06x24 - Eat Your Heart Out

[bunniefuu]

[Whistling]

[door opening]

hey, andy. Oh, hi, goob.

What you doin' all dressed up in the middle of the day?

Oh, nothin'.

Uh, wanna go over to the diner and have some lunch?

Ok. Let me finish cleanin' my shotgun.

You're not goin' huntin' this time of year?

No. I might go out and sh**t some crows.

Mmm.

About finished?

Just about.

Uh, if you don't get to the diner early enough

all the good desserts are gone.

Yeah?

And they sure do have good mashed potatoes.

Best in mayberry, don't you think so, andy?

Andy? Hmm?

I said don't you think the diner has the best mashed potatoes in mayberry?

Yeah, they're pretty good.

If you get there too late, they get lumpy.

Yeah.

They say a fella works better on a full stomach.

Maybe that's why you're workin' so slow. Maybe you're hungry.

We ought to go over to the diner right now.

[Chuckling]

goober, I haven't been over at the diner in weeks.

I don't guess I'll starve to death

if I don't get over there for another weeks.

You ain't been to the diner in weeks? No.

Well, that means you ain't met the new waitress

there, yet. Boy, andy, she is really...

Oh, that's why you're in such a hurry to get over there.

No. I'm just hungry. That's all it is. Hungry.

Oh, you scoundrel.

You scoundrel, you got a sweetheart.

Goober's got a sweetheart.

Quit.

Hey. Did you date her?

No. But I walked in front of her house the other night,

and she was sittin' on the porch and I waved.

You did? Uh-huh.

And night before last, I was goin' to the picture show,

and I seen her goin' in,

and there's a empty seat beside her,

so I sat beside her and then I walked her home.

You didn't. Yeah.

Did you kiss her? No.

Did you hug her? No.

Did you hold her hand?

No, but once her hand brushed up against mine

when she put down a plate of succotash.

I think she done it on purpose.

That sounds good.

Hey, come on. I want you to meet her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me put my g*n up.

Hey, andy, listen, w-when we get over there,

would you tell flora about me?

You know, how I am the champion hand-wrestler of mayberry.

Yeah. Yeah.

How good I am at hittin' the bell at the county fair

and all that stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, andy. Yeah.

[Both clicking tongues]

{\i }♪ [music playing]{\i }

pretty, ain't she? Mmm.

Goober, don't tell me you're going to eat again?

This will be your third meal today.

It's not even noontime, yet.

Well...

I'll bet it says "good boy" on your plate.

Oh, uh, this is a friend of mine.

Hi. Hi.

Uh, uh, this is andy taylor.

He's the sheriff.

Uh, andy, this is flora.

She's the waitress.

Well, it's nice to meet you, flora.

Thank you. It's always a pleasure

to have another pretty girl move into mayberry.

You're the sheriff here?

That's right.

Mmm. That must be exciting work.

Well, it's a job.

Well, I know it takes somebody big and strong.

Talk about exciting work,

you ought to see goober take a carburetor apart.

Right, goob?

Yeah. They say I'm the fastest in town.

My record's minutes and seconds.

You know, sheriff, I feel so much safer here in mayberry

knowing you're around.

Well, you never have to worry with goober around, either.

Boy, he's strong.

Did you know that he's been the hand-wrestling champion

here in mayberry for the last years?

Years. Years.

And he hit that bell last summer at the county fair...

I don't know, how many times was that, goober?

I don't remember. I bet it was times.

. Times.

Boy, you got to be strong to do that.

Of course.

Sheriff,

isn't your wife nervous about the kind of work you do?

Andy ain't married.

[Sighs]

well... [Clearing throat]

I'll have the meat loaf plate.

Uh, me, too.

That'll be meat loaf plates.

Coming up.

Thanks, andy. Thanks a lot.

I think she's really interested in me.

Did you notice she didn't take her eyes off you all the time

you was talkin' about me? Yeah.

I think she really likes me, don't you?

Oh, y-yeah, I really do.

Hot dog. I think that thing you said

about the carburetors really hit home.

That's the kind of thing girls like to hear about.

Yeah, probably.

If you'd like anything else, just let me know.

I can tell she likes me, andy.

