03x22 - Mr. Tipton Comes to Visit

[bunniefuu]

Norman,
your hat is askew.

Get all of that, please.

Oh, irene,
those flowers
are crooked.

Arwin...
Ahh...

Ah-pheww!

Oh.

Sorry.

Would you just stop?

Madeline.

Oh, smile.

Heh.

Bigger.

Bigger!

It's starting to hurt.

Hey,
what's goin' on?

Can't talk.
Too busy smiling.

Freeze.

[snaps fingers]

Not you, arwin.

Pheww!

Ohh. Thank you.

Mr. Tipton is coming
for an inspection,

And I need you two
to be somewhere.

Where's that?

A little place I like
to call anywhere but here.

Why do you think
we're always gonna
mess things up?

I don't think. I know.

Remember your first day,

Or as I like to call it,
"the end of happiness"?

Yo, yo.
Guys, over here.

Cool.
Look at this place.

You wanna tell drew
not to invite any more
of his friends over?

No. It's ok.

Y-you can do it.

Wow.
Cool.

All right, first one
to the game room

Gets free foosball
all afternoon.

[cheering]

Oh, my--

Ohh! Whoa!

Ohh!
Oh!

[yelling]

Ohh! For the love of--

Get down! Don't--

No! Ahh! Watch the vase!

Oh, watch the ladd--
oh, watch out
for the guests.

Ohh! For crying--
the vase!

I am ok.

Ok, we'll stay
out of your way.

But it
would be nice
if you showed

A little faith
in us every
once in a while.

Oh! Oh,
here we go.

[staff yelling]

Watch the vase!

Not the vase!
Don't touch the vase!

You want the vase?!
No, arwin!

Hold on!
I'll get it for you!

No! Arwin, no!

Here you go.

See? No one got hurt.

♪ here I am in your life ♪

♪ here you are in mine ♪

♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪

♪ most of the time ♪

♪ you and me,
we got the world to see ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ just me and you
know what to do ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ it's you and me
and me and you ♪

♪ we got the whole place
to ourselves ♪

♪ you and me,
we got it all for free ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ this is the suite life ♪

♪ we've got a suite life ♪

Emerald, sapphire,

Diamond, ruby, gold--
ucch!

How did that
get in there?

[knock on door]
come in.

[gasps] hi, moseby.

Say hi to ruby
and pearl.

Hi, ruby. Hi, pearl.

London, I was wondering

Do you happen to know
what mood

Your father might be in?

Why do you care
what mood daddy's in?

Eh, as a loyal employee,

Naturally I care about
your father's happiness.

London, is it true that
if your dad's in a good mood,

Someone gets a bonus?!

So that's why you wanted to
know what mood daddy's in.

No. I knew nothing
of this $ , bonus.

Aha! I never said
how much it was.

Lucky guess?

Look, I deserve the bonus,

Which is why you should show
your dad this picture of me

Saving the ambassador.

People flocked to the hotel
after that.

Ah, here they are.

Miss london,
mr. Ambassador,

Welcome
to the tipton.

I hope you enjoy
our moroccan decor.

Ah.

[middle eastern music playing]

What happened to
the professional belly dancer?

Bellyache?

London: But she's awful.

Oh! Patrick...

I need an ice tea
with a slice of lime
and a sprig of mint.

And by the way,
the ambassador's either choking
or playing charades.

Patrick:
Oh, dear!

Ohh!

Ok...

Eww.

So you made a guy
throw up. You do that
on all your dates.

And there's also the time
I saved the hotel

From being sued
by a con man.

Olga is the best.

She has
the gentlest touch.

I fix boo-boo now!

Um, uh, yeah.

You know, I--I think
my boo-boo just needs
a little rest.

You know what you
know about boo-boos?

Bubkes!
You know bubkes
about boo-boos.

I know boo-boos.

Now, on count of ,

We flip him
like blini.

W-w-wait. Wait.

.
Whoa!

Time for hot rocks!

[boiling]

Relax your muscles!

[sizzles]

Aah!

No!
Daddy!

Aah!

Holly! Pumpkin,
are you all right?

I think so. Uhh.

