02x08 - Moseby's Big Brother

[bunniefuu]

Can I help you?

Can we go
ride our bikes?

Sure.

Great.
One small problem.

Don't have any.

Of course you do.
I just bought you new ones.

years ago.

What?
It's not possible.

[Horns squeak]

What do you know?
It's been years.

So, obviously, it looks like
new bikes are a necessity.

All right, let's see.

With what I made
last month,

and with what you spent,

what we have left
for bikes is...

Minus- dollars.

I'll take my minus-
in cash.

♪ Here I am in your life ♪

♪ here you are in mine ♪

♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪

♪ most of the time ♪

♪ you and me,
we got the world to see ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ just me and you
know what to do ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ it's you and me
and me and you ♪

♪ we got the whole place
to ourselves ♪

♪ you and me,
we got it all for free ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ this is the suite life ♪

♪ we've got a suite life ♪

[Squeaking horn]

[Squeaking horn]

I can't believe mom is
making us buy our own bikes.

What's she good for?

Food, shelter, clothing...

Love.

Well, you can't ride love
to the mall.

We need bikes.

Do you still have the birthday
money we got from dad?

Only bucks.
Where's yours?

Accruing a healthy
. percent interest

in a short-term,
no-load mutual fund.

Well, why don't we
mutually unload it?

My guess is there would be a
penalty for early withdrawal.

Does that mean
you have it or not?

I only have $ . .

You can't buy a bike
for that.

You can if we combine
our money.

Let's go buy a bike.

[Squeaking horns]

Would you please
stop it?

Stop right now!

Mr. moseby, you seem
more tense than usual.

Which I didn't think
was possible.

My big brother
is coming to town

to sew up
a major business deal.

Everything must be perfect.

Tell him not to come.

Too late.

My horoscope says
this is a bad time

for relatives to visit.

Your horoscope
telephones you?

I have it e-mailed to me.

And today it says,
"a relative nightmare.

"Stay away from family...
And fried cheese."

Horoscopes are stupid.

Although that fried
cheese thing makes sense.

Well, let's read yours,
maddie.

"You are a mess.
Your life is going nowhere.

"It's a good day
to stay home.

"Too bad
you can't afford to."

Boy, did they nail you.

Would you two stop it?

The last thing I need
is for my big brother

to see my employees
bickering.

I want to impress him.

Mr. moseby, stop worrying.

You are the most impressive
man I've ever met.

If you lived
in my village,

you would be mayor...

Instead of
that stupid monkey.

There will be no monkey talk
when Spencer gets here.

Why are you so uptight
about your brother?

I've never been able
to measure up to him.

He was
a straight-a student,

got all
the pretty girls,

he was a multi-millionaire
by the time he was .

He casts a giant shadow.

Hey, little bro.

I can't wait
to see his shadow.

Hey, big bro.
Welcome to the tipton.

Actually, the "n"
in your sign is burnt out,

so it's the "tipto."

Ohh...

I thought my last name
was pronounced "tipton."

You must be London.

And who might this
other young lady be?

It might be maddie Fitzpatrick.

Oh, in fact I am!

Nice to meet you.
I don't know what you do,

but I'm sure
my brother underpays you.

That's for sure.

[Giggling]

You said the customer
is always right.

Yes, and so is
the manager.

Now get back
to your candy counter

before I make you
fix the "n."

Before you go,

could you put together
a candy basket for me?

And give yourself
a nice tip.

I love your brother!

Doesn't everyone?

Esteban, could you take
my bags to my room, please?

He knows my name!

You have a name tag.

Sorry
it's only a .

I'm a little short.

A little?

Hi, honey, what's new?

What's new
is a bike.

The most beautiful,
fantastic, best bike ever.

Sounds great.
Where is it?

Zack's riding it.

But I've got the receipt.
See?

So you guys
are going to share it?

Yeah, I've even
made up a schedule.

Zack's due back
in minutes,

then that baby is all mine.

I can picture it now.

Freedom--
freedom of the open road.

