Excuse me, aren't you a plumber?
Next time on Cheers...
Well, a service technician.
Oh, can you ever forgive me?
Boy, Rebecca sure knows
how to get to a man's heart, huh?
You are lonely, desperate,
and if the bloom isn't
off the rose just yet,
you can certainly hear
pruning shears approaching.
Okay, so maybe it's not too late
for a second
chance with romance.
You talked about marriage?
He says it with his eyes.
Becky's new beau,
next time on Cheers.
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
Well, where the
hell is this guy?
He said he'd be
here in 15 minutes.
It's been nearly 20.
Doesn't he realize
this is an emergency?
Hey, calm down, will
you Norm? He'll be here.
Well, it's a hell of a
world we live in, Sam.
We can put a man
on the moon okay,
but we can't get a
beer tap repairman here
in a reasonable amount of time.
Norm, sit down!
Just relax.
Why, why don't you have
a, have a bottle of beer?
Yeah, right, a bottle.
It's just not the same, Sam.
Well, I'm sure Mr. Clavin would
let you have some of his beer.
Well, I'm afraid not, Woody.
No, no, you see, we,
we knew that the taps
were gonna be out
of service for a while,
Sam made an announcement.
So I took a moment to figure
out that if I take just a little sip
every now and again,
it would last until the
repairman fixes yon tap.
But, when I suggested
the strategy to Mr. Peterson,
he called me... well, what was
it you called me again, Norm?
Bozo.
Right.
I'm a bozo.
I'm, uh, gonna go to the
men's room now, okay.
Excuse me.
Oh, right, and you're gonna
take your beer with you?
Come on, Cliff.
We've been friends for 15 years.
I'm so pathetic,
you think I'm gonna steal
my best friend's beer, huh?
Yeah, you're right, Normie.
I trust you.
Bozo.
♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name ♪
Yo, someone call
for a beer tap repair?
Yeah... About an hour ago!
Hey, hey, Norm... Where
in the hell have you been?
Hey, hey, sit! Whoops.
Sit!
Excuse me.
Yeah, right over here.
Hi.
My name is Carla.
Hi. Don. Yeah, I know,
I read it off your left pec.
If you, uh,
have anything else
written on your body,
I'm looking for
something to read in bed.
Will you let the man
do his job please, Carla?
I know Braille.
No, no, no, go on.
Oh, hey, look who's back
from vacation... Miss Howe!
Hi, Rebecca. How
was your cruise?
Well, I can honestly say
that it was the most painful,
excruciating, depressing
experience of my life.
There was not one single
eligible bachelor
on that whole trip.
You know what?
The very first day I stepped
on a poison blowfish,
my leg swelled up
like a bloated corpse.
A bloated corpse without
unsightly stubble I hope.
Oh shut up, Cliff.
Oh, say, Rebecca,
maybe I misunderstood
you earlier.
I thought the purpose of your
trip wasn't to snare a husband.
Well, of course it wasn't.
Why'd you go?
Woody, I was very clear
about why I went before I left.
Don't you remember?
No.
I said that I went
to find myself,
to look myself square in the eye
and find out who I really
was, yada, yada, yada.
Oh, yeah. I remember
the yada, yada, yada part.
Half way through the trip,
I realized something...
That my life is doo-doo.
Please, Miss Howe.
You may have used that
kind of language at sea,
but we're not in the boiler
rooms among sailors.
You know, the problem
is that I'm always looking
for some, for some
rich, powerful man,
but not anymore.
Now I want a
sweet, honest guy...
Excuse me...
You know, a nice, hard-working,
decent kind of fellow,
with a great smile...
Excuse me.
But I mean, where are you
gonna find a guy like that?
It's not like they just
pop up out of thin air.
Hey, lady, your
problem's solved.
Good. Bill me.
I'm talking to my friends here.
Thank you so much, Don.
If only we lived in a culture
where men could kiss
other men without shame.
Uh, excuse me.
Uh, I'm Don.
I'm happy for you, Don.
You know, I'm really
sorry about your vacation
and, uh, while I was
working down there,
I couldn't help but notice how
nicely your leg has recovered.
Anyway, I was wondering
if, uh, maybe
you'd want to go out
and have a cup of coffee,
maybe a movie, something.
