08x16 - Goober the Executive

[bunniefuu]

Hey, ope!
Hey, goob!

Okay if I have some air?

Well, help yourself.
We carry the best air in town.

Thank you.

I don't know what's the matter
with this tire.

Keeps going soft on me.

Well, I wouldn't worry
about it too much, ope.

It's only flat on the bottom.

Not funny?

Oh, sure, goob.

I laughed real hard
last time you said it.

Excuse me.

Rush hour is commencing.

Yeah.

Good morning, sir.

Can I help you?

$ . worth
of super.

Yes, sir.

You get any new
comic books, goob?

new ones when
I was over in mt. Pilot.

?

Yeah. That's
the beauty part

of the job I got here, ope.

Gives you plenty of time
to follow your culture.

Yeah. Did you get
the purple avenger?

The latest one...

All about the grunge people.

Hey, I got to read that one...

Right after I finish
ivanhoe for school.

Hey, goober.

I wonder what he's looking for.

Hey, ope, finish this
for me, will you?

Oh, sure.

Can I help you, mister?

No. No, thanks.

I kind of get the idea

you're looking for something.

Yeah, I'm looking
around a little bit.

What are you looking for?

I'm thinking about
buying this station.

Buy... buying it?

What makes you think
it's for sale?

Your boss told me.

He what?

The station's for sale.

This station's for sale?

Yeah, this station.

Well, I'll...

Wally's selling the station.

Well, I'll be...

You didn't know?

Well, he never told me a word.

Well, that beats anything
I ever heard of.

You're all ready to go, mister.

Oh, thanks, kid.

The least he could of done
was tell me about it.

What's going to happen to me?

Well, if I do decide
to take over the station

I'll give you plenty of notice

so you can find
yourself another job. Here.

Can you imagine that?

I been working for Wally
for all this time

and he don't tell me
a thing about it.

Well, I'll just be.

Maybe it's not true.

We'll just find out
from the horse's mouth.

Hello, Sarah.

Get me Wally.

Kick a man out in the snow

and not tell him
one thing about it.

Hello, Wally.

I just heard the news

about you fixin'
to sell the station.

Uh-huh. Well, you
mighty right I'm mad.

Well, I been working for you

for eleven and
three-quarter years.

Now, what am I supposed
to do about a job?

Well, how do you know

I wasn't interested
in buying the station?

Uh

Uh-huh. Yeah.

Well, I'll just get back to you.

You going to buy
the station, goob?

Well, Wally says
if I can raise the cash

he's giving me first refusal.

Hey, that's great.

Today you just work here

and tomorrow you'll be the boss.

Huh? Yeah. Yeah!

I never been a boss before.

Is it hard?

I don't know.

Well, before I take
a step like this

it might be a good idea
to go to town

and talk to one or two
of the leading businessmen.

"Boss."

Come on.

Come on out of there.

Come on out
or I'm coming in to get you.

Come on. Come on.

Emmett?

What?

Over here.

Oh! Hi, Andy.

Hi.

How you coming?

Well, I... I haven't
got him out yet.

I can see him, though.

You know, you've got

a real sharp-looking bird, Andy.

Oh, thanks.

Keeps good time.

Yeah.
Keeps good time.

But I just can't
get the bird out.

Hey, fellas.

Oh, hi, goob.
Hi, goob.

Emmett, you been
in business for yourself

a long time, ain't you?

years.

You like it okay?

Well, goob, if you're born

with the qualities of leadership

it's the only way to fly.

Why all the questions?

Andy, I suppose there's changes
in every man's life, huh?

I mean, in his business life

things ain't supposed
to stay the same.

Oh. Oh. Oh, well, no.

I mean, right here

Floyd decides
he's got enough money

and wants to retire,
Emmett moves right in.

Yep. I decided
to stop operating

in my own house

and move right here
into midtown.

I got a chance

to buy the filling
station from Wally

and I'm just
trying to figure out

if I can handle it okay.

The executive part.

Yeah. I'm practically
running the station now.

What do you think?

Still, that's not the same

as being the boss.

It's a challenge, goober,
going from employee to Mr. Big.

But I know I could handle it.

Well, maybe.

I know I could.

I'm getting excited already.

Executives get
excited, don't they?

Oh, yeah.

