03x07 - Jack Stands Alone

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Kickin' It". Aired: June 13, 2011 - March 25, 2015.*
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Follows a crew of lovable misfits- Jack, Jerry, Milton and Kim - and their Sensei Rudy - at Bobby Wasabi Martial Arts Academy.
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03x07 - Jack Stands Alone

Post by bunniefuu »

I'm proud of my one term as
student council President.

Why was I not re-elected? Nobody knows.

- You made the school day longer.
- You banned desserts.

You got rid of the
faculty pinball machine.

Nobody knows!

Please welcome our new
student council President...

Kim Beulah Crawford.

That's right, people.
You voted in a Beulah.

[Applause]

[Presidential music plays]

Fellow students, there is
nothing I will not do for you.

- Place your hand on the turtle.
- What?! I am not touching that wart bag.

It's tradition, Kim. To be sworn in,
you have to put your hand on Arlo.

My heart is clean. My mind is fertile.

I'm the Prez...

- Swear on the turtle.
- Aw.

And now I'd like to
bring up a good friend.

He's loyal. He's true.
And he's dependable.

He's my Vice President...

Jack Brewer!

Thank you.

So I was told as Vice President, all I
have to do is stand up here and look good.

So here you go.

- [Clicks tongue]
- [Hoots, whistles]

Thank you.

And now Erica Straffman has put
together a special victory performance.

[Southern accent] Thank you,
Kim. I think y'all know who I am.

I'all don't.

Then I'll tell you.

I'm a nationally ranked
cheerleader and gymnast.

And I'm the head of our dance committee.

This is for you, Kim.

Isn't she sweet?

Get in line, Gina.

[Dance music playing]

[Cheering]

Kim: Gina, look out.
Frank's got the turtle.

[Bites]

[Girls scream]

Frank! Why do you
always ruin everything?

Look at what you've done.

- Are you okay, hon'?
- Yeah, I think so.

- I just need...
- Come here.

Daddy's gonna take care of you.

Oh!

[Rock music playing]

- ♪ Don't...
- ♪Don't...


- ♪You...
- ♪You...


♪Get all tough with me!

♪I'm saying...

- ♪Won't...
- ♪Won't...


- ♪You...
- ♪You...


♪Come kick it with me?

♪And we could have a
ball, run up the wall!


- ♪That's just how we do.
- ♪Come on!


♪And no matter how much I chop and punch
it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.


♪Here we go, let's start the party!

♪Chop it up like it's karate.

♪Everybody!

- ♪Don't...
- ♪ Don't...


- ♪You...
- ♪You...


♪Get all tough with me!

♪I'm saying...

- ♪ Won't...
- ♪Won't...


- ♪You...
- ♪You...


♪Come kick it with me?

♪And we could have a
ball, run up the wall!


- ♪That's just how we do.
- ♪Come on!


♪And no matter how much I chop and punch
it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.


I don't know, okay? This decision
could affect a lot of people.

It could define my presidency.

Kim, remember why you ran.

This is your chance
to make a difference.

You're right.

By presidential decree!

From this day forward...

Any student wearing the
mascot suit will be required

to wear underpants at
all school functions!

- [Gavel bangs]
- [Applause]

Kim, if it's all right with
you, I'd like to say something.

As head of the dance committee,
I suggest that we throw...

A fall ball.

Picture this...

The entrance to the gym
is a sea of icebergs.

The doors open and
you've just boarded...

The Titanic.

I see good times off the starboard bow.

It's not worth it, Erica.

Frank ruins every event
your dance committee puts on.

He's right. Remember
the hive of hornets

you put in the air vent
at the spring formal?

[Laughs]

That was a riot!

Kids' faces so messed up you couldn't
tell the hornet bites from the zits.

[Laughs]

Kim, we voted for you,

because we thought that you would
stand up to people like Frank.

- Am I right, y'all?
- All: Yeah.

You know what?

You're right.

By presidential decree...

We shall get our boogie on.

[Dance music playing]

[Gavel bangs]

Motion to ban the President
from ever dancing again?

- Seconded!
- Seconded!

[Gavel bangs]

Duck migration is my
favorite time of the year.

And we got front-row
seats to the poop storm.

Oh Rudy, you forgot the Tahini sauce.

- Oh, I'll get it.
- Rudy, don't.

- Every year they get you.
- I'll make it. I just got to be quick.

- [Ducks quacking]
- [Wings fluttering]

Oh, no, they're here.

Oh, no! I'm never gonna make it.

[Quacking fades]

[Laughs]

Yeah!

First time in four years you
didn't get me, you dumb ducks!

[Duck quacks]

What?

♪ Kickin' it with you!

So Kim, the whole school's talking
about this little dance you approved.

Would you go with me?

No.

Then unlike the real Titanic,
this one's going down.

Guys, somebody stole Arlo last
night, and Funderburk is freaking out.

He's the chief administrator
of a high school.

I doubt he's freaking
out over a missing turtle.

[Cries hysterically]Aw! He's gone.

We've been turtle-napped, people!

