08x29 - A Girl for Goober

[bunniefuu]

♪ My love will grow
from the first hello ♪

♪ Until the last goodbye

♪ so to sweet romance
there is just one answer ♪

♪ You and I

very good!

All we need is
an electric guitar,

and we're on our way.

Hey, that is a good 'un.

Helen, here, you pick one.

Oh, goober, I'm about sung out.

Oh, me, too.

Been quite an evening.

Hey, Sam, Sam, I forgot
to pay you for the movie.

No, no, no, forget it.

Well, as long
as you put it that way.

Hey...

Know any good games?

I think we've had it, goob.

Aw.

I bet y'all know
some good games.

No, no.

♪ Darlin', you and I

♪ know the reason why

well...guess I'll be
runnin' along.

I guess we'd beter be goin'
pretty soon, too.

Well, thanks for the root beer
and everything, Sam.

Okay, goob.

If there's anything goin' on

tomorrow night, old goob's free.

Right.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night, goob.

No.

Doesn't goober know any girls?

Oh, yeah, he knows girls.

He just has kind of a bad time.

He strikes out a lot.

He's pretty shy.

Well, didn't somebody once say,

"for every man,
there's a woman"?

Well, it seems like,
between the four of us,

we could come up
with somebody for him.

It would have to be
a...Certain type of girl.

Oh, she'd have to be
a certain type, all right.

That's good.

Very good.

Good morning,
Dr. Gibson.

Good morning,
Mr. Franklin.

Well, I went over the
questionnaire you prepared

and I must say it's
generally very satisfactory.

Well, I think it's close,

but it's got to be more
than generally satisfactory.

We've got to ensure
accurate results,

particularly just
starting in business.

Of course. When dealing
with a person's future

there can be no
margin for error.

Right.

I had a thought.

Oh?

Before we start
our statewide operation

if we were to run a test,

put an ad in a small-town paper.

I was just going
over some names here.

There's Mayberry,
toast, manteo...

You know, uh, that's
a very good idea.

Yes, I'm sure we'd get,
uh, half a dozen answers,

at least from men.

And women.

Well, I'm not interested

in them at the moment.

See, I've been thinking.

If I were to make a date
with a man...

You? I don't know

how a man's going to react
to a doctor of psychology.

He wouldn't have to know.

I'd make a date with a man
who seemed the most compatible.

And that way, I'd have
firsthand information.

We'd soon find out whether the
questionnaire was right or not.

Well, it would certainly be
a true test.

Mm-hmm.

Perfect for our purposes.

Yeah.

Hey, Andy.
Oh, hi, Sam.

You got a minute?

I'm just waiting for goob to
come by with the squad car.

He's fixing the brakes.

Oh, well, uh, let's go inside.

I want to show you something.

Here.
Oh, thanks.

What is it?

Just let me put this down.

Uh, now, I know this is
none of our business, Andy,

but look at that ad
down there in the corner.

"Scientific introductions."

Yeah, for goober.

What do you think?

"Find a perfect mate
for a lasting relationship.

Answer questionnaire."

Yeah, and then you just send
them in five bucks.

It's one of those
computer things.

I've heard they've
become real popular.

I understand
they work real great.

They've been very successful.
Yeah.

This place here
is in mt. Pilot.

Goober has exhausted
the girls in Mayberry.

It'll open up the rest
of the county for him.

The lining's still good.

They just needed tightening up.

Hey, Sam.

Hey, goob, goob?

We were just looking
at this right here.

What is it?

I understand it works real good.

Aw, yeah.

Hey, yeah, I've read
about these things.

You fellers figure on
getting computerized?

Uh, it's not for us, goob.

Oh, I didn't think so.

These are for fellers
who can't get gals...

You know... those who
ain't got no charm

or smoothness about them.

I always kind of feel sorry
for them kind of fellers.

That's something
that's hard to develop...

Charm, how to talk
to a girl on any subject:

Carburetors, spark plugs,
tire pressure.

That's just something
you're born with.

It's a knack.

It sure is.

"Scientific
introductions." hmm.

Uh... goob

you know, I've always
had the feeling

that these things were
for everybody

who would like to broaden
their acquaintanceships.

