02x04 - Flatbushes

[bunniefuu]

VERNON: Previously on "Still the King"...

Oh, I know you. You're Burnin' Vernon.

That's me, the guy from the
' s, sang that one song.

And I just wanna get back
to the real me, my music.

Hey. I know you.

My dad and you were
best friends growing up.

His name's Robert Murray.

He played fiddle in your band.

No way.

She wants to know which
one of us knocked her up.

You're a bad girlfriend.

You care more about
your boats and karates

than you do about being there for me.

Well, I'm here now for the baby.

♪

For all the ladies that love me.

Hey, how're you doing?

- [bleep]
- [thud]

[bleep]. Hey!

What the hell am I
paying the house band for

when your singer's too drunk to sing?

What? I sing a little.

Only thing you need to
sing is make that mop sing

- over to that table to clean up.
- I won't screw it up.

I know all the songs you guys play.

And I'm good.

Let's see what you got young blood.

♪

You got a name?

It's Brown.

Vernon Brown.

♪ Take this job and shove it ♪

♪ I ain't working here no more ♪

♪ My woman done left and
took all the reasons ♪

♪ I was working for ♪

He's just burnin' up the stage.

We should call him Flamin' Vernon Brown.

♪ 'Cause I'm walkin' out the door ♪

♪ Take this job and shove it ♪

♪

Good morning, everybody.

Let's get this show on the road.

Today's the big day.

Oh yeah, it ain't every day a hometown

honors their favorite son
with his very own statue.

Phew!

Call me when they name a
battleship after ya, pal.

Deb, are you sure you can't join us?

I'd love to, but I gotta make
some progress on that nursery.

I gotta say though, I'm pretty impressed.

Kinda exciting knowing
someone with their own statue.

Yeah, very exciting.

Deb, you will be missed.

Ronnie, you not so much.

Charlotte, let's go.

Come on, me and you.

And Walt and Doily.

I'll make them sit in the back.

It's gonna be fun.

Whoo! Boy, I got some stuff to show you.

It's gonna be awesome.

Uh, you know what?

Vernon, I'm proud of ya.

A year ago, you were breaking the law.

And now, you're being
commemorated with a statue

for the anniversary of
your first performance.

I think it's great.

We can skip all the exposition, Doily.

We all know what's going on here.

Sorry for being excited.

I'm finally part of the crew, you know?

It's gonna be an adventure.

A lot of hijinks, tomfoolery,
shenanigans, all that stuff.

With an addition of a sad,
lonely, single sidekick.

Classic Charlotte burn. I love it.

It's so you.

What the hell?

♪

- Wow, that is really poorly worded.
- VERNON: Right?

I feel like there should be
an and after the word dirtball.

And you know what? I
should also have top billing

over a giant ball of dirt.

Depends on where the dirt come from.

[cow moos]

VERNON: What do you mean

"it depends on where
the dirt comes from"?

Six.

Seven, eight.

Sixty, sixty-one, sixty...

Do you know where the hammer is?

Uh...

Oh, the burn.

Are those my weights?

Uh, I'm just borrowing 'em right now.

Uh... this outta do ya.

Thank you.

You can go back to doing
your girly pushups now.

I find that term sexist!

What do you need a hammer for?

Oh, it's all coming back to me now.

That backyard over there,

sh*t off my first stoned
blind day drunk right there.

[laughs]

Over yonder on that porch,

my first time I sucker punched somebody.

I mean, I came up from
behind him... pow...

- just for the hell of it.
- CHARLOTTE: [laughs]

Oh gosh, there she is.

See that bus bench over there?

My first ménage à trois.

DOILY: Wow.

If that bench could only talk.

Probably better if it didn't.

♪

[laughs] Oh my God.

Oh my God, Dad, come check this out.

This jacket's sick.

You like Waylon?

Oh my God, yeah, he's amazing.

This jacket's amazing, too.

Not $ amazing though.

♪

Hey, come on, guys,

let me show you where I got my education.

[bell rings]

Yep, this is it.

Um, I thought we were
going to your old school.

Uh, hell, I didn't learn
a damn thing in school.

I learned a bunch of
damn stuff here though.

[laughs]

Well, if it ain't the
long, lost prodigal son.

