03x18 - Romancing The Phone

[bunniefuu]

Hope I'm not late for barbara's karate competition.

You know, what's it like having a girlfriend

Who can kick your butt?

She cannot kick my butt!

Please. She can kick it, flip it,

And throw it across the room.

You're right. I got to learn karate.

I could teach you.

What? You take karate with your little friends in kindergarten?

No. My dad works on a cruise ship.

And while we were docked in japan,

I studied martial arts

At the tokogawa academy.

yeah, and I learned to fly

While my rocket ship was docked on mars.

No, really.

Ooh! That was cute, kid.

Whoa.

Wow! Can you teach me how to--

Ooh!

I could have thrown you further,

But I didn't warm up.

Captioning made possible by disney--abc cable networks group

here I am in your life

here you are in mine

yes, we have a suite life

most of the time

you and me, we got the world to see

so come on down

just me and you know what to do

so come on down

it's you and me

and me and you

we got the whole place to ourselves

you and me, we got it all for free

so come on down

this is the suite life

we've got a suite life

Did someone lose their cell phone?

How do you know it's not mine?

please.

That phone costs more than your entire wardrobe.

Then again, so does this candy bar.

London, for the last time,

A thousand dollar bar does not cost $ , .

Then nia owes me a lot of change.

I'll go put this in the lost and found.

Oh! I have an idea!

You better say it quickly before it dies of loneliness.

Let's check out the phone and see what stuff is on it.

[plays vivaldi's "spring"]

That's vivaldi. I love vivaldi!

No, his name is david. See?

ooh, his wallpaper is van gogh's "irises."

That's my favorite painting!

We have so much in common!

Gee, you found your perfect match.

I now pronounce you phone and wife.

Isn't botany fascinating?

Oh, yeah. I love flowers.

How'd you like to study these two lips?

Well, that's a start.

Zack, we're here to study,

And you've got a lot to learn.

Hey, I'm willing to stay after school.

Good-bye.

Well, looks like it's just you and me.

Both: Konichiwa, zack-san!

Right back at you, san and san.

Travis is teaching me how to be a master at ka-ra-te

So I can impress bar-ba-ra.

Man, I wish I could find a way to impress dakota.

Yeah? Just don't show her your report card.

That's not funny.

You know, I won barbara over by cooking her a gourmet meal.

Oh. Great idea,

Except I can't cook.

I can help you out.

I learned how to be a gourmet chef

When dad's ship was docked in monte carlo.

Did you know that monaco is also a ta--

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you going to help me out this weekend?

Sure.

Hey, hey, hey. He's helping me.

I can help you both.

And maybe after that, we can all go bowling.

I've never been bowling before.

So you've run with the bulls in pamplona,

But you've never been bowling?

Yeah. Dad thinks it's dangerous.

Go figure.

Well, you got yourself a deal.

Whoa! Hyah!

Why did you do that?

Lesson number one--

Expect the unexpected.

Yeah. You know, I'd write that down,

But my hand is numb.

That's not funny.

Pardon me, miss. Uh, I lost a phone here yesterday.

And I found one.

It must be kismet.

No, it's david.

Hi, david.

Well, thank you.

You know, I'm a cellist

On my way to perform vivaldi's " seasons."

Would you be my guest?

I'd love to.

But I don't have a formal gown handy.

It's beautiful!

Where did you get it?

Where did you get it?

Where did you get it?

From the dirty clothes pile.

We ran out of quarters.

Sorry.

I was just dreaming about this guy

Whose phone I found.

He's a rich, charming cellist

Who works to save the rainforest.

You can tell all that from a phone?

And more.

This Thursday, he's volunteering

At the feed the needy foundation.

That's my favorite charity!

They catered my aunt's wedding.

Where was she registered, a pawn shop?

Maybe.

Ooh. Wow. Impressive!

You can b*at up a pillow.

You know, that travis kid has taught me a lot.

You've only had lessons.

What could he have taught you?

The sleep of the striking cobra.

There's no such thing as the sleep--

Wow! It worked!

come in.

Hey, barbara.

Hey, cody.

Why are you wearing a gi?

Well, I'm learning karate, too.

I've been practicing on zack.

Ahh. Sleep of the striking cobra.

Yeah. And I've learned much more than that.

Check this out.

Ow, ow, ow! Ow, ow, ow!

Ow, ow, ow! Ow, ow, ow!

Ow, ow, ow!

Well, maybe you can still b*at me up,

But not for long.

Why does it matter if I can b*at you up?

Because I'm the guy and you're the girl,

And the guys are supposed to be tougher.

And by the way, you're bruising my sternum.

What a sexist attitude.

I thought you were more evolved than that.

