06x11 - The Cannon

[bunniefuu]

[Whistling]

hey, listen to this:

"regular $ . Value,

"special price till the end of the month,

$ . ."

Say, that's a buy.

What is it, goober?

It's a imitation alligator wallet.

[Incredulously] alligator?

You hear that, andy? Yeah.

"With a secret compartment for your large bills,

and your choice of initials."

Wow. $ . ?

Ooh, that's value, all right.

You know, we all ought to take advantage of that.

You gonna get one, andy?

I don't think so.

Me, neither.

I don't guess I'll get one, either.

Uncle floyd, goober, andy,

big news, big news! Yeah?

Yep, could be the biggest thing that ever happened to mayberry.

Well, what is it?

Well, I'll tell you this much. It is big.

Well, what is it?

Long distance call from raleigh.

Now, hold on to your chairs, everybody.

The governor has accepted our invitation

to take part in the mayberry founder's day celebration.

You're kiddin'. The governor?

Comin' to mayberry? In person.

And that's not all. Not only is the governor himself comin',

but they're sendin' down their mobile museum

to be on display in the ceremonies. How about that?

Their mobile museum!

What is that?

It's a museum in a trailer, goober. I saw it once up in raleigh.

It's got all kinds of historical things

that date back to the founding of this country.

No foolin'.

Yeah, they have old coins, paintings,

swords worn by famous generals, jewelry.

They even have a lavaliere that was actually worn by martha washington.

Martha washington's lavaliere!

Right here in mayberry.

Andy, this is big.

Hey, we ought to have a big celebration,

what with the governor comin' and all that. Right, andy?

Goober's right, andy. Maybe a parade a-and decorations.

We'll decorate the whole town.

Maybe we can reactivate the mayberry marching band.

Well, are those fellas still in town?

As far as I know.

[Chattering]

well, now, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

If we're gonna do this, we ought to do it right.

Let's have a meeting of the mayberry founder's day committee

this afternoon, and make some plans.

That's the ticket, andy, organization. It's very important.

Come on, warren. Yeah.

Yeah.

Andy, just a minute. Fellas. Fellas,

I've got an idea for a slogan for this whole thing.

Now, this is just top of head,

but see what you think of it.

Mayberry founder's day.

May mayberry never founder.

Well, it was just a thought.

Now... Now we want to make this a real bang-up celebration, right?

[All murmuring agreeably]

and that means we all have to put our shoulders to the wheel. Right, andy?

Well, I think I have the luncheon reception pretty well planned.

Oh, good.

I thought for the first course, i...

I know it's ambitious, but I think the governor will be impressed.

(Andy) what?

Shrimp cocktails.

[All exclaiming agreeably] oh, that's excellent.

Now, wait, wait. I can't be absolutely certain.

I have to check and see whether I can round up any of those cocktail forks.

Did you say we're going to have for luncheon?

About .

Well, I thought for the main course

we would have chicken a la king.

We girls could prepare it at home

and then we could bring it over to the city hall in our big roasting pans.

(Andy) that ought to work. Yeah, that'll work.

And, for dessert,

I thought we'd have lady fingers and coffee.

[All murmuring agreeably] oh, that all sounds perfect to me.

N-now... Now... Now, wait a minute. Now, wait... Wait now.

Now... Now about the parade. That's you, isn't it, frank?

Yeah, yeah. Now, have you got any ideas on that?

Oh, sure, sure, I got all my notes right here.

Now, here's the way I've got it planned.

Uh, we meet the governor's car at the edge of town,

and we form a line there. Good.

And we'll start the procession with the marchin' band.

Check, john? Check.

And then, that'll be followed by the squad car. With you, andy.

Oh, by the way,

uh, have you decided who's going to do the official greeting?

Well, with the mayor on vacation in hawaii,

I thought we'd get harry bosworth.

Oh, the head of the department of water and power

ain't exactly like the mayor.

Well, it's the best I could do, frank.