Chuck?

You still here?

I told you never to come back in here.

You remember why?

Is it because he poked your eye out?

No, no, no.

He left me high and dry without a busboy.

He just upped and quit.

Had to hire a new busboy.

Well, that don't sound all that bad.

That busboy slept with my wife,

cleaned out the cash register, and split.

But I tracked him all the way to Mexico.

Caught up with him down there
at a cock fight in Tijuana.

There he was, betting
all my hard-earned money

on this big-breasted Central
American fighting fowl

they called...

Don Von Tressy.

He grabbed that big rooster
and threw it in my face.

And Old Von Tressy pecked my eyeball out.

- [rooster crows]
- Ew.

You... owe me...

an apology.

Sorry. My bad.

[laughing]

I've been waiting years to hear that.

You good? I'm good.

Hey, let me get you
all something to drink.

- Okay, man.
- Oh, excuse me.

Hey, we're good.

[laughing] Oh my God.

Dad, is this you?

VERNON: Yeah.

CHARLOTTE: You look so young and sober.

When are we gonna see your
childhood haunts, Walt?

Uh, probably right around never.

Vernon Brown!

Vern F-ing Brown.

Mayor Ted.

Honor to meet you, Mayor Ted.

Oh well, my friends
just call me Teddy Bear.

Hey, Teddy Bear.

I didn't mean you.

For the man of the hour.

Please respect the office of the mayor.

Okay.

You all call me Mayor Ted.

- Mayor Ted.
- Yes.

We... we got people to do,
we got places to go to.

Vernon Brown.

Look, everybody, Vernon Brown!

Attach the crib end top A to the crib end

by connecting slot A to B.

How the hell do you connect two slots?

[clears throat]

That, uh, for the baby?

No, it's for me.

- I keep falling out of bed.
- Oh.

Ronnie, I'm kidding.

Yeah, I knew that.

I'll tell you what.

I'll help you out,

but if the baby turns out not to be mine,

I'm gonna back out every
one of these screws.

Okay, Ronnie.

Instructions?

Instructions are just

one man's opinion.

Ronnie.

Oh, everybody, this is Towns Belfew.

He's the artist in residence here

at Green Nook Community College.

And he is the sculptor
who made your statue.

I do not make art.

I'm merely the vessel that reveals it.

Oh, that is my bad.

Aren't artists temperamental?

I hope you enjoy the latest piece

that revealed itself to me.

Oh!

♪

Don't you love it?

I just love it.

DOILY: That's awesome.

Uh...

I like what you got going
on in the face, torso.

Legs are cool.

Boots are cool.

But right in here looks a little...

I think what my dad is trying to say

is you gave him a camel toe.

[laughs]

It's camel toe.

It's camel toe.

Hey, Vernon, get next to that camel toe.

I wanna get a picture.

Tis a crease on the pants, nothing more.

Oh, look, chief, we gotta have

a little wiggle room on my crotch.

I will not compromise...

[whispers] my vision.

Well, everybody,

don't forget o'clock.

The whole town is gonna
be there... to see it.

Mr. Belfew.

We need an arc welder.

I know where we can get one,
but it's not gonna be pleasant.

Come on.

RONNIE: Man, that's one kickass crib.

DEBBIE: I wish ours looked like that.

It doesn't seem totally safe.

About as safe as drunken
boat sex with another man.

Ronnie... I know I hurt you,

but we have to figure out
a way to move past this.

We all make mistakes.

I don't.

I think we're looking at
one of yours right now.

Come on, could we just start fresh?

Alright, alright.

Let's get some tape.

We're gonna b*at this
crib one way or another.

♪

CHARLOTTE: Are you sure
there's an arc welder here?

WALT: I'm sure.

There's a lot of stuff here.

Okay.

Here we go.

Please don't judge me by the
people you're about to meet.

Waltie!

[laughing] I love you.

I miss you, and now I'm gonna kiss you.

[giggling]

And then he finally hit the ball,

and he ran to third instead of first.

ALL: [laughing]

Honey, you want the sandwiches here?

Oh my gosh, Walter! Walter!

Oh, how are ya, son?

I'm fine, Dusty.

