04x01 - The Boys are Back In Town

[bunniefuu]

You gotta push it, Gary!

Yeah, you heard him... push it, Gary!

Hey, someone's pretty
studious about their gluteus.

A-plus, Gary.

So, Joan, what do you think of
my new Wasabi Warrior Academy?

Whoo-whee!

Fancy.

But I gotta be honest with you,
still smells like your old dojo.

You know, cat vomit, sweat and... Pickles.

That's your sweater, Joan.

(Chuckles)

Excuse me, Rudy.

I am a lady.

And I think I would know if... (Gags)

Nope, definitely your... (Gags) Dojo.

You see, the Warrior Academy
has something for everybody.

But my favorite are these resistance bands.

They are a guaranteed way to get ripped.

(Chuckles)

Ohh! Yep! Something ripped.

Hey, Jerry. I just got an e-mail
from Kim at the Otai academy in Japan.

What's it say?

(Speaking gibberish)

Oh.

"Congratulations on opening your new dojo.

Love and miss you, Kim."

Both: Aww.

You know, I get Kim going to Otai.

But why would Jack and Milton
sign up for summer school

at the Biltmore Academy in Washington?

Yeah, they're probably sitting
in some stuffy classroom right now

just bored out of their skulls.

(Dramatic music plays)

Hey, Jack, what's your favorite part

about working for the
government as an undercover spy?

Uh, I'm gonna go with jetpacks.

Whoo! Best summer ever!

Gah!

Jack, it happened again.
I'm gonna need a pickup.

- (Rock music playing)
- ♪ Don't you get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you
come kick it with me? ♪

♪ and we could have a
ball, run up the wall ♪

♪ that's just how we do

♪ and no matter how
much I chop and punch ♪

♪ it's not as cool as
kickin' it with you ♪

♪ here we go, let's start the party ♪

♪ chop it up like it's karate ♪

♪ everybody ♪ won't you
come kick it with me? ♪

♪ and we could have a
ball, run up the wall ♪

♪ that's just how we do

♪ and no matter how
much I chop and punch ♪

♪ it's not as cool as
kickin' it with you. ♪

Well, gentlemen, that was our last mission.

With Rash no longer a thr*at,
there's no need for our team.

Yeah, so I guess you and
Milton can go back to Seaford,

put on your pajamas and, uh, kick stuff.

Excuse me.

What Jack and I do in our
pajamas is our business.

We do nothing in our pajamas.

As a going-away gift, I want to
present you with these spy watches.

If you push this button right here,
they become a high-powered magnet.

Without an external energy source,

it can't be that powerful.
- (Beeps)

Oh! Yeah... no. It's pretty powerful.

(Beeps)

Where's my watch, sir?

Ohh. Uh... I didn't get you watch, Shane.

I got you...

This pen!

(Chuckles)

They get cool watches, and I
just get this dumb polar bear pen?

It's not just a pen.

Look what happens to the polar
bear when you turn it upside-down.

Oh, nice!

He's wearing a bikini. (Laughs)

Ooh-LA-LA.
Am I right?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah! It also has a laser.

Forget the laser.

This naughty bear is a riot.

Guys, this is where we part ways.

I just want to let you know that as
a m*llitary leader, I don't do emotion.

It's a sign of weakness.

It's best just to stay strong.

It's just that... (Speaks gibberish)

(Cries)

Way to stay strong, sir.

I can't even tell you how good it
is to have you two back in seaford.

This place is amazing, but is there
any part of you that miss our old dojo?

Boys, I want you to know that our
old dojo can never be replaced.

We forged memories that
are gonna last a lifetime.

I even had my first kiss there.

Weren't you when that place opened?

(Murmurs)

Did I say first? I meant like th.

So how'd you get the money for this place?

I've always said you can achieve anything

with hard work, discipline
and self sacrifice.

So what did you do?

I went in on a lottery ticket with Phil.

Okay.

We need three matching animals
to win a million dollars.

- Panda.
- Oh, nice.

Panda!

(Both screaming)

We won! It's a panda?!

No, it's a monkey. But
Phil loves the monkeys

- (laughing)
- (Metal clangs)

Oh, look what fell out.

What?

That's the bolt that's
holding the safety bar in.

Oh, you mean...
- oh! Uh-oh! - Aah!

- Oh, we're moving!
- Aah!