I am. It's just...

I don't people to think that I'm the weaker sex.

Oh, so, now I have to be weak to be with you?

No. Not weak.

Oh, well, if that's the way you feel, then forget it.

No, no, no, no! That's not what I meant! You see--

Oh, I don't want to hear it.

Here you go. I charged the battery.

Thanks for saving my phone.

Now, I'm off to save the rainforest.

All by yourself?

Actually, I was hoping to take along a spunky blonde.

I'm spunky and blonde!

I dye my roots brown.

Madeline?

Why are you hanging on my tie?

Oh! Sorry, sir.

I thought it was a vine.

She's having another fantasy about the guy who owns that phone.

Madeline, if you found a phone,

You must put it in lost and found.

No!

It would break my heart

If the phone rang and someone else answered it.

[plays vivaldi's "spring"]

I'll get it! What?

Hello! Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Okey-doke. Bye, david.

That was david.

Really?

What did he say?

He's coming to pick this phone up at : .

he's coming here?

I have to get my hair done!

I have to buy a ball gown!

I have to find a pitch helmet!

Whoo. Can you spell "desperate"?

How many chances do I get?

Maddie? What are you still doing here?

David didn't show up.

Oh, I'm sorry.

How could he have not shown up?

I mean, this is the night

We're supposed to finally meet and fall in love

And swing off on a vine.

Honey, I love that you are a true romantic, but...

Did it ever occur to you that maybe, to him,

This is just picking up a phone?

Oh, no. No, no. We're meant to be together.

I mean, we both love vivaldi and van gogh and the rainforest and--

we're not meant to be together!

No! That's not necessarily true.

All I meant was that-- I know what you meant.

When am I going to learn that life is not a fairy tale?

That there are no storybook endings?

But-- I'm going to wind up bitter and all alone,

Just like you!

Glad I could help.

And then, on the th day of our trip--

Uh-huh.

Me and dad crossed the international date line,

And he was on one side, and I was on the other.

Uh-huh.

And when he told me to do something right now,

I told him, "I already did that yesterday!"

Oh, that's fascinating.

Phew.

Hey, can I borrow travis for a second?

Oh, second, minute, century, yesterday, tomorrow--

I really don't care.

Oh.

Hey, cody, we still on for bowling later?

Yeah, yeah, sure. But first, I need a favor.

Do you know anything about japanese tea ceremonies?

What don't I know?

First documented in the edo period, tea cer--

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. Look.

I found out my girlfriend and her grandmother

Are coming here tomorrow for tea,

And I want to perform a japanese tea ceremony for them.

To master the tea ceremony takes a lifetime.

I got a day.

Good luck.

But travis--

Ok, ok. I'll write down everything you need to know

Because there are many gestures

That must be performed in a certain order.

Is that the first gesture in the ceremony?

No, my shorts are just riding up.

Hurry up! Dakota's going to be here any minute.

Sorry. I got a late start.

I had to help your brother.

Ahh, forget him. He's a loser.

Funny. He said the same thing about you.

So, zack, we're still going bowling, right?

Sure, sure. But it's important

That dakota thinks I cooked this food.

So stay back here and be quiet.

Oh, a rice paper screen.

Not unlike the ones they use in southern thailand

For the ancient art of shadow puppetry--

Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Zack, door!

Ahh. My bad.

Hey, zack. Ready to study?

Oh, yes. Sure.

But not on an empty stomach.

Here you go. Try one of these.

Mmm.

You know, this is delicious.

Travis: Thanks.

A lot. Thanks, thanks a lot.

You know, it's eating something

I learned in gourmet chef school.

It is called--

Travis: Foie gras en coupe.

Frog paw with fruit.

You mean foie gras en coupe.

Well, we can talk, or we can eat.

Wow, zack.

You're a lot more sophisticated than I thought.

an understandable mistake.

You were misled by my boyish charm

And my priceless collection of...

Action figures.

Hi, maddie. How did things go with your phone guy?

He never showed up.

Oh, honey.

So, this time, you were dumped before you met the guy?

Oh, well. It saved you a lot of time.

You know, I don't care if I ever hear from david again.

[cell phone plays vivaldi's "spring"]

It's david.

Ooh, it's a text message.

"sorry I didn't show.

Got held up at medical school."

he's studying to be a doctor.

Probably for the poor!

Scalpel.

Scalpel!

Sponge.

Sponge!

Lips.

Lips.

Uh, excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Why are you kissing that sofa cushion?

Because...

We had a pillow fight,

And now, we're making up.

Got to go.

Konichiwa--

Oh.

I hope travis numbered these.

But why did he have to do it in japanese?

All right. Next, try this dish.

