03x14 - Orchestra

[bunniefuu]

[instruments warming up]

Excuse me!

[plays horn]

Hey, cody.

Hey, barbara.

[crashing]

Oh--oh,
are you ok, sweetie?

Let me kiss it
and make it better.

Barbara,

Not in front
of the string section.

Is this band class?

It's called orchestra.

Looks more like
a dork-estra.

Hey, look, everybody,
I'm your new lead singer.

I'm going to need a mike
and a long cord

To swing it around
to impress the ladies.

Welcome to orchestra--

[screams]

That's odd.

My new math teacher
said the same thing

When I walked
into his class.

That's because there's
a "beware of zack" poster
in the teachers' lounge.

Actually, my stage name
is nasty z.,

The dark prince
of awesome!

Can you even play
an instrument?

Absolutely.
I play the electric guitar.

I'm sure I could play
this mini geek version.

[twanging]

Oh, dear.

I have an idea.

How about you just

Stand in the back
and playsure, but...

Where do I plug it in?

here I am in your life

here you are in mine

yes, we have a suite life

most of the time

you and me,
we got the world to see

so come on down

just me and you
know what to do

so come on down

it's you and me
and me and you

we got the whole place
to ourselves

you and me,
we got it all for free

so come on down

this is the suite life

we've got a suite life

Enjoy your stay.

Whatcha doing?

Just a-working.

Oh, perfect.

I need to watch
the employees work.

Daddy wants me to learn
the hotel business.

London, that's
a wonderful idea.

You can observe people
in all the departments.

Oh, you'll learn
everything about this hotel.

Yay! Where do I start?

Hmm...Oh! How about
we start at the front door?

Oh, good idea!

Where's that?

It's in the front.

Right next to
norman the doorman.

Oh, that front door.

Ok, norman,

Show me your job.

No, I will not leave until
you show me what you do.

He just did.

You get paid for that?

Your life is sweet.

Ok, let me try!

[yells]

London, you have to
continually man the door.

Oh, right. Sorry!

[screams]

All done!

What else
do you have for me?

[whimpers]

Now, class,

As you all know--

[snores]

We have our annual
fundraising concert
coming up.

No pressure.

But if it is not
a giant success,

We will have no funds,
no orchestra,

And I'll be back teaching
music in prison.

Don't worry, mrs. M.

I'll keep you
out of the joint.

[dings]

Eh? Eh?

Fortunately,

We do happen to have
a true musical genius

In our class.

Oh, you're too kind.

Not you!

Him.

[whispering]

That's sergei mishkin,

The russian
violin prodigy.

I have his poster.

Me too.

And for $ . ,
I'll autograph it.

Now, where do I sit?

Why, anywhere you want.

Well, I always sit
in the front.

Right where that kid is.

Billy, to the back!

But, mom!

I said, to the back!

Sergei, would you like
to warm up?

Sergei is always warm.

Especially when sitting next
to such a lovely first violin.

[giggles]

Did you see that?

Yeah.

Someone's
pretty full of himself.

[plays violin]

Oh, bravo!
[applause]

He wasn't
that good, was he?

That was beautiful.

[ringing]

[applause]

It's my job
to help the guests
when they call needing--

Got it.
This ought to be
a breeze.

[telephone rings]

[ring]

Want me to get that?

It would help.

[ring]

Hello?

I don't know any
mr. Laners in room .

No!

That was a guest trying
to get some information.

Well, then he should
just call the concierge.

That's us!

[ring]

Hello?

A good restaurant?

Ooh, I like
el bulli in Spain.

No!

You have to recommend
restaurants in boston.

Well, why don't they just
get on their private jet?

They don't have
a private jet.

[gasps]

You don't have
a private jet?

Why am I talking to you?

That stupid sergei thinks
he's so great.

Just because he's--

Great?

Well, barbara seems
to think so.

I never want to see
his stupid face again!

What do you think
of the poster I made
for your fundraiser?

[growls]

[panting]

A simple "I don't like it"
would have been fine.

He's not
a big sergei fan.

