01x13 - Hope in a Jar

[bunniefuu]

Hey, welcome back
to the mating game

where every day
is Sadie Hawkins Day!

You ready there miss sweet thing?
- Yes I am. Okay.

Bachelor number one,
your placing a personal ad,

how would you
advertise yourself?

First of all, I don't need
to place a personal ad,

but if I did, I'd say: "available,
one lean, mean love machine,

invest in ceiling mirrors
and high voltage light bulbs,

because you are going to want
to keep the light on baby."

Ok, bachelor number two.

I saw Shakespeare in love and I totally
grove on the idea going out with a bard.

Can you write me a little
love poem on the spot?

"Your lips are red, your eyes are blue,

all I want to do is look at you."

Ok, well what if my lips weren't
red and my eyes weren't blue?

I'd still love you.
And a dooby-do-do.

Ok, bachelor number .

We are trapped in a road side motel
during a blizzard one night.

And there is only one room and only one bed.

So we snuggle up under the covers,
to get warm, and...

what happens?

We talk.

- Just talk?
- At the first.

At night when the lights are out

people tell each other things they
would never tell each other during the day.

I would want to hear
about you everything.

About your childhood...

your favourite color,
what you wait from a man...

what you want from life.

Bachelor number three
what I want is a man like you.

million colors make
them safe from predators

nature makes these males
attracted to the females...

who consider their fiery plumage
as a sign of health.

Have I just been going
for fiery plumage?

I have.

My party is a wack,
I've been judging guys

on the very criteria I am
terrified of being held up to.

Ok, that's it starting today
I am on a man hunt

and I am taking looks out
of the equation.

Act fast, limited time offer,
ask me to the Sadie Hawkins Dance.

Im Stone Cold Surfer.
Hottie in a green sweater.

Hey ass in the green sweater,
keep dreaming dude.

She is going to make me wait,
but she will ask me.

Wait. What am I dreaming?
Stone Cold is hotter than me.

Wait. That sounds sort of gay.

Josh is available now.

he probably likes big breasts.
Though, don't all guys?

Am I dreaming to think that Josh would ever
consider going to the dance with me?

On the other hand,
Josh may be tired

of getting hip bone with every hug
and want a little cushion with his pushin'

There are guys in this school

Josh is out of the picture
and three guys are out of the closet,

so that makes a chances
of Brook asking me to .

Yeah it's getting longer, when you've considered
a fact that I have a body of Tibetan monk.

- I hate my body.
- I hate my body.

- I hate my body.
- I hate my body.

- I hate my body.
- I hate my body.

season episode.
Hope in a jar.

Want to be on the wrestling team
drop pounds. Next!

Yo baby, here is the ,

you have got to change that spare tire,

you are pounds over your weight limit.

Not only that, Sugar, look at
my six pack or what's left of it.

Brooke once told me she loved
my stomach did I ever tell you that?

She told me that if her Maytag ever
broke down, she wasn't worried

because she could wash
her washables on my abs.

Listen, what goes up,
must come down.

---

See I'm on this new weight loss plan.

Yo, I will be back on the wrestling team
and have a women by the end of semester.

- Word.
- Well, with what?

It's called the Mummy,

it's wrap and sweat system.
Where you get tied into cellophane

and than you just watch yourself
dissolve like a sweet tart.

The excess water drains into
zip-lock bag strapped to your wrists.

Why don't we just eat less
and exercise more, Sugar.

Get serious J, yo, I've lost a pound
and a half after a month of a Mummy man,

yo, more pounds
and I am back on the mat.

Cool.

Next!

Damn fat Albert lay off the food.
---

The teenage years are indeed
a time of exploration of questioning.

What are you talking about?

Your gazing at Josh Ford's butt man!

No sweat.

I have a fourth male cousin
who enjoys coupling with other men as well.

I am down with it.

I don't want to do him.

I want to be him.

No, correction, I want his abs.

How many hours do you think
he spends working out at the gym?

I can lift anvils for years
and not look like that.

- I'm genetically doomed.
- It's difficult isn't it?

Girls think they have it so bad.
Please,

ever since GQ magazine and
the late 's age of vanity don,

being a male and living up
to that muscle beach standard

has become a societal hazing ritual
for male tarts and boys alike.

- Totally.
- And being so skinny and hairless...

lacking any defining male characteristic...
---

I pity you man.

A real G.I. Joe would shoulders
as wide as the refrigerator.

A waste as small as a copy grinder

and biceps three times bigger
than Mark McGwire's.