Look at all the meat loaf she gave you

just because you're a friend of mine.

Want some? Mmm-mmm.

Oh, that sunshine sure feels good.

Yeah, it's beautiful.

Not a cloud in the sky.

Yeah.

Pretty. It's real pretty.

Mmm-hmm.

Want to know a secret?

What?

Promise you won't tell.

Yeah.

Goober's got a girlfriend.

I know.

You know? Well, who told you?

Goober. Oh, that big blabbermouth.

Made me promise not to tell anyone.

Name's flora?

Yeah.

Only thing, I'm not sure she likes him as much as he likes her.

Oh, that's bad.

That's trouble.

Sure hate to see goober get mixed up in a thing like that.

Do you remember honey terwilliger?

Honey terwilliger?

Ephraim and martha terwilliger's youngest girl.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Well, she was keepin' company with holas pudney.

Oh, he took her to the movies, he gave her candy,

he gave her handkerchiefs. Oh, he spent a fortune on her.

He did?

You know what she did? What?

She turned around and married holas' brother.

Well, now she's holas' sister-in-law.

Yes, but it's not the same.

No.

Say, has goober got a brother any place?

No.

Well, so far he's ahead.

I'll see you, floyd.

Mmm? Oh, see you, andy.

Hey, andy, wanna go over to the diner for lunch?

Maybe you can put in some more good words for me.

Well, uh, goober, I'd... I'd like to,

but, uh, I'm... I'm expecting a call from raleigh and,

well, maybe I'd better kind of hang here by the phone.

Well, I already told flora we was comin' over.

She even set aside pot roast plates for us.

Well, gee, I'm sorry, goob.

They got a boy that delivers.

Why don't you call and have them send it over here?

Well, I don't know. I don't...

Besides, like they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Maybe she'd miss you if you didn't show up for one meal.

Yeah. I bet she would.

Yeah. There's the phone.

Hi, sarah.

Oh, fine.

Could you get me the diner, please?

It's flora. She answered the phone.

Hey, flora.

It's me, goober.

Hi, goober.

Where are you and andy? I thought you'd be here by now.

Well, sorry, flora,

but andy's waitin' on an important call from raleigh,

so we thought we'd eat here in his office today.

Oh. I see.

She's disappointed. I can tell.

Uh, flora, would you have the boy

deliver those pot roast plates over here, please?

Thank you.

[Kissing]

well, you're not shy.

Throwing kisses over the phone like that.

She'd already hung up.

They make a real good pot roast over there, andy. You'll see.

Yeah.

[Knocking on door]

huh, that was fast. Come in!

Hi.

I didn't want you to have to wait

for that slowpoke of a delivery boy,

so I decided to bring it over myself.

Well, ain't this a pleasant surprise.

Ain't it, andy?

Yeah, it... It sure is a surprise.

Well, you work hard enough. You deserve a little consideration.

I always say, "a woman should serve a man."

A man's entitled to relax during his meals.

Now... Uh, I'll get some coffee.

Pretty badge.

[Clearing throat] well... Let's sit down.

Push in our chair.

Get our napkin.

[Clearing throat]

tuck it in.

There.

[Clearing throat] well, I'll, uh, just...

Pot roast, huh? Mmm-hmm.

Coffees comin' up.

Sit down, goob, sit down.

Well, let's get our silver.

There's yours, and there's yours.

Flora, you sure do set a nice desk.

Thank you.

Let's get our pot roast.

There we are.

Mmm-hmm.

Well, enjoy your lunch.

We will. Yeah.

See you.

[Door closing]

some girl, huh?

Yeah, boy.

You wanna know somethin'?

I've made up my mind.

I've been lookin' a long time, but I think I finally found her.

The right girl for me.

Oh, well, goob, I wouldn't...

I wouldn't rush into anything.

Ain't nothin' wrong with her, is it?

No, no. It's just that I'd... I'd wait a little while.

Well, I'll see.

Want some?

Well, I thought it was a very gripping story.

Well, I don't like those pictures

where the woman sh**t her husband.

Well, it happens.

Yeah, well.

Oh, look, the diner's open. Shall we have a bite to eat?

Oh, I don't think so. It's so late and everything.

: ?

Well, I'm... I'm not too hungry.

