02x16 - Worlds Finest, Part 1

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Superman: The Animated Series". Aired: September 6, 1996 to February 12, 2000.*
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American superhero animated television series based on the DC Comics character Superman.
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02x16 - Worlds Finest, Part 1

Post by bunniefuu »

Hang on there, Clyde.

Sorry, miss, we're closed.

Just look at what I'm selling.
You'll plotz.

Good work, Harley girl.

Now, what would be a suitable trade
for our joke-in-the-box?

For some reason, this just speaks to me.
What do you think, Harl?

It's you, pudding.

Awfully nice doing business
with you. Ta.

What a pleasant fellow.

It's weird. All this junk and the Joker
only takes one lousy statue.

Especially since word on the street says
he's desperate for cash these days.

Things are never what they seem
with the Joker.

I guess the night brings out
all the wackos.

It was made of jade,
worth maybe a hundred grand.

I'd like a closer look.

Hey. He can't leave a crime scene
with evidence.

You want to stop him, be my guest.

According to this, the Laughing Dragon
has earned quite a foreboding reputation.

Ever since it was carved in China
nearly years ago...

...it has passed through several owners,
all of whom d*ed prematurely.

And I can tell you why.

This so-called jade
is emitting low-level radiation.

Alfred, isn't Bruce Wayne about due
for a trip to Metropolis?

Yes, but do you think
this is an appropriate time?

I'd say the timing couldn't be better.

Ladies and gentlemen of the press...

...if you stay calm, you may actually live
to write about this.

Is the president secured?

Copy. We've already informed him...

...of our change in flight plans.

-What's going on?
-What's he doing to her?

Let's make an example of this hero.

A very tragic example, I'm afraid, Miss...?

-Lane.
-Lane? Lois Lane?

The one Superman always saves?

Afraid so.

Thanks for strapping me in.

Happy I could help out, Mr. President.

I hope I didn't shake you
and the others up too badly.

I hate to say, I've gotten used to it.

Superman?

Yes?

How can I put this?

I was just thinking, it might be nice
to see each other...

...when I wasn't, I don't know,
falling out a window or something.

I'm grateful for all the times
you've helped me, you understand....

-I understand.
-You do?

-It's the First National Bank.
-You'd better go. People might--

Get hurt.

"l understand, Lois."
"Really, you do? "

"Yep. You're a complete moron."
"Why, thank you, Superman.

I think I'm a total loser too."
Jeez.

"A grateful president
bestows heartfelt thanks...

...on Metropolis' favorite son,
Superman."

Favorite son, my--

Mercy.
Start the car. I'm coming down.

Right away, Lex.

The office. Now.

Swell, Mr. L.

"Mr. L."? Mercy?

Oh, yeah, she had a little accident.

All right, missy. I don't know
what your game is...

...but I promise you
you'll pay dearly for this!

You're dead. Do you hear me?

Blah, blah, blah.

Whoa, mama!
Check out the cute hitchhiker.

Yoo-hoo!

-Joker.
-Lexy, old kid.

Do I have a deal for you.

Rich Corinthian leather.

What do you want?

I sense we are kindred spirits,
you and l.

Oh, there are differences to be sure.
Like hair.

But underneath it all, we're both
entrepreneurs, men of vision.

We see an opportunity, we grab it.
Am I right?

Right.

But in the past few weeks,
I've had a run of bad luck...

...bad luck that wears a cape.

Thanks to that miserable,
pointy-eared rodent, Batman...

...all my operations in Gotham City
have been shut down.

But you too have an overgrown bully
in long underwear...

...which brings me
to my little proposition.

I'm listening.

Pay me one billion dollars,
and I'll k*ll Superman.

What makes you think
you can k*ll Superman...

...when you can't even handle
a mere mortal in a Halloween costume?

There's nothing mere
about that mortal. Besides...

...I've read up on your flyboy.

I know his weakness.

See? Solid Kryptonite.

You know I can't be connected to this
in any way.

Oh, you'll be Mr. Clean,
I promise. Deal?

Deal.

I hear Wayne's deal with LexCorp could
run into the billions. He's a high roller.