The wind
flowing through my hair.

Ahem.

Uh, I mean, through the
holes in my helmet.

I admire you, maddie.

You're always
doing schoolwork.

Actually, I'm e-mailing
a fake horoscope to London

to mess with her head.

What are you making
the horoscope say?

She was gloating about getting
tickets to the concert

at the fleet center
tonight.

So, her horoscope
now says,

"it is a bad night
to hear music."

She would never
buy that.

Would someone turn off
that elevator music?

My horoscope says that today is
a bad day to listen to music.

Really?

What?

Oh.

I had to plug my ears
in the elevator.

I almost missed
my floor.

I couldn't hear the...
Ding.

Does anyone want two tickets
to a concert tonight?

Say yes...

Yes.
Yes.

Here. Take them.

Wait a minute.

Should we be taking advantage
of poor miss London like this?

Please. When she had trouble
potty-training her dog,

she made you dress up
like a hydrant.

Let's really
stick it to her good.

Man,
this bike is the best.

Zack, you were supposed
to be back hours ago.

I was?

Hello. Schedule.

Sorry, but there was
this emergency at the park.

What?

I met this girl...
Selena.

Oh, please.

We started
riding and talking...

And sitting and talking...

And drinking sodas
and talking...

Man, girls can talk.

Just give me the bike.
I've been waiting for hours.

Come on, guys,
dinner time!

But it's my turn
to ride.

Not right now.
It's getting dark.

You can ride tomorrow.

Since it's your turn,

I'll let you
take it upstairs.

Oh, Esteban.
It's almost check-out time.

Hurry up
to Spencer's room

and get his bag.

He's leaving so soon?
It's only been one day.

One day is like years
in Spencer time.

I'm sick of hearing
how he's always done

so much better than I.

You shouldn't
hold a grudge.

And I don't...

My rubber-band pot-holder

was just as good as his.

No, it wasn't.
Mom still uses mine.

Then maybe
you should go visit her.

Esteban, get his bags!

I'd like to hold off on
that, if you don't mind.

Don't tell me
you're staying.

And by that I mean...

Don't tell me,
you're staying!

You're not trying to get
rid of me, are you?

No!

'Cause I thought we were
really re-connecting.

I'd like to stay
a few extra days.

No!

Kidding...

Ok, well,
if you're gonna stay,

I'll need to run
your credit card.

Marion,
I'm a millionaire.

I know.

Just company policy.

Huh, that's odd.

It's rejecting it.

Maybe it's your machine.

The machine is telling me
to confiscate your card.

All right,
if you must know,

I've recently suffered
a small setback.

How small?
I'm broke.

Oh, no.

And I'm going to need
to stay longer.

Oh, no.

Zack should be back
any minute with my bike.

It is so cool!

My bike has got pegs,
and it's racing red.

We were thinking
about candy apple red,

but that didn't seem
to pop!

[Honks horn]

Finally you're back
with the bike.

Yep, it's all yours.

Oh, yeah,
I kind of broke it.

I know
it looks bad,

but, hey,
you love Jigsaw puzzles.

You broke it,
you fix it!

Because I'm not
fixing this!

This is your responsibility
and you're going to fix it!

Who am I kidding?
You're not going to fix it!

What's wrong
with Spencer?

He looks a little
low-- I mean, down.

Sad.

Turns out that
Spencer is broke.

Why don't you just give
him a job at the hotel?

Splendid idea. How about
candy counter girl?

How about we never
had this conversation?

Ahem...Ahem.

Yes?

Any luck getting
the loan from the bank,

he said hopefully.

No, he answered sadly.

Wait, little bro moseby.

Irene the concierge
is home with laryngitis.

Maybe big bro moseby
can fill in for her.

Esteban,
that's ridiculous.

Spencer would never
take that job.

Yes, Spencer would.

But that job requires
a thorough knowledge

of the city and the
restaurants and attractions--

excuse me.

I need reservations
for people

for : tonight
at Luigi's restaurante.

