02x01 - On Lockdown

[bunniefuu]

[Mickey] Hey, Gus.

I saw your Instagram
and I figured you might come here, so I...

I'm, um... I just wanted to say...

- Jesus, Mickey, come on...
- Just, I just want to apologize to you

'cause I know I f*cked everything up
and I'm really sorry,

and I haven't been honest with you.

There's a lot of stuff
that I didn't tell you about myself, um...

I'm an addict.

I'm, uh... I'm a drug addict
and I'm an alcoholic

and I'm a sex and love addict and I...

I think I need to just be by myself
for maybe, like, a year

and try and figure this sh*t out,
but I wanted to say that I'm sorry to you

because you were a great guy
and I really had such a good time with you

and maybe in a year,

if you're willing,

I would love to get maybe a coffee
with you and...

- No!
- What?

No, dude, I just told you
that I wanted to be alone.

Sorry. I just... [inhales sharply]

Sorry. I don't know.

[horn honking]

I think that guy wants you to move.

I think you're blocking him in
or something.

[groans] Fine! I'm moving it. Calm down.

- You f*cking...
- [Gus] Mickey!

- Mickey!
- What?

- Wait, wait.
- [honking]

Dude! Relax!

Can we talk about this?

Can we just go somewhere
and talk about this?

[stammers] Just get in the car!

[engine starts]

- Oh, sh*t! Stop.
- What?

- What?
- I forgot my snacks.

- Just leave 'em!
- I spent like $ ...

- Oh, my God, hurry up!
- Okay, I'll be right back.

- Forgot my snacks. Just...
- [honking]

Hey, you moron,
there's another exit right there,

why don't you just go?

Sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!

[horn blaring]

[theme music playing]

- You want a snack?
- No.

You like Twix?

Um, also got, uh,
some Sour Patch Kids, some...

Got one of these...

kind of weird ice cream sandwich things.

Why do you have so many snacks?

Did, like, a fifth-grade class invite you
over for their slumber party?

[chuckles]

No. I guess...
I guess I'm just eating my feelings.

That's too many feelings, dude.

I'd take a Sour Patch Kid.

Okay.

[keys jangling]

[sighs]

All righty, cool.

So, um, you wanna talk about the stuff
you were telling me?

What stuff?

You know, like...

what you're going through, you know,

being an addict and everything like that.

I don't know. I feel like
I told you what I wanted to say.

I thought you wanted to tell me something.

[Gus] No, I just... Yeah, I mean,
I guess I just figured since...

I kissed you, like,
right after you told me,

I didn't really give you
an opportunity to... unpack it.

So... just letting you know,
uh, I'm here to listen.

What are you doing?
Are you hitting on me? Don't.

[chuckling] No.

I don't know what you expect.
I don't want to have sex.

Yeah, I... I don't wanna have sex either.
I guess I just...

So you don't wanna talk about this?

I told you that I wanted to be alone.
What else is there to say?

- Right. Okay.
- [sighs]

Sorry, I don't mean to be a bitch.
I just want this day to be over.

- I wanna put on my house pants.
- Okay. Well...

I'll get out of here then.
You know, just call an Uber to pick me up.

- Perfect.
- Okay.

[Mickey chuckles softly]

- [Bertie moaning]
- [Randy breathing heavily]

[Bertie] Yes. Okay.

[both moaning]

[Bertie] Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
[Randy] Oh!

- [whispers] Hey!
- Huh?

[mouthing]

- [Bertie] I'm freaking out!
- [whispers] Do you hear that?

- [moaning continues]
- [whispers] Is that...

That is Bertie having sex.

- [Bertie] Yeah! Yeah!
- [Randy moaning] Okay.

She's really going at it.

[whispers] This is so weird.
When I picked her as a roommate,

I specifically thought that I would never
have to hear her having sex.

That's one of the reasons I picked her.

- [Bertie] Yes!
- Who's she with?

What's his name?
He's your friend, um...

- My friend?
- What's his name? Randy.