That's right.

I suppose.

I don't see where
it'd fit any of us.

Andy, you got Helen

and, Sam, you and Darcy
seem to be getting along fine.

Right.

Me, the only reason

I haven't been seeing juanita

is she's been going out
to myer's lake every night

parking with Harold fossett

to discuss business.
Oh?

He's thinking about
renting boats

and wants her opinion.

She's got a great business head.

Yeah.

They're giving this boat-renting

a lot of thought...

From : to :
every night.

Gotta think a lot about boats.

Yeah.

Five dollars they want, huh?

Yeah, well,

that's just for processing
the questionnaire.

"Lasting relationship."

Well, that's what they hope for.

I suppose a lot of guys

would fill out
this questionnaire.

Sure, yeah.
Could be.

I mean, after all,
it's only five bucks.

I make that much
for a minor tune-up.

Hey, you know,
I was just thinking.

What?

I might just fill
this out for a lark.

Just for a lark.

Sure. Why not?

See what happens.

Yeah. I'll fill out
this questionnaire.

Of course, I won't let them know

I got all the girls here I need.

Don't mention that.
No, no.

I'll make them think

I'm just dying to meet somebody.

Yeah... I'll see you.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Page .

"Sex."

I guess they mean male.

Now, here come
the important ones.

"Do you read many books
in the course of a month?"

Wonder what books they mean?

They don't say.

Comic books is books,
ain't they?

Yeah, but I don't think...

I've been averaging
about seven a week.

That makes about a month.

I'll put down ...
A little more, little less.

What's the next question?

"Do you like sports?"

Well, I don't guess
there's a week goes by

that I ain't in the bowling
alley or pool room.

Think that's the kind of sports
they mean?

Ope, you've got to understand
the reason behind the question.

They don't expect me
to play football with no girl.

No, you see, goob...

You got to use the old head.

Do I like sports? Yes.

Well, what's the next one?

"Are you interested
in such things

as sculpture
and painting?"

Sculpture's statues, ain't it?

Mostly, but...

I don't know too much about that

but when it comes to painting

there's something else again.

What I think they mean, goob...

Ope, I know what they mean.

I happen to be older than you.

Sure, goob.

I want to make sure
these answers are right

because what they gon' do
is put them on cards

punch holes in the cards

and then run them through
them computer machines

with a lot of other cards...

Nine possibles, huh?

Yeah. Not really
a broad enough selection.

Anybody that's close enough?

There is one here

that relates to the card
that I filed

and we have a lot in common.

He reads books a month,
enjoys sports...

You like sports, don't you?

Yes.

Uh, he's the right age.

I see he has
an interest in painting

so there are areas
that would indicate

a possible compatibility

though I must say
some of his answers

are a little inconsistent.

Well, for the
moment, Dr. Gibson

we've got to trust the
questionnaire and machine.

So let's see what happens.

Well, I'll get
a letter off to him.

Hey, hey, guess what I've got!

Whoo! Guess!
What

a letter from that
scientific place...

The thing I sent in for a lark?

What's it say?

They run my card
through them machines

and they have come up with
a lady who's gonna be...

"Compatible."
compatible.

Oh, hey, that's exciting.

I never met a lady

that come from a machine before.

What happens now?

They sent me her name
and phone number

and I guess I'm supposed
to call and make a date.

She lives in mt. Pilot.

You know them city gals
can get real frisky.

Andy, can I use your phone?

Yeah, yeah.

I'm anxious to hear
what she sounds like.

Hello, Sarah?

I want to call
mt. Pilot, .

Well, it's none
of your business!

Always wanting to know
who you're calling.

Got to have something
to talk about

in the beauty parlor.
Great spy network.

Hello?

I'd like to speak to...
Edith Gibson, please.

Oh, miss Gibson!

This is goober pyle.

Well, it's a pleasure
to talk to you, too.

She's got a nice voice.
Good, good, good.

I expect the first thing
we ought to do

is make a date.

She wants to know when.

Tonight!
Take her out to dinner.

Tonight.
Take you out to dinner?

You will?

Well, uh, uh,
you're in mt. Pilot.

Have you got your own car?

Well, there's a place
called morelli's.