Oh, I'm so sorry, but Luigi's
restaurante books up--

[speaking italian]

It's all set.

Oh...Oh!

Oh, thank you!

Wonderful concierge.

You're very lucky
to have him.

Ok, Spencer, let's go
talk about your new job.

Great. I'm going to need
a sizable advance.

Oh, you would.

I think it would be nice
for the two Mr. mosebys

to spend
some time together.

You also think
that hat makes you look cool.

Oh, so you see it,
too, huh?

Speaking of looking cool,

guess what London's horoscope
told her what to wear today.

Can I still guess even
though I'm looking at her?

Nice outfit.

Did a magician just
pull you out of his hat?

No. And I know
this looks silly,

but my horoscope said
if I didn't wear this

bad things would happen.

Well, you don't want
to tempt fate.

Now hippity-hop off
down the bunny trail.

And remember,
if you need extra luck,

you can always rub
your own foot.

Oh, please.

That would make me
look silly.

Hey...
We did a good job.

Oh, I get it.
The silent treatment.

Ok, two can play
at that game.

All right, only one
can-- you win.

Well, would you
look at the time?

It's after : .

My turn
to ride our bike.

Don't...Touch...That...Bike.

Ooh, it speaks.

Yeah,
and it angry!

Uh-uh-uh--
schedule rules.

Hey, fixing time is a lot
different than riding time,

so, technically,
it's my turn!

Technically, tough.

One minute.

Excuse me, Spencer,

but these people
need your attention.

Not now, Marion.
I'm on a business call.

Running the concierge desk
is your business.

Are you belittling me?

No, no, no--
I didn't mean to.

What I was saying was--

apology accepted.

Now,
if you'll excuse me,

I have to get back
to my call.

My little bro
will take care of you.

Which one's first?

[All talking at once]

London, how did the bunny
suit go over yesterday?

Not so well.

People laughed at me.

Ohh...

So, London, are you going
to the firemen's ball?

I hear it's the hottest
party of the year.

'Cause it's hot
with the fire...

I know,
but my horoscope says

that today is a bad day
to go outside.

No.

Oh, that's a shame.

And I was supposed
to bring a guest.

Hey, do you guys
want to go?

Us?
Us?

Well,
if you insist.

Great. The limousine
will pick you up at : .

Ohh!

Yeah!

And then he just
took the bike.

It's so not fair.

Did you say anything
to him?

No, I was giving him
the silent treatment.

How'd that
work out for you?

My point is,
Zack is hogging the bike,

and he's cleverly using
my schedule against me.

Sharing is tough.

When I was a kid I tried sharing a
boyfriend with Nikki maldonado.

It was a disaster.

She got the guy?

No, I did. And then he ate
all my animal crackers.

Oh, you were
in kindergarten.

No, high school.

Got a message
you wanted to see me.

The microphone stand
is broken...Again.

Mom, I've got brother
problems here.

Please, do not
talk to me about brothers.

Spencer is giving me
such a migraine.

Zack is selfish.

Spencer's a bully.

He doesn't listen.

He has
no consideration for me.

And he stinks.

Personality-wise, and
frankly, his body odor.

[Both arguing]

Stop! Sit.

I know it's not easy
being a younger sibling.

I remember torturing
my younger sister.

I didn't know
you had a younger sister.

She doesn't
talk to me anymore.

My point is, you're not
going to solve anything

by complaining about it.

You got to stand up
to your big brother.

But, mom--

this is one battle
I can't fight for you.

And moseby, you and Spencer
should have had this battle

a long time ago.

Where are you going?

I'm going to do
the mature thing

and go call my sister.

With any luck,
she's still at work

and I can leave
a message.

You know, she's right.

Why are we so intimidated
by our brothers?

Well,
speaking for myself,

Zack once noogied me
so hard

I lost I.Q. Points.

Spencer may be short,

buy he pounces
like a cat.

Plus, he bites.

Ok, we're pathetic.

You're right.

I have had enough.