Mmm. Fondue.

I'm fond of you, too.

Uh...

Excuse me for a second.

Ok. I just need you for a sec, ok?

What are you doing here?

I got to borrow travis now.

Uh-uh. Forget it.

Look, I'll have him back in minutes.

Well, how are you going to get him out of here

Without dakota seeing him?

Sorry to disturb you.

Just had to borrow a cup of sugar.

Oh!

I should really see a doctor about this.

Yeah, you should.

Good-bye.

Let me guess--

You didn't cook the meal.

all right.

I can't lie to you.

The truth is, is I dropped out of gourmet chef school

To join the marines.

Hoo-hah!

More like, ha-ha.

Come on, zack.

All right.

I had a little help.

But I only wanted to impress you.

Well, maybe it's the frog paw talking,

But you did.

Really?

Any guy who goes to this much trouble deserves a second chance.

Hey. Even when I'm bad,

I'm good.

You know, you guys really don't have to be here.

Oh, we want to see the man behind the phone.

See, maddie? There are happy endings.

It may not be so happy.

For all we know, he could be hideous.

I don't care what he looks like.

He could be short, tall, fat, or thin.

Excuse me. Um, I'm looking for maddie?

You left out old.

I'm maddie.

Ahh.

You must be david. Yeah.

I could tell by your phone, you have a lot of class.

Mmm. Class of ' .

Ok. That's-- you know what? Enough of that.

Here's your phone.

I'd like to thank you for taking care of my phone for me.

May I buy you a hot chocolate?

I'd love that.

Good.

By the time they get there,

It ain't going to be hot.

Oh.

Konichiwa.

Cody, what are you doing here?

Uh, I wanted to honor your grandmother

By performing the traditional tea ceremony.

Arigato.

Give me a break-o.

As you know,

The water jar represents...

The sun.

And the bowl represents...

Uh...

The butt?

Oh! The moon! The moon!

Oy vey.

You should do so well at this.

I know how to do it.

And besides, it's usually done by a woman.

I'm trying to prove to you that I'm not a sexist pig.

Oh! I believe you're not a pig boy.

Please, continue.

Arigato.

Oh! Very good.

Do you see how he's meditating over the fukusa?

No! He's really freaking me out.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Man, that bee was bigger than a blimp.

Thanks a lot.

Well, excuse me for being allergic to bees.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

That was great, cody.

I've never seen a traditional japanese bee ceremony before.

you mean you're not mad?

How could I be mad

When you went to so much effort to impress my obasan?

I really did it for you, barbara.

Oh, cody.

Oh, barbara!

Oh, gross!

Come on, cody!

Barbara and dakota are waiting for us

To take them ice skating.

nice makeup, mom.

This is an amazon mud mask.

According to travis, it's been keeping tribal women wrinkle-free

For centuries.

And single.

Hiya, guys. You ready to bowl?

Hi, ms. Martin.

Hi, sweetie.

Gee, travis.

You know, I feel really bad, but the thing is...

We got dates, dude. Catch you tomorrow.

I wish, but my ship leaves tonight

And we won't be back for, like, years.

Ooh. Well, in that case,

See you then!

Ok.

Looking good in that mask, ms. Martin.

See you.

After everything travis did for you two,

You should be ashamed of yourselves.

If I could move my face underneath this mask,

I would be so frowning at you.

Travis, we're so glad you're still here.

Look. We changed our minds.

We want to go bowling with you.

It was my idea. Cody was against it,

But, you know, I talked him into it.

Gee, guys. Sorry. But I made other plans.

Ok. We're ready.

But those are our girls.

Well, as the tibetan sherpas say,

"when you meet on a narrow mountain path,

Move over."

But dakota--

Don't "but dakota" me.

How could you stand up this sweet, adorable little kid?

Yeah. Look at that--

Come on, travi.

You cannot just take our girlfriends.

Guys, I'm about to go to sea for years.

Let me have this.

Both: Anchors aweigh.

I can't believe how much we have in common.

I know.

You like -year-old music,

I'm years old.

I like van gogh.

I knew van gogh.

you are so funny.

So are you.

I hope you don't mind my asking,

But are you single?

Oh, david.

I am so flattered, but...

My mom doesn't let me go out with anyone older than me.

Neither does my mom.

I was asking for my grandson.

He's exactly like me, except his hips are original.

Are you ready, grandpa? We're going to be late for the vivaldi--

Hello.

David?

No, it's jeffery.

Oh, right. Sorry.

It's just--somehow, it seems like we met before.

He just broke up with his girlfriend.

Oh, what a shame. My name is maddie.

Do you believe in fairy tales?

Not so fast. This ramp is uphill.