He was in his cage when I left at : .

And I saw the cage was empty at : .

Why were you in my office?

Well, I certainly wasn't
using your private bathroom.

[Cellphone rings]

I just got an anonymous text
saying Arlo is in locker .

That's Frank's locker.

Wait a minute!

I didn't even know I had a locker.

Nobody believes you, Frank.

I'll open it myself. I got a master key.

Oh, there it is.

[Clears throat]

[Gasps]

Here's my little guy.

[Coos]

I missed you!

Frank!

You are going to
detention for a long time!

What happened?

Frank's stole Arlo and
now he's got detention.

Sending Frank to detention is a joke.

Kim, as President, isn't
there something you can do?

There is. Section seven of the
school constitution states that a

unanimous vote from the school
council can expel a disruptive student.

[Scoffing laugh]

Please, Milton.

[Whispers] I got this.

Section seven of the school constitution
states exactly what Milton said.

♪ I love to go swimming...
with bow-legged women.


[Quacks]

Oh, no!

Not again! I think that's
the one that got me.

Louie's been following
me around all day.

It's because you're
acting like his mother.

I am not!

[Baby-talk] Don't you
listen to the bad man.

You're my little baby boy
and I love you so much.

Jerry, it's a wild animal.

You got to return him to his flock.

[Normal voice] You're right.

We're from two different worlds.

Sure, we both have webbed feet and
eat worms, but that's just not enough.

Yeah, that's him, all right.

You were the tail gunner, weren't you?

- [Quacks]
- Oh!

You heard it! He admitted it!

[Crying]

What's the matter, Frank?

You crying because you found one
of Phil's nose hairs in your hummus?

Yes.

And because I'm being framed at school.

Ah, dude, they found
Arlo in your locker.

A turtle in a locker?

That's not me.

Now packing Danny Doyle's trombone full
of mashed potatoes... that's classic Frank.

- [Squeaking]
- More trombone!

Doyle, more trombone.

[Squeaking]

Come on, Doyle, more tromb...

Oh yeah, I remember that.

Funderburk sneezed potatoes for a month.

You got to help me, Jack. If I get
expelled, I'll be home schooled.

Giving mother a wedgie
is awkward for both of us.

Come to think of it,

this would be the first prank you
committed that you didn't take credit for.

Because I didn't do it.

I was at the Black Dragon
Dojo when it happened.

Well, then you couldn't have done it.

But I just have one more question.

Why is Milton making
kissy faces with that duck?

That dude needs a girlfriend fast.

♪ Kickin' it with you!

Okay, before we take a vote,
does anybody have anything to say?

I do! Frank is a liar.

Liar.

And his pants are indeed on fire.

Noted. Now let's take a vote.

All council members in favor
of expelling Frank say "aye".

All: Aye.

- All those opposed say "nay".
- Nay.

Yes! It's unanimous! All
thanks to me, Frank Bickel is...

I'm sorry? Did you just nay me?

I believe that Frank is innocent.

[Booing]

I just got hit with a shoe.

This is unacceptable.

Jack is entitled to express his
opinion no matter how unpopular it is!

You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Do you ever feel like
you're totally alone

floating on a raft in the
middle of a sea of hate?

Usually.

Why do you ask?

No reason.

You don't have any
lunch. How do you eat?

By making kids so mad
they throw food at me.

Check it.

Hey, Marty! I like your sneakers.

Does your sister know
you're wearing them?

Meatloaf, nice.

Hey, Jack. I don't know if you heard,

but we're having another vote
on Frank's expulsion tomorrow.

Look, I'm sorry. I'm
not changing my mind.

You don't have to. You're fired.

What?!

You picked me as Vice
President because I'm a strong,

independent thinker who
will always do what's right.

I picked you because you were nice
eye-candy for the campaign poster.

I feel so used!

Jack, you told me I could make a difference
and now you're standing in my way.

I will be remembered as the President
who got Frank kicked out of school.

Wow, if she could do that, she
would be very popular, Jack.

[Annoyed] Frank.

Kim, I really believe Frank is innocent.

Funderburk said he saw
Arlo in his cage at : .

And Bert said the
cage was empty at : .

So?

So Frank couldn't have done it. He was
at the Black Dragons dojo at that time.

Really, Jack?

My brother's a black dragon and they've
been closed all week for fumigation.


Wow, Jack. Your new friend
Frank turns out to be a liar.

What a shock.

Let's go, Erica.

Oh, hey, Milton. Did you
take Louie back to his family?

Absolutely.

I'm proud of you. See,
Jerry, he did the right thing.

[Quacking]

Whoa whoa.

What's going on there?

I think I'm having a reaction to some...

- [Quacks]
- Bad jambalaya.

- [Quacking]
- Aah!

Dude, I am never eating jambalaya.

[Quacking]

[Shouts]

It's Louie!

- Dude.
- You didn't take him back?

I tried. I couldn't.

This little featherly fella just
quacked his way into my heart.

Well, now we gotta
figure out what to do.

Got it! Put pants on him
and raise him as a human.

