03x01 - Where There's Smoke

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[GRUNTING]

You know Cignian fighting
techniques.

I'm impressed.

I'm not, if that's all
you have to show me.

Patience, Maxima.

Sometimes the hunter
likes to play with his prey.

Yes. Sometimes she does.

[GRUNTS]

[SCREAMS]

[INDISTINCT MURMURING]

The prey is cornered.

The victory is mine,
and so are you, Maxima.

My queen.

My mate.

My foot.

[SCREAMS]

[MOANS]

[GRUNTS]

ALL:
Oh, no.

Ahh-uh!

Great, another loser.

Isn't there a single warrior
in this whole crummy galaxy

who can take me?

At this rate,
I'll die a maiden.

My lady, another candidate
has been found.

The scouts have brought
viso-recordings

of his heroic
deeds.

Sure. I could use
a good laugh.

Bring them
to my room.

Ow!

[ALL GASP]

Ugh. If I find

one split end,

you'll be in the stables
brushing the horses.

[BOTH GASP]

SAZU:
He lives on the planet
called Earth,

although our scouts inform us

that he's Kryptonian by birth.

The Earth natives

call him "Superman."

Hm, Superman.

I like those shoulders.

And that chin.

Oh. Our children
will be

absolutely gorgeous.

Shall I have
the ambassador

contact
him?

No, I'll handle this...

personally.

But,
my lady,

your counselors
are waiting, and--

Let them wait!
God knows I have.

And if this one's
as promising as he looks...

you can start ordering
the wedding pattern.

Mistress, wait.

DE'CINE:
So she took the bait?

You knew
she would.

She's young,
headstrong--

Hormonal. Having
second thoughts, my dear?

I feel like...

I've betrayed her.

No, she betrayed you.

See how she ran off?

That's how much she cares
for her people.

But together,
you and I,

we can change things
here on Almerac.

No, my--

My lady would never
let us be together.

Just leave
everything to me.

[MOANS]

Whoa. Not so fast,
legs.

Where you headed?
Costume party?

I'm here to find a mate.

[ALL WHOOP]

Well, here I am,
babe.

Hey!

Did you hear me say
you could paw me?

I don't think so.

Hey, who do you
think you are?

I am the Lady
Maxima.

[SCREAMS]

Warrior queen.

Head of the royal house.

And leader of all Almerac.

[GROANS]

Feel free to bow.

[HORNS HONK IN DISTANCE]

MAN [ON TV]
Angela Chen's special report,

"Man of Steel,
Man of Mystery,"

continues after these messages.

Fifty cents.

Ahh!

Where is this coming from?

We're in trouble,
people.

The Superman piece
is coming up short.

We need to fill two minutes.
Anybody have any ideas?

Hey!

I said,
out of my way.

Excuse me?

I am the Lady Maxima:

warrior queen,
head of the royal house,

leader of all Almerac.

And Superman's betrothed.

[WHISPERING]
Thank you.

ANGELA [ON TV]:
You know, you've just
broken the hearts

of about a million hopeful,
single women.

But seriously,
as Superman's wife--

Not his wife.

His betrothed.

His destined mate.

If he proves himself worthy.

Really?

And how's he supposed
to do that?

Why, in battle,
of course.

So where is he?

[GRUNTS]

[CREW SHOUTING
INDISTINCTLY]

[CRASH]

[INDISTINCT MURMURING]

I want him.

And I want him now.

I'm waiting.

Huh?

Superman.

Yeow!

And you are?

Later for that.
Almerac awaits us.

You need only prove
yourself, and--

Listen, I'm afraid
you've got the wrong idea.

I'm flattered you've taken
a shine to me,

but my home is here
on Earth.

Are you refusing
the royal throne of Almerac?

Are you refusing me?

Well, yes.

Oh!

[GROWLS]

[GROWLS]

Oof!

I know you're upset, but--

Now, wait a minute.

Someone's gonna get hurt.

Yeah. You!

[CRIES OUT]

Loser.

And I had such high hopes.

Whoa!

[GRUNTING]

So you have some life
in you after all.

[STRAINS]

Harry, there's a man
and a woman fighting.

