02x06 - Sister Mercy

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Wrecked"...

Are you friends flirting?

- We're not flirting.
- We're talking.

Oh, my God. You're flirting!

I've been looking everywhere for you.

I've just been hanging
out with Florence.

If that boat leaves, we die here.

I got to bang one of these pirates.

What?!

I think I can get you on that boat,

but, uh, I'm gonna want
to do both of you.

- Oh.
- Oh, no.

- Whoo!
- Aah!

The pirates... they're gonna k*ll us!

They're gonna harvest our
organs and sell them.

- How did you guys find this out?
- Never mind!

Steve: I thought The
Barracuda was a good person,

but I've been sleeping with a monster!

We're all gonna die!

Together: ♪ Bringing in the corn ♪

♪ Bringing in the corn ♪

♪ We labor for the harvest ♪

♪ Bringing in the corn ♪

Father Daddy: There it is.

♪ Bringing in the corn ♪

♪ Bringing in the corn ♪

♪ We labor for the harvest ♪

♪ Bringing in the corn ♪

My children, your Father Daddy

is filled to the brim with exuberance.

For upon us is the harvest,

and the harvest is our salvation.

It is why we have no friends, no family.

Only harvest.

[Dramatic music plays]

What the [bleep] is this?

What is this, corn silk?

Who shucked this?!

[Gasps]

It's an abomination!
You ungrateful devil!

Here I am, providing for this family,

making room in my bed for all the women,

for your sisters and your mother
and your mother's sisters.

Sister Mercy, tonight after
lights out, we're leaving.

How? We're supposed to be
in bed after lights out.

Right. But we won't be in bed...

- because we'll be escaping.
- But that's against the rules.

I ought to take your hands and
your tiny little ding-dong

and stick 'em in the thresher!

Father Daddy is a monster.

Are you coming or not?

Sister Mercy, why have you
stopped shucking your corn?!

I'm sorry, Father Daddy.

♪

Owen: I don't know about you
guys, I'm partial to my kidneys.

I'd like to keep them.

So, clearly, if we don't get
off this island right now,

- we are all gonna die.
- [People murmuring]

All right, well, then what
the hell should we do?

I got a plan.

We find some liquor,
and we drink hard...

destroy our kidneys.

That way, they're worthless.

What are you, stupid?!
That's a terrible idea!

Jess: That's your liver,
not your kidneys.

Okay, we need an actual plan.

Steve, you spent some time
in the pirates' camp.

Is there anything that you can
think of that might be helpful?

I don't know.

I was mostly in The Barracuda's tent

just having nonstop, crazy sex.

- How?
- Hell, yeah.

Come on, Steve. There's got
to be something, anything.

♪

[Dramatic b*at]

There's a g*n box near the tree line.

It always has two guards.

The boat is in the cove. There's
at least one guard there.

But the key to the boat is
in The Barracuda's tent.

And she's definitely gonna be inside.

♪

But if we can take the g*ns
and the boat simultaneously,

we'd control the island.

Control the island, control the ship.

Holy sh*t. Good plan, Steve.

Really?

Almost makes me forget
you're a m*rder*r.

Wow. Thank you very much.

Just... Just trying to help out.

So we'll split up, take
'em out all at once.

Who's gonna take out The Barracuda?

Karen: I'll do it.

♪

I'll take out Father Daddy.

- What?
- What?

- What?
- What?

What?!

Owen: Okay, here's the plan.

I'll go for the g*ns. Danny,
you want to be with me?

Of course, buddy. Dream Team...
Danny and Owen.

Classic pairing.

- And maybe Florence?
- What now?

I'm in.

All right, Jess and I
will take the boat.

That's Barracuda's tent.

- No, that's the boat.
- No, that's the boat.

Why the hell did you make
them all beer bottles then?

Because I don't know
how to make dioramas!

I'm freaking out!

Okay, what about the other pirates?

I'll put a team together.

But do I have a license to k*ll?

What? No, there's no license to k*ll.

Keeping the government out of it...
that's smart.

No, I just mean don't k*ll
anyone unless you have to.

Just, you know, conk 'em.

What if I conk someone so
hard they accidentally die?

We get it, Bruce. You
want to k*ll people.

Everybody, let's just do our best.

Todd: Let's do this! Come on!

[Indistinct chatter]

♪

[Whispering] I don't know why
we need Florence with us.

You and I, man... We're the Dream Team.

[Whispering] Dream Team...
what... what is that?

"What is that"? It's us!

I have never heard you
say that before today.

[Whispering] Looks like
it's only one guard.

Wow. Great counting, Florence.

So glad you're with us.

We just need a distraction.

I have an idea.

I'm not proud of this,

but it's gotten me out of
a lot of traffic tickets.

Oh! Hey, Florence, I don't
think you have to do anything.

Oh, no, no, no. It's okay,
it's okay, it's okay.

I do it all the time.

♪

Get ready to conk, boys,

'cause that pirate's about
to be super distracted.

Gross.

♪

Oh, my God! Where's my freaking bra?!

Where the freak is it?!

Calm down, lady. What's going on?

I can't find my bra!

Have you see it?! I just had it!