Excuse me.
Aren't you a plumber?
Well, a service technician.
Oh, can you ever forgive me?
Rebecca, excuse
me for interrupting,
but may I ask you a question?
Do you listen to yourself?
Well, sometimes.
All right, not two minutes ago,
you announced to the bar that
you were opening yourself up
to men from any walk of life.
Now, that man seems
attractive, decent,
and most of all,
interested in you.
You're lonely, desperate,
and if the bloom isn't
off the rose just yet,
you can certainly hear
pruning shears approaching.
He is kind of cute, isn't he?
Actually, he's just
what I was describing.
Can you belie... Is that
just like me or what?
It's like, I'm just
standing here
blathering on and on
and on and on and on,
while opportunity
is just passing
me by... it's like
life is a parade.
Rebecca! Rebecca, fetch!
Oh, sorry, yoo-hoo,
Mr. Burley Working Type Guy,
Hold up a second.
I had a great time.
So did I.
I'll see you tonight
at 7:00? 7:00.
And, uh, oh, I almost forgot.
I, I, I got a little
something for you,
um, just so you
wouldn't be late.
What is it?
Don!
Oh, what a beautiful
antique watch!
Yeah. Oh, I can't
accept this, Don.
It's much too expensive.
No, no, I want you to have it.
It was my mother's.
Oh, when did she die?
She didn't.
She just dozes off a lot.
Oh, Don, you're so goofy!
And this is so sweet.
No, Rebecca, nothing's
too good for you.
Maybe you are.
Look at her, throwing
herself at him.
No class.
No class at all.
I just went on a
service call with Don.
He was unplugging a drain.
We got to... we got to... we
got to eat out of his lunch pail,
and then I got to hand him
his tools out of his tool belt.
He wears a tool belt?
Oh, man, why don't
you just spit on my grave.
Well, it's nice seeing you
guys have fun like that.
Oh, yeah.
And you know what's
different about Don?
It's like I'm not always
thinking about my next move.
You know, the less I work at
it, the better it seems to get.
So I'm just gonna take it
nice and easy, nice and slow,
you know, one step at a time,
I'm not gonna fall
too hard or too fast.
God, I love him!
I love him so much!
Do you know what I'm saying?
Yes, you love him! Yes!
There's even talk of marriage.
Marriage?! REBECCA: Yeah.
He, he talked about marriage?
Well, he says it with his eyes.
And you know what,
I, I just have to say that
if, if he did ask me to
marry him right now,
I think that I would
have to say yes.
Honey, don't...
You want to step into my office
just for a second? Sure, Sam.
Looky! Looky! Looky! Looky!
You know the idea
of romantic love
is a relatively new
phenomenon. Yeah.
In olden cultures, wives
were no more than chattel.
They'd parade the women
through the marketplace
dressed in nothing but
flimsy, tight-fitting animal skins
with their breasts heaving
and undulating in the...
Cliff, I don't want to hear
anymore of this, okay?
Anybody who wants to
hear the rest of the story,
uh, follow me in the
pool room, please.
Go ahead, Paul.
You know you want to.
I think you're
rushing into this.
You know, I mean,
it's been two weeks.
What do you know about the guy?
I know he's good, he's decent,
and he thinks that I'm the best
thing that ever happened to him.
He said that?
He says it with his eyes.
Does this guy's eyes
shut up long enough
for his mouth to
ever say anything?
Now, Sam, I appreciate
this but I'm a big girl.
And you know what?
I think I'm gonna go for it.
All right, okay,
but you're settling.
Settling?
No way.
Honey, come on.
Look, you've had bad
luck with men all your life.
You're afraid you're
never gonna get married,
so you're latching
onto the first guy
that gives you the time of day.
That is absolutely,
categorically not true!
Yes, it is.
So what?
Is it not better
that I settle and I have someone
than stick to my high standards
and have no one and
end up an old maid?
Honey, that smells
of desperation.
You don't... you
don't need that.
You deserve the
greatest guy in the world.
Oh, God. Oh, God. I don't
believe I'm about to say this.
Sit down, sit down.
Listen, I've been doing a...
doing a lot of thinking recently
about marriage and
settling down and stuff.