It's about halfway in between.

Well, you can't miss it.

Well, they got
good food and dancing

and they've never been raided.

She says I got
a good sense of humor

and I wasn't even trying!

Go ahead,
talk. Talk.

Well, yeah!

: will be fine.

I'll get there first
and get a table

and the waiter will tell you
where I'm sitting.

Well, good.

Yeah, I'll see you.

All set.

Good.

Hello?

Well, never mind who she is!

That Sarah.

Well... looks like
you're in for a big night.

Yeah.

Andy, you know
that suit I borrowed

when we was in Raleigh?

That time you tore the sleeve?

I wonder if you could
loan me that?

A few people seen me
and said I looked great.

You got it.

I ought to wear

my white shirt with that suit.

I ain't got any cufflinks.

I got a pair, goob.

Hey, thanks, Sam.
Boy, howdy.

I think I'll get a haircut, too.

Might even use
that new barber in town.

Wanna look right.

I wouldn't want that lady

thinking she wasn't getting

her full five dollars' worth
from that machine.

Say, pa, they're having a sale

at Weaver's on their
turtleneck shirts.

They're regularly $ .
and now they're $ . .

Oh...

What do you say, pa?

Well...

Make sure it fits.

Thanks, pa.

Hey, pa, look.

Hey, Andy.
Hey, Opie.

What did you do
to your hair, goob?

That new barber in town's
one of them hairstylists.

He says everybody ought to have

their own personal hairstyle.

Oh.

Did he design that
one just for you?

Yeah. It suits the contour
of my face.

Oh.

What's a thing like that
go for, goob?

Six dollars, but that includes
a can of hair spray.

Did you have to go under
a dryer?

Well, he don't make you

go under there
if you don't want to.

I don't reckon I was under there

no more than a minute.

Well, it really looks good,
goob.

You mean that, Andy?

Yeah. It's you.

Good.

Well, I got to get back
to the station.

Thanks for the suit.

Yeah.

Hair spray?

Well, Opie, if a man
spends six dollars

for a haircut

he's got a right to do anything

he wants to with it.

I guess so.

See you, pa.

Mm.

Goob?

Goob?

Come in, Sam.

Hey, Sam.

Uh, hi, goob.

I didn't want to go outside
till this thing dries.

I put some spray on it.

Oh.

I got a special haircut.

Can you tell?

Well, now that you mention it

I knew there was something
different about you.

I just couldn't put
my finger on it.

I'd show it to you

but I'm not supposed
to take the net off

till the spray hardens.

Well, I'll see it
some other time.

Uh, here are
the cufflinks, goob.

Oh, thanks.

Sam?

Yeah?

You know, I can talk
real good to a girl

after I know her a little while

but it's when I first meet 'em...

Those first minutes
that I have a little trouble.

You'll do just fine.

I was just wondering...

I know it's a lot to ask,
but I was just wondering

if maybe you and Andy
could drop by morelli's tonight

and make believe we
sort of met by accident.

Kind of walk by the table
like it wasn't planned

and sit down a while
till I got things under control.

You don't want anybody there.

Please?

You really want us there?

I sure would appreciate it.

Well, I'll check with Andy.

Thanks.

Not yet, sorry.

Well, I'll, I'll see you.

I'm goober pyle.

These are for you.

Hey!

No offense...

He's right over there.

Thank you.

Mr. Pyle?

Huh?

The waiter said that
you were Mr. Pyle.

He did?

Oh, well, he was right.

That's who I am, all right.

Hello. I'm Edith Gibson.

I'm goober pyle.

Yes, I know.

I just thought
I'd make it official.

Would you like to sit down?

Thank you.

Oh, how very nice.

Thank you.

I'm sorry I was a little late.

Well, that's okay.

I'm late sometimes myself.

Haircut.

Oh.

It's very becoming.

Um, I've never been here.

It's very nice.

Yeah, it sure is.

Well, hi, goob!

Well, Andy, Sam.

Well, what are y'all doing here?

Oh, we're just out
on the town, sort of.

Miss Gibson, I'd like
you to meet Andy Taylor.

Miss Gibson.
Hello.

And Sam Jones.

How do you do?

