02x05 - House Party

[bunniefuu]

(bell rings)

♪ When I wake up in the morning
and the alarm gives out a warning ♪

♪ I don't think I'll ever
make it on time ♪

♪ By the time I grab my books
and I give myself a look ♪

♪ I'm at the corner just in time
to see the bus fly by ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

♪ If the teacher pops a test
I know I'm in a mess ♪

♪ And my dog ate
all my homework last night ♪

♪ Ridin' low on my chair,
she won't know that I'm there ♪

♪ If I can hand it in tomorrow
it will be all right ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right, 'cause I'm saved
by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

(doorbell rings)

(doorbell rings)

Coming.

Hey, Screech.
I cannot believe your parents

are really leaving us
with the house for four days.

It's a dream come true.

Really? I usually dream
that I'm on "Gilligan's Island"...

surrounded by beautiful girls,
but none of them talk to me.

Let me tell you, that's not
a dream, that's your life.

(horn honking)

Mom, hurry up!
Dad's freaking out!

Woman: I'm coming!

Oh, oh! Zachary, be careful
with the King!

Elvis is not a toy.

I'd just die if anything
happened to it.

Mrs. Powers,
I hope you and Mr. Powers

have a wonderful
anniversary at Graceland.

- Where are you staying?
- Heartbreak Hotel.

Where else?

Don't worry about a thing.
Just enjoy yourself.

Thank you, Zachary.

I'm just so glad my Samuel
has a friend as trustworthy as you.

Thank you.

Well, bye, Mom. Don't forget
my Elvis slippers, size .

My little man is all grown up.

(horn honking)

I almost forgot!
Hound Dog.

(whistles)

Mommy almost left
without saying goodbye.

Now, I want you boys
to have fun.

Oh yeah, one more thing --

here are
a few little house rules.

All right.

But rule says no girls.

Rule says no party.

- Screech--
- Just leave him alone.

So we can't have a party, big deal.
But we can still have some fun.

We'll do, you know, guy stuff.

Yeah, it'll be great!

We'll rip phone books in two,
and burp as loud as we want!

There you go, Screech!

Hi, guys. Let's all go
to the movies tonight.

Sorry, girls.
It's guys' night in.

Yup, men doing men things.

And no-ooo babes!

Well, excu-use us.

Oh no, guys,
Violet just waved at me!

- What do I do?!
- Hey, here she comes.

Stop drooling,
you don't want her to slip.

Hi, Samuel.

I really enjoyed your presentation
in biology yesterday.

Well, I've always loved
the mating habits of worms.

Goodness gracious, Samuel!

Are you all right there?

Violet Ann Bickerstaff!

Hi, Maxwell. I was just --

I buy this you gold-plated
pocket protector

and I find you conversing
with another man?

Screech, I think Violet
has the hots for you.

Why would she want me?

She's dating the richest,
most powerful dork at Bayside.

And the biggest creep,
the way he treats her.

- Yeah.
- Just remember you're my squaw,

and that means you don't
talk to any hunk but me, huh?

Gee, if she were my girl,
I'd let her talk

to any geek she wanted to.

All right, Maxwell, you listen
and you listen good.

Violet is a woman

and deserves
to be treated with respect.

I know exactly what you need.

You tell him, honey.

Guess what?

Violet broke up with Maxwell.

Yeah, I just dumped the dweeb.

I was tired of being treated
as a nerd ornament.

Well, good for you.
You deserve someone better.

Someone like--
hey, what about Screech?

You mean, Samuel Powers?

Oh, he's so dreamy.

But why would he want me?
He could have any girl he wants.

We have just entered
"The Twilight Zone."

Violet, why don't you come
to the movies with us?

Yeah, and if we hurry,
we can all catch the : show.

I'd rather find out what Zack,
Screech, and Slater are up to.

They said they were
gonna do men things,

whatever that means.

My brothers see
who can burp the loudest.

My youngest brother
can say his full name,

Kenny Leonard Kapowski,
in one burp.

(snorting)

You know, I'd love to know what
guys do when we're not around.

You mean,
besides talking about babes?

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

(lip-synching)
♪ Ba-Ba-Ba, Ba-Barbara Ann ♪

Both: ♪ Ba-Ba-Ba,
Ba-Barbara Ann ♪

♪ Ba-Ba-Ba,
Ba-Barbara Ann ♪

♪ Barbara Ann ♪

♪ Oh, take my hand ♪

♪ Barbara Ann... ♪

♪ You got me rocking and rolling,
rocking and reeling ♪

♪ Barbara Ann,
Ba-Ba-Ba, Ba-Barbara Ann ♪

♪ You got me rocking and rolling,
rocking and reeling ♪

♪ Barbara Ann
Ba-Ba-Ba, Ba-Barbara Ann! ♪

(cheering)

- What are you guys doing here?
- Watching you dance, bubba.

Come on, you guys got
to get out of here.

Hi, Samuel.
I really loved your dancing.

Yes, we loved how you all moved.

- Oh, yes.
- Right, girls?

