04x08 - The Amazing Krupnick

[bunniefuu]

The grand opening of the new magic
shop is a great opportunity

for people to sample our smoothies.

I even made a sign.

All right. You set 'em up, I'll move 'em.

I used to sell peanuts at the ball park.

Smoothie here!

Get it now! Get it now!

Who wants an ice-cold smoothie?

Smooth...
oh, yeah.

Who else wants a smoothie here?!

Why don't we just use the sign?

Where did all the other samples go?

I just poured of them.

I don't know.

I hope you get a brain freeze.

Can't freeze what you don't have.

Come on, Taylor. We
have more samples inside.

No, you don't.

Yo, Jack. You figure out a way
to get to Japan to see Kim?

No. Dude, the flight's bucks.

I guess I'll just call her again.

- Isn't that expensive, too?
- Not the way I do it.

(Quickly) Hey, Kim, miss you.
Things are good. Hope you're well, bye.

She said to say hi.

Guys, check out what I just
got at the magic shop.

Dude, it looks like a giant hankie.

Do you know how much snot that could hold?

We can all use it... I'll go first.

Wha... no, no, no. Give me that.

Behold, the dancing ball.

The allure of the illusion
makes it impossible to look away.

Hello, Seaford.

I said it was impossible to look away.

Oh, that's the bad boy
of magic, Ronnie Blaze.

(Murmuring)

For their grand opening today,
ta-da magic has brought me here

to blow your minds.

(Mimics expl*si*n)

Follow me to the beach, where
I will switch bodies with...

A turtle.

Dude, let's go.

Smoothie here!

Hey, where'd everybody go?

Down to the beach to
watch the bad boy of magic,

Ronnie Blaze. He is such a fake.

Oh, I love Blaze. His magic is so real.

This happens to be Ronnie Blaze.
He's taking everyone for pizza.

That turtle's Ronnie Blaze?

Can I get an autograph, Mr. Blaze?

Don't you get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you
come kick it with me? ♪

♪ And we could have a
ball, run up the wall ♪

♪ that's just how we do ♪

♪ and no matter how
much I chop and punch ♪

♪ it's not as cool as
kickin' it with you ♪

♪ here we go, let's start the party ♪

♪ chop it up like it's karate ♪

♪ everybody ♪

♪ won't you come kick it with me? ♪

♪ And we could have a
ball, run up the wall ♪

♪ that's just how we do ♪

♪ and no matter how
much I chop and punch ♪

♪ it's not as cool as
kickin' it with you. ♪

Milton, what's your big problem
with Ronnie Blaze anyway?

Real magicians like
Houdini, Harry Blackstone,

and Mark Wilson spent their
lives mastering their craft.

A month ago, Blaze was an underwear
model who stumbled into a magic career.

Good things never happen to me when
I stumble around in my underwear.

Hey, well, people love Blaze.

I heard he gets paid $ , an appearance.

Milton, that's it.

Dude, you're a magician.

People pay a lot of money for it.

We could start by doing birthday parties

at the bowling alley. I'll be your manager.

The only reason I would
do this is to show people

what a real magician looks like.

But I would need an assistant.

They would need to be a
real piece of eye candy.

Oh, no. There is no way
you're getting me to wear

a sequined vest and a matching bow tie.

I'm so in.

Oh, you have got to hide me.

There is a girl outside
from the country club

my family belonged to when we were rich.

I don't want her to know what I've become.

(Chuckles) I've been there.

You are there.

Well, I wouldn't be there if I was part

of the rich, successful country-club set.

You know, I tried to join one once.

They told me I wasn't...

(Burps)

...classy enough.

Okay, she is gonna be here any second.

You have got to help me...

ah... Hi-ii,

Brie!

(Kissing sounds)

Tay-tay!

Ew, what is this place?

It smells like...

Poor people.

It's a gym where people work out.

Oh, I hired a girl to do that for me.

So where have you been?

I haven't seen you or your
parents at the country club.

Well, I've been really busy.

My parents are in Europe... Doing
things that require a lot of money...

Which we still have.

Aww...

I hope that doesn't
mean you're going to miss

the father-daughter golf
tournament this weekend.

The four of us play together every year.

Well, unfortunately my
dad can't make it, so...

her favorite Uncle, Rudy, is gonna step in.

Great, we'll see you at tee time.

You know what, let's just skip the tea

and play some golf. Am I right, tay-tay?

(Laughing)

(Nervous laughter)

Your Uncle is funny.

There's that smell again.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Okay, what are you doing?

I am helping both of us.

It's always been my dream
to join a country club,

and if you make an appearance,
then no one will know

that you're a washed up has-been,
who spends her days squeezing fruit...

point taken. I'm in.

But Brie's dad is pretty serious about golf.

Let's just say the last time I played,
they talked about it on the : news.

What, did you get a
hole-in-one or something?

