03x09 - Win, Lose or Ty

[bunniefuu]

[Groans]

[Grunting]

Both: Wasabi!

All right, guys. Who's ready to sign up?

Who's just here for the free jock strap?

- Whoa!
- [All chattering]

[Whimpers]

They took every jock strap in the box.

I think they even got
the one I was wearing.

Every month, Rudy forces us
to do these lame promotions

down the street from the Black
Dragons to drum up business.

But it never works.

He's probably preparing
his latest desperate attempt

to spread the word about
The Bobby Wasabi Dojo.

[Loud rumbling]

[Rock music playing]

Behold Wasab-a-Saurus!

If you think this thing's awesome,

well, come check out the monster
deals at The Bobby Wasabi Dojo!

Dojo... dojo...

That is awesome! Rudy,
where'd you get this thing?

I rented it at Bed,
Bath, and Monster Trucks.

And by parking out here in
front of the Black Dragon Dojo,

people will be talking
about us instead of them.

Ooh! Ooh! You guys want me to rev
this baby up, get some attention?

- All: No!
- On it!

[Tires squeal]

I got myself a gift for dealing
with my midlife crisis so well.

That car outside.

It's half Jaguar, half Lamborghini.

It's a Jag-a-Weenie.

[Loud revving, glass shatters]

[Wincing]

[Truck revving]

[Shrieks]

[Shrieks]

[Engine quiets]

Look what you did to my dojo.

You should see what I
did to your Jag-a-Weenie.

[Rock music playing]

- ♪ Don't...
- ♪Don't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Get all tough with me!

♪I'm saying...

- ♪Won't...
- ♪Won't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Come kick it with me?

♪And we could have a
ball, run up the wall!

- ♪That's just how we do.
- ♪Come on!

♪And no matter how much I chop and punch
it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.

♪Here we go, let's start the party!

♪Chop it up like it's karate.

♪Everybody!

- ♪Don't...
- ♪ Don't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Get all tough with me!

♪I'm saying...

- ♪ Won't...
- ♪Won't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Come kick it with me?

♪And we could have a
ball, run up the wall!

- ♪That's just how we do.
- ♪Come on!

♪And no matter how much I chop and punch
it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.

[Revving]

[Tires squeal]

Rudy put his foot on the gas, lost
control, and destroyed their dojo.

Sam, why don't you go
play with your friends?

I don't have any friends.

Then do what I do and make some up.

It's going to take two weeks
to repair the Black Dragon Dojo.

So, in the meantime, you are
going to let them train here.

Absolutely not.

Fine, then you can pay
the $ , in damages.

- I love company.
- Good.

- Ty.
- Kai?

- Hi.
- Why?!

Dragons! Drag-ify!

[Grinding, sawing]

Milton, what are you doing?

What are you talking
about? I'm trying to...

Holy Christmas nuts!

I've been drag-ified.

Hello there, Kai.

I haven't seen you since you cheated
in that tournament and almost k*lled me.

Eh, I'm back in town.

I heard the Black Dragons
were your mortal enemy.

That was good enough for me.

This shelf is the perfect
place for my ant farm.

I just have to get rid
of this stupid weed.

Hey! This is an ancient Bonsai
Tree given to me by a Tibetan Monk.

It's a symbol of patience,
calmness, and peace.

And if you so much as touch it,
I will use it to break your face!

I really can't believe
I have to say this,

but I just found out my parents aren't
going out of town, so the party's off.

No, no, no! The party can't be off. We
just gotta find another place to have it.

Uh...

Who are you?

You're funny, Malcolm. I'm Sam.

So you're the cool kids
and I'm sitting with you.

I must be one of the cool kids.

Wilson, bounce him.

You, me, Saturday night, my mansion?

Shh!

Don't let words spoil what we have.

- [Stomps foot]
- Oww!

All right, next time,
just use your words.

Hey, Malcolm, what if I
told you that this Saturday

you could throw your
party at my mansion?

I'd say, "welcome to
the cool kids' table".

Somebody ate my empanadas!

They were in the refrigerator
with my name on them.

My grandmother made them for
me and somebody just ate them.

I'd tell your grandma a little
more empa, a little less nada.

The Black Dragons have
been hogging the shower.

I had to bathe in the fountain.

The fountain where
everyone throws their coins?

Yeah!

Don't ask me how.

But I just coughed and
made change for a dollar.

Frank is creeping me out.

I mean, just because we're sharing a
locker, he's acting like we're married.

[Groans]

[Groans]

[Groans]

[Groaning]

Jack, get up here and
demonstrate a proper dragon kick.

[Groans]

[Both continue groaning]

[Both increase intensity]

[Groaning faster]

Stop! Come on, guys, you're Senseis.

You know he's right, we shouldn't
be fighting in front of the students.

- Parking lot of Jones Beach?
- You're on.

Can I get a ride? My car is in the shop.

