didn't
sell a lot of those albums.

You know, Freddie,
speaking of sales, you know,

we'd pay you to sing
the Devereux Wigs ad.

It ain't gonna happen, guys, not today.

The last two ad execs came in here

and tried to convince
me to do a commercial,

they took my civil rights anthem

and turned it into a commercial
for a damn water park.

♪ They're hosing us down ♪

♪ They're hosing us down ♪

♪ At the Four Bears Water Park ♪

I love that commercial.

♪ ♪

Sorry. I'm sorry.

Well, you can't blame us
for trying, right, Freddie?

Yeah.

You know, "Ocean of
Tears" is the first album

- I ever bought.
- And I sold him that album.

I did very well on that deal.

Very well.

♪ ♪

- It really is my favorite song.
- You know what?

There's really a great story

how I came up with the
idea of "Ocean of Tears,"

and I love telling it.

Not enough people hear
it. Y'all want to hear it?

- Absolutely.
- Yes, sir.

Let's do it.

Yeah.

"Ocean of Tears."

You see, boys, it was back in .

I'm on a double billing
with Junior Walker

and the All-Stars.

I'm thinking to myself,
just out of nowhere,

"What...

"if a man cried so much,

"he cried

and made an ocean of tears?"

Yeah.

Yeah, that's what we figured.

You don't get it.

I'm talking about the man cried...

an ocean made of tears.

That's it.You got it, mm-hmm.

Freddie, I always listen

to that song whenever
a girl breaks my heart.

Who's the girl that you
wrote that song about?

You know, then I was imagining an ocean.

You got fish. You got shark.

You got whales.

You got shrimp and scuba men,

but, you know, they're not
swimming in ocean water.

No, no!

They're swimming in an ocean of...

Tears, we get it.

Exactly. Tears.

- Is that the whole story?
- Mm-hmm.

That's the whole story behind ...

"Ocean of Tears."

It's not a very good story, Freddie.

It's not great.

- What?
- It's not a good story.

It's not a good...
It's not a good story?

Well, [bleep] you, dude.

- Sorry.
- Freddie, we really are sorry.

No, I don't want to hear it. Get out!

I told Johnny g*dd*mn
Carson the same story.

The man cried.

You two ungrateful son of a b*tches

get out of Lake Orion,

and don't you never come back.

- That shouldn't be a problem.
- Tim.

assh*le and assh*le light.

[door slams]

[car doors slam]

Well, now what?

I just say we go back to Rhonda

and demand we sing the jingle.

We always sing our own jingles.

Tim...

there may be a way to make Rhonda happy

without having to rerecord the jingle.

Yeah?

I don't like it,

and you do a lot of things very well.

Thank you.

But... maybe...

instead of both of us
singing the jingle...

[screams]

Oh, my God.

[laughs] I changed my mind.

I'm gonna do your commercial.

That's great, Freddie. But why?

You know why, 'cause you are
the first people to ever tell me

my "Ocean of Tears" story sucked.

I thought about it, and it does suck.

- Yeah.
- It really does.

- Yeah, it does.
- I think we were expecting

a story about, like, a
really bad breakup you had.

Which is a much better story.

See, you guys are good.

But I want y'all to do me a favor.

- Yeah, sure.
- Get your candy asses

in the house and take
those damn suits off.

- Yeah, you got it.
- Absolutely.

- You got it, bud.
- Get the hell in there.

Yeah, yeah.

I want to get my stuff
anyway, my wallet.

Okay, ready when you are.

Ooh, Devereux?

Yeah, but kind of do it like, uh...

♪ Ooh, Devereux ♪

That's nice, Sam, really nice.

Thank you.

♪ Ooh, Devereux ♪

That's great.

Maybe put a little
something extra on it,

you know, like, like...

♪ Ooh, Devereux ♪

Oh, you want me to put
some stank on it, huh?

A little bit of stank on it.

♪ Ooh, Devereux ♪

Mm, yeah.

Yeah, also maybe try one like,

♪ Ooh, Devereux ♪

We got it.

Freddie, can we buy you lunch?

No, but you can give me a ride home.

God damn it.

I saw a car in his driveway.

You know what, Sam, you guys go ahead.

- I'll catch up, okay?
- Yeah, all right.

♪ Ooh, Devere... ♪ Nope.

No.

