02x01 - First Day of School

[bunniefuu]

What's up, guys? I'm Paige.

- I'm Frankie.
- And we're Bizaardvark.

Coming to you live from my kitchen.

We have exciting news. Tomorrow is our
first day of high school at Sierra High.

- Go Terriers!
- (cheers and applause)

- Dolphins?
- Whales?

- Sheep.
- Sharks.

- Rat.
- Fish.

- Goose.
- Salmon.

(both laughing)

We should look that up.

Anyways, our old school, Hollander Prep,

was a serious place, where everyone
only cared about learning and homework.

Here's a highlight reel of all
our favorite moments there.

- (high-pitched hum)
- Paige: Footage not available.

They also made us wear these...

- horrible uniforms.
- (buzzing)

Which we don't need anymore.

We don't have to wear this...

- Ow!
- I'm sorry!

So, to honor that fine institution,

we're gonna fold them up,
and lay them to rest.

Both: In a wood chipper!

- I'm so excited!
- Ready?

- One...
- Both: Two, three!

That was the greatest thing
I've ever seen in my life!

I wanna wood chip everything!

Both: Eggs!

Both: Scrambled eggs!

Pillows!

Both: Scrambled pillows!

Both: Paint!

Huh. We just made
beautiful abstract art.

Both: Abstract art!

Our birth certificates!

Now we're no one.

(clap of thunder)

Both: Glitter!

Both: Still glitter!

- Both: Bernie!
- Really?

Sorry. Heat of the moment.

Honestly, I'm just happy
you thought of me.

Both: ♪ You could spend all day ♪

♪ On a swing eating a baguette ♪

♪ But why do boring things like that ♪

♪ When there's the Internet? ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

- ♪ Let's go make some videos ♪
- ♪ Hey! ♪

♪ You could watch Dirk
doing crazy dares ♪

- ♪ Saying, "Here we go" ♪
- Here we go!

♪ He'll do anything you want ♪

♪ Just don't try this at home ♪

♪ Or watch Amelia teaching ya ♪

♪ How to look your best ♪

♪ Making over people is
her never-ending quest ♪

♪ You could watch... ♪

Do you have constant foot odor?

♪ You could watch us make
ridiculously funny videos ♪

♪ Like the one with evil pop-up books ♪

♪ That punch you in the nose ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

And I... I missed it.

Frankie, it's amazing!

It's nothing like our stuffy old school!

I know, everything is so normal.

Normal clothes. Normal lockers.

Normal jerks!

(both laugh)

Hey, everyone! Can I have
your attensh for a mome?

I'm Principal Karen.
But don't think of me

as your principal.

Think of me as your friend!

Ha! What up!

(sneezes) Ooh!

Your schedules are available
in the cafeteria.

Have a great first day,
and feel free to swing by

my oficina anytime.

I've got four bars of WiFi up in there.

Okay? (laughs)

Hello, Sierra High!

(cheering)

- Swish!
- (cheering)

- Ham swish!
- (cheering)

(cheering)

(applause)

- Welcome back, Dirk.
- What up, P.K.?

Ssss!

Even though you've graduated, you
will always be my favorite student.

And, good news.
We saved your old locker.

Sweet!

My school chainsaw!

Also, you know that dare you do every
year, where you grease yourself up

and slide head first from
the cafeteria to the gym?

The Tarzana Times called it,
"dangerous and unnecessary."

Okay, don't be mad at me. But we
had to build some new classrooms,

and so now there's a wall between
the cafeteria and the gym.

"I forgive you, Principal Karen, wanna go
to a party?" (laughs) I'd love to, Dirk,

I'm sorry we fought.

It's cool. I'll figure out the dare.

You don't graduate from Sierra High

without learning a thing or
two about problem solving!

Well... that's in there forever.

This can't be right. We don't have any
classes together, not even lunch?

- How are we gonna survive?
- (laughs) Paige, relax.

This isn't our old school.
We're gonna fit in great here.

And at the end of the day, we'll
catch up on everything we missed.

We can do this.

Yeah.

(laughs) Oh, no. I have a
teacher named Mr. Fartelli.

How am I not gonna laugh
when I say his name?

Paige? We're in high school
now? Okay, be mature.

You're right. I'm sorry.

- (fart noises)
- (laughing)

- Love you.
- Love you more.