- [Bertie moaning]
- My Randy?

Yeah. You don't know about this?

I mean, I saw them talking
at my party and he...

- I mean, he's a cool guy. I get it, but...
- [shushes]

- [Randy] Too fast. Okay.
- [Bertie] Shut... shut up.

- [Randy] Yes.
- [Gus] Is he okay?

- I don't think so.
- [Bertie shrieking]

- Yeah, I don't... I don't wanna hear this.
- Mnh-mnh.

I shouldn't know what my friend sounds
like when he's having sex.

I'd rather hear him screaming
while he b*rned in a fire.

[door opens]

[Bertie] I'll be right back.
Just get some water.

[sighs]

Oh, sh*t! Uh, hey.

- Hi.
- Hey.

Uh, I... I didn't know you were here.

- Oh.
- Oh, you... you were here?

Uh, yeah, I was just back in my room
listening to, uh... um, a TED Talk.

TED Talk. Cool. Very cool.

- Yeah, it was about city infrastructure.
- [Mickey] Ooh.

[Mickey] I love TED Talks.

It sounds like a good one.

- [Gus] Yeah.
- Okay. That's great. So, I'm gonna...

go back to my room then,
'cause, you know...

- [Gus] Yeah.
- Bertie? You got a beer?

- [panting] Whoa! Oh, hey, Gus.
- Hey.

- Hey.
- Hey, Randy.

- Hey.
- Mickey.

- Mickey. Hey.
- [Gus] Yeah.

- [continues panting]
- Sorry to surprise you here. We didn't...

- We didn't mean to...
- [Randy] Oh, it's cool.

[Gus] Okay.

What are you, uh... [continues panting]

Phew! [chuckles]

- [chuckles]
- [Randy] Sorry.

- I'm just super out of breath. Uh...
- Oh. It's okay.

How long have you guys been here?

They just got home,
and they didn't know we were here.

Okay. Right. Right.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Right. We were, uh... [continues panting]

- We were moving around some furniture...
- Shush. No. No.

[clicks tongue]

Uh...

We were having sex.

- It's fine.
- Oh, it's okay.

I know I can get pretty loud,

and, uh, I think that's because
I have such a hard time

expressing my emotions in real life,

so then, uh, when I'm making love,
I just really let it all out,

like, screaming and stuff.

- That's cool.
- Yeah.

Right on. Let it fly.
Uh, no judgments here. No.

- [Mickey] Yeah.
- That's why I'm out of breath.

You know what? Are you hungry?
Let's get some food.

Yeah. I'm gonna...
We're gonna get some food.

- Okay.
- All right. Hey.

- Whoa.
- [both chuckle]

- Whoops.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

- No, that's okay.
- So sorry. [chuckles]

[Mickey] Jesus! I never wanted this night
to go on this long.

I just wanted to tell you my deal
and then just go home.

Your deal with, um, Sex Anonymous?

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.
SLAA. Yeah.

So what's the deal with that?
Is it like a...

a rule of theirs
that you can't have sex for a year, or...

You're not not allowed to do anything.
It's not a cult.

Right. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's more about learning how to not
pig out on sex and love and relationships.

Right. It's like the Atkins Diet
but instead of carbs, it's sex.

This is actually serious.

No. I know and I was not trying
to make fun of it.

It was like a point of comparison, of...

Yeah. I don't know.

[sighs] I just feel like, for me,

I just need to take a year off
and get my head on straight.

That's good. That's cool. Good for you.

[softly] Thank you.

And, you know, just so... you know,
for the record or whatever...

I know I was being a d*ck there,

like when you showed up at my party and...

on the lot that day
and the whole Heidi thing.

Yeah. The whole Heidi thing.
That was a trip.

Which is over, by the way.
It's, like, done.

- None of my business.
- Right. Right.

Honestly, I'm just not that equipped
to deal with a situation where I'm...

juggling women or whatever, you know.
I'm not Warren Beatty.

