03x12 - The New Girl

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

Ah, Karate Con. Three
days to get new students.

You can just smell the
new business in the air.

That's urinal cakes.

Our booth is practically
in the men's room.

[Groans]

Trent Darby thinks he's all that
with his perfect physique and

all of his trophies and his fancy dojos.

- Yeah, what a loser.
- I know, right?

Guys, guys! I can't believe it. Sloane
Jennings is here. I am her biggest fan!

All right, people, listen up.

We've come to Karate Con to
find a new dojo for Sloane...

That will provide discipline and focus,

so she can dominate the Girls'
National Karate Tournament.

And to introduce my new
Sloane Jennings acne scrub.

[Grunts]

You don't have to be a black belt
to fight blackheads. [Applause]

Do you have any idea what this means?

I can finally get rid of
that patch of zits on my...

Rudy.

They're looking for
a new dojo for Sloane.

That could be us.

Here's my book. "The Trent Darby story".

- It's the story of...
- Trent Darby?

Oh, you read it?

I'd like to offer you my book.

It's my autobiography.
"From Rags to Rudy".

Let me guess, the story of a poor
boy who rose up to be a Sensei?

Uh, no. It's the story of a boy who
changed his name from "Rags" to "Rudy".

Yeah, you heard me.

I was a boy named Rags.

[Rock music playing]

- ♪ Don't...
- ♪Don't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Get all tough with me!

♪I'm saying...

- ♪Won't...
- ♪Won't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Come kick it with me?

♪And we could have a
ball, run up the wall!

- ♪That's just how we do.
- ♪Come on!

♪And no matter how much I chop and punch
it's not as cool as kicking it with you.

♪Here we go, let's start the party!

♪Chop it up like it's karate.

♪Everybody!

- ♪Don't...
- ♪ Don't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Get all tough with me!

♪I'm saying...

- ♪ Won't...
- ♪Won't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Come kick it with me?

♪And we could have a
ball, run up the wall!

- ♪That's just how we do.
- ♪Come on!

♪And no matter how much I chop and punch
it's not as cool as kicking it with you.

[Music]

Hup! Hup!

Hup!

Hup!

Oh, you guys, we're in the wrong dojo.

Sorry, Sir.

Rudy, what did you do to the place?

Sloane and her manager
are on their way over here.

They said it was important to
them to get to know the real us.

So I changed everything
about who we are.

It has to be perfect.

Jack, Kim, go put on
your formal training Gis.

Milton, Jerry, get out.

- Good call.
- On it.

Hey, Rudy, where did these
new students come from?

Why are they so good looking?

Oh, I hired them from the karate
modeling agency, Black Belt Beauties.

Rudy, I know you really
want Sloane to join but

don't you think you're
getting a little bit crazy?

No I do not.

If a superstar like Sloane comes here,

I could really turn this
dojo into something special.

Wow. If Sloane came here, we'd
finally have another girl in the dojo.

And all that publicity
would mean new students.

And new students means more classes
which means you can promote me to Sensei.

Assistant Sensei.

I think I'm having a moment.

I'm having the same moment.

Uh, guys, come on. I really doubt
you're both having the same...

Oh my gosh, I'm having my moment!

You lied to me, Jerry.

You told me nobody would make
fun of me for wearing the sweater

that Julie knitted me, but
everybody laughed and pointed.

Oh, there you are, you little liar.

You told me that Theo from the bakery
wanted to go out on a date with me.

Uh... he did.

Oh really? Huh...

Well, I got all dressed up and I went over
there, and when I said "I'm your date,"

he was none too pleased.

- He was upset?
- Oh, not as upset as his girlfriend was.

[Mocking laughter]

Next thing I know, I'm looking at
the business end of a french loaf.

Relax, Joan. It was just a little lie.

- Oh.
- [Cellphone rings]

Ah.

Yo. Whoa.

Whoa, Donna. Calm down.

Uh... no no no.

I was with Kathy last night because...

I was asking her how I
could make you happier.

No, because that's what you deserve.

Oh no, you're my one
and only special lady.

Yes you are. Okay, kisses. Bye-bye.

Oh.

That was so sweet.