I'm going
to march right upstairs

and stand up to Spencer.

And I'll give Zack
a piece of my mind.

You first.
You first.

I appreciate the call.

Spencer, I need
to talk to you immediately.

Ok, but before you do,

I have something
to tell you.

No, you are going to
listen to me for once.

It's bad enough that you
have never treated me

with respect
as your brother,

but now
you're my employee

and you're still taking
advantage of me.

So, I'm consistent.

You're consistently
a jerk!

Oh, not you, sir.

You're consistently
a jerk!

I--

no, no--
none of your backtalk!

From now on, you will
speak to me with respect

or we won't speak
at all.

You're right.

And another thing!

I--say what?

You're right.
I have mistreated you.

Especially now,
because you helped me

when I really needed it.

Well, after all, you are
my big brother, and...

I love you.

I love you, too, Marion.

See ya.

What? Whoa!

You don't have to go.

That phone call
you interrupted

was my business associate.

He came through
with my funding.

I'm going to be rich again!

A feeling
you'll never know!

That was almost
a nice moment.

Oh, and since
I'm apologizing,

I'm sorry I shaved "dork" in
your hair when you were .

You said that
was the hair gremlin.

I lied.

What?

People called me
"dork hair" for years!

Including mom.

Don't be mad just because
mom liked me best.

She did not.

You know the reason why
she treated you better.

Don't go there.

Don't go there.
Oh, yeah.

Because you were
lactose intolerant!

Oooh, you went there!

Ha ha ha ha!

♪ Who's afraid of cheese,
who's afraid of cheese? ♪

Ow!

That's it!
I got you!

Oh, no, no, no!

He kicked me first.

He started it!

Ow! See?

I'm going to get you!

Oh, how do you like that,
little one?

Huh?
Crawling on the floor--

aah!

Oh, that hurts!

Spencer, please,
this is a lobby,

not a wrestling mat!

There you are.

I need
to speak to you.

Can you make it quick?

You're cutting into
my bike time.

Exactly. How come I haven't
had any time with our bike?

I paid
for most of it.

Now get off!

Ok, fine.

If you want
to break our deal

and forget about
your schedule,

go ahead,
take the bike.

It's not about the bike.

Oh, great.

It's about me
doing your homework

and cleaning our room

and eating
your broccoli for you

when mom's not looking.

You offered
to do all that stuff.

Because that's what
brothers do for each other.

But it's never reciprocal.

What?

Reciprocal means
it would be nice

if once in awhile
you did something for me.

I did. You offered me
money and I took it.

Ha ha! Very funny.

Why are you so upset
all of a sudden?

It's not all of a sudden.

It's been years
in the making.

And I don't want us
to end up like

Mr. moseby
and his brother.

[Yelling and struggling]

If we do,
can I be Spencer?

He's rich,
he gets all the babes,

and he's winning.

Get off my back!

[Chomp]

Aah! My foot! Ow!

This is what I mean.

I don't want to keep
everything bottled up inside

for years,

then wind up hating you.

You'd hate me?

Eventually.

Like now,
if I don't get this bike.

It's yours.

Good,
and from now on,

I expect you to think
of me as your equal.

Except in school,
where I'm clearly better.

Can you do that?

For you, of course.

Let's hug it out,
you overly-sensitive lug.

Sorry, man, hot babe.

Thanks for
pointing her out.

Hey, babe,

want to ride
on my handlebars?

He's so in
over his head.

I can't believe we get to go
to the firemen's ball

and ride in a limo.

In my country, a limo is
a cart pulled by llama.

It's called a "llamo."

I wonder where it is.

Right here.

What are you doing?

I'm dressed as a fireman,
and I'm having a ball.

Aah! Aah!

You guys should have
read your horoscope.

Mess with a friend, and
you'll be covered in foam.

That horoscope
was bizarrely accurate.

How'd you catch on?

It was easy.
I used logic, cunning,

and I overheard you and
Esteban laughing about it.

So, can we still
ride in the limo?