(Helen) oh, I just feel like having a little something.

Well, ok.

{\I }♪ [music playing]{\i }

over here ok? Fine.

[Sighing] well, what are you gonna have?

I don't know, yet.

You know, I might have a great, big hamburger.

I got hungry all of a sudden.

Well, good. Mmm.

Make up your mind, yet?

Mmm-hmm. I'll have a tuna sandwich.

Ok. We'll have one tuna sand...

Nice of you to drop in, andy.

(Andy) hi, flora.

(Flora) you been working late?

No. We've been to the movies.

Oh, you're together.

(Andy) yes.

Oh, this is helen crump.

Helen, this is flora.

Flora mallerby. It's a funny name, I know.

But subject to change.

Miss crump will have a tuna sandwich and I'll just have coffee.

Just coffee?

Isn't that typical of a man who has no one around to look after him?

How about a nice stack of hotcakes? No, thank you.

Oh, I know, bacon and eggs? I'll make 'em myself.

[Clears throat] I don't think so, flora.

Well, at least have a piece of pie.

We have fresh blueberry pie,

and the peach is simply fantastic.

And the apple is real, real yummy.

Ok, apple.

Want a piece of pie?

Fine.

What kind?

Oh, whichever one's the "yummy" one.

[Laughing sarcastically]

well... Seems you've made a conquest.

She's goober's girl.

Oh, I'm so glad you told me.

Well, she is.

Of course.

Well, goober's crazy over her.

Here we are.

Are you coming in for lunch tomorrow, andy?

We're having chicken a la king, and it's real delish.

I... I don't think so, flora.

Well, andy, how could you pass up something

that's going to be so delish?

And I wouldn't be surprised if the bread pudding was absolutely fab.

See you, andy.

How's the pie?

Did you get a real good look at her?

Yes, I had breakfast over there this morning.

She's a lulu all right.

I think I love her.

Oh, isn't that nice?

How does she feel about you?

Well, I think she likes me.

When are you gonna find out?

Now, I don't know. Andy told me not to rush into anything.

That's a good idea.

You play it cool.

You remember honey terwilliger?

It seems like I remember the name.

Ho, andy!

Oh, hi, goober, floyd.

I guess you're not goin' to the diner for lunch today!

Uh, no. I thought I might go out and do a little sh**t'.

Well, flora asked me was you comin' in!

I guess she wants to hear some more things I can do!

Yeah, I guess. Well, I'll see you.

Ok!

[Car door closing]

[car engine starting]

did you get a real good look at her?

What?

[Birds cawing]

(flora) hello, there.

Small world, isn't it?

Yeah.

Just imagine meeting you way out here in the wilderness.

Yeah, that's really something.

Well, I'll see you.

Wait!

And, you don't mind if I just sort of tag along, do you?

I mean, since we met out here and everything.

Well, flora, I don't think that's too good an idea.

Yes, it is. I think it's delightful.

Well, we shouldn't be out here in the woods by ourselves like this.

Why not? I think it's fun.

[Clears throat]

flora, you... You're a very nice girl, and... And...

But you kindly run along home. Why?

Well, because.

Oh, but I wanna be out here with you.

No. I'm too old for you.

No, you're not. I like older men.

Besides, I've got a girl. Uh-huh. Me.

No. The girl I brought in the diner the other night, that's my girl.

No, you just think she's your girl,

but she's not really your girl,

'cause I'm your girl. No.

I'll see you.

[Flora screaming]

what's the matter?

My ankle.

I think it's sprained.

Well...

Let's take a look at it.

[Gasping] careful, please, andy.

I will.

[Screaming]

I didn't touch it.

But it hurts.

I don't see any swelling.

It's a family trait. We're slow swellers.

Oh.

Andy? Hmm?

I don't think I can walk.

[Sighing]

well...

Put your arms around my neck.

Well, you sure made a miraculous recovery.

We're quick healers, too. Oh.

Well, I'll see you. Wait a minute, andy.

Your reward for rescuing me.

Oh. Oh, my.

[Clearing throat] excuse me.

Listen.

Listen, this isn't gonna work, flora.

Why? Because I keep tryin' to tell you

it's not gonna work. I've got a girl. She's a real girl.