I always put it on before

- my shirts or my dresses.
- Let... Let... Let's go.

I'm a feminist, but I have a
lot of freakin' sheer tops!

- I can't find it!
- Oh!

- Wha!
- Oh, nice! [Laughs]

Freakin' told you that works every time.

- That works every time?
- Oh, yeah.

- On who?
- Everyone.

- Everyone?
- Oh, yeah.

Waiters, bartenders, cops, pilots.

Guys! The g*n box is locked.

[Gasps] The key is probably
in one of these pockets.

It's a combo lock.

♪

Oh, hi, Karen. What are you doing?

I, um... You know, I
came up with the plan,

and everyone said I did a great job,

so I'm just gonna hang in the pit

and, you know, wait for
it all to play out.

All right, I'll see you in a minute.

No, you're coming with me.

Uh, I can't come with you

'cause The Barracuda said she'd
m*rder me, so it's not really...

Aah! That's my fatty neck skin!

♪

I'll be damned.

Look who it is, Jess... our pirate.

[Whispering] Okay, when
we start kissing him,

you give him a conk, okay?

Kiss then conk... got it.

- Wait, what?
- No time to explain.

- Move out.
- What do you mean?

sh*t!

What's up, dude?

Well, well, well.

Look what the sex cat dragged in.

My favorite couple.

We were just talking
about how freakin' rad

it's gonna be when we're
all on that boat together.

Oh, you bet.

You guys ever had sex on a waterbed...
on the water?

No. But we want to.

Oh, me too.

Man, I gotta get a waterbed.

You know, we were just thinking, like,

why do we have to wait till
we're on the boat, you know?

You guys want me to fool around...

while I'm on the clock?

Are you trying to get me k*lled?!

Oh, God.

[Whispers] 'Cause that sounds so hot.

[Soft music plays]

Okay, yeah, let's do that.

Oh! Mm.

Mm.

What the [bleep]

♪

My God. Owen, how hard
did you hit this guy?

I don't know. I must be pretty strong.

[Branch snaps]

Ooh!

- Oh, sh*t!
- Aah!

- Why does it sound like that?
- He has no tongue!

Oh, that's so sad!

Oh, God, he's gonna go tell
The Barracuda... somehow!

You guys get the g*n box to the boat.

I'll meet you there.

♪

[Grunting] Ow.

[Grunts] Ow.

Oh, that...

Oh, my God. This is sharp.

♪

[Grunting] Move!

Oh!

Well, howdy, there, Barracuda.

Karen, no.

Whatever you're gonna
do, just don't do it.

What the hell is this?

- I caught a rat.
- Oh!

Oh, yeah, that's right.

He spilled all the beans.

Told us about your little plan, too.

Take us out, harvest our organs.

Karen, No!

Why are you telling her this?!

Why are you telling me this?

Because you've got an
uprising on your hands,

and I want to be on the winning side.

♪

- [Whispering] You guys?
- Shh. Be quiet.

- What about Sister Mercy?
- We have to wait for her.

We can't. We have to go.

I'll go back. There's no time.

[Engine sputtering]

Is it the battery?

I don't know.

[Engine sputtering]

[Screams]

Now what you have in that truck there

is what they call a combustion engine.

It is very powerful.

And yet it doesn't work at all
without these hushpuppies.

- Father Daddy...
- Hush, puppies!

I am very disappointed the three of you

are out of your beds after lights-out.

That's against the rules.

Lucky for you,

Sister Mercy is a bit of a tattletale.

[Gasps] [Screams]

Mercy, no!

You're a smart woman.

I was wondering when you'd discover

the most valuable thing on the island.

Took me a while to find a buyer.

How much does a human kidney go for

on the black market... $ , ?

Try double.

Pity.

Just when I thought we had something.

We did.

What do you want from me?

You give me passage on your ship...

and I offer you my services.

Oh!

It's a boar's heart...
cut it out myself.

I've been hunting and gutting
animals most of my life.

I figure it's not different with humans.

They're just dumber.

♪

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, sh*t.

Ha! I dodg...

[Grunts]

Mm! Oh, yeah. This is so hot.

I'm totally into this.

- Mm-hmm.
- [Moaning]

Okay.

What's going on, Todd?

What? Nothing. What's going on with you?

You seem distracted.

No. No, no, no. H-He's
rock hard, right, babe?

Mm-hmm.

- Oh, my God.
- No, he's not.

He's limp. What is going on?

Pack, now!

Ow! What the sh*t?!

I conked him! Why didn't it work?!

[Grunts]

Aah!

[Groans] Babe, the rock!

[Screams]

What is going on here?!

You're just kissing everyone?!

[Grunting]

♪

Whenever you feel like
you've had enough, speak up!

What's the matter?

The cat literally have your tongue?

[Groans]

These quips actually feel a lot
meaner when you can't speak.

Normally there'd be like
a back and forth...

[Grunts]

[Growls]

Did I just... vaporize him?

[Groaning in distance]

♪

[Laughs]

The pit! Aah!

Oh, you fell in the pit!

You idiot! [Laughs]

You mute freak! [Laughs]

Karen! Please, I'm begging you.