Oh, Donna's a lucky girl.

Joan, he's lying.

What?

Oh man, he got me again.

♪Kickin' it with you!

Oh oh! They're coming. Places! Places!

- Go.
- [Grunting]

No no no!

You have brought shame upon
me and this dojo of excellence.

My humble apologies, great Sensei.

We hang our heads in shame.

Oh!

Sloane and Vance, I didn't
notice you come in...

What, with all of the
focus and discipline.

Let me show you around.

Kim, just because Sloane's here
don't freak out and get all yappy.

I do not get yappy, Jack.

- You get yappy. Yap yap yap yap yap.
- No I don't! I'd know if I was a yapper.

- If I was a yapper...
- Hey hey hey.

Get these pretty people
back to the agency.

But be careful. If you get a
scratch on them, I lose my deposit.

Hi, I'm Kim. I think it's really cool
you're thinking about joining our dojo.

Oh well, it's not my decision.

My manager Vance decides everything.

I'll find out tomorrow at the
Karate Con press conference.

Oh well, that's the thing about
managers they're always managing.

It's kind of funny actually I don't really
know how I'd manage without a manager

doing all the managing that I'd need to be
managed I just can't stop being a yapper!

Kim!

- Relax.
- Okay.

I really like this place.

It's very different from the
other dojos I've trained at.

Sloane, the students and
I are gonna leave now.

And as we do, I hope you'll
appreciate how good we look doing it.

[Runway music playing]

Oh hey.

You guys here for the free
midnight falafel special too?

No. We made that up because
you have a problem lying,

and we're gonna help you stop.

You lied to get me here to stop lying?

Oh.

I did not see that coming.

Since we know you can't
do this by yourself...

We got you a little helping hand.

I borrowed a lie detector from my
friend at the Police Department...

And Milton modified it.

It's gonna help you
learn to tell the truth.

Jerry.

When you asked to be my lab partner, did
you intend on doing your share of the work?

- Yes I did.
- [Buzzes]

Ow!

I mean half of the work.
Ow! Some of the work.

[Yelps] I wanted you to do everything.

[Dings]

Jerry, we're trying to teach you to tell
the truth no matter how much it hurts.

Fine.

But just so you know, this
thing doesn't hurt at all.

- [Buzzes]
- Ow!

It hurts a little. Aah! More than a little.
Okay. Okay, Milton. You can turn it off.

Milton! [Shouting] Turn
it off! Aah! Aah! Aah!

♪Don't you get all tough with me.

♪Come on.

Rudy Gillespie? What are you doing here?

There's no way Sloane's
gonna pick your dump.

Our place is not a dump.

She's not gonna pick our dump, is she?

Thank you all for coming.

After careful consideration,

we have decided that Sloane
will compete for nationals

as a member of The Bobby Wasabi Dojo!

- Jack and Kim: Yes!
- [Sobbing] No!

Rudy, they picked us.

Yes!

[Music]

No, I'm sorry. All of
our classes are booked.

I don't care who you know.

Excuse me, there is no reason
to use that kind of language.

Love you too, Mother.

Getting Sloane to join was awesome.

- I'm proud of you.
- You should be.

I exploited the skills, fame,
and talents of a -year-old girl.

That's just good business.

Hey look! It's Sloane
Jennings, everybody.

Who wants to see a little sparring?

[Cheering]

[Grunting]

Now I know how it feels to be Milton.

Okay, Sloane needs a
break. We're going to lunch.

Okay, fine.

But if she leaves anything on
her plate, get a doggie bag.

We can sell that online.

Jack, now that you're
an assistant Sensei,

I got you a little something.

Whoa.

My own business cards. This is awesome.

You think that's awesome,
you should check out mine.

[Chuckles]

It's a pop-up.

♪I'm Rudy Gillespie.

♪Sensei to the stars!

♪Kickin' it with you!

The old Jerry wouldn't tell
the Health Inspector the truth.

But those days are over.

You see this three layer dip?

The layers are grease,
mold, and goat hair.

- What are you doing?
- Just being honest.

Dude, after a day of being slapped silly by
your truth machine, I will never lie again.