(Both screaming)

The Ferris wheel company paid us a
lot of money so we wouldn't sue 'em.

I used my money to open up this
place, and Phil used his to open up

the business of his dreams.

It's not food poisoning, it's bowling fever

(Bell dings)

(Sniffs) Ugh.

What's up, dude?

What?! Guys, you're back!

- Here we are!
- Oh-ho!

Wow, this place is awesome.

Jerry! What's up, dude?

What?! Dude!

No way! We missed you guys.

Yo, you're not gonna believe it.

I'm the new manager here.

(Both Chuck)

What do you know about
managing a bowling alley?

Oh, a lot. In fact, I increased profit

by coming up with a way for
people to play more games per hour.

How'd you do that?

I sped up the ball returns.

(Ball whooshes)

That's just good managing, yo.

Well.

You guys enjoy yourselves.

I gotta get back to work. (Clicks tongue)

- (Phone beeping)
- Hey, Jack, I just got a text

from Funderburk to call him.

We just got back. Don't respond.

I'm tired of teaching
him to program his d.V.R.

To record "Dog Show Divas."

He says it's an emergency.

Let's go.

♪ Kickin' it with you!

Hoo-ooo!

Aw, Phil, I honestly
love working here, man.

This place has really got it going on.

Oh, and the going on is
really going, bro-chacho.

My bowling alley is the
coolest place in town.

And it will stay that way forever.

(Rock music playing)

(Music stops)

Listen up, everybody!

I'm the pinhead and this is splits Malone.

Alley cats in the house, people!

(Meows, hisses)

(Meows fiercely)

No.

Whoa whoa whoa.

Jerry: Cool people, where you going?

Come back, my bro-chachos!

My bro-chachos!

I need your help.

There was one Rash agent
we didn't know about.

And he's recruiting new people.

The jet-copter's on
the way to pick you up.

By the way, did you see
"dog show divas" last night?

There was a chihuahua... aah!

Let's go up to the roof
and wait for the jet-copter.

Let's go.

(Door opens, closes)

That was the mop closet.

To the roof! Let's go!

(High-pitched scream).

Aah!

That was the ladies' room.

Yeah, we really gotta learn
our way around this place

when we get back.
- Yeah.

♪ Kickin' it with you!

(Elevator dings)

(Both grunting)

Milton!

You're fighting a ficus!

You sure?

There are some really good disguises
out there... yep, no, it's a ficus.

Jack, Milton. I'm glad you made it.

Shane, where's Funderburk?

He was captured by Rash.

There was one agent we didn't know about.

Someone so secretive and so smart,

he was able to fool everyone
by pretending to be one of us.

A double agent.

I'll bet it was Donovan.

It wasn't Donovan.

You know who it was? Kowalski!

Oh, I can so see that. Classic Kowalski!

It wasn't Kowalski.

Got it! Judith from reception.

You never knew which way the
wind was blowing with her.

Don't I know it! Talk about a moody Judy.

Crazy!

It wasn't Judith!

It was me.

What?

Jack and Milton: No no...

What?

None of you will ever
leave this place alive.

Shane, why are you doing this?

So you can finally see I'm better than you.

I'm so sick and tired of everyone thinking

you and Milton are the
world's greatest spies.

Pfft!

Great.

So I'm free to go then, or... Nope.

You're not going anywhere.

Lock 'em up.

St... rike!

Hey, Phil, I need to turn this fan up.

Mama don't roll with swamp foot.

(Fan whirring)

Man, that's disgusting.

You think that's disgusting?

Look at what she's drying now.

Look, you guys are driving
away all our customers.

I'm gonna have to ask you both to leave.

(Exhales)

There's only one way
you're gonna get rid of us.

Just find someone who
can out bowl the pinhead.

Fine.

I'll do it.

Here's how it's gonna work.

You versus me, one game.

I win, you go. You win, you stay.

We tie, one more game.

I win, you go.

You win, you stay. We tie again...
Joan, Rudy and Phil: We get it!

I'm taking everything.

Encryption codes, top-secret hard drives.

Even Funderburk's angel's kiss toilet paper.

That's my last roll.

Oh. You animal.

And I gave you a really
sweet polar bear bikini pen!

Yeah. Which broke!

After the first few hundred flips.

As soon as we're done loading up,

I'm going to hit the self-destruct
button, and it's good-bye, losers.