Ll, everyone else is.

That's why mr. Moseby is
letting us have the concert
here at the tipton.

Isn't that great?

Yeah, almost as great
as barbara falling in love
with that

Rotten russian romeo.

Ah, so,
that's what's going on.

I think I see
a little green monster.

I couldn't find
a tissue, ok?

I'm not talking
about boogers.

I'm talking
about jealousy.

Yeah, cody, chill.

You always panic and go to
the worst-case scenario.

I do not.

They'll probably
name their kids

Natasha and sergei jr.

Puberty stinks!

There you are.
[dings]

You dinged?

No. You say,
"may I hep you?"

Hep? What's hep you?

You know. Hep.

Hep! Hep!

Hooray!

Less cheering,
more bellhopping.

I can help her!

Ok, remember, be polite.
We share tips.

Oh, in that case,
here's a tip:

Don't eat garlic
for breakfast.

Oh, that's heavy.

Could you hold this for me?

Oh, certainly.

I'm new at this.

Bellhopping?
Working.

Could you
also hold these two?

Oh, gosh.
Oh, and this one, too.

Oh, um, this one
isn't even mine.

Oh, I know,
but it's hideous.

I wouldn't be caught
dead holding it.

Thanks.
Miss london!

You cannot make
the guests carry

Their own luggage.

But it's heavy.

That is why you use
the luggage cart.

Great, got it.

Let me hep you
with that.

What's hep?

Oh, just give me
the luggage!

[screams]

Hep...

Attention, class.

We only have
more weeks to prepare
for the concert,

Which I am sure will be
an outstanding success.

Thanks to...

Girls: Sergei.

Sergei!

[cody gasps]

Did you see that?

She dropped her chin hankie
on purpose.

Sergei's putting
a move on barbara.

There's cody, there's no need
some d to be jealous.

Barbara is crazy
about you.

Yeah. She did give me

An engraved protractor
for my birthday.

And if that's
not nerd love,

I don't know
what love is.

Hey, really?

Seriously?

Sergei is
in love with barbara,

And they're going
to move back to russia

And raise llamas.

What?!
I know.

Llama seems weird.
There's more money
in alpacas.

I can't believe it!

No, it's true.

Alpaca wool is valued
for its versatility.

I mean, it's used
in blankets,
sweaters, mittens--

Put a sock in it!

I knew there was
something going on
between those two.

Ok, class, and--

Barbara simka brownstein,

You have betrayed me

And the love that we shared.

I was learning
yiddish for you,

And all I get
in return is...

Tsuris!

We're through!

[timpani plays]

And you got me
playing the triangle.

[groans]

[playing french horn]

Dude, what is that?

You're bringing me down.

Ode to joy.

[playing]

Honey, if you miss
barbara so much,

Then why did you
break up with her?

I had to.

Barbara and sergei were
going to move to russia

To raise llamas.

Dude, you're--

You're jealous
of a rumor.

And I'm not even sure
I heard it right.

Oh, great.

Now, I've ruined my life
by dumping barbara.

I have nothing!

You have
a family that loves you.

I mean, something
that I care about.

[weeping]

Wimp.

Zack, shouldn't you be
practicing for the concert?

Oh, yeah!

[dings]

[dings]

[crash]

Done.

[k
come on in!

London?

Oh, I'm not london.

I'm the maid trainee.

She's my boss.

Yay, me.

Here you go, carey.

Thanks.

I don't know why
you're always complaining
about work.

Oh, look. One leg!

Uh, london, dear,
you have to turn
the vacuum on.

But I don't like
the noise.

I don't like the dirt.

Fine.

Oh, not that switch!

I'll get someone
to clean this up.

Here you go.

[indistinct chatter]

Ok, boys, girls,

Genius.

Look at them.

You know, it's ironic.

By you breaking up
with barbara,

You may have driven her
right into sergei's arms.

[laughs]

Gum?

Sergei:
Barbara,

Perhaps you will be needing
help tuning your strings?

I can't
take this anymore.

I have
to get barbara back.