Now, harry makes a nice appearance.

Yeah, and he's a good talker.

Ok, then, after the squad car comes the governor's car.

Then I want a open convertible with the top down.

Uh, who's in charge of transportation?

I... I am. Uh, think you can take care of that?

Open convertible with the top down? Yeah.

Yeah, I can borrow earlie gilley's.

Yeah, earlie'll loan you his. What's it for, frank?

Well, I wanted somethin' different,

and i... I got to thinkin'

that the most important thing we grow around here is potatoes.

That's right.

So I thought it'd be kind of nice

if we had our potato queen in the parade.

Who is the queen this year?

Old man dobbins' daughter.

Oh, that's right, it is her turn.

So I thought we'd have a... A nice crown of potatoes

and have her ridin' in the open convertible in a bathin' suit.

[Men murmuring agreeably] in a bathing suit?

Right on main street? It'll be ok.

Oh, yeah, it'll be all right.

And then, bringin' up the rear,

I'm tryin' to get sam epley on his motorcycle.

[All exclaiming agreeably]

well, that will make a fine parade.

You got it very well organized, frank.

Thank you, thank you.

Now, wait. Now, wait.

Now, floyd, you're... You're in charge of the decorations.

Buttons and everything. Right, andy.

I'll have this town a whole mass

of red, white, and blue. How does that strike everybody?

Oh, that's good. That's good.

Oh, andy? Yes.

Uh, where are you gonna put the speaker's stand?

I'm glad you asked that.

Well, that's ok.

I thought we'd put the speaker's stand

right between the courthouse and the barbershop, ok?

And then, I thought we'd put the museum over by the town square,

near where we keep the cannon. Make a nice settin' for it.

Andy? (Andy) yes, goober.

As head of transportation, will I be in charge of the mobile museum?

We'll get to that. Ok.

Now, john. Yeah, andy.

The marchin' band. What kind of shape's it in?

Well, to be truthful, andy, we haven't done enough rehearsin' lately

to keep real sharp, but I'll get together with the boys.

I wish you would. Remember last labor day.

I remember.

Now, the mobile museum.

I checked on it, and it's gonna have a lot of jewels

and valuable things like that in it.

They're gonna bring it in the day before founder's day,

and then leave it here through the celebration.

Oh, that should be very interesting.

Yes, and we are required to keep a constant guard on that.

Now, warren. Yes, andy.

That'll be your job. Do you think you can you handle that?

Put your mind at ease, andy. "The marines have landed."

[All laughing]

goober? Uh, yeah, andy.

You can relieve warren every couple of hours.

Sure, andy. Uh, do I get a uniform, too?

Uh, goober, you'll be working unofficially. You won't need it.

I didn't ask you.

I think we might dig up a uniform for you, goober.

Well, that about takes care of everything.

Now, we don't have much time, so let's get right to work.

Oh, boy, everything really does look nice, doesn't it?

Yeah, it sure does.

Just as nice as can be.

Now, right there is where we'll put the mobile museum.

That's a good idea. Yeah.

Hey, andy. Hmm?

Andy, I'll bet this old baby saw some action, huh?

Oh, I wouldn't be surprised.

Andy, I just had an idea. Yeah?

Now, don't say no before you hear me out. Extend me that courtesy.

Well, what is it? Well, andy,

this founder's day celebration, with the governor comin' and all,

it's just about the most important day you've had here in mayberry in years.

Am I right? Huh? Huh? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I expect.

A fitting occasion to fire the cannon.

Fire the cannon? That's right, andy.

Can't you see it? With the... The parade, the band,

the speeches, and miss potato queen,

and then to climax it all, boom! We fire the cannon.

No, warren.

This old cannon probably hadn't been fired in over years.

Andy, you know, you're just takin' a negative attitude.

Now, I made a study of ballistics at the sheriff's academy.

No. No.

You know, andy, you have a tendency to be very stubborn at times.