Jerry, you're taking the truth too far.

You told Julie I hated her
sweater, and she broke up with me.

The truth is maybe you two
weren't meant to be together.

[Gasps]

Hey, guys.

Just grabbing a little
lunch with my boss.

Oh. So this is the
guy you call "Ratface".

[Gasps]

Uh, I do not.

Ratface, come back!

I don't call you
Ratface! Ratface, I swear!

[Groans]

I am so fired. Thanks, Jerry.

Oh, you're welcome.

Just another day of telling the truth.

[Mumbles]

Joan, what have we done?

Jerry's truth-telling has upset
the natural order of the Universe.

Maybe he's not supposed
to tell the truth.

We got to return him
to his original state.

[Quietly] Yes.

[Chuckles]

Woof. That is one
funny-looking baby. Gah.

I see where he gets it from.

♪Hey, come on.

♪Kickin' it with you!

Hey, Evan.

Okay, he's coming.

- Come on. Do it please?
- Okay.

Yes, I'm here.

Again.

[Southern accent] My friend Thelma
Lou would like some pea soup.

And Betty Jo would
like some turtle soup.

So we were just hoping you'd bring us a
big old steaming bowl of turtle pea soup.

[Both laugh]

[Forced laughter]

Remember I laughed when you tip me.

[Chuckles]

I've had a blast here
today. This place is great.

This? A dumb karaoke cafe in Seaford?

Come on, you travel all over
the world. You have a great life.

I have a life?

Yeah.

That's the closest I've had
to a boyfriend in two years.

I have been turned into a business.

I would give anything to
just be a normal girl again.

So just be one.

I can't.

My manager runs my career.

He discovered me when my parents
couldn't even afford karate classes and...

Now thanks to him, my
family has a better life.

When was the last time you had fun?

You know what? Follow me.

- No.
- Come on, let's go.

Come on come on come on.

Hey, Evan!

B- .

- Kim, stop. I can't do this.
- Yes you can, okay?

Look, just read the screen...

And look good.

You got this.

[Pop music playing]

♪I can feel you
coming from a mile away.

♪My pulse starts racing
from the words that you say.

Both:♪And you say so many of them.

♪Like you don't have a clue.

♪That I'm signed, sealed, delivered.

♪With a stamp on.

♪You don't have to try too hard.

♪You already have my heart.

♪You don't got a thing to prove.

♪I'm already into you.

- Atta girl!
- ♪So.

♪Hold hold. Hold hold me tight now.

♪Because I'm so... so good to go.

♪Don't say... don't
say goodnight, you know.

♪You had me at hello.

[Cheering]

Yes!

That's was awesome. I cannot believe how
much fun that was. We sounded so good.

Good? We were great. You know, we
could win that karaoke competition.

Hey hey hey! Where have you two been?

We have been worried sick about Sloane.

You're late.

What's the big deal, guys?

Sloane must win nationals
to keep her endorsements.

Kim is a bad influence.

You want Sloane here,
Kim's gonna have to go.

Excuse me, Kim is a wonderful
student with a bright future...

- Fine. Sloane, come on. We're leaving.
- Oh, this Kim? She's out.

You're kicking me out of the dojo?

That is a little harsh, Rudy.

Okay, you want to know
the truth about Sloane?

She's miserable. Tell
them what you told me.

I'm...

Sorry I'm late.

I'll go put on my Gi.

Wait, Kim! Kim!

You know, in time Kim will realize
that this is a serious dojo,

and I am a serious Sensei.

♪I'm Rudy Gillespie.

♪Sensei to the stars!

- [Pops]
- [Yelps]

Heads up, people.

Do not put my business
card in your pocket.

Wait, what?

Yo, what happened to Phil's?

Because you told the Health Inspector
the truth, Phil's was closed down.

Phil and Tootsie are
in a really bad place.

It's so sad.

Covered in fleas, eating
cans, head-butting shoppers.

And Tootsie ended up in a petting zoo.

[Screaming]

Dude, what was that?

Those were the girls
you've told the truth to.

When they found out that they
weren't your special lady,

they lost all trust in
boys and vowed revenge.

Why doesn't Joan help the poor guy?