Dah-ah, how many times I
gotta tell ya, call me dad.

Every time, 'cause I never will.

He's such a kidder.

Hey, you must be Vernon Brown.

Wow.

I've heard a lot about you.

Innocent until proven
guilty, I always say.

All of it good, I promise.

How are ya? Nice to see ya.

We're pleased as punch
to have you guys here.

What do you do, Dusty?

Me? I'm a counselor for at-risk teens.

Nobody cares, Dusty.

Don't be salty, Waltie.

Speaking of teens, you
wanna see Walter's yearbook?

Oh my gosh, oh, it's a hoot.

[laughs]

Oh look, I spilled some tea.

Oh, no worries.

Let me get a towel.

Oh, God.

I'm sorry about Dusty, y'all.

Thought he'd never shut up. What a jerk.

Yeah, what a nightmare.

Well, he's a picture of
Walt as a cheerleader.

- Fun.
- Oh my God.

Oh, you've met my niece Frankie?

Oh.

Frankie's staying in
Walter's old room now.

Hi.

I'm Walter.

Walter Baines Murray.

I went through all your stuff.

I read your diary.

I know all your theories

[indistinct whispering].

I don't know how I feel about that.

That haiku that you
wrote in the seventh grade

called "The Meadow"

was so... powerful.

You are such a sensitive flower, Walt.

Okay, excuse me, y'all.

I gotta get to my old bedroom.

Well, actually, it's Frankie now.

It's not your bedroom
to give away, Dusty.

Well, the guestroom is always open.

You know, in case you wanna
come home anytime, son.

I don't wanna come, son... Dusty.

- Dad.
- Dusty.

Papa!

WALT: Still Dusty!

It's always gonna be Dusty!

Never gonna call you dad!

Kid loves me.

♪

What are you looking for?

My arc welder. Don't worry about it.

It's in the box under
the blanket to the left.

Thank you.

Need help with anything else?

No thank you.

Are you sure?

Yep.

Do you believe in soulmates, Walt?

Put your baby in me.

Nope, gotta go.

Alright, y'all, time to go.

Walt, do you need any
help carrying anything?

No, goodbye. Come on, we gotta split.

Walt, you just got here.

Sorry, Mom, tight schedule.

Alright, we'll see at
the statue unveiling.

Yeah, see ya there.

Pleasure to meet ya, yes.

Mwah. Bye-bye, what a pleasure.

- It's a good crowd.
- I know.

Hey, check this out.

How do you like this shirt?

Where in the sam hell
did you get that picture?

I took it when you were sleeping.

Alright, well, I should get going

before it gets too crowded.

I wanna be in the front
row for all the shenanigans!

Vernon, I'm all set up, ready to go.

Well, where's the rest of the band?

Oh, yeah, Mo and Carmen said
they're not gonna do another gig

until you pay 'em for
the first one, so...

but I got pro tools.

Me and you, we'll be a
two-man wrecking crew!

- It'll be awesome!
- Vernon!

Oh, I thought you'd gone home.

Listen, once you finish your song,

the statue will be
unveiled for the whole town.

You're exact likeness
forever and ever and ever.

Well, Mr. Mayor, while I got you here,

can I talk to you about the
Welcome to Flatbushes' sign?

Don't you feel like
Flatbushes' favorite son

should get top billing
over a giant ball of dirt?

You are so right.

The sign should read,
"Welcome to Flatbushes:

Home of Vernon Brown."

And then, "World's Biggest Dirt Ball."

I'm gonna get my people on that.

- [crowd cheering]
- Hello, everybody.

Thank you all so much for coming.

There's a lot of eyeballs here, Vern.

Are you sure we can pull this off?

Yeah, we can do it, man.

If it makes you feel any
better, we'll go down together.

It does not make me feel any better.

You ready?

Yeah.

Well, without further ado,

a man who needs no introduction.

I guess he was being literal.

Hey, y'all, it's great to be with ya.

I can't believe I'm in the front row

of a Burnin' Vernon concert.

[laughs] This is great.

This is a song I wrote a few years back

about growing up here in Flatbushes.

I hope you all like it.