That's right. So you might as well forget about f*ring the cannon,

because we ain't gonna fire the cannon.

Hmm.

Andy, I was just goin' over the route of the parade.

The route of the parade? It's just gonna be blocks.

Andy?

Andy, the mobile museum just rolled in.

It stopped at the fillin' station a few minutes ago.

I told the man where to park. Good.

Warren, you and goober better get over there.

We gotta keep a constant guard on that.

Right, andy. Come on, goober.

Warren, I don't have a uniform on yet.

Oh, goober.

Hi. I'm the, uh, sheriff's deputy.

And I'm goober. Hi.

I guess you're the fellow I'm supposed to give the key to.

That's right.

Oh, here are my authorization papers.

They're in order.

I'll be back about : tomorrow to pick it up.

Sure. Fine.

[Engine starting]

see you.

Boy, I bet they got some great stuff in there.

Goober, let's remember what we're here for, huh?

Who's gonna take the first shift?

I will. But you'd better come back in about an hour.

I'll probably be ready for a coffee break then.

All right, warren, a hour. I'm gonna go put on my uniform.

Warren? Hmm?

You're supposed to be guardin' the museum.

Goober, there's somethin' stuck down there.

Well, what if there is? You left your post.

I can see the trailer from here.

Now, see if you can make out what that is.

Come on.

Uh, I'm sorry. The museum won't officially open till tomorrow.

Oh, I'm sorry, sheriff. We didn't know. We're... We're...

We just got into town.

Well, you come back tomorrow and you can go right through.

Oh, thank you, we will. Come, dear.

Bye. Bye.

Warren, it's pitch black in there.

Well, don't you see anything down there?

No, I don't. I can't see a thing.

All right, which one of you's supposed to be on duty?

Warren is. I just come over to relieve him. Warren?

Andy, I'm just feet away. And I discovered somethin'.

There's somethin' stuck down there. Now, if we can find out what it is...

I want you to quit foolin' with this old cannon before you blow somethin' up.

Andy, don't you see?

If we can find out what's down there, if we can clear it,

there's a darn good chance I can get this baby to fire.

Now, what a tribute that would be to the governor.

One of your unforgettable moments.

Warren, I told you once and I'm tellin' you again,

you're not gonna fire this cannon.

Remind me of the {\i }keystone kops.{\I }

if that's the mayberry police force, this ought to be a pushover.

Citizens of mayberry,

it gives me great pleasure

to welcome you on this memorable occasion.

Am I givin' it enough volume, andy?

Oh, it sounds fine to me, harry.

(Frank) sounds good to me.

Yeah. We certainly appreciate you doin' this for us, harry.

Sheriff, we in the department of water and power

look upon ourselves as public servants.

And so, whenever we can serve...

Well, we certainly appreciate it.

Thank you, andy.

How's the band, john?

Well, still a lot of rough spots. Oh.

That's when they're playin' standin' still.

Marchin' ain't gonna help none.

Well, I know they'll do the best they can.

Yeah.

Jesse earle hagen's comin' over from mt. Pilot to play bass.

Oh, good.

Hey, andy. I... I think we ought to get the parade organized.

By the time we get set and... And lined up, the...

The governor ought to be here. Ok, ok.

Uh, listen, I'm gonna go get the squad car.

You get the boys and... And line 'em up, ok?

Uh, hey, harry?

(Harry) huh? Huh? What?

Hey, h-harry, listen. We're gonna start linin' up now.

Would you mind stayin' here and gettin' the folks up on the stand

that's supposed to be up there?

Oh... Oh, sure. Sure.

Oh, th-thanks, harry. Yeah.

Uh...

[Car horn honking]

hi, andy.

Everything ok? Oh, sure, sure, yeah.

Oh, andy, I found out what was stuck in the cannon. A cannonball.

Sort of sets your mind to work, doesn't it?

No, it doesn't, warren. Now, we're going to start to form.

I want you to keep the museum locked till after the speeches are made.