Well, because of you, Ratface fired
her and the Mall became lawless.

[Panting]

Ha ha!

Now I am the one who
causes crime to happen.

I stole the Mall jewels!

Well, at least you're okay, Milton.

Milton?

Where'd Milton go?

"Hair"...

"Lies"...

"Meel"...

"Ton?"

Milton: Oh! Here lies Milton Krupnick.

"Julie never came back and...

Milton d*ed of a broken heart".

Wait, what?

No. Oh no no no no. Somebody
please tell me this is a dream.

It's not a dream, Jerry.

It's a lesson.

We're just trying to show you what would
happen if you told nothing but the truth.

Wait...

But that's what you wanted me to do.

The trick, Jerry, is figuring out when
to tell the truth and when to hold back.

Oh, I think I get it.

Check this out, Milton.

Joan, the muffins you make every
Wednesday are really moist and delicious.

Well, thanks, Jerry.

He's back, Joan. Your muffins
taste like a dirty sock.

What?

♪Hey hey.

♪Come on.

♪Kickin' it with you.

Nationals. This is so
cool. Are you excited?

Whatever. Let's just get it over with.

What's the matter, Sloane?

I feel terrible.

Because of me, Kim got
thrown out of the dojo

and all she did was say what
I didn't have the guts to say.

I hate karate.

Uh, by hate...

You mean you sort of don't like it,

but you still want to go out there
and win for The Bobby Wasabi Dojo?

- You got this.
- Rudy.

Sorry.

I'm just tired of selling dumb products.

Dumb products?

Your Sloane Jennings
shampoo was the only friend

my hair had during my
summer of split ends.

Sloane, if you're not happy,
you don't have to do this.

Well, of course I do.

I can't let people down.

No, we're the ones who let you down.

I was so caught up in wanting to be your
Sensei that I forgot to be your Sensei.

I'm sorry.

Sloane, if you could be anywhere else
right now, where would you want to be?

Hey, Betty Jo.

Sloane?

What are you doing here? I thought you
were still pretending to like karate.

Thanks to you, I finally had the
guts to say how I really feel.

And I know what it's like to
be a little girl with a dream.

Yeah, I heard it.

And our last contestant in
the karaoke finals is... Kim!

And Sloane.

[Chuckles]

[Pop music playing]

I told you she'd be here.

What are you doing here?

You're fired Rudy, Trent's her
new Sensei, Trent, get up there

and take her off that stage we
can still make the tournament.

♪Starts racing.

Sloane's not going anywhere.
She wants to be here.

Let's see about that.

[Grunting]

♪And I'm signed, sealed,
delivered with a stamp on.

♪You don't have to try too hard.

♪You already have my heart.

♪You don't got a thing to prove.

♪I'm already into you.

♪So.

♪Hold hold... hold hold me tight now.

You guys are doing great.

♪Because I'm so... so good to go.

♪Don't say... don't
say goodnight, you know.

♪You had me at hello.

♪You had me at hello.

♪Don't say... don't
say goodnight, you know.

♪You had me at hello.

♪You had me at hello.

[Cheering]

Okay, that was the most fun
I've had in a really long time.

I think I'm gonna take a long,

overdue break from karate
and just go back to being me.

Well, okay if uh, no one else
wants to compete tonight,

I think it's safe to say
that our winners are...

Whoa whoa whoa.

Not so fast.

I'm about to bring it.

Give me a b*at, son.

[Rap music playing]

♪Everybody knows my name is Rudy.

♪All the girlies say I'm a real cutie.

♪When I do karate I kick some booty.

♪Rocking on this mic
is my number one duty.

♪Go go, go Rudy.

♪Go go, go Rudy.

♪Go go, go Rudy.

[Screams]

[Electricity zapping]

Word!

[Music]

[Groans]

It is about time that I tell
Milton that this is a dojo,

not some place to leave
his dumb inventions.

Oh.

Well hello, pretty lady.

Welcome to my dojo. I am Rudy Gillespie,
the most handsome Sensei in California.

[Buzzes]

♪I'm Rudy Gillespie.

♪Sensei to the stars!

♪Kickin' it with you.