Now that would be a freak show babies.

Likewise a real barbie
would have an inch waist

and literally topple over from the weight
of her protruding cans.

Oh you thinks that's funny?

Well, let's talk about the affects
of these unrealistic standards of beauty.

Girls are choosing to live like cancer patients
undergoing chemotherapy.

Vomiting, two or three times a day.

Trying to measure up
to Vouge's idea of beauty.

The patriarchy wants us to keep our mind busy

thinking about our bodies. But,

we can reclaim our power.

These week, for example,
is the Sadie Hawkins dance.

Now, I love Sadi Hawkins,
I live for Sadi Hawkins.

I named my dog Sadi Hawkins.

Because, for once,
girls don't have to sit around

waiting for boys to choose them.

Now Sadi our dog-faced-Diana

may have been symmetrically challenged.

But she knew that she deserved love.
Аnd she went after it.

Аnd she got it.

So people, today I leave you
not with a pile of homework,

but with a thought to ponder.

Why is it only the beautiful
are invited to the dance of life

when we know that all God's
children gotta boogie?

- You hear that?
- What?

That's the sound of no-one
asking me to the dance.

Why aren't they asking you Harrison?
Well, I'll tell you, Sam.

That's because my chest is concave.

No, it's not.

- My chest is concave.
- Nevertheless,

you're clearly a girl.
So, give me a girls perspective.

Am I ok looking?

- You have nice eyelashes.
- Ok, that's enough.

This is not, you are totally cute.

Oh my god, Tuna alert o'clock.

Hello, Harrison John. Though you are
not the dream boy...

I have bondage fantasies about you...

would be an adequate setting
for the fiery ruby that is April Tuna.

Please pick me up Friday at eight o'clock
with expensive hot-house corsage in hand.

You know what, April?
You're too late, I snagged him first.

- Hey, sorry, April.
- Yeah, well,

I'm not sure if you're
Alpha male for me anyway,

you scrawny Beta Harrison John.

Ouch, rejected by April Tuna

By the way you don't really have to go with me.

We might as well go with someone who
we'll have fun with right? Who won't judge us.

Besides aren't you a little sick
of mooning after the unattainable?

- Like Brooke.
- Like Josh?

No comment, I plead the Fifth.

Ladies, this week when
I loose my last pounds,

i'll be skeleton thing for the dance.

Then all i'll need is the perfect,
gorgeous, muscly beau.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Alright girls, that is it!

I'm asking my hot buttock
Stone Cold to the dance.

I know for a fact that he is available,
as Brooke is taken a pass.

Mary Cherry, I'm sorry.

I happen to know that he has
a thing for caliente girls, okay.

He's begged me many times
to roll my Rs for him.

He's been on my todo list for weeks.

Excuse me. Nicole Julian and Stone Cold
are like fashion and anorexia.

They go together, thank you.

Well, meow meow, looks like
we've got a cat fight on our hands.

What do you say we have
ourselves a little contest?

whoever looses the most weight by Friday,
get to go to the dace with Stone Cold...

a hundred and eighty pounds
of prime beef cake.

- You're on.
- You're on.

- Hey Brooke.
- Hey.

So how about that
Sadie Hawkins think huh?

Girls asking the guys.

- b*ating these girls off with a stick.
- I bet you are.

But, I am still holding out for
the prettiest girl in the school.

Josh, I want to be more than just
the prettiest girl in the school, remember?

- So, did you ask anybody yet?
- We broke up, ok?

Josh, I... we can
ask whoever we want.

Okay?

Okay.

You know, wow, those
Lincoln logs are really wow,

because they are Brownies cut
into skinny rectangles.

it's kind of festive you know,
for the Presidents day and all.

You have nice hair.

Thanks. Hey, do you want it?

I probably shouldn't eat it anyway.
I've got to loose a few.

See you, Car.

That went well.

Don't tell me you are asking
that Ken Doll to the dance.

Carmen I expect better from you.

Look at Sam.

she is not out chasing hubba-hubba studly
just because the media tell her she should...

value muscular torso.

Instead, she's going with Harrison.

Hey.

Don't be upset, my little anti-bicep.

Im sorry. Come on.

You know you are still
my favorite activist in training.

He is so sensitive.

Stone Colds likes them blond with sugar...

My name is Mr. Calorie.

A talking scale?

I know this company.

it's a diet plan targeted specifically
at unhappy teenage girls.

I saw it on a talk-show
called "Horrifying Trends".

Answered prayers.

Look!

There is an ampule of tasty meal here

of a celery stick
and a bouillon cube.