- ♪ Ba-Ba-Ba, Ba-Barbara Ann ♪
- Screech: Come on, watch out.

♪ Ba-Ba-Ba, Ba-Barbara Ann... ♪

Looks like the King is dead...

- (guitar strums)
- ...again.

Hey, come on, Screech, wake up.

Come on, Screech,
it's just a stupid Elvis statue.

- How important could that be?
- Lisa, you don't understand.

My mom said she'd die
if anything ever happened to it.

- Hello, Samuel.
- Mom, you're back.

So, what's different about you?
Did you shave your eyebrows?

I told you I'd die if anything
happened to my Elvis statue.

When the King hit the floor,
I bit the big one.

It was an accident, Mom.
I'm sorry.

I forgive you, Samuel.

But now your gonna
have to apologize to him.

Thank you.
Thank you very much.

Is this the boy
who got you all shook up, uh-huh?

Now, Elvis, don't be cruel.

I forgive you, little fella,

but the damage is already done.

We gotta be going now, Roberta.

I'm giving a concert for my mama
at the Pearly Gates.

I'm singing live, if you'll
pardon the expression.

Both: Uh-huh.

Goodbye, Samuel.
And say goodbye to Hound Dog.

I'm sorry, Mom.

It was an accident.

- It was an accident.
- Screech, come on, don't worry.

- We'll get another statue.
- Yeah, right.

Where are we gonna buy another one
before my mom gets home?

Honey, if it's for sale,
I'll find it.

Samuel, I'm truly sorry
about last night,

and I'll understand if you never
want to speak to me again.

It wasn't your fault, Violet.

That's so sweet of you!

(snorting)

You're not like Maxwell at all.

I'm so glad we broke up.

You broke up?!

I mean, gee, too bad.

Lisa's the name,
shopping's the game.

- Please, no applause.
- She found the Elvis statue!

Great! Where is it?

Still in the store.
It costs bucks.

Where are we gonna get $ ?

We need to find
somebody rich and quick.

Violet Ann Bickerstaff!

Snap all you want, Maxwell.
I-- I am no longer your possession.

You blew it, babe.
Don't try crawling back.

Ohh! I wish someone would
teach him a lesson.

We're gonna teach him
a lesson, all right.

A $ lesson.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the name of the game
is Five-card Stud.

Some say they named it after me.

Hey, Maxwell, are you sure
you've never played poker before?

Well, maybe once
or twice with my mommy.

Full house,

read 'em and weep.

What?

You're too hot, Nerdstrom.
I'm out.

Me, too.

Well, here's a buck, babe,
just for being beautiful.

And here's a dirty look
just for being alive.

(Hound Dog barks)

Sounds like Hound Dog
wants to come in.

I'll go with you,
I love animals.

Obviously.

Zack, you can stop
letting him win now.

Who's letting him win?

Why don't you just
give him your money?

Yeah, it'd be a lot quicker.

All: Ohhh.

- I'll bet bucks, Maxwell.
- But that's all the money you have.

Hey, hey, hey.

There we go.

I'll see your ,

and raise you .

Guys, I need something
worth bucks.

He's almost as cute as you are.

They say owners
resemble their dogs.

Why don't you
bet the mutt, Morris?

- He can't bet Hound Dog!
- Screech, it's a sure thing.

He can't lose.

Are you guys sure?

- Okay, Zack. Do it.
- Okay, Nerdstrom,

but the dog is worth
more than bucks.

I'll bet him against
all your chips.

But there's over $ in here.

What's the matter, chicken?

(clucking)

I'm in.
What do you have?

- b*at four queens, Maxwell.
- Four ladies, right on.

Wow, four queens. That's the best
hand we've had all night...

- Thank you, thank you, thank you.
- ...until now.

Four kings.

- What?
- What?

So long, suckers.

Screech.
Screech, I'm sorry.

Screech, are you all right?

No! You lost Hound Dog!

- It wasn't my fault.
- Hey, Screech.

It wasn't your fault?
Yeah, right!

And maybe liver
tastes good, huh?

- My mom's gonna k*ll me.
- (phone rings)

Yeah, what?
Oh...

Mom! Hi.

Samuel, is everything okay?

No! I mean, yes.

Good. Let me say hi
to Hound Dog.

She wants to say hi
to Hound Dog. What do I do?

- Give me the phone.
- What?

(howls)

There's my Hound Dog.
Mommy misses you.

Do you miss Mommy?

(howls)

Oh, good. Now put
your big brother back on.

(howls)
Okay.

- So how's your trip, Mom?
- Oh, wonderful.

And what makes it even better

is knowing
I can trust you with the house.

We're so proud. Love you tender!
(kisses)

She said she was proud of me.
I really messed up.

Don't worry, you're not alone.

You're right. I never could have
messed up this much alone.

That does it.

Nerdstrom's gonna regret
the day he met Zack Morris.

Most of us already do.

- No, Slater, don't do it!
- I'm gonna break him in two, Zack.

He took my buddy Screech's dog.