Stop spying on the neighbors,
Lucille.

[GRUNTING]

Now he's got her
tied up.

No one has ever lasted
this long with me.

No one.

You are...

my equal.

This is the happiest day
of my life.

I'm...glad.

Oh, my goodness.

They're hugging.

Just don't get any ideas.

Of course, now you'll
have to marry me.

Uh, you can't just barge in
and make demands like that.

Why not?

On my planet,
I do it all the time.

Well,
this isn't Almanac.

Almerac.

Whatever.

Here on Earth, marriage isn't
something you can command.

Marriage is a willing
partnership

where husbands
and wives share

the decisions
and sacrifices.

What planet is he from?

You can't force me
to marry you.

Watch me.

[SCREAMS]

Sooner or later,

I knew you'd fall for me.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

[GASPING]

My lady.

Congratulate me.
I'm getting married.

Congratulations.

[GRUNTING]

Sazu. Call the Minister
of Rituals.

My betrothed and I
are ready to...

My lady.

My throne.

Arrest them at once.

No, Maxima.
I think not.

Guards.

You sure
you're queen?

[GROANS]

So this is what you
pick for a mate.

Doesn't look like much.

[GRUNTING]

[GASPS]

You'll die for this.
Both of you.

When my people
hear of your treachery--

Your people were only
too glad for this treachery.

They call it liberation.

Traitorous witch!

[SCREAMS]

[MOANS]

No, my lady.

It is you who are
the traitor.

A spoiled,
self-interested brat

more concerned
with trapping a mate

than the needs
of your people.

Under new leadership,

all Almerac will prosper
and grow.

Isn't that right,
my love?

I couldn't have
put it better.

Mwah.

Guards, send these three
to the catacombs.

Three?
De'Cine?

Please, Sazu.
Don't embarrass yourself.

Just remember how great it was
while it lasted.

[GRUNTS]

[LAUGHS]
No!

All right,
what's for dinner?

[ALL GRUNT]

Forgive me, my lady.
He deceived me.

I-- I was a fool.

A dead fool.

No.

I'm still queen here,

head of the royal house,
leader of all Almerac.

But you can't just go around
k*lling people.

I have the power
to do as I please.

And the responsibility
to do what is right.

As leader, you serve the people.
They don't serve you.

Now,
where are we?

Miles
underground.

I used to use these ancient
tunnels as a prison.

No wonder
you're so popular.

Uh...

[SIZZLES]
[SCREAMS]

The tunnels are shielded
to prevent escape.

Great.

Mistress--

Silence, Sazu.

[MOANING]

We should move before
the Carnorite hears us.

[GROWLING]

I'm betting that's
the Carnorite.

[SIZZLING]

[SCREAMS]

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMS]

[GRUNTING]

This way.

[GROWLING]

How big
is this thing?

Big.

[ALL GRUNT]

We have to try to
stun him, fast.

Be ready to strike.

[GRUNTS]

[SIZZLES]
[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

Maxima, now!

[GRUNTS]

[SHRIEKS]

[SIZZLES]

[GROWLS]

[GRUNTS]

What a man.

Later.

[ARABIC MUSIC PLAYING]

GUARD:
Halt! Hey!

[BOTH GRUNT]

k*ll them!

[ALL SCREAM]

[GRUNTING]

[GASPS]

Superman!

[ALL SCREAMING]

[GRUNTS]

This time, De'Cine,
it's no game.

This time, I k*ll you.

Maxima.

I don't k*ll him?

I...lock him up?

For a really long time.

Sazu.

Yes,
mistress?

Escort the prisoner to one of
the really nasty dungeons.

One with
plenty of rats.

Yes, mistress.

Well...?

It's a start.

A start.
What about us?

You know I can't
stay here, Maxima.

[WHINING]
Oh!

Very well.

I release you
from our betrothal.

You're free to go.

Thanks.

Are there any more at home
like you?

No, but as my mother
always said,

"There's someone
for everyone."

[expl*si*n]

[GRUNTS]

I'm here to get
that fraggin',

scum-suckin',
rat-scratchin' De'Cine,

and nobody had better stop me.

Yeow!

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