And a dime sized breath mint for desert.

Girls, our contest begins right now.

This is our Stone Cold battle
headquarters.

Someone's got a lot of homework.

I am working on a extra credit essay
for English on

I love that book.

Although it's not Salinger's best teenage

symbol of America go on ride.

That would be?

Holden Caulfield,

Man, I re-read that book
every summer.

I feel like Holden, you know?
Searching, slightly tortured.

Okay, that's a little bit too much information.

No, actually I think that we all feel like Holden.

You know?

If I’m not mistaken,
Holden was also horrified..

and wanted to crawl into a hole and die
when his mom picked him up from school.

Harrison...

do you want to go to the dance
with me on Friday?

Okay.

So what do I do with the baggie?
Looks like a bladder bag.

Yo, man, just stick it up your sleeve.
Like Bobbi Glasses or a Kleenex.

Than what you do, is you empty it
when it starts to slush.

Next Saturday, heavy weight for wrestling
and i'll be good for the women.

Now you wrap me.

Sugar, am I fat?

I mean you could tell me if I am fat.

- Hello.
- I tried to call you last night.

Oh yeah, I went to the mall with Carmen.

And I bought this amazing dress
you are going to flip over it.

It's a cross between a New York
Jennifer Love Hewitt.

And a hooker and it was totally on sale.

What? You are not going to be embarrassed
being seen with me, if that's what you are worried about.

No, you'll look great.

- You always look great.
- Ok, well.

I'll see you later. Bye.

See you at lunch.

Dude, did you tell her?

Yeah, of course I did.

And she didn't b*at the hell out of you,
when you told her you were forsaking her lack of curves

for someone more pre-bodacious than she?

No, she was cool.

Good, man. Only up for that cherry tree.

Fight the tyranny girls, step on a real scale.

You should weight at least .

Look at you. ---

Gain pounds ok?

- Next!
- I can't resist a weigh-in.

Subtract at least a pound
for the acrylic nails and the underwire.

That's part of a bra.

You're too skinny, Nicole.

Look at the chart,
you are not at the healthy weight.

Well these charts were
obviously published in Indiana.

Ok, thank goodness that we have Mr. Calorie,
accurate barometer over obesity.

Don't you girls get tired of being
so lookest all the time?

I mean you are just as misguided as that stupid symbol
on the back of your cheerleader jacket.

The Glamazon icon reflects
the size two contour

that every girl should aim for.
That means you, busty go light lane.

Well, yeah, along with being eerily

and heinously similar to a trucker mudflap

your symbol is an officially
condoned image of anorexia.

Well, maybe you could be
a role model to us, Lily.

Demonstrate how it's all
about inner beauty for you,

wonder if there is a way for you to prove,
that you've managed to escape the media's influence.

Yes, hello? My fair Lily.

Could you chickpeas stop squabbling
and move this wait

Along I've got a crap burning
a hole in my underoos...

and I need an accurate weight
gage before I eliminate.

Doing my personal experiment on liquid.

Emory d*ck is no doubt
available for friday night Lily.

Are you?

Tell you what hun.

if you actually pair in public with
a little d*ck and show him a good time...

than I will change the Glamazon icon...

to reflect that of average women's
tragically dumpy proportions.

But, if I can prove...

that happiness
is related entirely to facade...

by making this Tuna-fish over here into
something resembling that of a women...

then my Glamazon archer stays
triumphed like cadaverous.

Hey, Emory!

Do you wanna to go to the dance?

You are in luck Miss Esposito.

I am delighted to inform you
that I am still available.

Great.

Tuna! Walk three paces behind me.

Let the record show, this is a w*r...

between inner and outer beauty.

Next!

Ok, don't tell Lily, but I really do
wanna ask Josh to the dance.

And it's not just because he is a babe...

but he's really nice.

And I know that you've kind of liked him...

after you gave him that belly-high.
And I am wondering if you still do.

Like Josh Ford? No, no. No.

- Anyway, I'm going with Harrison.
- Great.

And I was kind of wondering,
since you're a writer and all...

if you could help me
find the words to ask him.

Carm, I'm not exactly a love genius.

Well, you have to be better than me.

I mean, the last time I tried
we ended up talking about Lincoln logs.

Okay.

Let's think. What does
a gorgeous person worry about?

They worry about people only
liking them because of their looks.

So what I suggest you say
is something like...

"Josh, I know girls usually go for you
because of your brawny shoulders and...

your tapered waist, but...

I know you're more than that.