[clears throat]

[voice cracking] ♪ Ooh, Devereux ♪

[voice cracking]

[singing out of tune scales]

There we go.

♪ Ooh, Devereux ♪

♪ Ooh, Devereux ♪

For sure if that guy sings it.

♪ Ooh, Deve... ♪

[screams tunelessly]

♪ Oh, Dev... ♪

♪ Ooh, De... ♪

♪ Ooh, Dev... ♪

Damn it, I can't sing!

[screams]

So we took out all the stuff

about the dead body hair.

- Coward.
- Tim.

And we replaced our voices with...

Well, let's just see if you
can recognize for yourself.

♪ Ooh, Devereux ♪

Devereux Wigs.

Oh, my God. Is that who I think it is?

- It sure is.
- Smokey Robinson?

That's actually Freddie "Motown" Brown.

I love him. Now, that's a real singer.

- Oh, Jesus.
- Enough!

The problem wasn't with our singing.

The problem was with my singing,

so either Sam sings the ad
by himself, or nobody does.

Tim, it's all right.

I'm no Freddie "Motown" Brown.

No, Sam, you're right.

You're not. You are
twice the singer he is.

Jesus, Tim.

Look, we have other copies
of that, so don't worry.

No, we don't. I erased them all.

[snorts] Oh, really?

You erased all the copies.

Yeah, I erased them, so now
Sam has to sing the song.

- How?
- What do you... how what?

How'd I erase them? I
went in the computer.

I hacked into it, and I erased them all,

just like Dr. Robot does.

You mean Mr. Robot.

Shut up, Lea!

Lea, read the card, please.

"We want to apologize
for Tim's behavior.

"We assure you, this has
never happened before,

and it will never happen again."

Tim.

What's wrong with you?

Why didn't you ever
tell me I can't sing?

Because you love singing.

Yeah, but why would you sing with me

if you knew you were better on your own?

Tim, we're a team.

I mean, we do everything together.

[phone ringing]

Cramblin Advertising.

Hello, Mother.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

You know what, you're right.

We are a team.

Tim, where you going?

Tim?

Tim!

Where is he going?

Down the elevator.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

I need you to make me a sign.

I won't make a sign with the words

"d*ck," "p*ssy," or "sh*t."

Please print legibly.

Wait a minute.

What if my name was d*ck p*ssy?

Is your name d*ck p*ssy?

For the sake of this
argument, yes, it is.

Okay, well, I'll make whatever
sign you like, Mr. p*ssy.

Oh, please, call me d*ck.

I'ma need two signs now...

Please.

Company meeting! Company meeting.

Everyone or just creative?

- Everybody.
- Including crew?

Yeah, all three of you. Come on.

Well, we can hear you
from here. Just say it.

Yeah, why should we have to move?

Would you just come here, please?

Gee.

Ladies and gentlemen, I
would like to inform you

that Cramblin Advertising is now closed.

Tim, what did you do?

You've destroyed everything
your father built.

- You're an idiot.
- No, none of that. Shut up.

Cramblin Advertising is now closed,

but I'd like to invite
you to the grand opening

of Cramblin-Duvet Advertising.

You changed the name. Got it.

- Can I go?
- Yes.

Am I gonna have to say all of
that when I answer the phone?

Yes, you do, Sheila.

Buddy, you didn't have to do that.

Yeah, Sam, I did.

Because we're a team,

and we do everything together.

Also, I got you this.

_

Police say there were
many, many survivors.

In business news, local store

Devereux Wigs was shut down after it was

discovered they were using
dead people hair in their wigs.

I knew it!

We go live to consumer
watchdog Tanya Stark,

who went down to the morgue today

to check the heads

and found many to be missing their hair.

Both: Should've checked the heads.

- Tanya.
- Blonds, brunettes,

redheads, all missing their hair

thanks to a grisly connection

with the glamorous
world of Detroit wigs.

Tanya, I have to ask you.
Are you wearing a wig?

Why would he have to ask?

Ms. Devereux, does Devereux
Wigs use dead people's hair?

No, this is the first

I've heard anything
about dead people hair.

Liar!

Why are you running then?

Ms. Devereux! Ms. Devereux!

- Oh, she ditches the cooler.
- Check the cooler.

Oh, you know, I think
Tanya is wearing a wig.

Oh, she's about to whup her ass.

Dead people hair. So great.

Very, very funny.