No, I accidentally shanked a ball into
the zoo and hit a hippo in the...

Oh, no, I guess I did get a hole-in-one.

And now the three single, solid rings
I showed you are all connected!

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed the trick.

I didn't. I was clapping because it's over.

Why can't you be more like Ronnie Blaze?

Why can't you shut your face?

I mean, Happy Birthday, Teddy.

(Applause)

I had to do something. You're dying up here.

The amazing Krupnick is gonna take a five.

Make it a .

Milton, you're dying up there, man.

You got any better tricks?

Oh, you tell me.

That's a "no."

Milton, the magic you're
doing is boring, man.

We need to find a way to make
you entertaining by tomorrow.

Hey, what's tomorrow?

Oh, I convinced mama sparkle's daughter Tori

to hold her sweet auditions at the dojo.

Mama's gonna pay $ ,
to whoever they book.

Guys, this is the break
we've been looking for, man.

We need to find a big,
flashy trick for the finale.

Oh, excuse me. My color-switching scarves
will have people talking for days.

I start off with a simple white silk,
and you'll never guess what happens.

Both: It switches colors.

I'm not changing my act.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm hiding a bunny in my pants

and it's feeding time.

(Munching sounds)

Oh, somebody was hungry.

♪ Kickin' it with you! ♪

Video golf simulators are a great way
to work on technique, form and focus.

- (Bell dings)
- Man: Perfect sh*t!

This machine is amazing.

- (Buzzer)
- Man: Terrible sh*t!

That sh*t makes me feel sad.

Turn it off.

Don't worry, I will more than make up for it

on the putting green. I
spent many a date night alone

at the party town putt-putt.

(Laughs) Told you.

- Once I'm on the green...
- (Clicks)

Sorry I'm late. I can't
find my manager and assistant.

I'll be ready in a flash.

Not an actual flash. I don't
subscribe to Randy pyrotechnics.

(Lisping) Take your
time, the next act is up.

Martinez entertainment
is proud to present...

The raven.

"The raven"?

Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

And now, the raven will take flight.

(Running footsteps)

Ta-da!

Jack's not a magician! He
just ran down the stairs!

Everybody knows how he did that.

I have no idea how he did that.

What do you think you're
doing? I thought we were a team.

Well, you said you wouldn't change your act.

So we decided to do our own thing.

Mother, I want the raven for my party.

But you haven't even seen
the rest of the magicians.

They may be magicians, but
they aren't the raven.

Do any of you do the spikes of death?

Ooh...

The spikes of death.

All right, raven. You're booked.

- Thank you.
- Gah-hh!

This is an outrage!

Sorry, buddy. Job's already
been booked by the raven.

Apparently none of us are good enough.

Okay, he actually might
have been good enough.

♪ Kickin' it with you! ♪

This whole thing is a joke.

Since when is Jack a magician?

Okay, first of all, babe, it's the raven.

And second of all, he's not a magician.

He's the master of illusion.

Well, apparently our
friendship was just an illusion!

Come on, Milton. We asked you to spice
up your act, but you wouldn't do it.

Oh, so instead you just s*ab me in the back?

You gotta stay current with the times, babe.

If you call me babe one more time,
I will make your face disappear.

(Scoffs) Whatever.

He can't do that, can he?

And how are you two gonna
perform the spikes of death?

It's only the most
dangerous trick of all time.

Uh, excuse me. I am an entertainer

and I am not
scar... I'm sorry,

did he say "of all time"?

Jack, the spikes of death
takes years to perfect.

Do you even know how to pick a lock?

Something tells me he'll figure it out.

Remote control locks.

I'm just glad the great
Houdini isn't here to see this.

Who?

- Houdini.
- Who's dini?

- Hou-dini.
- Why you asking me? I never met the man.

- Who, dini?
- Yeah, that's the guy.

That's it, I'm leaving.

Remote control locks,
cheesy nicknames...

you guys are hacks like
Blaze. And you'll never know

what it's like to be real magicians...

Gah!

I mean, ta-da!

Hold on, my good lad.

I have a little something for your troubles.

It's really nothing.

That's a blank piece of paper.

I said it was nothing.

Okay, here they come. Just follow
my lead and don't blow it.

Brie!

(Kissing sounds)

Preston!

Yeah, Brie told me you were a character.

All right, Rudolph.

Let's see what you got.

Remember the plan.

A bear! There's a bear over there!

- A bear?! Where?
- A bear?!

Honey, quick... hide
behind the caddy.

Oh, the bear's gone.

My perfect drive must have scared him away.

I don't want to be out here
if there's a bear in the woods.

Caddy, chase it away.

Do it, or you're not getting paid.

Ugh, I don't like being around poor people.

I mean, like, get some money. Am I right?

(Giggles)

All right, I'm up.

Rudolph, toss me my... three wood.

(Leaves rustling)

Look at that. Got stuck
up in the pine tree.