So is mine. We'll take my bike,
but you're riding in the basket.

That's how I like it.

♪ Kickin' it with you!

And this is my Throne Room.

That is the coolest
chair I've ever seen.

Chair? [Laughs]

No, this is the world's first motorized
throne that is completely powered...

By...

Electric Egyptian catfish.

You said you were cool. I
didn't know you were this cool.

Oh, yeah... that's because
I have what they call "it".

And my doctor says it may
clear up or it may not.

Uh, hey, Bobby, I'm trying
to make some new friends.

Will you let me throw a party here?

Absolutely not!

[Chuckles]

Trust me, Sam... friends are overrated.

All you need in life is yourself.

- Really?
- Definitely. Ha!

What's a friend good for?

A kind word?

A gesture of support?

That toothy smile that just
says, "hang in there, Champ!"

Oh! Yes, of course you
can have your party here.

Thanks, Bobby. You're my best friend.

[Sighs]

I do have a friend.

You were wrong, mother!

[Chuckles]

You are so pathetic.

You have the nerve to follow
me to the movie theater

after I kicked your butt at Jones Beach?

First of all, I kicked your butt.

And I didn't follow you here.

I am meeting my date who's
a girl and who exists.

Is this your first time
seeing "Kung Fu Farm"

starring martial arts legend J.J. Bland?

Yeah, it would be if
it was eight times ago.

- It's like nine times for me, so...
- Huh.

I love it when the mystical warrior
takes over the rooster's body,

and corners the evil farmer
in the hen house and says...

Both: Prepare to
cock-a-doodle-die!

[Both crow, shout]

[Chuckling]

Uh, Rudy, those guys just cut you.

Uh... excuse me, Sir, you can't...

[All grunting]

Huh... that was a pretty sweet
back fist to knee you had there.

Thank you.

Your crane technique was flawless.

What do you say when we get
in there we share a popcorn?

Ah, no, I don't buy popcorn.

I make it fresh with my pants popper.

[Popping]

I'm so getting one of those.

[Rumbling, tires screeching]

[Shatters]

That's it, Dennis!

You used my soap on a rope.

That's your pit hair.

I know it's not mine. I checked.
All three are still there.

Let's go!

Oh, hon!

Mother wants you to wear this
dress when we go antiquing.

It's lovely.

I want to use that dummy. Step off.

And what makes you think
I'm just gonna step aside

because you want to
use this punching dummy?

Because with one kick, I can
make you gargle your kidneys.

Okay, we understand each other.

Hey, what are you doing?
Jerry was using this dummy.

I can do what I want. I'm the
best student in the dojo, Jack.

Oh, you think you're the
best student in the dojo, huh?

- Yeah yeah.
- You want to prove it?

[Overlapping arguing]

Big news, everybody.

Me and my new best friend Ty,

have decided to join forces
and combine our dojos...

- Permanently!
- All: What?!

Which means we're all
one big, happy family.

[Murmurs]

[Thuds]

And now, popcorn for everyone.

[Popping]

♪ Kickin' it with you!

I can't take this anymore! I'm getting mail
addressed to "Mr. & Mrs. Frank Bickle".

That's me. Mrs. Bickle.

We should probably keep this
with our phone bill, hon.

Calm down, it's only a matter
of time before Rudy and Ty

remember that they
can't stand each other.

[Door opens] [Both laughing]

Uh...

Please tell me there were other
people in there dancing with you.

[Stammers]

- No.
- No. [Laughs]

We were practicing for our square dancing
date with the Delmonico twins tonight.

All right, we have to work
together to drive our Senseis apart.

Nothing on Earth could ever
make me team up with you.

Ty: All right, bring it in, people.

Because we are one dojo
now, we got a new wall mural.

It's half Rudy and half me. Eh?

Huh?

- Hey, Jack.
- Yeah?

I'm in.

[Mutters]

[Dance music playing]

Nachos!

Word to the wise... they've
got quite a kick to 'em.

I make them with a single drop
of my Bobby Wa-hot-y sauce.

[Ignites]

Whoa, your dad's at the party?

Lame.

No, he's not my dad. He's my...

- [Stammers] Mother.
- Butler.

Butler. Right. Definitely Butler.

Bobbington. Bobbington the Butler.
That is who I am to the boy.

You've got your own Butler?

That's awesome.

That means he has to
do anything we tell him.

Okay, Bobbington, drink this
bottle of Wa-hot-y sauce.

[Stammering] Bobbington...

- You don't have to drink that bottle...
- I thought you were cool, Sam.

Come on, guys. Let's get out of here.

Wait wait wait wait wait! Sam is cool.

I'll show you just how cool he is.

[Loud rumbling]

[Wheezes]

Fire in the hole!

[Belches loudly, flame ignites]

Spicy!

[Laughter]

Ty's ants are Chinese wood-eating ants.

And they love Bonsai Tree's.

But it makes them sick.

