08x02 - Howard the Bowler

[bunniefuu]

There you are, Andy.

All washed and ironed.

Oh, thanks.
That looks nice.

Did Emmett really give you
those shirts for nothing?

Well, advertising.

Well, it is effective.

Oh, sure.

Some of those bowling matches

I guess , people
get to see that name.

Wow! Sure. Being a new business

Emmett wants
to spread the name around.

Do you think you're going to b*at mt.
Pilot tonight, paw?

I don't know.
The team looks pretty good.

Lou Jenkins is bowling
better than ever.

Good.
Goober gave us a scare, though.

Oh?

Yeah, his right eye
started twitching.

Oh.

Nervous about the game, I guess.

Well, that's natural.

He says he's fine today.

Andy! Andy,
Andy, Andy.

I hate to come
busting in like this

but I got bad news,
real bad news.

Your eye?

No. We've got
a empty shirt.

What?

Lou Jenkins is out.

Lou Jenkins is out?

Went to Atlanta on business.

He did?
Just up and leaves.

Oh, it must be
important business, goober.

Well, what's more important

than a game with the
trucker's cafe from mt. Pilot?

Whew...

Mm...

Uh, well...

I guess we'll have to try
to find somebody else.

Well, who?

Name anybody that's any good.

How about the pastor?

He likes to bowl.

Uh...

I don't think so, aunt bee.

You know, sometimes
in the heat of the game

we, uh, say,
you know, something.

Oh, yes.
That might be dangerous.

How about Howard sprague?

No, ope.

Uh, ope, see, Howard, uh...

Well, we...
We still want to try to win.

Did you tell Emmett?

No. I hadn't had
the heart to.

Well, I guess he ought to know.

He's the sponsor.

Come on, we'll tell him.

I'll, uh...

Goodbye.

Boy, that's a tough break.

Well, Opie, in the field
of sports, like anything else

you have to be prepared
for disappointments.

Why me?!

Why does it always
have to happen to me?!

Emmett, will you stop pacing?

You're driving me
out of my mind.

We're gonna think
of somebody, Emmett.

Try and be calm.

That's easy for you to say.

You didn't invest
your entire advertising budget

in those fancy bowling shirts.

Well, I know how you feel.

No, you don't.

They cost eight dollars apiece!

Well, I'm sorry.

Nobody's gonna see 'em at all

if we don't quit fighting

and think of somebody.

How about ab winters?

No. He plays basketball Tuesdays
and Thursday night.

Last night there was
that big poker game.

Emmie won't let him out again.

Hey, I... ooh.

I got it.
Who?

Doc Springs.

No.
Why not?

Cathy Hawkins is due.

Again?
Any minute.

Time flies.

Mm.

Well...

I don't know who else we can get

except there's
always Howard sprague.

Uh-uh. No, no, no,
no, no, no.

He's been practicing.

Andy, if you can't help,
don't hinder.

Goob, he's dying
to play with us.

With him on the team

we might as well forfeit
the game and save time.

Keep thinking.

How about Jeff Kingsley?

Got the flu.
Oh...

Speak of the devil,
here comes Howard now.

Change the subject.

Hi, fellas.

Hi, Howard.

Oh, hi, Howard.

Ain't you got that steam iron
fixed yet, Emmett?

I'm closing in on it.

Ever iron your own shirts, Andy?

No, I never did, goob.

Say, speaking of shirts

i-i-i hear you got an empty one
for the big match tonight.

You know the thing
that ruins these irons

is women use too much starch.

My mama always said
use a lot of starch.

I been doing a little bowling
myself lately.

Would you hand me
the screwdriver.

This one all right?

I'll try it.

You know, it's amazing

how a fella can pick up his game
by practicing regularly.

No. Would you get
me the Phillips?

I've been playing
every Tuesday and Thursday.

Thursday I picked up
a - split.

Oh.

Yeah, yeah.

Picked up a - split Thursday.

Oh.

And I find I'm delivering
the ball

with a whole lot more
authority, too.

You say the starch
is the thing to watch

in a steam iron, Emmett?

Well, that's the k*ller.

Well, I gotta be going.

I'll, uh...

I'll see you guys.

Yeah, Howard.

Howard.

Well, we were pretty hard
on him.

Well, this is a big game, Andy.

Well, a - split's
pretty good.

Maybe we ought to give him
a chance.

Oh, come on.

Well, it's just a game

and isn't the idea
for us to go out

and just have a good time?

Isn't that the idea?
Huh

well, what do you think, Emmett?

Maybe he has learned something
about the game like he says.

Well, I don't...

That's a time.

If we're gonna lose

we might as well lose
with our friends.

Ah! Ha ha.

Beautiful, goob.
Beautiful.

Save some of that for the game, goober.
You're going to need it.

He's got plenty more
where that come from.

Howard, take your warm-ups.

We want to get
this thing started.

Oh, yeah, sure.

I want to tell you fellas

how much I appreciate the
opportunity to play with you.

You know, I've been playing
by myself...

Howard, will you just
throw a couple?

Go ahead, go ahead.
There you go.

Relax...

Set...

One, two, throw!