Don't do this. You're my friend.

I don't have friends.

I trusted you.

You shouldn't have.

He makes a good point.

How do I know I can trust you?

Well, I thought you might ask me that.

So I am prepared to prove it to you.

[Screams]

Oh!

[Gasping]

You didn't have to k*ll him. I just...

I thought you might swear
an oath or something.

Let's go get your island back.

[Grunts] Whoo! Wow!

Good work, everyone. Seriously.

I mean, man, that went perfect.

I mean, that was flawless.

Kind of amazing when you
think about it, right?

Karen: We're too late.

We have to leave this island. Now.

The keys to the boat are in my...

Looking for these?

How?

You see, Karen... she didn't s*ab me.

No. She's my friend.

She stabbed a boar bladder!

Oh! [Chuckles]

I don't understand.

Last night, three of our sisters
attempted to escape the harvest.

An example must be made.

Father Daddy, what are you doing?

Why, I'm going to return them to
the earth from whence they came.

You said I was helping them!

My sweet child, not them... me.

Take them to the corn.

[Dramatic music plays]

I let some friends down once.

I swore it would never happen again.

And you should have seen your face.

[Laughing] Oh! Oh, she bought it, right?

Oh, oh, Karen, please, don't!

Don't... Don't k*ll me!

I'm like Willem Dafoe.

Agh! Oh!

sh*t!

You are sh1tting me!

♪

Where is it?

- Danny: Lift, lift.
- Pack: This wouldn't be so hard

if you figured out the combination.

Yeah, but just lift it. Lift it, man.

[Grunting]

Hey! [Breathing heavily]

- Where is she?
- Who?

The Barracuda. She's...

The Barracuda: Right behind you.

Are you sh1tting me?!

We had one g*n, and we just
left it out for anyone?!

We should all be sh*t in the face!

Everyone step away from
the boat or I'll sh**t.

No, you won't.

You forgot about Danny's
g*n, didn't you?

Now drop it or I'll sh**t.

No.

I don't think you will.

Stop it, don't move!

Do it, man! Take the sh*t!

You don't want to sh**t me, Steve.

Not after everything we've shared.

Don't listen to her, Steve.

I know who you are...
who you really are.

We're the same, you and I.

No, we're not.

You were gonna k*ll everyone.

Just like you k*lled Turdhole.

Except unlike them, I
don't hate you for it.

You k*lled to protect what was yours.

I wouldn't say we hate you.

Yes, you would! You say it all the time!

Well, I try and be nice about it.

Come with me.

We'll leave this island
together right now.

Steve... I love you.

I love feeling you inside me.

- Oh, gross!
- Disgusting!

- Christ Almighty!
- Ugh!

If you leave this island with them,

you'll go to jail.

I don't want to go to jail.
I don't want to go to jail!

- Hey, hey, hey, Steve.
- All right.

Steve, look at...

Look at me.

I trust you.

[Gasps]

♪

- Don't!
- Hey.

Come on!

Point the g*n at me.

Why? Why am I pointing it at you?

Because I know how you feel.

The Barracuda...

she makes you feel special,
like she cares about you.

But she only cares about herself.

Steve.

This bitch doesn't know me.

No, but I know her kind.

My name wasn't always Karen.

It was... Sister Mercy.

And I had a Father Daddy, and
I worshiped the harvest.

- What?
- Huh?

- What?
- What?

I was in a cult.

Oh, that makes so much sense.

My Father Daddy told me I had
no friends and no family,

but it wasn't true!

Steve, think about all that
we've been through together.

We are your friends.

We are your family.

But I k*lled Turdhole.

Which is why you can
never go home again.

Danny: Hold on.

Did you k*ll Turdhole?

Or did you k*ll a n*zi?

I-I k*lled Turdhole.

No, I don't think you did.

I think you saved us from Turdhole.

- Right, everybody?
- Yeah. We thank you.

The guy... The guy was a bad guy.

I don't understand.

You're all gonna lie for me?

Wouldn't have to lie.

It's like we've always said,
you're a g*dd*mn hero!

We always say it.

Steve, you could start over.

I'd like that every much.

♪

Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh!

My friends and I are going home.

- Oh, my God!
- That was cool!

Whoo!

[Cheering]

Suck it, 'Cuda!

Yeah!

That was awesome!

♪

- We rocked this so hard.
- Whoo!

I'm all jacked up right now!

I think we should get married!

- What?
- Huh? What?

You just proposed.

Are you being serious, Todd?

Holy sh*t. Ha.

Yeah, I'm being serious.

Jess...

you're kind of a loose
cannon, but I love you.

[Chuckles]

Will you marry me, like, for reals?

Oh, my God! Yes!

[Laughs] Yeah!

God, I'm strong!

So he smashes this log over my back,

but I know the pit's right behind me,

so I say, "Not today," and
then I flip him over...

Sorry, man. Hang on a second.

Wait, you're gonna miss the best part.

So, um, I...

Mmm.

Guys, are we really doing this?

Are we actually going home?

Feels like the end.

It is the end.

It's definitely the end!

Yeah!

[Cheering]

♪