She walks and talks and everything.

And you're gonna get me in all kinds of trouble.

If you wanna be stuck on somebody

please be stuck on goober, because he's crazy over you.

What? You don't think he comes over to the diner

and eats meals a day because he's hungry?

He comes over there because he wants to be near you.

You're all he talks about. So if you wanna be stuck on somebody,

please be stuck on goober, because he's crazy over you.

[Door opening]

[door closing]

no.

I've made up my mind.

I'm gonna ask her to be my sweetheart,

and I want a real special haircut.

You gonna ask her to be your sweetheart?

Right to her face.

Why don't you wait a while, goober?

G-get to know the girl better.

What difference does or years make?

No, floyd.

I finally worked up the courage, and I'm askin' her right now.

And I want a haircut.

Now, look, goober,

now, I'm not the kind of a person that spreads gossip.

Now, what goes on between andy and flora

is none of my business.

Andy and flora?

There's somethin' goin' on between andy and flora?

Oh, then you know about it already.

Who told you?

Nobody told me nothin'.

Ah! Then you saw them kissing.

They was kissin'? And you seen 'em?

Where'd you see them kissin', floyd?

You better tell me. Now, you better tell me. Where? Where?

On the lips.

[Door rattling]

looks like you kind of overshot the barbershop.

Oh, that's funny, andy. Real funny.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Just about as funny as you stealin' my girl behind my back.

Now I know why you told me not to rush into anything. You wanted her for yourself.

Now... Now wait a minute, goober.

Ain't no use waitin', andy. The news is all over town.

Well, I was gonna tell you.

I happened to run into her when I was out huntin' this morning.

You was huntin' together, too?

So now I'm gettin' the whole story.

No, now... Now, wait a minute.

You gonna deny you was kissin' her?

Now, wait, goober. Come on, andy, put up your fist.

Now, just calm down.

Come on, andy, fight.

Won't you let me explain?

Ain't nothin' to explain, you tried to steal my girl

and ain't but one way to settle it.

I don't want your girl, goober. Honest.

But you kissed her right on the mouth. Floyd seen you.

Well, floyd's mistaken. I didn't kiss her. She...

She kissed me.

She kissed you?

Yes.

I'm sorry.

Andy,

how come she goes for you and not for me?

I don't know, goober.

Sometimes I guess you just can't figure women out.

I guess.

I sure am sorry.

It's ok.

Well, there's a lot of women on earth, goober.

It'll happen for you.

Yeah.

And I'm gonna forget about flora real fast.

That's the time.

Wanna go eat?

Well, there's just the diner.

So? I live here, don't i?

Gonna have to run into her sooner or later.

Hello, andy.

Goober.

Hey.

Roast beef looks good today.

What say, goob?

I don't know.

Could I see a menu, please?

Thank you.

Did you really hit the bell times at the fair?

Yeah.

I'll have the meat loaf plate.

You certainly must be strong.

Make that meat loaf plates.

Would you like some coffee, goober?

I just made it fresh.

Yeah. Guess so.

I'll get the meat loaf.

Hey, goob, I think somethin's happenin'.

What?

I think she goes for you.

No.

Well, didn't you hear her ask you if you rang the bell times,

and talking about how strong you are,

and ask if you want coffee?

That don't mean nothin'.

Well, it certainly is headin' in the right direction.

No.

If you'd like some more, goober, just let me know.

Chicken, hard boiled eggs, salt, apples, pie, coffee.

Oh, boy, that ought to be enough

for two of us out in the woods by ourselves.

At least we won't starve to death. Yeah.

Unless, of course, accidentally, we ran into flora.

Now, I told you that's all straightened out.

Goober goes for her and she goes for goober.

Well, let's hope so.

Oh, andy. Boy, am I glad I got you before you left. Hey, helen.

What's the matter? Well, you gotta help me, andy.

Now, you just gotta.

Well, if I can.

Well, I want you to talk to flora for me.

Again?

Yeah, but this time it's important. This time it's about marriage.

No. No. No, no, no, no, no.

(Goober) but, andy... Absolutely not, goober.

That's one thing you're gonna have to ask her yourself.

But, andy, I don't wanna ask her. I want you to tell her to stop askin' me.