- Not even Ned Beatty.
- [scoffs]

I guess I was worried that
if after we had sex,

I started texting you or calling you,
you would just be like,

"Who is this f*cking dork?"

Dude, you took me to the Magic Castle.
I already knew you were a dork.

[chuckles] Yeah.

And look, I'm sorry, too.

I'm sorry I showed up at your work
and freaked out in front of everybody.

God, I really lost it.

It's really not a big deal.

- You done?
- Yes.

- Thank you.
- Uh-huh.

[Chance the Rapper's "Smoke Break"
playing]

♪ She don't be cracking a smile
So when she packing the bowl ♪

♪ I grab her, I tell her
Let me cr*ck this blunt ♪

♪ Slow it down for a second ♪

♪ Break it down, ooh ♪

♪ She said, "Let me lick this blunt" ♪

♪ Slow it down for a second ♪

♪ Break it down, ooh ♪

♪ We deserve ♪

- ♪ We deserve, we deserve ♪
- ♪ We deserve ♪

♪ A smoke break ♪

♪ We deserve ♪

♪ We deserve, we deserve... ♪

- All right. Here you are.
- Okay.

- Thank you for the ride.
- Yeah. Oh, just...

- as an FYI...
- Mmm-hmm.

even though I'm taking a year off dating,

I still wanna be friends.

- Oh, yeah. Totally. Me, too.
- Okay.

Okay.

- You okay? You're a little squirmy there.
- Yeah. I just really have to pee.

Oh.

Would... Do you wanna come in?
Use my restroom?

Um, okay, but then I'm gonna...
I'm gonna head out after that.

Oh. Of course. Yes. Definitely.

Okay.

[Mickey grunts]

It's weird that you call
your bathroom a restroom.

I know!

While I was saying that,
I was like, "That's weird."

- Thanks for letting me use your bathroom.
- Yeah. You're welcome.

Why do you have this ugly,

giant piece of pasta hanging
from your wall?

Ugh, I know. It's awful.
It came with the place.

None of this stuff is mine, by the way.

- There's a real reality TV vibe about it.
- Hmm.

Like The Real Divorced Dads
of Sherman Oaks.

[scoffs] Yeah, or, uh,
Home Makeover: Sad assh*le Edition.

What is this thing you're always carrying?

Oh, my cell phone-wallet thing?

You're just gonna dig through it,
is that it? Okay.

- Three singles? Real moneybags, huh?
- Mmm-hmm.

I love that you carry this in your wallet.

[chuckles] I don't know.
They could make a comeback, right?

In high school,
it was my dream to work there,

but I was too intimidated to apply

because all the cool older kids
from school worked there.

Mmm. You weren't a cool kid?

I find that hard to believe.

In high school,
you would have totally intimidated me.

- No!
- Yeah. No doubt.

I was so nice to the losers.

[chuckles] Hmm. Uh-huh.

You know, I wasn't that big
of a loser in high school.

Don't want to brag,
but I was homecoming king.

- Really?
- Mmm-hmm.

I mean, it was a class size
of, like, people,

so I didn't have to impress
too many folks, but...

yeah, I was homecoming king.

- [helicopter hovering]
- [sirens wailing in the distance]

- I should go.
- [keys jangle]

Okay. Yeah.

- I'll, uh... see you around.
- All right. Yeah. Whatever.

- [sirens wailing]
- What is going on?

What the f*ck is that?

[indistinct chatter]

Holy sh*t.

Maybe we should go inside.

It feels, like, a little dangerous
to be out here. You know what I mean?

- [yells and laughs]
- [shrieks] Jeez, Chris!

- [grunts] I got you good, man!
- You scared me.

Whoo. You scared me there.

- Ah, I had to do that, man.
- Ah.

Oh, hey, Mickey, right?

- Hey.
- Yeah. Hey.

Mickey, you remember Chris, yeah?

Totally. Yeah, we met the night
I couldn't rhyme Carlito's Way.

[laughing] Oh, that's right.
That's a tough word, though.

- It is. It's very tough. Yeah.
- Yeah.