All the time.

Well, I'm going over to the bank

and see if I can borrow
the rest of the money I need.

$ , , eh, goober?

Yes, sir.

Well, we certainly

like to encourage
the small businessman.

What're you gonna put
up for collateral?

How's that?

Collateral. Securities.

You see, goober,
before I can give you $ ,

to make your down payment

you have to provide me
with a guarantee of $ ,

of unencumbered assets.

Well, I ain't
following you too good

but it sounds like
I can't borrow the money

until I prove I don't need none.

Well, I got to protect the bank.

You can understand that,
can't you?

You said you was here
to encourage the businessman.

How come
I don't feel encouraged?

Goober,
I'll be very frank with you.

There's only one way
I can give you a loan.

Cosigners, huh?

Yeah.

I got to make a house call.

Well, now, wait a minute.

You was the fellers

that told me I'd do all right.

Well, now... now, wait,
uh... goob. Wait. Wait.

Uh... see, you said

that you would do all right

andagreed that maybe...

Maybe you would.

But co-signing a $ , note...

That's a lot of money.

I'm not... I'm not pleading
poverty, you understand

but I am just a salaried man.

Well, I don't think
you'd be taking no gamble.

Uh...

Uh... goober...

As one with experience

I've said to myself
a thousand times... I've said

"Emmett, why don't you
forget big business?

"Why don't you pull out

while you've still
got your health?"

I've said it a thousand times.

Well... uh...
I really should

be making that house call.

Fine friends.

It's got nothing to do

with friendship, goober.

I suppose you both know that

if somebody else buys
that filling station

I won't have no job.

I don't know how to do
nothin' except fix cars.

I spent my whole career
in the automotive field.

Yeah, but, goob, see...
You... you've never...

You've never been a boss before.

Well, there's a first
for everybody.

Uh... uh... yeah.

Well...

If that's how you feel about it.

Goob.

Um... if...

If you don't get the cosigners

you don't get the station

and if you don't get the station

you're out of a job.

That's it.

Uh... Emmett... uh...

If, uh... if we were to...

To both co-sign that

it wouldn't be actual cash

and I don't think

we'd be taking
too much of a gamble

because the place has
been a moneymaker for years.

Well, yeah, but...

Hey, hey, Andy... Andy...

I could have the loan
paid back in no time

and I could throw you

all my electrical
and ignition work.

Well...

What... what
do you say, Emmett?

Well...

Hey, thanks, Emmett.
Thanks, Andy.

I never want to be associated

with two nicer cosigners.

You like the sign?

Yeah, I do, goob.

It looks like
you're off and running.

Being an executive

I decided to wear my suit
for the first day.

Real impressive.

I got George, there,
working for me now.

Goob, you put on
an employee already?

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, can't you
handle it yourself?

No, I'll be so busy
with brainwork.

Can I still bring my
bike in here, goober?

Well, sure thing, ope.

Policy on bicycles
ain't been changed one bit.

"Free air with a smile."

That's a motto I made up.

Good, goob.

Made up another motto, too:

"Free water with a smile."

Fine, goob. Keep
up the good will.

Got another one:

"The only thing
we don't wipe clean

is the smile on our faces."

This is going to be a jolly
place, all right.

I want you all to know
that I expect

to maintain the same fine
service you been used to.

"On the ball all the time."

That's very good, goob.

Could I have the honor
of being the first customer

under the new management?

Well, yes.

Fill her up.

Right, cosigner.

George, sheriff Taylor
wants a tankful.

Okay.

George, George.

Huh? Oh.

We're going to salute here

like they do
on them TV commercials.

Oh. Good, goob.

Well, pump away, George.

What's the matter?

Well, I been so busy
with my executive work

I forgot to order gas.

Hey, goob.

Ope.

I brought the space phantom
and spider-man.

What do you want to trade?

Well, sorry, ope,
my fiction reading's over.

Got to concentrate
on deep reading only.

Nation's industry...
I'm part of it now.

Oh. Did you order
the gas yet?

Well, it's coming.

Sure, goob.
It could've happened to anybody.

Well, yeah,
you ought to hear what happens

to some fellers in industry.

You ever hear of Bernard hodling

president of
consolidated motors?

No.

The first year he was president

the company lost $ million.