It looks like you
have made a remarkable
recovery, mr. O'neil.

It's a miracle!

That physical therapist
is amazing.

Maddie?

Da. Ja.

I mean, yes.

Ok, and let's face it.

If I didn't
baby-sit the twins,

Who knows what would
have happened to this hotel?

Whoa.

Where is he?

I'll never rat him out,
not in a million years.

Not in a billio--

He's in the
air-conditioning duct

On the way
to the wedding

To get the picture
of the $ , kiss.

[growls]
ow. Ow. Ow. Ow...

Yes, you're marvelous
with children,

Like the time
you abandoned
the day-care center

And let the monsters
run amuck.

[screaming]

Freeze!

Sit!

Let's face it.

There's only one thing
that keeps this hotel
from falling apart.

Giant magnets
in the basement?

No.

I meant me.

Look out!
I can't stop!

Ohh!

What is going on?

If it's not one thing,
it's--

Mama!

Ahh.

[sighs]

Not bad.

[gasps] but you didn't
get on the cover of a magazine.

Hmm. Well, you can't
get an employee bonus

If I fire you first.

I love
when poor people fight.

I'm takin' the skinny blonde
in the third round.

Oh! Hey, mom,
have you heard?

Mr. Tipton
is coming,

And he's going to give
somebody a bonus.

Really? [bang] ow!

Wow!

That pipe's really
taken a b*ating.

We want you
to get the bonus, mom.
Aww.

So you could
spend it on us.

Oh.

Carey, if anyone
deserves a bonus,
it's you.

When you sing, the
birds fling themselves
to the ground.

Probably
out of jealousy.

Well, if I do
say so myself,

Pton wouldn't have
the great commercial
if it weren't for me.

♪ welcome to
the tipton ♪

♪ where everything
is sweet ♪

♪ try joining us
for dinner ♪

♪ may we
offer you a seat? ♪

♪ next time,
stay at the tipton ♪

♪ the tipton
puts you on top ♪

♪ when you stay
at the tipton ♪

♪ the good times,
they never stop ♪

♪ because you're the star ♪

♪ when you travel far ♪

♪ the food
is always gourmet ♪

♪ at the tipton ♪

♪ it's your place to stay ♪

♪ we're livin' large
at the tipton ♪

♪ the tipton's
our place to play ♪

♪ room service,
movies, and ice cream ♪

♪ in paris,
new york, or bombay ♪

♪ hang your hat
by our welcome mat ♪

♪ we want you to have it
your way ♪

♪ at the tipton ♪

♪ at the tipton ♪

♪ at the tipton ♪

♪ your place to stay ♪

♪ and bring
the family ♪

♪ the tipton is
your place to stay ♪

Check in.

Hey!

Ah, zack,
cody, arwin.

Good.
You're all here.

Now,
don't be alarmed.

I'm just gonna
glue your door shut.

Just until
mr. Tipton leaves
and I get my bonus.

Hey, I deserve
that bonus.

Yeah, and if she doesn't
get it, I deserve it.

I've done a lot
to help out this hotel.

Remember my remote-control
luggage cart?

Oh.

Heh. Arwin, it works.

Yes.

It does!

And it can go faster.

No. Please don't
make it go faster.

Too late.

Ah, there she goes.
And then...

I bring it
to a gentle stop.

[whirring]
arwin,

It's not stopping.
Or not.

Um, it's just--
it's got a little--

Arwin, it's moving.
Ok. Hold on.

It's moving.
Just give me a chance.

It's coming around.
The right switch
at the right time--

[yelling]
you just can't--

What--what--ah.

When I stop it,
I get a turn, ok?

That cart wreaked
havoc in my lobby

And then got
a speeding ticket.

Yeah, but I've had
a lot of other great ideas.

It's a, uh,
letter-sorting machine.

It's got
a microchip in it

That reads each envelope
and then promptly

sh**t it into
the appropriate cubby.

Oh, dear.

Here we go. Ahem.

, ,

--
arwin!

, , .

Arwin. Arwin.
Oh, no.

It's moving.
Why--

You'

How--how'd the--

[guests yelling]

Aah!