Maya Sanderson?

(to himself) Okay, Bernie.
First day at a new school.

Nobody knows you here.
You can erase the past

and make a perfect first impression.

Just listen for your name and
then confidently say "Here."

- Bernie Schotz?
- Rear!

Uh, sitting on my rear. I love butts!

Just stop, it's over. You're Butt Guy.

Introducin' the one and only,
Amelia Duckworth.

Young lady... that is not
how we enter my classroom.

You're right. I'm so sorry.

♪

♪ Amelia, Amelia ♪

♪ I'm kinda super famous ♪

Hey! You're Amelia
from Perfect Perfection!

Hey! I'm Mr. Hattleberg
from I Don't Care, Iowa.

- Take a seat.
- (gasps) Ooh, I'll take this big one!

With the students.

Ew.

Sorry. I've never been in a
classroom with other kids before.

I've been homeschooled my whole life.

But I promise I know how to behave.

Mr. Hattleberg,
I have a question about...

Hey Ameliacs, I'm comin' to you

live from my first day of public school.

It's already goin' great,
and everybody loves me!

The only thing missin' is a light dusting
of my Purposely Perfect perfume!

(students coughing)

Now seems like a good time
to put on a movie. (sighs)

(to himself) Okay, Bernie.
Second chance.

Amelia took all of the
attention off of you.

Just don't associate with her
and you're in the clear.

I'm gonna marry that girl!

- (school bell ringing)
- Hey! Hey! Hey!

Aw! Come on, I was only
like five seconds late!

Aah!

Lockers, am I right?

Please pair up and find your
lab partner for the year.

Hey, do you...? Oh. Uh, huh...
Hey. Do you wanna be... Oh.

You're with him. He looks smart.
Good for you.

Um... ah...

Somebody gets to be
partners with the teacher.

Awkward.

(students laughing)

Whoa. A laugh.

That felt good.

Looks like I'll be picking
on you a lot this year.

Aah!

Whose side are you on, locker?

Oh, hey, is that seat...? Oh.

Hey, do you mind if I...? Saved.

And, I'll stand.

And, I'll clean up my food
while everyone stares at me.

(to himself) Okay, Dirk, this wall
is the only thing stopping you

from sliding from the cafeteria

to the gym. But you're smart.

You can think of a super clever
way to solve this problem.

Hey, wall! Look over there!

(thud)

Oh! Ohh! Ohh!

Your toe hurts
because you kicked a wall.

Waaaaaaaah!

(thud)

(thud)

Aah!

I'll put that in the "maybe" column.

- Paige! Finally!
- Hey! I've been dying to talk to you!

Me too. This day has been...
unbelievable.

I know, I love it here!

People are so friendly, I've
met all these cool new people.

Really? Uh, that's... that's great.

Oh, and Mr. Fartelli?
That guy's an inspiration.

He told me I could do anything, and for the
first time in my life... I believed it.

Wow. Yeah, that... um,
that sounds like Mr. Hattleberg.

He told me to sit down, and I... I did.

Can you believe we thought we
weren't gonna fit in at this place?

- What did we think we were, losers?
- Losers! (laughs)

No, not these girls!

So, what else? I wanna hear all
about your day, tell me everything.

Leave out nothing.

Come on! I was only five seconds late!

Awkward.

Ohh!

(crash)

It was great. Everything was great.
I had... I had

a perfect first day.

- Yay!
- Ha!

- I'm so proud of us. I'll call you later.
- Cool.

I'll just... I'll be here.

Totally loving school!

Ohh!

Did I hear someone say
they're totally loving school?

I am doin' the job!

Hey, Sofie, can you grab that for me?

Sure thing.

(horn honking)

Okay, I feel like
you're just showing off.

Please. If I was showing
off, I woulda done this...

Free candy!

(cheering)

(festive music playing)

Foot five!

Take that, wall! Ahhhh!

Hm. Doesn't work when I'm small, either.

Hey, Dirk. You got a sec?

Yeah, sure. What's up?

You're a legend at school, right?

M... Maybe you can give me some advice?

Totally. You have my full attention.

Great. So, um... here's the thing.

My first day at school
has been terrible.

I feel like no one likes me, I never
see Paige, and all these crows

have been staring at me.

That's not really a school
problem, but it's freakin' me out.