Oh, hold up.

I have to go... Do some spy stuff.

Once he hits that button,
there's no way to deactivate it.

If we got that pen, we could
use the laser to cut the lock.

We can get the pen by
using the magnet watch

to bring over the metal garbage can.

No, too complicated. I say we get
the pen by using the magnet watch

to bring over the metal garbage can.

That's what I just said.

Now is not the time to be
taking credit for my ideas.

Can we just do this, please?

- If I aim it just right...
- (Watch beeps)

I can...

Good job.
- Wait, I got it.

- Hurry.
- Okay.

- Got it!
- Okay.

(Exhales)

Ow.

Do you have a metal plate in your head?

No.

Maybe. Why? What have you heard?

♪ Here we go, let's start the party ♪

♪ chop it up like it's karate. ♪

If Jerry doesn't show up by
: , it's an a*t*matic forfeit.

And we get to bowl here forever.

Nobody messes with the pinhead.

(Laughing)

Pinhead.

(Mariachi music plays)

- I'm surprised you showed up, Jerry.
- (Music stops)

(Latin accent) It's not Jerry.

It's... (Acoustic guitar riff plays)

"The Jerry."

It's weird because you look
a lot like my friend Jerry.

Do you think that you
can b*at... "The Rudy"?

Ball!

Ho-ho-ho! - (
Mariachi music plays)

(Electric guitar riff plays)

- (Rock music plays)
- (Light applause)

(Mariachi riff playing over rock music)

(Cheering)

(Stomps foot)

(Crowd murmurs)

He's only got one roll left.

And the only way he can
win it is if he makes

the impossible seven- split.

He'll never make it!

We're going to lose.

My life is ruined.

My businesis ruined.

All of my dreams are... shh shh shh shh.

(Latin ceacnt) Have
faith in... The Jerry.

(Both laugh)

We lost!

Did we?

(Flamenco music plays)

(Blows)

He did it! He did it!

He did it!

(Cheering)

Never doubt the Jerry.

We lost, pinhead.

We lost, but... We lost to a legend.

(Flamenco music pla)

See ya, pinhead.

(Drilling)

So I said, "your beard
makes you look thinner."

That seemed to cheer her right up.

(Drilling) -
Say good-bye, Jack!

seconds after I push
this self-destruct button,

you three are going to be a memory.

(Beeping)

Woman's voice: Your baked potato
will be ready in seconds.

(Laughing)

That's the microwave button.

(Mouths)

The self-destruct button is the brown one.

Funderburk!

Woman's voice:
Self-destruction in seconds.

- Got it!
- (Alarm blaring)

I got this.

(Grunting)

Woman's voice: Your baked potato is done.

Self-destruction in seconds.

Guys, the tunnel's the only way out.

No spud left behind!

Hot hot hot hot hot!

Jack, we gotta get out of here.

Come on. Let's go.

Why are you saving me, Jack?

Because it's the right thing to do.

Three, two... One.

Thanks to you, Shane and
his men have been captured.

I can never repay you guys
for coming back and saving me.

Aw, you don't have to repay us.

We did it because we're friends.

And you would have done
the same thing for us.

Uh... (Exhales)

Sure. (Chuckles)

Anyway, looks like our spy days are over.

Hey, funderburk.

I saved this for you.

My angel's kiss!

Perfect timing. I gotta
go take care of some...

Spy stuff.

Hey, I'm, uh, getting
pretty high up on this wall.

You sure you got me?

I said I got you, Rudy. Keep going.

All right.

(Coughs)

I got a feeling... A feeling for ceiling!

You know, Milton, I'm glad to
be back, but so much has changed.

I wonder if it'll ever feel like home.

(Both screaming)

You said you had me!

I did have you!

As long as you didn't fall.

That's it!

Ow! Ow!

Yeah, this is more like home.

Aah!

- Should we?
- Absolutely.

Let's go bowling.

♪ Kickin' it with you!

I'm a pretty good bowler, huh, Jack?

I almost b*at you that second game.

Yeah, you really found your
stride once you put the bumpers up.

Ah, dude, I think I left
my spy watch in the dojo.

Yo, guys, check out
this sick watch I found.

Yeah, I don't know what this button does.

No no no, Jerry! Don't
press that. (Beeps)

Do you have a metal plate in your head?

No... Maybe. Why? What have you heard?