Don't worry, I'll get it out.

(Leaves rustling)

Look at that. Two for two.

(Leaves rustling)

(Chuckles) What are the odds?

Brie, Taylor, give me your bags.

I just want to thank everyone for
coming to this sweet party.

And in case you're wondering...
it's hers, not mine.

(Laughing)

Anyway...

We have a special performance.

Please welcome to the stage, the raisin!

Raven.

The raven!

Will he materialize out of thin air?

Will he descend from the heavens?

Oh, no, he's just gonna
walk right out on stage.

That's so raven.

Good people of Tori's party,

I'm gonna ask you to boycott
this afternoon's performance

due to the fact that the raven doesn't know

anything about magic,
and is an absolute fraud.

That's it, you little fun sponge.

- You're coming with me.
- Ah! Ow! Ow!

I give you the spikes of death.

Girls: Ooh! Ooh!

Razor sharp spikes hang from above.

(Gasps)

That's not the trick, Sophia.

If I haven't freed myself
from these five carbine locks

before the clock reaches zero,
then I guess the raven... (Thuds)

...is out of time.

This is seriously gonna be off the hinges.

(Ball clatters)

Nice putt, Rudy!

I like you.

How would you like me to sponsor you

for permanent membership here at the club?

Wha-aa...

I never expected this.

I filled out an application.
Initial here, here and here.

Oh, you'll love it here.

They do a really good
job of keeping out the...

the riffraff.

No-oo!

Did you see that?

Our caddy just sweat on my putter.

Now I'm going to have to buy a new one.

It is coming out of your pay!

What is wrong with you people?

This whole round you have
been berating our caddy.

And I am embarrassed to
be hanging out with you.

You're embarrassed of me?

There's something you and
your father should know.

The reason why you haven't seen my
family around here is because...

We lost all of our money.

(Both gasp)

(Gasps)

Yep, I'm poor.

But you know what, I'd rather be poor

and a nice person than be rich and like you.

Come on, Rudy. Let's go.

Security, a poor girl
has snuck into our club.

I say that we play through.

He is not rich or my Uncle.

He's my boss at the dojo.

Rudolph... So apparently you
are part of the riffraff.

You'll have to leave.

Fine.

You know what, Taylor?

You're right, I'm proud of you.

I don't want to be here either.

But, since I will not set eyes

upon these hallowed fairways ever again,

surely you shan't deny me one final attempt

to send that dimpled spheroid
on a last ride to glory.

What?

I wanna whack my ball!

(Ball ricocheting)

Oh!

Rudy: Good.

Now we can leave.

♪ Kickin' it with you! ♪

Would you say the locks are real and
% impossible to escape from?

Yes, yes I would. %
impossible to escape from.

The moment we've all been waiting for.

Cake!

The spikes of death.

Then cake.

I'll give you a couple
seconds to make it look good

before I pop the locks
and wheel off the curtain.

- Cool.
- Okay.

Ladies and gentlemen, the raven...

Is free!

No, raven's not free!

Raven's stuck.

The lock around my chest won't open.

(Frantically) What?

Holy smokes!

Milton, get out of here. There's no time.

- I can open it.
- But there's no key!

I don't need one, I'm a magician.

Hurry!

- (Buzzer)
- (Thuds)

(All gasp)

(Cheering)

Milton, I can't believe
it. Dude, you saved my life.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't
give him all the credit.

He never could have saved you
if I hadn't put you in danger.

You're welcome.

How'd you learn how to
pick a lock with a hairpin?

It was the summer of ,
I was at friendship camp.

No, they locked me in the equipment closet.

I broke out with a hairpin.

Wait, where'd you get a hairpin?

It was also the summer I vowed
to tame my belligerent cowlick.

Milton, you were right.

Jerry and I were pretending to be real
magicians, but we're not. And you are.

Hey, man, I hope there's no hard feelings

for going behind your back, betraying
you and going out on our own.

No, I'm fine. And in
fact, you've inspired me

to update my act and add a little danger.

Check this out.

Uh, Milton, all you did was set
off a flash pot. Nothing happened.

I call this trick "hungry rabbits
in backstabbers' pants."

- (Both chuckling)
- That's dumb.

- Wait, what? Why would you call it...
- (Munching sounds)

Oh, okay.

- Oh, wow.
- Where did the...

Ta-da!

♪ Kickin' it with you! ♪

Look, man, if you're gonna stay at
my house there's a couple of rules.

Okay, one, you can not
swim in the toilet bowl.

And two, when we're at the dinner
table you can't regurgitate a trout

into my mother's frijoles.

It's not cool, dude.

Well yeah, I may have done it first, but
this isn't about me. It's about you.

Jerry, you look ridiculous
talking to a turtle.

Blaze: Says the nerd who
drops carrots into his pants.

Hey, good one, Ronnie.

Take your time.

(Theme music playing)

(Dog growls, barks)