How do you do?

Why don't y'all
sit down for a minute?

We don't want
to interrupt anything.

No, just sit on down.

Well, if you're sure.

Yeah.

Okay.

Nice weather.

Yes, it is.

We don't usually get much rain

this time of the year.

No.

Right.

Do you know I was simply amazed

at the number of books
Mr. Pyle reads?

Goober.

Edith.

At any rate, my goodness,
books a month.

Well, it took me three weeks
to get through

the rise and fall
of the Roman empire.

The rise and fall
of what empire?

The Roman empire.

Three weeks, huh?

Yes. It's a big,
thick book.

Well, I guess the reason
I hadn't read it

is because I been reading
mostly thin books lately.

Thin books?
Yeah, you see...

I guess you feel

you read a lot
more books that way.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

Well, each to his
own taste, I guess.

As I understand it

you have quite an interest
in painting, too.

I'm really not that great.

He's just being modest.

I'd love to see
some of your work.

Well, nothing much to see.

A red Barn's a red Barn.

I painted Sam's last summer.

Oh.

I assumed that you...

You mean, paintings
that hang on the wall?

No, ma'am.

Dinner for four?

Uh, just two.

We'd better be leaving.

We'll run on.

Nice to have met you.

Nice to have met you, too.

Goodbye.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

The pounded steak
dinners are nice.

They pound 'em
right here on the premises.

That's nice.

Two pounded steaks.

I guess we should have
helped him

fill out that questionnaire.

Yeah.

I guess that computer didn't do
such a good job in our case.

Well, it's just a machine.

Probably had a bad tube.

You want to stay and eat
the dinner?

Yes.

Now that the pressure's off,
we can just relax.

The funny thing about it

these ferns grew
only in that one spot

on the side of that hill.

Really?

Yeah. The most beautiful
ferns you ever saw.

And nobody had seen them

in any part of north Carolina.

How they got there
nobody has ever figured out.

That must have been
something to see.

Yeah, it was a beautiful sight.

First time I saw 'em
is when I was a boy

knocking about in them hills.

You want more wine or coffee?

Oh, no, thank you.

I guess I better be going.

Oh.

Edith...

I know I'm not what you expected

but, well, I'd just like to say

I had a good time.

Well, I'm not what
you expected, either.

Oh, yes, you are.

I was hoping for a nice person.

You've been all of that.

That's very sweet.

I know you'll find
the right girl

one of these days...

Probably right in
your own backyard.

What you're saying is

birds of a feather
ought to be sticking together?

Aristotle said that, not I.

Well, goodbye, goober.

Bye, Edith.

Everything satisfactory, sir?

About as well
as could be expected.

Oh, you're changing
that one, too?

Mm-hmm.

Why?

Because I'm not sure

that people are necessarily
perfect matches

because they happen
to be left-handed.

Or right-handed

or even have
the same taste in yogurt.

But a lasting relationship

is based on common interests.

Yes.

Yes, but maybe
there'll be some women

who aren't thinking
in terms of common interests

or lasting relationships.

Maybe there are some women
who have devoted

too much time
to their careers...

Who don't exactly require
an exact replica of themselves.

Just somebody who's pleasant...

Gentle...

A nice person.

Hi, goob.

Oh, hey, ope.

Boy, it sure is nice
to see your old hairdo back.

Thanks.

I brought you over
these comic books.

I'm through with them.

No, thanks.

Aristotle?

Uh-huh.

Oh. Well, see you.

See you.

♪ And my love will grow
from the first hello ♪

♪ Until the last goodbye

♪ so to sweet romance
there is just one answer ♪

♪ You and I ♪

Well, we sure had fun
last night, huh?

Yeah, I found out
a lot of things

about Edith
I didn't know before.

Oh

Well, first of all, she works

for that scientific
introductions place.

They're just starting up,
and they wanted to make sure

that they got
the questions right,

and this was kind of a test.

She's a doctor of psychology.

Wow! I knew there was
something special about her.

You gonna see her again?

Maybe. She certainly
seemed to like me

when I took her home last night.

What happened?
Oh...

Oh, come on, come on, tell us.

Well, that's the first time
in my life

I ever kissed a doctor.