I hear he's nothing but Gotham trash.

Rich, spoiled...

...and absolutely gorgeous.

-Mr. Wayne. Mr. Wayne.
-What brings you to Metropolis?

How long will you stay?

Quick, is my hair straight?

Excuse me,
aren't you the famous Lois Lane?

Me? Famous? Well, hardly.
I mean, uh.... This is Clark Kent.

Mr. Wayne.

I read all about your adventure
on Air Force One.

-You're quite the newsmaker.
-No more than you.

Which brings up the question
of why you're in town.

Mr. Wayne, your car.

Maybe we can discuss it over dinner,
if you're available.

Totally. I mean, I think so.
I'll have to check my calen-- Yes.

Great. I'll pick you up at .

Who'd have figured a guy named Weasel
could cook this good?

Caesar Carlini, my old pal.

Why, I haven't seen you since....
Wait.

I've never seen you, have l?
You need to get out more.

-Who is this clown?
-Not "Clown."

Joker.

I'm in town on business
and I need a place to hang my hat.

Try the Motel Nine.

But it would be so much cozier
at your place, like a sleepover.

Are you nuts?

k*ll him.

Can I play too?

Carlini, all that spicy food.
You look a little gassy.

No. Stop.

Holy guacamole. Looks like
you need a new leader.

I nominate me.

I second the nomination.

All opposed?


They found him like this
at the city dump.

The lights are on but nobody's home.

But we know who did it.

He's telling us right now.

As you can see, the WayneLex T
can traverse the most difficult terrain...

...never losing sight
of its ultimate target.

Fourteen-point-eight seconds.

Congratulations.

This is your project too, you know.

Well, I'm proud of the work
both our teams have done.

These robots are gonna revolutionize
unmanned space travel.

Actually, there may be a use
for them closer to home.

The Joint Chiefs
have shown tremendous interest.

It doesn't take much imagination
to envision these robots on the b*ttlefield.

Except I won't allow it.

-What?
-I don't like g*ns.

Well, Bruce, I think I have something
to say about this.

Not according to our deal.

All technological applications
need my approval first.

Blame it on me, Lex.

Tell your pals at the Pentagon...

...I just don't have the imagination.

So he just appears when there's trouble?
No special signal?

He's not like your Batman,
thank goodness.

Then how do you contact him?

Committing a felony helps.

Listen, you seem awfully interested
in Superman.

-Do you want me to fix you two up?
-Sorry.

No, I'm sorry.
It's just that I was hoping...

...to get away from the subject
of the Man of Steel for one night.

I've been a little too consumed
with him lately.

Maybe we could change subjects.

No more men in tights?

Deal.

So just keep your ears open.

Let me know if you hear any buzz
about the Joker.

Sure thing, Mr. Kent.

But, uh, which one?

There's lots of jokers around here.

Hey, sweetheart.
What are you, deaf? Another round!

-What's going on?
-What's happening?

Who is he?

It's been a long time, Binko.

I heard your boss Carlini's been replaced.

We need to talk.

Let's get out of here.

Get him!

Hey!

Where's the Joker?

Who knows?
Making ha-ha with Harley Quinn.

I don't know. Honest.
I never went back after he muscled in.

I don't want nothing
to do with that clown.

That's enough.
I think you got your answer.

I heard you were crazy.
I didn't think you were stupid.

-Bruce Wayne?
-You peeked.

I won't have vigilantism in my town.

You'll be rid of me.
As soon as I find the Joker.

That may not be soon enough.

It doesn't take much, does it?

The Joker has pounds more
where this came from.

Thought you might like to know.

-Hello.
-Hi.

I just wanted to let you know,
I'll be in late tomorrow.

I'm having breakfast with Bruce.

Isn't that special?

Do I detect a note of disapproval?

You were the one
who compared him to garbage.

Well, I was wrong.

He's very thoughtful and much deeper...

...than the gossipmongers
would lead you to believe.

-You'd be surprised.
-Would I now?

I'll let you go so you can count sheep...

...or whatever you Kansas boys
dream about. Bye.

Touché.

[ENGLlSH]
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