No, Slater.
He won the dog fair and square.

Besides, you can get suspended
for breaking a nerd.

I don't care what they do to me.

Nerdstrom, listen to me --
you better get me that dog, or else.

Get away from me,
or you'll be sorry.

- (alarm blaring)
- Bully alert! Bully alert![/i]

It's the latest thing
in dweeb defense.

Belding!

Hey, hey, hey.
What is going on here?

Nothing, sir.
Maxwell's nerd alarm--

Went off by accident.
It's sensitive.

That's not what
it looks like to me.

Maxwell, are these two
harassing you?

Don't be afraid to speak out, son.
I'm here to protect geeks--

guys like you.

These fine lads
were telling the truth, sir.

- Thanks for helping, fellas.
- No problem.

Well, okay, if you say so.
(laughs)

Just remember, I'm gonna
be watching you guys.

Okay, Maxwell,
why didn't you turn us in?

There's something I want more
than that mangy mutt.

How about a lifetime pass
to the Hollywood Earwax Museum?

Tempting,

but I'd rather swap the dog
for a date with Legs.

- The dog for Jessie?
- Hey, wait a second,

she is not gonna
like this, Preppie.

Yeah, she's gonna hate this.

Both:
Let's do it.

Face it. If we don't get
another statue, Screech is dead.

See? It's not so bad.

Well, there's only
one thing to do.

We'll just have a party.

Only you would think of having
a party at a time like this.

And only I would charge
ten bucks a head to get in.

Brilliant idea, Preppie.

Kelly, Lisa, go spread the word.
Screech's house, : .

We'll have the cheerleading
squad to help.

♪ P-A-R-T-Y... at Screech's! ♪

Girl, you have got
to get a life.

What can I do?

Well, you can help us figure out
how to get Screech's dog back.

I'll do anything to help.

That's good, because Nerdstrom
said he'd give the dog back if...

you go on a date with him.

And you told him no, right?

Right?!

Come on, Jessie, look,
all you have to do

is show up with him
at the party.

And once we get the dog back,
you can just ditch him.

Oh, no, no, no, I refuse to go out
with that postnasal drip.

Okay, but you can tell Screech
he'll never see his dog again.

Hey, Screech,
can we get you anything?

A Coke, some fries...

a hot dog?

Dog?!
(sobbing)

So what if they've had him
since he was a cuddly puppy.

Puppy!

All right, one date.

But Nerdstrom better
keep his paws to himself.

Paws!

Hey, guys, how's the Save Screech's
Tushie Fund coming?

Great. We almost have
enough for the statue.

Right on.

Hey, buds.
Righteous shindig.

Just get the dog so I can lose
Mr. Toxic Waste.

Hey, we had a deal,
where's the dog?

(scoffs)
I'm no fool.

If I give you the dog now,
then Spano splits.

So one of my buddies
is keeping the canine company

until I give him the signal.

Come along, my tall treasure.
Let's "rocka till we droppa."

Hey, I hear once you go geek,
you never go back.

All right.

What a cute couple it is.

Zack, we did it! We have enough
money to get the statue!

All right! Go!

Help me!

Save me!

Poor Jessie.
Maybe we should help her out.

Yeah, one of us should
go over there

and dance with Nerdstrom.

- Go ahead.
- Oh no, you go.

You're a much better dancer.

Bag it. We'll buy her
lunch tomorrow.

- Yeah.
- All right, Nerdstrom, it's : .

- Where's the dog?
- I'm a man of my word, Morris.

However, a date officially ends
with a goodnight kiss.

Yeah? Then kiss yourself
and go home.

Hound Dog, you're back!

Come on, baby, where's my kiss?

Well, all right, Nerdstrom.

It's only fair.

- (low) What?
- Close your eyes and pucker up.

What a woman!

Now I know what I've been missing
with lame lips here.

You can't talk to my girl
like that, you squid!

You didn't even kiss Jessie,
you kissed my dog!

- Now get out of my house!
- (spits)

Oh, Sammy,
you're such a stud muffin.

I didn't know I was your girl.

Neither did I.
Would you like to be?

Oh, I thought you'd never ask.

Wait.

Forget the rules!

Screech, when are your
parents supposed to be home?

- Sunday. Why?
- Because... they're here!

(everyone shouting)

What are we going to do?
The party,

and Slater's not back yet!

Hey, hey, hey!
Be cool.

I'm always prepared.
Chill out.

- I'm home!
- Mom, you're early.

Samuel,

this looks like a party.

And that's a direct violation
of Rule .

Zack, tell my mom
why this looks like a party.

Because it is a party.

Zack:
Happy Anniversary!

- Thank you.
- Come on, guys.

All:
Happy Anniversary!

I got it!
I got it! Yes!

- Zachary?
- Yes, Mrs. Powers?

There's something's
wrong with the statue.

There is?

Yes. Elvis likes
to face the kitchen...

so he can watch me cook!

Now... let's boogie on down!
Uh-huh!

(cheering, music plays)

(instrumental theme music plays)