No.

His flock already left the park.

If he doesn't join them, he's
never gonna see them again.

Dude, what are we supposed to do?

Grow wings, fly up in the air
and reunite him with his family?

What?

This is Mama Bird. I see
Louie's flock up ahead.

It won't be long now, Louie.

Be advised, Fred the barber is on
the roof sunbathing in his underpants.

Jack!

Sorry I lied about being in the dojo.

I couldn't tell you the truth
because I was embarrassed.

You, embarrassed?

Last week you wore your
underpants outside your jeans.

I thought it made me
look like a superhero.

If I tell you where I was,
promise you won't laugh?

Yes, of course.

["Nutcracker" music playing]

[Laughing]

You said you wouldn't laugh.

Well, I didn't know you
flounced around in tights.

I don't flounce, Jack.

I jete.

I jete!

All right, I don't blame you for lying.

Hey, don't cross this tape.

I don't want you getting your footprints
all over my freshly waxed floors.

Sorry, Bert.

- Do you wax every day?
- No, not every day.

Maybe if I'm gonna hit the beach, strut
around in my mankini, then I might...

I was asking about the floors.

Yeah. Every day.

This is Mama Bird. I'm about
yards away from Louie's flock.

Roger that, good buddy.
This is Swag Ranger.

I'm sitting in the hen house
with the pole cat, over.

Would you stop using
those stupid nicknames?

Mama Bird, this is Flash Starblazer.

Hit me back with a, uh...

Status update.

Louie's rejoining his flock.

That's it, Louie.

Follow the lead bird.

Mission complete. He's
back with his family.

- Aw, sweet!
- Yeah!

Great work, Mama Bird. Ah...

Come on home.

Oh, no. Oh, no no. The
whole flock is following me.

They think I'm the lead bird!

What? Where are you now?

Uh, I'm right above the courtyard.

[Quacking]

[Both shouting]

Really, Louie?!

Any day we have to say good-bye
to a student is a sad day.

Except when it's Frank.

- [Cheering]
- [Dance music playing]

Conga line!

Woo!

Okay. Okay, council. Come on, come on.

It's voting time.

All those in favor of expelling
Frank Bickel from Seaford High, say...

- Nay!
- Again with the nay-ing?

Frank is innocent, and I can prove it.

Everyone, follow me.

Uh, Kim? What's he doing?

Uh, excuse me?!

I am the President and
I did not approve...

Okay. Following Jack approved.

All right, we know Arlo was
taken between : and : .

And every day at that same
time, Bert waxes the floors.

So whoever put Arlo in Frank's
locker would have left footprints.

But there weren't any, right, Bert?

Not a one. Floors were so
clean you could eat off them.

Which I've done.

I like the lemony taste.

Yes, thank you, Bert.

Whoever did this would have to reach
the locker without touching the stairs,

or the floor.

Do you mind if I borrow this?

Say Arlo is this book.

So with Arlo in a backpack, our
thief may have done something...

Like this.

[Intense music playing]

[All gasping]

Okay.

- Wow!
- [Applause]

It was you, Jack.

You set me up just so you could defend
me so you could prove your own guilt.

What kind of sick game are you playing?

It wasn't me, Frank. It was Erica.

What?! [Laughs] Jack, you
are just being crazy now.

Kim, can we just get on with
the vote? All those in favor?

Wait a minute.

Erica, Jack does have a point.

You are the only one in school
that can do what Jack just did.

Kim, don't tell me you're buying
this. I mean, this is crazy.

You know, what's crazy is
that there's a size four

precision balance gymnastics
shoe print up here.

Well... that's up there...

[Chuckles] You see,
sometimes what happens...

Every once in awhile there's...

Okay, I did it!

For three years, Frank has
ruined every one of my dances!

Dirt bombs from the ceiling,
frogs in the punch bowl. [Crying]

Oh, man.

I thought those were gummy frogs.

Erica, you're in big trouble.

Take her to my office.

I just wanted the entire school to
remember one perfect night put on by me...

Erica Straffman!

Keep it moving, streetcar.

I told you I didn't do it.

Because I was doing ballet.

That's right. I'm not
gonna hide who I am anymore.

I'm a dancer!

So am I, Frank.

So am I.

Kim, I gotta hand it to you.

When I was up there, I never
even noticed that shoe print.

It's because there wasn't one.

After you put it all together,
I knew you were right.

I just wanted to make her admit it.

That's pretty slick, Kim.

I should have known you wouldn't
have stood up against the

whole school unless you really
believed Frank was innocent.

That's the kind of guts I'd
like to see in my Vice President.

- So I'm back?
- Yeah.

I mean, we look great on a poster.

Except that one.

I kinda feel bad for doing that now.

Those duck's aren't leaving without
you, they think you're their mother.

Leave me alone!

I'm not ready to be a mom!

I'll see you later.
I'm going to the movies.

Rudy, you can't go out
there with that sandwich.

Oh please. They're ducks. You
just gotta show them who's boss.

- [Quacking]
- [Rudy screaming]
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