Whoo! How crazy is this, huh?

Yeah.

Whoa! God, man,

I feel like I'm in a video game right now.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

- Exactly. This is, like, unreal right now.
- God, it's so weird...

- What are you two doing?
- Oh, we're just hanging out.

- Oh.
- I gotta get home.

Okay, folks, you need to go
back inside immediately.

[Mickey] Oh, sh*t.

Um, Officer, sorry, uh,

I don't live here,
so could I just go to my car

and I'll just get out of here.
One less person you have to worry about.

Springwood is on lockdown.
Nobody can leave until further notice.

But see, the thing is,
I've got some extenuating circumstances

that necessitate me leaving now.

What part of "go inside"
don't you understand?

Go inside now. We'll let you know
when it's safe to leave.

Fine. Whatever.

Ugh. What a d-bag.

Hey, Frank, Allan. What's up?

Check out the cop cars.
Looks like my ride's here.

[both laughing]

That's funny. That's good.

Hey, what the hell's going on here?
You guys know?

- You guys don't know?
- Unh-unh.

There was a car chase on the freeway

that made its way here
into the Springwood.

Then the wacko crashes his car
into the rec center

- and takes off running.
- Oh, my God.

And now the cops, they're searching
the grounds, trying to catch this guy.

- Wow. What are they after him for?
- Drug trafficking.

Really? You know that for sure?

No. But I guarantee you
it's drug trafficking.

That's why he ran.
That's what drug traffickers do. They run.

Or maybe he robbed a convenience store
and he's on the run?

Maybe he's got a bunch
of parking tickets he hasn't paid for.

Could be a serial k*ller.

- I like that.
- Mmm-hmm.

'Cause he's worried if he gets caught,

they'll be able to tie him
to all his unsolved murders.

And who's, uh, Inspector Poirot here?

Oh, this is Mickey. Mickey, Frank, Allan.

Allan, Frank, Mickey.
Do you guys wanna go inside?

You know what? Come to our place.

- Come on.
- It's safer if we stick together.

[Chris] If we don't stick together,
we die.

- No, we don't.
- [chuckles]

I don't know all the facts,
but come on, let's hang out.

Come on. Let's go.

- Is this cool?
- Yeah, I mean, safety in numbers.

Oh, I call massage chair.

Hey, the secret of that thing
is to use the neck roller

and the vibration mode at the same time.

Hey, whoa, whoa,
would you be easy on it, though, right?

I got a date next week,
and it needs to be functional.

- [chuckles]
- Guys, I like this place.

- Very, very cool.
- Thank you.

Why's yours different than Gus'?

I thought all these places
were supposed to be the same.

This is how it was when we first moved in.

Management wanted to redecorate
a couple of years ago,

- but we liked it like it was.
- That's right.

This is our place
and no one's gonna tell us to change it.

Yeah, plus, give it a couple of years.

Southwestern decor
is gonna make a big comeback.

You know, that's true.
I just read an article.

Every years, trends recycle.

How long do these lockdowns usually last?

Ugh, I don't know. Ten hours?

- Give or take.
- Yeah.

- sh*t. Really?
- Yeah.

Once there was a lockdown

because Allan forgot his duffel bag
at the rec center

- and they thought it was a b*mb.
- Oh, ridiculous. It was October .

So everyone's living in a culture of fear.

Oh, I remember those days, man.

[exhales sharply] Before that,
you could bring a box cutter on a plane,

but then after, it was a whole thing.

Hey, Mickey, I'm sorry.

I feel like I forced you to come out here
and now you're stuck.

It's fine, dude.
You didn't force me to do anything.

Hey. Let's take this conversation
to the conversation pit.

- Hey, look at that now.
- Oh, you guys have a telescope.

Maybe I could, like,
see a way to my car from here.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Be careful with that, little girl.

You're gonna mess up my equatorial mount.

[Chris] God, this is, like, so fun.

I'm only seeing buildings,
buildings, buildings.

What are you looking for?

I'm looking for my car.
I'm trying to find a way to my car.