I see the boy in Junior High
who stayed...

after school to help Janine,
the one armed janitor,

pick up the chairs before
she mopped the floors."

He actually did that?

- Yeah.
- Good.

God, that's hot.

I've got to get this down.

This is pathetic.
I could barely lift a bar in the last set.

Well, it's almost pounds.

You're going to feel in on the third set,
but taken this since you just started now.

- How long have you been lifting?
- Since the th grade.

But now that I am on a lookout for a date for
a dance I got to be working out , feeling good.

You and Brooke, are you definitely over?

Lenny K put it past.
"It ain't over till it's over."

If I can just work of this flabby ass
and get discipline for god sakes...

I think she will ask me.

You probably going with McPherson, huh?

She ask me, yeah.

Yo, scrub!

This gym is reserved for the men,
so what are you doing here?

Power working.

Getting in shape before my baby.

Seems the women of my dreams
has been dreaming of me Harrison.

Ms. Lily Esposito has asked me to the dance.

She did?

Good for you, Emory.

- Hey Josh, could you spot me again?
- Yeah.

I see just our dream girl, double header?

You and Brook, and me and Lily,
and a hot tub limo?

Life doesn

Are you going with Brooke?
How did you swing that?

- She asked me.
- Nice job, scrub.

screw it over the dodo saving your chickenette
from being squashed by the bar?

She was probably just worried
no one else could ask him.

As a matter of fact
two women asked me for it.

Well how can they resist such an Adonis?

You can't even lift the bar.
Let's go Sugar.

Wait, Josh, a little help.

A moment of your time about Friday night.

I do hope that you are going
with the classic sexy look,

and not that east village combat gown look.

May I suggest nice dressed,

camouflage you unsightly calfs...

and maybe velveteen choker
to take attention away from your head.

Which is slightly too large for your body.

I'm going to wear whatever
the hell I want to wear.

Got it, Emory?

Why did you invited me to the dance?

What's the matter with you?
Why are you all sweaty?

Did you invite me out of pity?

Harrison, why would I pity you?

Well, I'm not exactly
in the Josh Ford category, am I?

- Or Am I?
- What are you talking about?

Hey, Emory rented this hot tub limo and now,

and now Lily is begging us double...

date with them, so she doesn't have
to be alone with d*ck.

You are going with Sam? Since when?
I thought we were going together.

What? Harrison!

Brooke asked me,
but I was going to tell you.

When? When? When you showed up
to our house with two corsages?

- I didn't want to hurt your feelings Sam.
- Well, it's a little late for that.

Oh, crap, this is a mess.

Okay, so who are you going to take?

Yeah, Harrison,
who are you taking to the dance?

- Sammy...
- Hey.

I would really loved to go to the dance
on a Friday, but nobody has asked me.

What should I do?
- Josh!

- Don't do this, okay?
- What?

You said I was free to go with anyone
I want. Remember, Brooke?

Sam?

You know what Josh, I know a lot of girls go for you
because of your brawny shoulders and...

your tapered waist.
- Great!

I'd love to go to the dance with you.

Why Harrison of all people?

Сould it because,
I don't know, he belongs to me,

he's been my best friend for years?

Oh, you know what, I guess
I missed that luggage tag,

I didn't see the S branded on his ass.

Brooke while you're moving your pawns
around your chess board,

you should remember that Harrison
has real feelings for you.

I am the one doing
the right thing here, Sam,

not the superficial thing like you?

Harrison possesses the qualities
I should be looking for.

He's sweet and he's literate and he doesn't
spend more time on his hair than I do.

What I don't understand is why
are you going with a guy that

you have absolutely no feelings for, a guy that
you’ve always considered to be a dumb jock.

Who says that I don't have
feelings for Josh that are real?

Do you?

Good for you, Sam, for going for it.

You sneak into my closet,
and you wear my clothes,

so why shouldn't you go for all
my other hand-me-downs?

You see? You still like him!

You're worried that you've made a mistake and now you
can't handle the fact that he's going with me to the dance!

Brooke, you’re so transparent!

You know what? Fine, alright!

just to prove to you, let's all go together.

We'll do some fun slamming Emory d*ck hot tub action.

- Fine.
- Fine.
- Good. Done.

Whatever.

I am really looking forward to going with Josh.

Maybe he's ready for someone more mature.

Mature? You? Please.

You still wear training bras.

Well, if that isn't the pot calling the kettle flat.

So, ladies.

little birdie told a fox that you popularities
got a little gamble going.