That's when everybody's gonna wanna go through. Oh, sure, yeah.

I was in there before, andy. They got some wonderful things in there.

Yeah. As a matter of fact, i, uh, sort of prepared

a few informative remarks to make.

You know, for when the people are filing through. That... That's fine.

[Clears throat] yeah. Uh, folks, as you enter this museum,

you will notice the sacred mementos from our glorious past.

That's fine. Yeah, mementos which will enable you

to relive the founding of this great nation.

Excellent, warren. D-do you like it?

Yeah, yeah. I thought it would appeal to you, andy.

Uh, notice, as you enter on your right, a priceless lavaliere,

first worn by the first lady of the first president.

Mmm, that's not too bad.

That clown shouldn't give us any trouble.

And the sheriff's out of the way.

Well, I'm goin' over there now.

We won't make our move till everybody's around the stand, listening to speeches.

Ok, I'll wait right here.

[Inaudible]

oh, hi.

Howdy. George archer, state police.

Oh, glad to know you. Uh, warren ferguson.

Mayberry sheriff's office.

Well, have you got the keys?

Keys? Yeah, to the museum here.

Don't tell me they forgot to send an order again.

I swear, I don't know what they're doin' up there in raleigh.

This is the rd time they've done this.

Oh. They're supposed to send an order

to the local office that we're gonna take over.

Now, wouldn't that get your goat?

Yeah, it sure would.

I mean, you'd think the least they could do is tell us, you know?

Well, what do we do now?

Here I'm supposed to be responsible

for the contents of the museum when it's open,

but you're not authorized to turn the keys over to me.

Oh, frankly, i... I wouldn't blame you if you didn't.

Gosh, darn it.

Uh, wait a minute, now, wait. Uh, george, is it?

Yeah. George?

Uh, warren.

Uh, look, just because they're twiddlin' their thumbs up in raleigh,

that's not your fault. Well, no, but...

That's not your fault at all. I mean, you're here.

You're doin' your duty. You're clean.

And, as I see it, this is no time for, uh, formalities.

Right, george? Right, right.

So, here you are. Here are... Here are the keys.

Oh, thanks, warren.

Oh, that's ok, george.

Say, they, uh...

They don't give you state boys much in the way of insignias, do they?

I mean, not even a badge.

Oh, oh, well, uh, confidentially,

they don't want this to look too much like a policed operation.

You know, it makes people uneasy.

Sure, sure. Well, at least that shows the brass up in raleigh

are usin' their head for somethin' besides a hat rack, huh?

Yes.

That's...

Oh, hat rack! Yeah.

Well, we'll see you, george.

We'll just put this over in the corner there,

so they can get up the stairs. Uh-huh.

[Clears throat]

thank you. You're welcome.

I imagine we'll be able to hear the band when it starts playing, hmm?

Oh, yes!

Yeah, the parade'll probably take, uh, minutes.

You figure they'll do a block a minute, huh?

About.

Hope the governor arrives on time.

Well, I'm sure he's going to try,

but, you know, state business and everything.

I know, but I told the girls to take the shrimp out of the refrigerator

at : sharp.

Warren? Huh? Oh.

Who's that fellow over there by the museum?

Oh, he's all right. He's state police.

Sure. They take over when the museum opens.

Andy didn't say nothin' about that.

I know. Raleigh goofed.

Hey, you know what I found in here?

No. No. Huh? Huh?

No, warren! A cannonball.

Cannonball? Yeah.

Stuck right in there.

Oh, I bet that's been in there a long time. Maybe even a whole century.

Could be. You know, I wouldn't be surprised

if this old thing could still be made to fire.

Well, you're not still figurin' on doin' that, are you,

after what andy said?

Oh, no, no. No, it's just that I'm interested in old g*ns.

Sort of a hobby with me. Oh.

Boy, I wish I could get a better look at that firin' mechanism, though.

♪ [Band playing]

there they are! There they are!

Oh!

[Crowd cheering]

oh!