♪

♪ Back when I was young ♪

♪

♪ And I was just a kid ♪

♪

♪ Foolish things were done ♪

[indistinct yelling]

♪ Secrets that we hear ♪

Dad, save that song for people for care.

Just give them what they want.

I got you covered, Charlotte's Dad.

You got it.

♪ I left Oklahoma drivin' in a Pontiac ♪

♪ Just about to lose my mind ♪

[crowd cheering]

♪ I was goin' to Arizona
maybe on to California ♪

♪ Where the people all live so fine ♪

♪

♪ My baby said I's crazy ♪

♪ My momma called me lazy ♪

[crowd cheering]

Hey, you guys, I gotta
get back to my spot!

Hey!

Hey, wait a minute!

Hey, wait a minute!

♪ Livin' on Tulsa time ♪

♪ Livin' on Tulsa time ♪

♪

Hey, how's it coming?

It's taking a while to heat up.

Because you know architectural
bronze is % copper, %...

Okay, Walt, stop,

save the science lesson
for the ride home.

Okay.

I need more time.

CHARLOTTE: Okay, I'll stretch.

[crowd cheering]

♪

Uh, yep, perfect.

- Do you wanna do the honors?
- Really?

Good night, my child.

[wood creaks]

Son of a [bleep].

♪ When you look into my eyes ♪

♪ Tell me what do you see ♪

♪ It's been a long time ♪

♪ Since I've been mean ♪

♪ I'm a human monster ♪

♪ I'm a lost soul, I'm a
freak, whenever you made me ♪

♪ I gotta grave and I want
your blood on my teeth ♪

♪ So this is what you want then ♪

♪ sh**t what I want,
shaking what's up then ♪

♪ Now we're ready to bust then ♪

♪ Take everything, leave 'em with nothing ♪

♪ They ain't gon' be no discussion ♪

♪ We ain't talking no
more, we 'bout to rush 'em ♪

♪ Never thought see me coming ♪

♪ Take everything, leave 'em with nothing ♪

♪ Leave 'em with nothing ♪

♪ Hey, I got nothing to
lose, I got nothing to lose ♪

♪

♪ Take everything, leave 'em with nothing ♪

Oh, crap.

[crowd cheering]

Thank you.

[crowd cheering]

VERNON: Thank you all so much.

It's not good.

VERNON: Thank you, Flatbushes.

Walt, I don't know how much longer...

What are you doing?

I need more time.

I got it.

No you don't.

VERNON: ...when I was growing up here.

Today, um, reminds me of...

What is this stuff?

This is not bronze.

I love him. I just love him.

- Isn't he so great?
- What is he doing?

They're here to see my
artistic vision of Vernon Brown,

not the actual Vernon Brown.

Well, he be... finish... little... stop it.

- This is ridiculous.
- Oh.

It ends now.

People of Flatbushes...

I give you my pièce de résistance

I call "Rising Star."

[crowd gasping]

BELFEW: A masterpiece.

Thank you, Flatbushes, and goodnight.

♪

[tires squeal]

♪

[crash]

RONNIE: Uh.

Thanks for all your help today.

Hey, anytime I get to
burn stuff in the yard,

it's a pretty good day.

It turned out to be kinda fun, huh?

Yeah. Yeah, it did.

How 'bout that whole starting fresh idea

you were talking about?

I'd like that.

Hi, my name's Ronnie.

Nice to meet you.

I'm Debbie.

Enchanté.

[brakes squeal]

Oh boy.

Whoo-hoo!

Yard fire, alright!

That's right.

How was the trip?

It was typical.

How was your day?

It was nice.

Yeah.

Hey, Vern, check it out.

Whoa.

Where'd you find this?

An old box of crap that
Dusty threw in my closet.

Oh my God, that's our old song book.

It's some good stuff in here.

Uh-ah.

Speaking of good stuff,
look what your daddy left me.

You know he would want me to save this.

He'd probably want you
to share it with his son.

Well, speaking of... sharing things.

This is for you, Little Missy.

[groans] What?

When did you even have time...

You earned it.

You saved my butt up there today.

No way, I love it so much.

But you didn't have to.

You're welcome.

Wait, where's Doily?

♪

♪

♪

Take your shirt off!

I mean, he looks good with his shirt off.