[applause]

Tell barbara
that I was really stupid

And that
I want her back.

Pass it on.

[tuning up instruments]

And smell like a yak?

No, no, I said
that I was really--

[playing tchaikovsky's
nutcracker March]

Hey, see you
in a half hour.

That's my son
on the triangle.

Where did he go?

Well, I did it.

I've done all the jobs
in the hotel,

And now,
I'm ready to do yours.

Oh, my,
london, you can't--

Lond--!

Who do I yell at first?

But my job
isn't yelling at people.

So, you just do it
for fun?

No!
[cell phone rings]

Marion moseby.

Yes.

Do you mind?
No, you can leave.

Oh, ooh.

It with london.

Mr. Moseby,
we've had it with london.

Oh, she is a disaster.

She is the worst worker
I've ever seen.

[all gasp]

You were saying?

What I meant was...
[panting]

Uh, tell her, grace.

[gasps]

Irene!

Uh, norman.

Well, I didn't know
you all felt this way
about me.

Especially you, norman.

Your words hurt
most of all.

I am so sorry
my new bellhop threw

Your luggage
out the window.

But on the bright side,

It did make it
to the limo before you did.

[laughs]
oh.

Moseby,

All the employees
were mean to me.

They say I didn't do
a good job.

Well, in their defense,
you did wound most of them.

Well, they wounded me--

Right in the heart!

So, I fired them.

What?!

Everyone, despite what
you've recently been told,

You're not fired.

Oh, thank you,
thank you, sir.

We did not mean
to hurt your feelings,
miss london.

Just as I am sure
you did not mean
to give us

These giant boo-boos.

London,
maybe you should talk
to your father

And tell him
the hotel business
is not for you.

But it is for me.

The hotel is in my blood.

Actually,

Our blood is in the hotel.

But I've gotta get into
the hotel business.

I'm a tipton.

And you do
what tiptons do best.

Cut down rainforests
to put up resorts?

No.

Ooh, finance takeovers
in foreign countries

To secure mining rights?

No. I meant, do nothing.

Nobody does nothing
and orders people around

Better than you do.

You're right.

This hotel
couldn't function

Without me
doing nothing.

Irene, get me a table
at el bulli.

And a chair.

Grace, pack my luggage.

Esteban,
take it to my jet.

Moseby, yell at them if
they don't do it right.

[clears throat]

Thank you.

[chuckles]
thank goodness.

Now, I don't have
to worry about london
injuring anyone else.

By the way, moseby...

Hmm, I wonder
where he went.

[playing tchaikovsky's
trepak]

What are you doing here?

I'm here to apologize.

I'm too busy
to yak right now.

That's not what I said!

What?

I said, I want you back!

Huh?

[gasping]

Nobody touches sergei's bow!

[speaking russian]

Barbara,

The only reason
that I broke up with you

Is because I thought you
and sergei were moving

Back to russia
to raise llamas.

I'm not interested
in sergei.

Plus, the real money
is in alpacas.

And besides,
I only care about you.

Audience: Aw!

You do?

[clarinet plays love theme
from tchaikovsky's
romeo and juliet]

Oh, barbara.

Oh, cody.

Barbara, I'm sorry
I was so jealous.

There's no one else
I'd rather be with.

There's no one else
I'd rather be with, either.

[orchestra plays]

I'd do anything for you.

That's why
I learned yiddish.

You're my latke.

I'm your potato pancake?

Well, I guess I need
to study some more.

I was trying to say
you're my true love.

Close enough.

You're my--
[speaks in yiddish]

Oh, barbara.

Oh, cody.

[applause]

[playing tchaikovsky's
waltz of the flowers]

[watch alarm sounds]

Oh, hey, grand finale time.

Hmm, that's not good.

Um,

Mr. Moseby,
can you help?

[orchestra playing]

No time to panic.

I have exactly...

No time.

Ah, here we are.

Ok, easy, easy,

Easy...[screams]

[gasping]

[applause]

Hey, right on time.

[chuckles]

[groans]

That's yours.