Rumor has it, I'm the brass ring
at the end of the bet.

It makes me feel like
a piece of meat, you know.

I like that feeling.

Just remember, Stone Cold,
I like my meat rare.

Hey, Stone Cold. Are you familiar
with a country call Ecuador?

Because, I could buy it for you.

So when am I getting an invite ladies?

Listen, Stone Cold, keep the faith.

you show up at the dance ready
and oiled and one of us will glide toward you.

Take you by the hand, feel you up...

and that's the lady
that brought you to the dance.

Bye. See you.

You know, I was thinking,
the new Glamazon icon,

we should go with a women
of substance, say, I don't know,

Janet Reno.

The Novak, after school,
final weighting and make over.

Be there.

I've chickened out and didn't ask him.

But, I've got a new strategy.

I go stag, Josh goes stag.

I show up super empowered and casual.

I happen to run upon him
at the punch table...

and invite him to shake his goof thing.

Yeah, but Josh isn't going stag.

Oh my god, please don't tell me
that they are back together.

Don't tell me that I missed the minutes
when he and Brooke were actually broken up.

No, he isn't going with Brooke.

He is going with Sam.

She did'nt tell you?

I asked you if you were over Josh
and you said that you were.

I was, but I didn't want to get
in your way and you didn't asked him.

I tried, time and time again not all of us
are in doubt with your quick silver tongue.

Sam, you're such a hypocrite.

Carmen, he asked me, okay?

- Yeah.
- Look, I'm coming clean here.

I didn't ask him, but
he told me to ask him.

Carm, I wish it didn't
turn out this way.

I wish Josh were going
to the dance with you. But...

But he's not. He's going with you.

Yeah.

And I'm ashamed to say that I actually want
to go with him. Kind of, I don't know.

- It makes me feel..
- Pretty.

Right?

I'm so sick of being the girl
with the personality.

I hate my thighs.

Me too, I hate my thighs.

Yeah, well, I hate my skin.

Yeah, well, I hate my mouth,
and my fat hands.

I hate my body.

I gave her a blow out that would have straightened
the pacific coast highway and now look!

What's scary is that April Tuna
is the black hole of beauty.

No! She's the ultimate make-over challenge.

Listen up, chicken of the sea,

our Glamazon icon,
our very lifestyle is at risk...

and I don't lose! Got it?

Get ready to strike a pose, or else.

Oh dear God, please let
my invisible pill kick in.

Harrison, I love my corsage.

Could you pin in on me
before we get to the dance?

Yeah, sure, Brooke.

Glad to help.

Such a gentlemen.

Okay.

Is something wrong?

No, no it's cool, I'm...

just a little stiff.
- Yeah, I bet you are.

Hey, I'm just going to tell you
this once, watch your mouth.

Sam, you look absolutely
beautiful in your dress tonight.

We are going to dance our asses off.

I can hardly wait.

Sorry.

Sorry, I was just cold.

Ok, that's it! Stop the car!
Harrison...

you and I are going
to finish this right now.

Bring it on.

Oh my God.

You could't even wait till
the bed was cold, Harrison?

Is the the best you got? I expect
more from Mr. Big Man on campus.

I don't see you throwing
any punches, James Dean.

Are you ok?

No, I'm not.

It's the sweat it off system,
I'm dehydrated.

It's my th bag.

Well, I've been working out
for three days straight.

It hurts to breath.

Well now what?

- Drive.
- Wait, what happened?

Harrison popped my in the jaw/jar.

Didn't you, Harrison?

Yeah I did. And I'll do it again.

- Harrison, you fought?
- What he deserved it.

Interesting. I hate v*olence.

Ladies, the final weighting.

Mr. Calorie, the results, please.

Your results are identical.

Damn. We weight the same again.

It's because we haven't eaten
anything in days.

God, I never should have snuck that sip
of water last night. I'm such a pig.

Well who gets Stone Cold if it's a draw?

Girls, I have a proposition.

I have here in my insanely
expensive evening bag...

the strongest laxative
the world has ever known.

Only the pentagon and
an elephant keeper at the national zoo...

know its secret formula.

It's street name...

"convulse".

Is it safe? Not that it matters.

It's as safe as an H b*mb,
but it's effective.

Now we all take equal doses and weight...

into the dance in one hour.

Whoever has the most
successful diarrhetic experience,

wins Stone Cold.

Do we agree?

Nic, grab your "whalla lhasa dolittle".

Tuna!

Let's roll.

Come on, Frankentuna!

Time to show off our experiment
and get Lily to kiss my triumphant ass.