How do you lose that much?

Let me see.

How'd he lose it, goob?

Well, he was working there
and they made him the boss

and he couldn't handle it.

Well, what's $ million?

"The pressures of running an..."
What's that word?

"Organization."

"Organization soon led to a..."

What's that word?

"Deterioration."

"Deterioration
in Mr. Hodling's health.

He started getting..."

What kind of headaches?

Uh... "Migraine headaches"

"which further impaired
his efficiency

and made it difficult
for him to make decisions."

I don't think you'll get
any headaches, goob.

"I frankly admit,
at age ..."

Well, I'm .

"I was not fully prepared

to take over the presidency
of this company."

Wonder how he got the job?

His daddy d*ed.

I tell you, ope

there's a lot of pressure
being in business for yourself.

Yeah. I guess.

Goober?

Give me some gas.

Well, it hasn't come yet,
Emmett.

It hasn't come yet?!

Well, I ordered it,
but it takes three days.

Well, I need some water.

You got any of that?

Well, yes!

Goober, I don't see how
you could forget to order gas

in the first place.

Well, it could have
happened to anybody.

Are you sure you're
going to be able

to run this gas
station all right?

It's a matter of getting
everything under control

and I guarantee

everything's going
to start running smooth.

I tell you...
There ain't gonna be anymore slip-ups!

No more slip-ups!

I used to work here,
and now I'm the boss

and I'm years old.

Pretty soon, I'm gonna be

and I don't hardly
ever get headaches!

George?

Yeah?

Have you got any aspirin?

No. Got a headache?

Well, it's just
a little migraine.

It's nothing.

Hey, goober, I just
finished the valve job

on Mr. Perkins' car.

Where's the head gasket?

Ohh...

Well, I forgot to order it.

Well, Mr. Perkins
is expecting his car

this afternoon.

Well, what are you going to do?

Me? You're the boss.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Now, goober,
in keeping your books

there are two methods
we can use for tax purposes.

Keeping my books?

Yeah. We can either use
the straight line method

or the declining balance method.

We can get
an extra break, you see

with the double depreciation
of plant and fixtures.

Uh-huh. Which one do you
think's best, Harry?

It's up to you, goober.
You're the boss.

Believe me, you
put in a third pump

with premium gasoline,
it'll double your business.

It's like... well, don't
ask me. Ask Detroit.

Anything over six cylinders
coming off the assembly line

needs premium gasoline

like a hungry man needs food

like a baby needs love...

I don't rightly know
that I need a third pump.

It'll increase your
business three-fold.

Here's the way I got it figured...
Uh, look...

Sorry to bother you
at this inconvenient time,

but, of course,
this is an emergency.

Yeah?

The name is Michaels,
Fred Michaels...

Emblem oil company,
El Paso, Texas.

I'm here to find out what your
decision is on that third pump.

Third what?

The pump... the third pump.
You've only got two.

I didn't know I had that many.

Well, I was just over
at goober's service station.

He said you were the top
brain in the outfit.

Well, I'm not his partner.

Well, you're his cosigner,
his adviser or something.

The thing is, do you know

that he is only pumping
super and regular

and the big demand today
is for premium?

Now, down in El Paso

we have our finger on
the pulse of this thing.

Look, Mr., uh...

Michaels, Fred Michaels.
Yeah.

Emblem oil company,
El Paso, Texas.

I'm vice president
in charge of regional sales

for northeastern north Carolina.

Well, good, good.

Uh, Mr. Michaels, as you
can see, my head's wet

and I'm trying...

And I don't have anything to do
with running that station.

Well, I understand
all that, of course.

Mr. Pyle values your opinion,
you see... and I do, too.

The thing is,
my company has conducted

an extensive survey
of the Mayberry oil market.

That couldn't have
taken too long.

Yeah...

Uh, the thing is this,
Mr. Taylor:

You need that third pump,
and, frankly, I don't think

your associate is capable
of making a decision

good or bad.

Yeah, well, once again,
Mr. Michaels

I don't have anything to do
with running that station.

All right.

Good day, Mr. Taylor.

Oh, and if I were you

I wouldn't stand around
down here like that.

You're liable to catch cold.

Well, my gross is off %,
but I figure it's seasonal.

%?

Well, yes.