What parking lot are you in?
Do you remember?

I think E. Does that make sense?

- It does.
- Okay.

- Can you see E...
- You cannot see E from here.

You can see pretty much
the other parts of the complex.

What do you wanna do? Get out?

- Yeah.
- I can get you out of here.

Hey, so what's, uh...
What's going on over here, dude?

- With, like, Mickey? Or...
- Yeah.

- You guys, like, hooking up?
- No. No.

Actually we're in a bit of a Meryl Streep,
Alec Baldwin situation right now.

- Huh?
- It's complicated.

- [chuckles] Oh.
- Oh.

Very nice.

- Yeah.
- [all chuckle]

Well, it's not great but, uh...
Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, for a number of reasons
we're actually trying not to hook up,

so this lockdown is not helping things.

Oh. Got ya.

- The temptation here...
- Yeah.

There's a lot of excitement in the air.

A lot of tension. Like, you can feel it.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- It's, like, electric. Yeah.

Think about all the people
who are f*cking tonight.

- Yeah.
- Like, nine months from now,

there's gonna be all these Springwood
lockdown babies running around.

Hey, guys, what if we took this up
on the roof?

And maybe I could find,
like, a route to my car.

Yeah, sure, I like that idea.
What do you think?

- Yeah.
- Hey.

I'm gonna get the BB g*ns for safety.

- They're in the hobby closet.
- I know.

Yeah, that's smart thinking.

I mean, as long as the cops
don't think we're some sn*per

and try to take us out or anything. Right?

Sounds like this night's
just getting started.

- [helicopter hovering]
- [indistinct chatter]

Uh, look it, boxes of wine and condoms.

[Gus] Wow, somebody had
a real party up here.

Ugh, you know what, Gus? Forget my car.

- Yeah?
- It's hopeless. I've just...

My only sh*t
is to get over the property line

and then call for an Uber.

Okay. Well, yeah, I mean, if you think
that'd work, you should go for it.

- I think if I can get to that fence...
- Uh-huh.

- and scale it...
- Yeah.

and just run through those trees...

No, I can see that. Yes.

- [Mickey sighs]
- Yeah.

- Why? What are you thinking? What's wrong?
- All right. I just... I need a smoke.

- I need a smoke.
- Okay.

[indistinct chatter]

[Chris] All I can see is a tree.
Let me adjust this.

[Frank stutters] No, I told you,
I'll do the adjusting. Come on.

- You need help with that?
- Yeah.

There you go.

- I should get out of here.
- Yeah.

You sure, with this f*cking maniac
running around here?

Yeah. 'Cause if I stay,
you know, it's gonna be...

Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no, no. I get it.

Well, can I go with you?
I think I'd feel a lot better

if I could just get you to the road,
to the Uber and stuff.

Like a... covert mission.

- Right.
- Yeah.

Like a total covert mission situation.

- That's cool.
- Okay.

- Yeah. Hey!
- Let's do it.

Guys, I'm gonna make a run for it.

Yeah. I'm gonna help Mickey
with her great escape.

I'll tell you what,
take the BB g*n for protection.

- Oh...
- Mmm, no, thank you.

- That's all right.
- Then take the flashlight.

But if you do this,
you got to do it right.

- If you hold it from the front...
- Uh-huh.

it's not only a flashlight.

Bam! It becomes a billy club. Bow. Boom.

- Whoa. Uh...
- No, thank you.

I think that'll do more harm than good,
but thank you.

- All right. Appreciate it.
- Thanks. Bye, guys.

- Take no prisoners. Okay?
- All right.

God, it's nights like this
I wish I had a remote-control drone.

[indistinct chatter]

- Are we clear?
- Yeah.

[Mickey] Go to the left. Go to the left.

[indistinct radio chatter]

Hey, what the f*ck are you two doing
down there? Are you crazy?

[shushes] Please, can you just be quiet?
We're just...

You're gonna get yourselves k*lled!

Is this what you f*cking do?

You just come out on your balcony
and yell at people all night?