Yeah?
I can't believe this...
My hands are sweating.
Come on, Sam, go on
with what you were saying.
Oh... I, I just think
that... you and I...
Whoa-whoa-whoa, wait a minute.
You're not saying what I
think you're saying, are you?
You know, I think there's a
chance for you and me if...
If, if what?
All right, all
right, here goes...
If, in the next couple of years,
the right woman
doesn't come along,
you're on the top
of a very short list.
I know, I can't believe
I'm saying this, either!
God, this is incredible.
This... y-you are saying that
you will marry me if someone
better doesn't come along?
Is it mind-blowing or what?
Oh, just wait, just one second.
I-I-I just want to be
crystal clear on this.
Y-You, you sort of, look
at me like your safety net?
Okay...
You stupid jackass!
What? How...? What, what?!
How can you be so insensitive?
Oh, oh, now, now, wait a second.
Listen, all right, maybe the
words didn't come out right,
but all I'm saying is
that you don't have to
settle for this... this plumber.
Settle? Me?!
Wait a minute, I will
tell you something!
The woman that
marries you will be
the all-time four-star settler.
What's that supposed to
mean? What does it mean?
Take a look at yourself.
Look at you, I mean,
the only thing you
ever think about is sex.
You think you're going to
make some woman feel special
just because she's
just another notch
in your sliver of a headboard?
Sam, I mean wise up!
Do you ever hear women
talk about you anymore?
You're a cliché.
You are pathetic!
Women talk about
you out there and they,
they laugh at you
like you're a joke!
I have work to do.
God, Sam, I'm-I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to
hurt your feelings.
I-I-I think that I just was
upset because you were
just so inconsiderate and I...
So, the, uh, part
about me being a joke.
You were just making
up that stuff, right?
Oh, yeah, 'cause, you know, you
hurt me, so I wanted to hurt you
and... no, I mean, in fact,
you would, you would make
any woman a real good husband.
You're a catch.
Oh, yeah, that's better.
Have you noticed that,
uh, someone in this bar
is getting a little looney?
Sam...
everyone in this bar
is on a connecting flight
to beyond looney.
Yeah, I'm talking about Rebecca.
You know, I'm a little
worried about her.
Well, how so? Well...
She made up this
weird story about how
no one would want to
marry me because, you know,
I've had a lot of
women in my day.
What exactly do you
find weird about that?
Don't say you agree with her?
Well, she has a point, Sam.
Having a prolific sexual
past can be very intimidating
and even unattractive
to a potential mate.
Well, you're as crazy
as she is, Frasier!
Come on, man, you
know, the woman I choose
is going to feel very special.
You know, like when a great
chef picks the perfect pork chop?
That's beautiful, Sam.
But listen, if this is
really bothering you...
I didn't say it
was bothering me.
Well, all right, okay, okay.
But if it does bother you, you're
perfectly capable of making a change.
You can reinvent Sam Malone.
You know, this could be a
turning point for you in your life.
Listen, I'm going to write
down the number of a man.
His name is Dr. Robert Sutton.
And he has a therapy
group for sexual compulsives.
Well, what are...
What are you saying?
I'm hooked on sex?
Well, let's face it
Sam. It consumes you.
Look, be honest.
How long do you think
you could go without
thinking about sex?
As long as I want.
Fine, go ahead. Time me.
All right, start now.
How long was that?
About a second.
Well, is, is that normal?
For a rabbit!
You know something, I don't,
I don't care what you think.
You know, I am leading
the life that I want to lead.
And if I, if I choose to
settle down someday,
I won't have any problem
finding someone to do it with.
Okay, okay. I'll tell you what.
Let's get a woman's
opinion. Carla will suffice.
Carla...
What...?
Sam here has a
question he'd like to pop.
sh**t.
Yeah, all right, fine.
Carla, strictly hypothetically,
would you marry me?
Sammy, that's a stupid question.
Well, I know it is.
Not in a million years!
What? Oh, Sammy.
Nobody loves you
as much as I do.
But I know you!
You know, we'd be
taking our wedding vows,
and you'd be checking
out the bridesmaids.
You're a hound. I
can't marry a hound.