Isn't that impressive?

Beautiful sight.

Band sounds good.

Oh!

(Man) bravo!

Uh, governor, I'd like you to meet harry bosworth,

the head of our department of water and power.

It's an honor, sir.

And mr. Frank chase. Mr. Chase.

And, uh, this is my aunt, miss beatrice taylor.

Very pleased to meet you.

And floyd lawson. It's a pleasure, your honorable,

his excellency, the judge, see.

Uh, and... And, uh, of... Of course you've met sharon dobbins.

Yes, I've had the pleasure.

Oh, well, thank you.

[Crowd cheering]

well, uh, won't, uh, won't you all, then, sit down?

Uh... Uh, andy, would you... Oh, yes.

[Clears throat]

uh, ladies and gentlemen,

it is a great privilege and a profound honor

to introduce this great man

who has taken time out from his busy schedule

(harry) as governor of our state,

to come down here and help us.

[Crowd cheering]

and so, ladies and gentlemen,

it gives me great pleasure

to welcome the governor of our glorious state,

the honorable george c. Handley.

[All cheering]

good people of mayberry,

I am deeply honored

to have been invited by you

to take part in mayberry's founder's day ceremony.

You see anything yet?

No. It's like the black hole of calcutta down there.

You don't have a match, do you? Uh, somewhere.

At least I'll be able to see what's in there, now.

[Whispering] that's all.

I have always felt

that mayberry was one of the few towns left in america

where one could enjoy true peace and tranquility.

[Cannon blasting]

what was that? Uh, I don't know.

You go right on with your speech, governor, and... And I'll go find out.

(Warren) all right, is... Is anybody hurt in there?

Oh, no. He sh*t a station wagon.

I'm sorry. I... I... I didn't know...

All right, warren, you wouldn't listen, huh?

Andy... You folks all right?

Andy, look! Stay out of it, goober.

It looks like the stuff from the museum. What?

Oh, yeah, the tourists from yesterday.

I captured a couple of crooks.

Goober, andy, I captured a couple of crooks!

Be quiet, warren. Be quiet!

Listen, arrest 'em.

Take 'em... Take 'em to the... To the city hall and hold 'em.

I got to get back. Now, be quiet. Gotcha, andy.

All right, let's go. Hands up, hands up, hands up. Keep 'em up there.

Come on, goober. Get out there. All right,

no false moves or it's curtains for you.

And in conclusion, I would like to extend

my sincerest wishes

for your continued success and progress.

Uh, what was the noise, sheriff?

Uh, uh, the noise, uh, was a one-g*n salute in your honor, sir.

[All cheering]

well, I still don't understand it.

How that old cannon could go off after all these years.

Well, that could only be one thing, andy. Yeah?

You see, that gunpowder was in there all these years just like the cannonball.

Oh? Oh, sure.

I don't know if you remember this from sheriff's academy or not,

I'm able to retain these things.

But, you see, that was undoubtedly black gunpowder in there.

Oh. You know, that's what they used in those days.

Is that right? Sure.

And black gunpowder doesn't weaken over the years.

As a matter of fact, it gets stronger.

These are facts I'm giving you, andy, indisputable.

Did they teach you any indisputable facts

like you never turn over a valuable thing like a museum

to anybody without an authorization?

Now, I was waitin' for that, andy. I was waitin' for that.

Now, andy, I'm gonna tell you something

that will shed a whole new light on this thing. Oh?

Now, you see, when that fellow first came up to me,

there was somethin' about him that didn't add up,

you know what I mean? Didn't add up. Yeah, yeah.

Well, I have an instinct for that thing anyway. Oh, yeah.

So I figure, by stayin' around the cannon,

I could keep a weather eye on him. Just in case.

Yeah. Andy, there was nothin' on my mind,

but the safety of the contents of that museum.

Oh, I know, you may not believe this. That's smart thinkin'.

You do believe it? No.

You don't believe it. That's right.

Huh.