Is that... That's your fun?

I f*cking have a full, rich life,
all right? This is part of it.

Great. I don't have time for this.
We gotta go.

You assholes! You're gonna get k*lled!

[indistinct chatter]

- Oh, man, this is kind of cool.
- Yeah!

- It's got my blood pumping, you know?
- Totally!

It's a lot easier
than I thought it would be.

You and me should try and pull off
a crime sometime.

Yeah, let's rob a bank this weekend.

I think if we go down the storm drain,
we'll hit that fence.

- Let's go.
- Okay.

- Oh, I like this.
- [chuckles]

Feels like we're in SEAL Team
or something.

I just wanna go out
and k*ll O*ama b*n L*den.

So, uh, you see that road yet?

You wanna call your Uber now, or...

- No. I think we're close, though.
- Okay.

Thanks for coming with me on this mission.
This was cool.

Yeah. It's fun, right?

- So do you think... What?
- [shushes]

Do you hear that?

No.

I think somebody's nearby.

Are you f*cking with me?

That's not a cool trick
to play on somebody like me.

No. Listen.

- [leaves rustling]
- f*ck.

- [shuddering]
- Is it coming closer?

It sounds like it's coming closer, right?

f*ck. I think it is. This is really scary.

- f*ck.
- [officer ] Straight ahead.

- Oh, f*ck, it's the cops. Let's run.
- Okay.

No, no, no. Let's stay here.
We'll hide and then they'll pass.

- f*ck that. I'm running.
- No. Mickey.

[grunting]

f*ck. f*ck. f*ck. This is stupid!

[Mickey] Run faster! We can lose them.

[Gus] f*ck.

- [Gus grunts]
- Oh, sh*t! Are you okay?

Yeah. I'm okay. Run!

- Run!
- f*ck.

- [officer ] Hey! Hey, you!
- [officer ] There he is.

[officer ] Stop!

[Gus] Whoa.

[officer ] Police! Stop! Stop now!

- [officer ] Stop! Put your hands up now!
- Okay. [panting]

- [officer ] We found our guy.
- No. I'm not your guy.

- [officer ] Shut the f*ck up!
- Okay. Oh, Jesus.

- Don't move.
- I'm not. I'm just... [panting]

I'm sorry. I'm not trying to.

It's just when I get nervous,
my hands and my arms start to shake. Okay?

- Do you wanna get sh*t?
- No, no, no, no!

I respect the police force!
I respect police. My uncle's a cop.

My uncle's a cop!
My Uncle Rodger's a cop!

- Where does he work?
- He lives in South Dakota.

- [officer ] You're a liar!
- I'm from the Midwest!

Hey! No.
He's not the guy you're looking for.

It's okay. Leave him alone.

Mickey, stop.
You're not helping, okay. [grunts]

[shrieks] Gus! Oh, my God.
Gus, are you okay?

- I'm innocent.
- He is innocent. He is.

He was just trying
to help me get out of here.

[groans and grunts] f*ck.

[sighs] Oh, God damn.

Here's your ice.

[grunts] Thank you so much.

I'm sorry I didn't get to the cops faster.

Oh, it's totally cool.

- Sorry we didn't get you out of here.
- Well, sure tried.

[chuckles]

- Yeah.
- [sighs]

Yeah, we did. [grunts]

Oh, man.

- [sighs heavily]
- I am wiped out. [sighs]

Dude, can I just crash here?

Yeah.

Cool.

If we were gonna kiss,
it would be right now.

Yeah.

But...

Yeah.

Nighty-night.

[Mickey sighs]

[Fleetwood Mac's "What Makes You Think
You're the One" playing]

♪ What makes you think you're the one ♪

♪ Who can laugh without cryin'? ♪

♪ What makes you think you're the one ♪

♪ Who can live without dyin'? ♪

♪ Every little bit ♪

♪ Is there ♪

♪ To see ♪

♪ Every little bit ♪

♪ Of you ♪

♪ And me ♪

[vocalizing]