Don't worry, moseby!

Hey, mr. Moseby, look!

Airmail!

That was brilliant.

It was
a disaster.

I'm still
picking stamps

Off of
my shorts.

Well, the good news is

Now you can
mail them anywhere.

That was a--
you got it.

That was a good--
sorry.

There was also,
you know, the time

That I helped the tipton
win that bowling tournament.

Ilsa: Aha!

Ooh. Zhe deadly
- shplit.

You can get zhe ,
or you can
get zhe ,

But you cannot
get zhem both!

Ha ha!
[cheering]

There's no pressure,
arwin.

Just the fact
that you bowled
makes you a winner.

But if you miss this,
we're all big, fat losers, so--

You, young lady,
go stand back there.

[inspiring
synthesizer music playing]

[normal speed]
what are you doing?

[synthesizer music stops]

It's just
for dramatic effect.

If you go slower,
the tension builds and--

I'm gonna go again.

[deep breath]

Yeah!
Ahh!

[cheering]

I can't believe
he made that sh*t.

I think I might pass out.

Uh-oh.

Arwin!

That was awesome, arwin.

[cell phone rings]

Marion moseby.

[snickers] marion.

[all snicker]

[all quiet]

Ah!
He's here already?!

Ok. Yeah. Yeah.

Mr. Tipton's
helicopter just
landed on the roof.

[helicopter]
ah!

I see the rotors. Cool.

Give him
the welcome cake.

Let's hope
he's in a good mood.

Oh, no.
He's in a bad mood.

Does this mean
no one gets a bonus?

Worse. It means someone
is getting fired.

Why are you guys
lookin' at me?

Because he can't
fire them.

Oh.
Oh.

[elevator dings]

Guys,
we have a plan.

Not now, boys.
We're busy pacing.

But this plan
could save everybody--

We don't wanna hear it.

But--but you guys--

What part of "zzzt"
don't you understand?

Maybe mr. Tipton is
not in a bad mood.

Maybe
the cake was just
the wrong flavor.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

German chocolate cake
is his favorite.

Mmm, moseby's right.

All of daddy's
wedding cakes have
been that flavor.

Who are you kidding?
He's in a bad mood,

And one of us
is gettin' canned.

Look, carey,
you're a fine singer,

And I'm extremely
fond of you,
but let's face it.

You raise
wildebeests.

Let's not forget
the painting.

Hike.

All: Aah!

Oh, no. It's broken.

My half isn't broken.

Moseby: Make up
these rooms posthaste.

Think he noticed?

Moseby: He noticed.

It wasn't us.
We were--we--
we were...

Framed!

All right, but we've
also done some good things
for the hotel.

Uh, remember
when chef paolo quit

And I had to cook
that great meal for
the restaurant critic?

Needs salt.

Needs pepper.

This is terrible.

It's dishwater.
Needs soap.

The critic insists
on the seafood medley.

[all gasp]
no.

Yes.

All right,
people,

Mamma mia, I didn't
mean it literally.

Please, mr. Critic,

We all did the best
that we could.

Re about
is the food,

And since I didn't
get any, I'd say--

Holy mackerel,
that's yummy.

Oh, and don't
forget the time

We filled in for kumiko
to save the convention.

♪ little maids
who all unwary ♪

♪ come from
a ladies seminary ♪

♪ freed from
its genius tutelary ♪

♪ little maids
from school ♪

♪ little maids from school ♪

Ooh, I got one.

Remember when we baked
all those cookies for the hotel?

Well, I don't remember
eating any cookies,

But I do remember
wearing pie.

Come back here and take
this banana cream pie
like a man.

Oh, he wouldn't.

He would.

I love zhe twins.

This pie throwing
will stop this instant.

Mr. Moseby.

H.

Right after this.

Oops.

Ah heh.
Ow!

Whoo.

Ahh.
Aah!

Well, it's not like
we're the only ones
who have had fights.

Let's not forget
your big brother.

Aah! Ohh! Ohh!
[laughing]

Oh, that's it.
That--I got you.

Aah!
What do you think of this?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

He kicked me first.

He started it. Ow!