Maybe if you had a car.

Sure, but I'm .

I just feel lost. And I...
I don't wanna tell Paige

what I'm going through 'cause
she's having so much fun.

Who built this wall?

Well, I... I guess,
metaphorically, I did.

Wow, Dirk, you're a really deep guy.

(as Bigfoot) Don't worry Dirk.
Bigfoot's here to help you.

Smash! Smash! Smash!

Dirk, were you even listening to me?

(whirring noise)

That's it! I'll strap five
leaf blowers to my back,

fill them with nitro fuel,
and then blast through the wall!

Frankie! You just solved
both of our problems!

What? No! We just solved yours!

What just happened?

(to herself) All right, Amelia.
You've been at school two days.

Time to make your first new friend.

(imitating Amelia) I'm perfectly annoyin'.
Spritz, spritz.

Spritz, spritz.

(laughs) Wow. I don't know
who you're impersonatin',

but that person sounds terrible!

Oh.

Is it you?

Oh.

(to herself)
It can't be that hard to fit in.

I mean, what is Paige doing
that I'm not?

My mom b*rned the pot roast.

- So, pizza again! (laughs)
- (others laughing)

Oh, okay, tell a story
about your family.

Everyone can relate to that.

And my Aunt Helen b*rned the
house down, so... prison again!

Oh my gosh, twinsies... (screams)

Oh, okay. Find common
ground with someone,

and react with excitement.

Hey! We both have backpacks!

(screams)

Check me out, I'm a balloon man

at a car dealership, tryin' to
get the teacher's attention.

Call on me! Oh, sh**t.

Call on me! Oh, sh**t.

- (students laughing)
- Duh, make people laugh.

Why didn't I think of that
in the first place?

Hey! Everyone! Check it out!

I'm a mummy taking its driver's test!

- I hope it's a green light...
- (grunts)

(grunts)

Dude! What's your deal?

I'm so sorry, I didn't...
I didn't mean...

Whoa! Whoa! Frankie, are you okay?

Not everyone fits in here
like you do, Paige.

Did you hear? They're giving away
free spaghetti in the cafeteria!

Frankie... what's going on?

Paige, I'm sorry. Okay, I...
I'm sorry I blew up at you.

It's just this week has been so crazy.

I... I keep trying to fit in,
but nothing's working.

What?

(sigh)

I had no idea, y... you said
you were loving it here.

Why didn't you tell me?

I was too embarrassed.

Like, at Hollander Prep I didn't care
that we didn't fit in because I knew

those academic kids were wrong about us.

And then we came here, and I saw how
easy it was for you to make friends,

and now I finally realize
what the problem was...

it's me.

Hey, don't talk about
my best friend like that.

There's nothing wrong with you.

It doesn't seem like that.

(sigh) Feels like I need to change
every single thing about me

to fit in here. (sigh)

Whoa. We need to talk this out.

Step into my office.

What, you got an office?

How good was your week?

I meant the stairs.

Good thing I wore my cargo pants,

these are very meatball friendly.

Amelia?

Are you okay?

Nobody likes me here.

Frankie, I get
what you're going through.

But that doesn't mean you
need to change who you are.

I think you need to change who you are.

Remember that time we met
at that crazy music class?

As soon as I saw you,
I knew you were cool.

I knew you were flawed,
like, right off the bat!

You were funny, and original.

And selfish, and arrogant,
and condescending, and...

You gave me confidence.

- You said...
- I was the size of a pea

with the eyes of a rat.

I feel so lucky to know you.

You know, some nights
I write in my journal...

"Why do you talk to this girl?"

And then I'm like,
"Oh, 'cause she's hot."

And that's why you're my best friend.

That's literally the only
reason we still hang out.

Like, if you weren't pretty...

Think about our first week at Vuuugle.

We freaked out and thought that
there was something wrong with us.

Then we met people
who like us for who we are.

And the same thing is gonna happen here.

You just gotta give it time.

A lot of time.

You're gonna need it to make these
drastic personality changes.

Wow!

Look, Amelia, I know there's a
sweet, sensitive girl in there,

and with a little work,
other people will, too.

You know what, Bernie?

When I listened to you just now
and looked into your deep, black,

rat eyes, I realized you're right.

I do have a lot to work on
and, from this day forward,

I'll work on being a better person.

Thank you.