Goober, uh, listen

that fella you sent
over to my house

from the emblem oil company...

I didn't know if I
needed a third pump

so I figured two heads is
better than one deciding.

Well, goober,
I don't know anything

about the gasoline business.

I'm gonna do a lot
of thinking about it.

I don't know when
I'm gonna find time.

I got so many things
to think about.

Uh-huh.

Where's, uh, George?

George?
Yeah.

He quit.

He quit.

You feel all right?

Oh, oh, fine, fine.
It's just a little headache.

A migraine.
It's the sun.

Yeah.

I'll see ya.

Yeah.

All right, now... : .

Cuckoo!

Uh-huh.

Cuckoo!

One more time. Come on.

Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

Emmett!

Now you made me break that iron.

I'm sorry.

Listen, I was just over
to the service station

and it doesn't look like
goober's gonna make it.

I told you!
I told you so!

You wouldn't listen.

Now I'm out $ , .

Listen, I'm sorry I got you
to co-sign the note.

I'm sorry

but now we've got a problem
of what to do about it.

I can't afford to lose
$ , any more than you can.

Sure, sure, sure.

I can't!

And I don't want to see
goober go down the drain

so I was thinking.

Maybe if we could get him
to sell the station now

he could get back
what he's got in it.

And get us off the hook?

I suppose that's one way
of looking at it.

It's the only way
of looking at it.

Well, shall we go?

Are you still reading
that stuff?

I can't stand
to look at it anymore.

Goob, we didn't finish
reading about that man.

You ought to hear this.

I don't want to hear no more.

He probably jumped off
a bridge or something.

No, the year after
he lost $ million

he made back $ million.

He did?

Yeah. Listen to this.

"I immediately realized
that if I was to survive

"as head of consolidated motors

"I had to make
my own decisions...

"right or wrong...

And trust that my judgment
was correct in most cases."

He said that?

Yeah.

"I knew that indecision

"and lack of confidence
in my own ability

could soon
spell disaster."

Hmm.

"I reasoned that if
I was put in charge

"of consolidated motors

it must have been
because I was qualified."

Hmm.

You know, goob, I was thinking.

Maybe that's what might
have happened to you

when you first became boss here.

You didn't trust yourself.

I didn't?

No. You were trying
to get everybody else

to make up your mind for you

because you were scared
you might make a mistake.

Yeah.

After all, you ran the station
real good for years.

and three-quarters.

Yeah.

I don't see why you couldn't be

the best owner
this station ever had.

Yeah!

Read me what that man
said again.

Oh.

"I immediately realized
that if I was to survive

"as head of consolidated motors

"I had to make
my own decisions...

"right or wrong...

And trust that my judgment
was correct in most cases."

You want to tell him or shall I?

Maybe I better.

Andy! Hi, Emmett.

The gas come.
You want some?

Uh, no thanks, goob.
I'll just get your windshield.

I'll hop right to that.
Excuse me.

Goober, what we want
to talk to you...

Excuse me, Emmett.
You know something else?

I been thinking about that third
pump, and it's out.

No need for
a third pump around here.

We'll do fine
with what we've got.

Well, good, goob.

We're selling service.
Want me to check your battery?

Uh, well...

Hey, you know something else?

Me and Opie's been discussing
my bookkeeping system.

We're gonna use the
declining balance system.

Well, how did you come
to that decision?

Tell him, ope.

We liked the sound of it better.

Hello, Emmett.

Hello, Andy.

Here it is, all fixed for you.

Ohh.
You licked it.

Sure, once I was able

to get my mind off the
gas station and concentrate,

I licked it.

Well, that's great.
That's just great.

There's something I wanted
to point out to aunt bee

before you give it to her,
though... I got a list here.

When it cuckoos three times,
it's : .

And at : , it'll sing
about five times.

And at : ,
it'll cuckoo twice.

If you memorize this list,
you'll have no trouble at all.

Oh, fine.
That's just fine.

Ha ha.
What?

I just had a visit from the
collector of internal revenue.

Trouble?
Up to my ears.

Owe them $ in taxes.

What you so happy about?

Well, the other day,
I was just a lowly mechanic.

And today the most powerful
government in the world

is threatening to sue me.

Oh. Well, congratulations,
goober.

You've got it made.