See? He did it again.

Are you watching?
Oh, I'm gonna get you.

Gonna get ya. Oh, you
better watch it. Huh?

[both shouting]

Oh ho!

Get off my back!

[panting]

Gaah!

He started it.

And he kicked
your butt

Even though he
couldn't reach it.
[laughing]

Sorry, sir.

You've had your share
of fights with london.

That's not true.

We're best friends.

That's why my job
is safe, right, london?

That's right.

Although we have
had a few tiffs.

[gasps]

Hey! You stole my look!

Stole? I made
your lousy look better.

If it's so lousy,
why'd you steal it?

Because if they
liked it on you,

They'll love it on me.

Besides, there are
a lot of differences
between our outfits,

Like the fact yours is
made out of cheap fabric.

[gasps] see?

Must be fake cotton,

Not the real stuff
they get from goats.

Well, the only thing
that's fake is you.

[gasps]

Oh, no, you di'n't.

Oh, yes, I di'id.

Give me that!

No!

It's mine!

Uhh! I don't care.

It's my hair.
I paid for it.

Ok, fine.

Fashion tip--no one wears
heels like this anymore.

And no one's worn
cuffs like these

Since
the french revolution.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow...

This is terrible.
We have to stop them.

Not yet.

Well, you wouldn't hold that
against me, would you?

After all,
we were parents together.

Don't you touch our baby.

[crying]

He's a doll.

You bet he is,

And you're
not touching a hair
on his widdle head.

He doesn't have any hair
on his widdle head.

Oh, your yelling is
just making it worse.

Oh, look,
just give him to me.

Give him to me.
He wants his mommy.

I'm his mommy, too.

Well, I buy him
nicer things.
He likes me more.

Well, he likes me more.
I actually take care of him.

You're hurting him.

Oh, you're hurting him!

Just let go!

[all yell]

[crying]

[doll shorts out]

Ok, so maybe I am
getting fired.

But at least I never
broke the hotel.

Have you adjusted
your mirrors?

All of them.

Ok.

Now, are you familiar
with the gear shift?

You mean the prndl?

Are you referring
to the shift lever

That says p-r-n-d-l?

I'm not a child,
moseby. I know
how to spell prndl.

It is not
something you spell.

It is a gear shift.

The letters stand
for park, reverse,
neutral, drive, and low.

You're making me nervous
with all this
technical talk.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Why don't we just relax?

We'll turn on the radio.

Would you like am or fm?

We're probably
in more danger here
than he is there.

Moseby: Forward,
not reverse!

[crash]

Oh, my goodness,
are you ok?

I'm not cleanin' that up.

[gasps] oh, no.

Daddy's gonna fire me!

London, you don't work here.

He's already done it?

I can't believe daddy
wants to fire me.

London, calm down.

You don't work.
You never did work.

You never have to work.

Yay, me!

So what are we
all worried about?

Moseby: Oh, mr. Tipton,
you're looking great.

Love the new bodyguard.
Very slimming.

Ooh!
I love you, daddy!

Air hug!

Hey, mr. Tipton.

Guy hug--ahh. Or not.

Candy bar, sir?

It's got nougat.

Please don't fire me, sir.

I'm a single mother
who's trying to raise

growing wildebe--b-boys.

[all clamoring]

Back off!

I hate being crowded.

Carey: Right.

Everyone move back.
Move back.

He doesn't wanna
be crow--[gasps]

I'm not cleanin' that up.

Muriel, you're fired.

Uh...

[mouths word]

Yes. Uh, but, sir--

Oh, muriel,
we'll miss you so much.

But she doesn't
even work he--

Oh.

Don't you remember,
chowderhead?

I retired years ago.

Then what are you
doing here?

That was the plan we
were trying to tell
you guys about.

While mom was cleaning cake
off of arwin,

We called muriel.

We figured if somebody
should get fired,

It shouldn't be someone
who worked here.

Oh.
Ohh.

My brilliant boys.

Celebrate on
your own time.

Where's
my bucks?

Oh, but allow me,
young wildebeests.

Ah. You--if you have
change for a hundred.

No.
Whoa.

Taxi!