Hey! Not bad!

Good sh*t, Howard!
Good sh*t!

It was a little high
on the headpin.

You guys want to play,
or you want to give up now?

Now, wait a minute.
We got a new boy here.

Yeah, he gets another sh*t.
Go ahead, Howard.

Is he gonna do that every time?

Set...

One, two...

Look at that.

Hey, picked up his spare!

Nice rhythm, Howard.

Hey, thanks, fellas.

Oh, come on, come on.

Let's get going here.

Yeah, the sooner we get started,
the sooner we win.

Look who's talking.

All right, we're ready.

Come on, Andy, get in here.

Come on, come on.

Who's gonna win?

Mayberry! Mayberry! Mayberry!

You lead off, Howard.

Me?
Yeah.

Oh, okay.

All right,
hang in there, Howard.

This is it.

Yeah, take it easy

and don't try to bust the pins.

Relax...

He is gonna do it every time.

Shh, shh, shh.
Give him a chance.

One, two, throw.

Attaway to go, Howard!

Yeah, great.

Way to go.

Set...

One, two, throw.

He did it again!

Four in a row!

Oh, Howard! Great!

Guess I got
the ol' touch tonight.

That's great.
Beautiful.

All right, all right,
now, what's the deal?

Now where'd you import
this guy from?

Oh, no, no.

I-i-I've been practicing.

I wouldn't want you to think
I'm a dinger.

Ringer.
Huh?

Ringer.
Oh. Ringer.

Well, come on, goob,
you're up after him

so you'd better get ready.

Take your time now.

Don't try to bust the pins.

Okay, Howard.

Hang in there, babe.

Shh-shh. Shh-shh.

Relax...

Set...

One, two, throw.

There's another one!

Eight strikes in a row!

I never seen that before.

Lou oughta be here to see this.

Lou who?
Oh, Lou.

Atta time, Howard!

Hey, hey, Howard, Howard...

Whatcha got goin' for ya?

Oh, just in the groove, I guess.

I don't understand it...

A fella who's only been
bowling a coupla months.

That's the way it is
sometimes in sports.

Fella gets a streak
of perfect timing

can't do anything wrong.

Yeah, like in baseball.

A fella has one of
those hittin' streaks.

Yeah. How's
the overall score?

The game's on ice.

Now it's just the wonder
of watching Howard there.

Do you think by any
chance he might...?

A perfect game?

Well, it's possible.

He's two-thirds
of the way through.

Perfect game.
Are you kidding?

It's been done before.

Not in this county it ain't.

The last four frames

is when the going
really gets tough.

You just watch him.

You got your timing,
ain't you, Howard?

I must say I feel
pretty sharp tonight.

You feel so sharp,
anybody want to make a bet?

We don't bet.

They just talk.

Fellas, let's just finish
the game.

Look, it's - that he don't
bowl no perfect game.

He told you we don't bet.

You're afraid your boy
here's gonna fold, huh?

They're pushing us pretty hard, Andy.
No, goob.

Give you $ to $

that he don't bowl
no perfect game.

We'll take that.

Goober, I'll take five of that.

Now, that's a bet.

You got yourself
a bet, all right.

Andy, that's pushing
us too hard.

We got our pride.
Go ahead, Howard.

I don't know
if you fellas shoulda bet.

Well, the way you're going
it's money in the bank.

Hey, Joe, turn up
the air conditioner.

It's getting warm in here.

You're up, goober.

Oh, yeah.

Relax, set, one, two...

One, two...

One more, Howard

and you're gonna be famous.

Nothing to be nervous about.

I "wisht" it was over.

Throw the ball, will you?

One, two... hey!

Hey, what happened
to the lights?!

Keep this arm moving.

Don't let it knot up on you.

Here comes Andy now.

Well, what's the story, Andy?

Main circuit's out.

Main circuit?!

It must have gotten overloaded

when we turned up
the air-conditioning.

Well, is he getting it fixed?

We got a perfect game going.

We can forget about the game
tonight.

Take three or four hours
to get the lights on.

What about my last ball?

Oh, throw it, throw it.

But he can't even see the pins.

There ain't nothing in the rules

about him
having to see the pins.

Don't do it, Howard!

Maybe you better
pay up your bet.

He's got another ball coming.

Go ahead and throw it.

W-Wait a minute.

Now, wait a minute.

You can't ask the man
to throw the ball in the dark.

The fair thing'd be
to come back here tomorrow night

and let him throw it then.

I don't care what's fair!

Let him throw it now!

It's the fair thing!

All right, all right.

Okay, okay.

We'll see you here
tomorrow night at : .

All right.

Don't lose your touch, Howard.

Yeah.

Just a little more, Howard.

Believe me, Howard

you throw a strike
tomorrow night

and I bet
it'll hit the Raleigh papers.

I wouldn't be surprised.

The whole thing
seems just like a dream to me.

Can't I get you
something else, Howard?

No, thanks, aunt bee.

It's important
to keep your strength up.

A little egg nog.

No, no.
No, thanks.

Even more important

is staying cool under pressure.

Hey, look at him.

Cool as a cucumber, ain't you?