Hey, I thought we had something
special going on between us.
Definitely, we do.
I just always thought
that I'd be the woman
you cheated on your wife with.
Call me a hopeless romantic.
Well, Sam, uh,
when you're ready.
Norman. Hey, Fras.
Oh, hey, hey, Norm.
Hmm? Yeah?
Can I talk to you a second?
Sure.
I've been doing a lot
of thinking about my life.
You know, and I think
I need a little advice.
Well, well, hold on a second.
Is this going to be one
of those conversations
where you're feeling
sort of vulnerable
and you really need
a good friend to talk to
'cause you're thinking about
changing the direction of your life?
Yeah.
Could you just hang on
a second, then? Just...
Norm said you
wanted to talk to me?
So, that's when I
gave Dr. Sutton a call.
Uh, excuse me.
Is this the meeting
for the... sex thing?
Yes...
the sexual compulsives group.
Yes, I'm Doctor Sutton.
Hi.
Have a seat. Thank you.
We've just been
going around the room,
telling a little bit
about ourselves.
And why don't we
continue with you?
Let's start with your name.
First name only, please.
All right, uh,
My name is...
Steve.
Hi, Steve.
Uh, well, uh,
I'm, I'm starting off on
the wrong foot, here.
Uh, my real name is not Steve.
It's... Bob.
Hi, Bob.
I can't believe I'm doing this.
I, uh, I'm really embarrassed.
My name isn't Bob, either.
It's, uh, it's Sam.
No, really, it is. It's Sam.
Hi... Sam.
Well, uh, where to begin?
See, I-I don't, I don't really
have a problem, you know.
It's just that, uh,
my friends think I do.
Uh, see, I've, I've, had
a lot of sex in my life.
We all have.
No, No.
You see, I-I mean a lot.
So do I.
Yeah, all right, wise guy.
I'm writing down a number here.
Sam, I think you're
missing the point.
Sorry.
Uh, well, you know, I don't,
I don't know why they
think I have a problem.
You know, so I have a
healthy sex drive. Big deal.
I mean, what's, what's the
big deal about that, huh?
I mean, uh, you know,
granted it's a big part of my life.
You know, when I'm not having
sex, I'm-I'm thinking about it.
I-I don't want you
to think that I'm, uh,
you know, that
I'm, uh, you know,
that I'm shallow, 'cause I
have other interests, too.
You know, like,
like, like my hair.
The, uh... the babes
really love my hair.
Yeah, I don't know
what the big deal is.
You know, when I was growing up,
it was a sign of-of manhood
how many women you shagged.
I guess I just, uh,
missed the announcement
when they changed the rule.
So, I just kept on doing it.
I- I suppose if
I'm really honest,
that I...
I'm not that happy anymore.
Um, I suppose I'm, I'm, you
know, beginning to realize
that, uh, all that skirt
chasing kept me from
experiencing some of
the good things in life.
Some of the... important things.
Phew. Uh, maybe, uh...
Maybe I'm not
here for my friends.
M-Maybe I am here for myself.
Thank you, Sam. I know
that was difficult for you,
but we're glad you're here.
Uh, who's next?
How about you?
Uh, well, I guess I've had
this problem for a long time.
Excuse me, your name?
Oh, sorry. Rachel.
Hi, Rachel.
I guess the root of my behavior,
like everybody's, is
my low self-esteem.
I never thought
I was very pretty
or had any particular talent.
The only time I felt
special was when
men were attracted
to me sexually.
And it started out
innocently enough, you know.
I would sleep with a guy on the
first date, every now and then.
But it wasn't long before I was
having a first date every night.
And soon, sex was
all I could think about.
Morning, noon and
night. Seven days a week.
It wasn't enough
as far as quantity, it
had to be dangerous, too.
I would duck into an alleyway
with a guy on the way to work.
Or I'd stop an
elevator between floors.
Sneak a guy into a
department store dressing room.
I would love to
put a stop to this,
because I... I feel like my
appetites are out of control.
I mean, I hunger
for it constantly.
And there is no limit
to how low I'll go.
There's no chance I won't take.
No fantasy I won't fulfill.
My lust controls me
and that's why I'm here.
So, you like Chinese food?