Great, so when Rudy sees his beloved
tree's been destroyed, he'll blame Ty.

And when Ty's ants get
sick, he'll blame Rudy.

Then Ty will want us to
leave this smelly dump.

Uh, excuse me?

Okay, this place happens to
be... oh, no, you're right.

[Rustling]

- They're coming.
- They're coming, they're coming!

- They're coming.
- Franklin.

Sorry, dear.

[Both laughing]

Hey, what's up, guys? You guys have a
good time dancing with the Delmonico twins?

[Stammers]

You know, we were so excited about
the dance, we forgot to pick 'em up.

I don't know. [Laughs]

[Shrieks]

Ty! Your ants got out and
ate my beautiful Bonsai.

You must not have put the
cover back on when you fed them.

Look how sick my ants are.

They're swelling up with gas.
They got the Bonsai Bloats.

You... you!

You have suffered an unimaginable loss.

Huh?

As have you.

You know, it's times like
these that make you realize

how important it is to
have such good friends.

[All murmur]

My poor ants. Their little
ant bodies have no holes.

So eventually they'll just...

[Popping lips]

Pop!

[Ants popping]

It's starting.

- [Clinking]
- Excuse me, everybody.

To celebrate our first week together,

Ty and I will be right
back with a little surprise.

Although now it's not as much a surprise
because we just told you about it.

But you still don't
know it's a cake. Ha!

I'll say it. I'm not
crazy about the company.

But Krupnicks love their crab legs.

[Grunting]

Ah! You just hit me with that crab leg.

You're done, dork.

You probably shouldn't have done that.

But I'm actually glad you did.

[All grunting]

Let's just stay out of it.

- Hon?
- That's it.

[Groaning continues]

How's that, hon?

You know, I thought the kids were
going to have a hard time getting along,

but I think they're really
following our example.

Both: Surprise!

All: They started it.

I have never been so disappointed.

You people should be ashamed.

You're going to pay for every
bit of damage that you caused.

Does anyone have anything to say?

I do.

This raspberry lemon
chiffon cake is to die for.

We should have this
for our wedding, hon.

Why wait?

- Guys, Bobbington has had enough.
- Oh!

You've already made him
a paintball target...

- Ah!
- Jumped on him like a trampoline.

- Ow!
- And turned him...

Into a human piñata.

About that... the things
that fell out of me...

I'm going to need them back.

Congrats, Sam. You're
one of the cool kids now.

Thanks, Bobby.

I just thought of something that we could
do with one of those electric catfish.

Hey, Bobbington.

Drop one down your pants.

But each one is , slimy volts.

Fish... pants...

Now!

Very well.

[Electricity crackling]

We are not putting an electric
catfish down Bobby's pants.

Come on, Sam. He's just the Butler.

No, he's not. He's a
lot more than a Butler.

He's Bobby Wasabi! Millionaire, great
martial artist, once famous movie star.

I'm still huge in France.

And my best friend.

He was helping me try to impress you.

I don't want to be friends with you.

Whatever, loser.

We're out of here.

[All chattering]

I'm sorry, Bobby. I don't
need friends like that.

- I got you.
- Hmm.

You know Sam, I am
proud to be your friend.

I better put him back.

[Shrieks]

Get it off!

Get it off!

[Wailing]

[Reverberates loudly]

Thank you, friend.

♪And no matter how much I chop and punch
it's not as cool as kickin' it with you!

Everybody, listen up.

Until you kids can get along,

Rudy and I have decided to
give you the silent treatment.

Uh, what's the silent
treatment, you ask?

It's when we say nothing to you.

Not a single word, and it starts now.

Hang on, there is one
thing that we did leave out.

I too will be giving
the silent treatment.

Starting now.

You know I'm sorry, I forgot there's
one other thing I need to say.

Actually you go ahead then
I have something after you.

You know, we were thinking
about it and you guys were right.

You guys have been
enemies your entire lives.

But you put your differences aside and
we should have learned from your example.

And as a symbol of our two dojos coming
together in peace, we got you a gift.

Be a monkey, be a monkey, be a monkey!

Guys, come on. It's a ranking board.

Oh! I always wanted one of these.

- Come on, guys.
- Oh!

Put your belts up there.

[Chuckles]

Uh, Rudy, you put yours on the top
rung there, buddy. There you go.

Yeah, of course, friend.

When we were students, the grand
master gave me the higher ranking.

Uh, that is true, pal o' mine.

But last year at
regionals, I outranked you.

That's because you used
an illegal sweep kick.

That's it!

[Bangs loudly]

So we go back to hating each other now?

- Absolutely.
- Oh, yeah.

- Yep.
- Get out.

[Rudy screams]

♪ Kickin' it with you!

Aw! What are you doing here?

I ran into the Delmonico twins. They
were pretty upset that we stood them up.

I figured the least we could
do was give them one dance.

I suppose you're right.

[Country music playing]

[Both yipping]

Yee-ha!