Ok, where is Stone Cold?

Because when he sees how good
we look, he'll be putty in our hands.

Mirror, mirror on the wall,
who's the fairest of them all?

I am. I feel pretty.

Pretty horny.

Are you ok?
You feel kind of hot.

I'm fine, I'm fine.

Ok.

So do you think Brooke and Harrison
figured out the only reason...

why we are here is strictly
for revenge purposes?

No, I think we fooled them.

Did you eat something you are
allergic to or something?

Excuse me.

Do you want to dance?

I'd love to, but I can't turn
my neck, I'm so stiff.

- I think I am paralyzed.
- Oh my god!

Should we call an ambulance?
- No this is self-induced.

I lifted too much to impress you.

And myself.

Harrison you didn't need to change
your body to impress me.

Didn't I?

I've been standing in front of you for years
and you never noticed me as me.

Why the sudden change?

You're right.

I guess this wasn't very well
thought out, was it?

So I was just a pity invite.

No, Harrison, not at all.

Oh god, I just keep thinking
that I can...

either have physical attraction...

or intellectual attraction,
but I can't have both.

My problem is, is that I just
need to stop being so bias...

and then stop compartmentalizing.

Let me guess I am in the brains
department but not the hot bin.

Would you want to go out with me...
you know, date me...

if I wasn't...
- If you weren't pretty?

Yeah...

Thought so.

I'll go get you some Advil ok?

We'll do this another night.

- Where is Lily?
- And Tuna?

And Stone Cold.

Oh my god, is convulse
also hallucinogenic?

Tuna!

What are you doing? If you loose
the facade, we loose the bet.

My date objected to the beauty
industry sleight of hand.

he was willing to buy me as is.

Your date?

I'm tired of women who only see me
for my muscular definition.

April Tuna is the first girl to see my soul.

Josh, would you like to dance?

Josh?

Josh?

Ok, so let me get this straight.

You tell me that my legs suck...

and that I have a lollypop head...

and yet you're the one
who is hurt just because you have...

special Aquaman hearing
or whatever you call it...

You heard me say
that I wished I was invisible?

Look I say dumb things ok?

Around women as beautiful as you...

I am awkward.

Emory, come on.

Let's just go dance, ok?

Only in the shadows, right?

So no one really knows
that you are with me.

No, come on,
you are totally overreacting.

Am I? Look me in the eye.

And tell me that it is not true that the only
reason you're going with me to this dance...

is because I am just a political stance.

Thought so.

Here.

I'm ducking home.

But I want you to have these.

Beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady.

At least on the outside.

I feel like I just smoked...

cigarettes,

drank a dozen pots of French roast
and topped it off with Jalapeno nachos.

I feel like I just gave birth
to every internal organ I have.

And all this for what?

A hunk of metal and a guy
who flunk long division?

Girls, maybe,

maybe, it's time we end
this scales tyranny...

over our otherwise
happy-go-lucky adolescence.

What the hell is in you purse, Mary Cherry?
A sledgehammer?

Yes, I carry it in my bag incase I stroll
by a car that's more expensive than mine.

So I can give a little
offender a good ding.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Mr. Calorie...

it's hammer time.

Sip your OJ's slowly, Joshua.

Your blood sugar is going
to be fine in to time.

Yes, mam.

Wow, this is a fun dance
where nobody dances.

Well, we had quite
an evening, hay g*ng?

Wet baggies,

elephant laxatives,

a Hindenburg lingerie disaster,

lifting weight to the point
of paralysis.

Do you really think those things make you
more attractive to the opposite sex?

Damn! Did they leave?

Oh, no, no, principal Hall. I'm sorry,

I guess to answer your question.

I think we do those things because
we all just want to feel loved.

I am not young, I am not thin...

and I suspect I look nothing
like the women in the magazines...

but my beloved husband
Olaf fell in love with me.

Alright, I lost my sight
to diabetes years ago.

And when I did,
a dark shadow fell over my life.

I thought my life was over.

And then Olaf walked
into my support group,

and my curse became a blessing,

because for the first time in my life...

I learned that in a perfect world...

a person falls in love
not because of a pretty face.

Because of a heart.

Cecilia baby, they are playing our song.

May I have this dance?

This is the dance.
Somebody's got to do it.

Carmen, may I have this dance?

Hey, Lily.

Hey.

Time to bargain.

If we did fashion a kinder Glamazon...

could you live with pounds and a size ?

A cup?

C not barging on that one hun.

Deal.

Ready than.