(to himself) Okay, Bernie. All
you need to do is nothing.

She said, "Thank you."

(screams)

She thought about it.

Thanks. I feel a lot better.

I just... I got so overwhelmed.

Hey, next time you're having a
hard time, don't be embarrassed.

Just tell me.

I'm always gonna be here for you.

Oh, hey, I wanna show you something.

You got me an "and" symbol?

- Open your locker.
- (laughs)

Aww, poops and farts.

- Paige and Frankie.
- (laughs) I know. I know, I know.

- Love you.
- I love you more.

(laughs)

Hey, I've been meaning
to ask you this all week,

but, are you guys Bizaardvark?

- (laughs)
- Yeah, we are!

- I'm... I'm Paige.
- I'm Frankie.

I told you, I told you, I told you!

I'm Claire. You guys are hilarious.

- Oh, thank you.
- Thanks.

Do you wanna hang out after school?

We're getting froyo.

That sounds awesome.

Dirk's doing the dare!

He's doing the dare!

ke sure you tag me!

Thanks for coming, everybody!

And thank you to Principal Karen

for letting the entire school skip class
to watch me blast through that wall!

(cheering and applause)

I'm cool!

I've got five leaf blowers
strapped to my back,

and a t*nk full of nitro fuel.

Let's fire up the engines!

(cheering and applause)

Fire one!

(heavy wind)

Fire two!

(heavy wind)

Fire three!

Hey, Sierra High, what do you say?

Students: Here we go!

(crash)

Dirk: Dare completed!

(cheering and applause) Yeah!

Yeah, yeah!

(crash)

Dirk: Okay! I'm outside now!

Dirkie, no!

Dirk: Uh-oh, I'm headed
back towards the school!

- Uh...
- Principal Karen?

I wouldn't stand there.
Pretty obvious you're gonna

get destroyed when he comes back...

- (crash)
- Ohhhhh!

All: Ohhhhhhhhhh!

Hey, guys! Bizaardvark here
with some back-to-school tips.

Do you ever find that your long
hair gets caught in your locker?

Probably not 'cause
that's really specific.

Well, don't worry, 'cause there's

a hot new product
out there just for you.

It's called a haircut.

Whoa! How did this happen?

- Editing.
- Way to ruin the magic, Paige.

Check out all the new looks I can do.

Surprised hair... what?

Tacos?

Horror movie hair... don't go in there!

The k*ller's in there! Nooo!

Abraham Lincoln hair!

- (patriotic music)
- Four score and seven years ago...

- Paige's hair! Oh, no...
- All r... All right,

that bit's over. Time to show everybody

Bizaardvark's newest video
about our first week of school.

Okay, I'm not gonna lie,
this week started out rough,

but we brought our "A" game and
now we got this thing on lock.

We're new school superstars.

- ♪ Uh ♪
- ♪ It's back to school time, son ♪

♪ And we mastered this place ♪

♪ Let's tell 'em how it works ♪

Both: ♪ We're new school superstars ♪

♪ We're superstars
We're new school, uh ♪

♪ We're new school superstars ♪

♪ We're superstars
We're new school ♪

♪ This is a backpack, you use
it to carry your books ♪

- ♪ We got this ♪
- ♪ This is a fountain ♪

♪ And water comes out when you push ♪

♪ We got this ♪

♪ The janitor cleans up your
mess if you spill on the floor ♪

- ♪ We got this ♪
- I hate you.

♪ We got some lockers and
know how to open the door ♪

- ♪ We... ♪
- Wait... So... So what is it?

- Right , left ...
- No, you passed it.

- (sigh) You're supposed to pass it.
- Now you gotta reset it.

Do I put back to zero?

Yeah, but I think
you turn it the other way.

Aaah! How is this not digital?

♪ We're new school superstars
We're superstars ♪

♪ Yeah, we're new school, uh ♪

♪ We're new school superstars
We're superstars ♪

♪ We're new school ♪

♪ This is a door and you use
it to enter and leave ♪

- ♪ We got this ♪
- We... We already had that.

♪ This is the air and you need
it to live, so you breathe ♪

- Okay.
- ♪ This is a light switch ♪

- ♪ You flip it to turn on and off ♪
- Where are we going with this?

♪ If you have a cold, the
symptom you get is a cough ♪

That's common knowledge.