Well, I guess so.

Howard, you "ort" to have been
a brain surgeon.

I don't know about that.

Well, you just stay cool

till after you throw
that ball tomorrow night.

Hey, I got an idea.

Let's change the subject.

Change the subject?
Change the subject.

Oh! To get his
mind off of it

so the tension don't build up.

Well, that's a good idea.

Let's don't even talk about it.

Well, that's just fine with me.

Don't even think about it.

Don't give one thought

to how much depends
on that one ball.

That me and Andy
stand to win $

or that you was coming
up a little too far

on your back swing on
your last two balls.

Goober.

I was just telling him
not to think about it.

Mmm...!

I found what I was looking for
in my almanac.

"The odds against anybody
bowling a perfect game

are , to one."

They are?

Oh, good heavens!

Yeah, but that's
starting from scratch

and Howard's just
got one ball to go.

Well, I guess
I better be going home now.

Good night, Howard.

Howard, get in bed,
go right to sleep

but keep that arm moving.

Right.

Well, good night.

Perfect game

Well, it's been done before.

Well, not in this county,
it ain't.

"The odds against anybody
bowling a perfect game

are , to one."

Good heavens!

You was coming up

a little too far
on your back swing

on your last two balls.

Back swing.

Back swing, back swing.

Relax.

Set.

One, two... no, no.

One... t...

"If you can fill
the unforgiving minutes

"with seconds worth
of distance run

"yours is the earth
and everything that's in it

and which is more,
you'll be a man, my son."

"The mighty Casey
has struck out."

You think he's gonna make it,
aunt bee?

I'm sure he will.

Howard's a man of courage
and determination.

You all right, Howard?

Oh, yeah, sure, sure.

Headache's almost gone.

Do you think you're still
in the groove, Howard?

Oh, yeah,
sure. Sure.

All right, now, listen

is he gonna throw the ball

or ain't he?

He gets a couple of warm-ups.

It's only fair.

Two... that's all.

Just two.

Come on, Howard.

Come on, champ.

Just a couple of
warm-ups, folks.

Chin up, Howard!

Relax...

Set...

One, two...

Gutter ball!

I saw it, Emmett.

T-That one just slipped, Howard.

Now, take another
one, and just relax.

Right.

Relax...

Set...

One, two...

I've lost it.

Well, Howard

you just lost your timing,
that's all

and it happens.

There goes the bet.

I practically had
that money spent.

Maybe the fellows
would be willing

to call off the bet.

What do you...?

Them fellers?
Never.

Well... hey, uh...

H-Hey, uh...

Hey, uh, guys?

Andy, you know,
the next one counts.

Oh, yeah, yeah, Hank,
but, uh, you can

you can see
what's happened to Howard

going from one night to the next

and to me, the fair thing
would be to call off the bet.

Ah, are you kidding?

No. Who knew the lights
were going to go out

and ruin his hot streak?

Oh, come on, Andy.

Now, a bet's a bet, you know.

Oh, not when something
like that happens.

Oh, yeah, but...

It's not fair
to hold a guy to a bet

when, well, you know.

Well, it's up to these fellas
right here.

You, uh, you want to be
good guys about it?

All right, Andy.
The bet's off.

That's a time.

Thanks, Andy!

Thanks! Thanks!

You're a pal!

Okay, okay.

All right, Howard, now,
just do the best you can.

All right.

That Andy's the
salt of the earth.

You can say that again.

Relax.

Relax.

Set...

One, two, throw!

Everybody stand back!

Stand back, now!

I don't know why
you had to butt in!

You just blew $ for us!

Fellas, I was trying to help!

Could we have one
of the whole team?

Come on, fellas.

There are times when a person

ought to let people
handle their own affairs.

Hold it.

You got no business going around

calling off other people's bets.

A while ago you
were thanking me.

That's got nothing
to do with it!

One more.

It was one of them things
that only concerned us

and we knew what we was doing

and you come along

and stuck your big, fat...

Hi, Howard.

Hi, Andy.

Well, Mr. .

I just figured I'd return
the shirt, with Lou coming back.

Oh, oh, oh, okay.

Emmett's is closed.
I figured I'd leave it with you.

Oh, well, that's fine.
That's fine.

Boy, did you ever have
a night for yourself, huh?

Oh, yeah.

I'm just sorry that Emmett and
goober had to lose out, though.

Oh, that's all right.
I saw them. They're fine.

Oh, well, good.

Did you see the piece
in the paper?

Picture and everything?
Uh-oh.

Good.
Yeah.

Kind of makes a man
stop and think.

You know,
even if for only briefly,

he's found a place in the sun.

Right, right, right.

And a golden moment.

Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, you know something?

I've got a strong feeling

that Emmett would want you
to keep that shirt.

Hey, you really think so?

Well, I'm sure of it.

Oh, well, that's great.

Yeah, you keep that.

But let me tell you this,
now, Andy...

If Mayberry ever has a museum
or a hall of fame,

now, I'll be only too happy
to contribute this shirt.

Well, that's wonderful, Howard.

That's wonderful.

Well, I'll... I'll see you, Andy.

Okay.