03x04 - Sweet And Sour Sixteen

[bunniefuu]

Jazz: Previously on "I Am Jazz"...

Where'd she go?

Jazz: [Crying] I hate myself.

Why?

Every time I'm in social settings, like,

I don't know. I just
feel bad about myself.

Jeanette: This is life.

Like, you're going to
be in social situations.

It's something we need to work on

and help her get past that.

You may consider a colonic vaginoplasty.

Jazz: I've had two consultations
with two different doctors

who offered contrasting
opinions about bottom surgery.

I would do the surgery in two parts.

I'm more confused than ever.

Jazz: years ago, I was
assigned male at birth,

but inside, I always knew I was a girl.

I have a girl brain and a boy body.

Being transgender hasn't been easy.

This is definitely not,
like, a straightforward case.

I don't think you have many
options for a vaginoplasty.

- I had a great time.
- I had a lot of fun.

Have a great night.

- Now, it sounds like a date.
- It's not a date!

But it's made me who I am.

♪♪

Greg: I'm gonna get the waffles.

Should I spell out
"happy birthday" or " "?

Do both.

Greg: It's Jazz's birthday,

and one thing we really want to do

is just have her put all of
the complicated stuff aside

and really enjoy turning ,

'cause you only turn once.

Jeanette: Turning is a
huge milestone for anybody,

but for Jazz, it's extra special.

She's got this surgery up ahead

and she's just one step closer

to becoming the woman
that she wants to be.

How did we end up with,
like, three kids in college

and then our youngest being ?

- Like, how did that happen?
- I don't know.

It's like a blink of an eye, though.

Today, we're going to
have a big, awesome brunch

with all of Jazz's favorite food.

- Hello.
- Hi!

- Hi!
- Ooh, more food!

Pizza, pizza.

- Yay! Thank you.
- Food!

You get everything that I asked?

Jeanette, I never picked up
so much food in my whole life.

Her favorite food in the
whole wide world is this.

Jacky: Oh, is that
what we're doing for her?

This macaroni and
cheese from this store.

She is the eating machine these days.

Oh, my god.

Greg: Jazz loves macaroni and cheese,

wings, and pizza.

So, even though Jazz is
trying to eat healthy,

there's no reason for her not
to enjoy every type of food

that she wants.

We're terrible parents. [Chuckles]

Jeanette, Greg, you just
got back from Philadelphia

on a consult?

- Yeah.
- How did that go?

That was with Dr. McGinn?

It was pretty intense.

She has to do a two-step procedure now.

Because of Jazz being
suppressed so young.

Jack: As grandparents, we're
concerned as we see the opinions

that evolve from the various
medical consultations.

There isn't going to
be a lot of literature

amongst these surgeons of
kids who blocked puberty,

came up on the short side of material.

As a physician,

I would be headed in the direction

of that surgeon who has
the greatest number of cases

and the smallest
number of complications.

Very simple.

Jeanette: We're also gonna
have another consultation

with a local doctor who's
got a really good reputation.

His name is Dr. Selgado.

After having met with
Dr. Reed and Dr. McGinn,

I think I'm a little bit
more confused that ever,

because I've got one doctor saying,

"I'm doing it this way",
another doctor saying,

"I wouldn't do it that
way. I'd do it this way."

You know, let's table it, though.

Let's celebrate Jazz's birthday.

Let's get her down here.

Where's the birthday girl?

- Here!
- There she is!

Jazz: What is going on?

Jacky: Your favorite,
take a look, sweetheart.

♪ Let's gain some
weight, doo-doo-doo ♪

The past several weeks of my life

have been focused on this procedure,

my new vag*na, all
these different things.

And it's great to just have this day

to just dive into this food

that is fabulously crappy.

Don't finish it before
we sit down, my dear.

Oh, I will.

Greg: I hate when Jazz
eats with her mouth open.

I like seafood, but I don't need
to see food that Jazz is eating.

It's not like I didn't
show them at least once

[chuckles] How to chew
with their mouth closed.

Jack: She's got so many other issues.

Food just seems to
soothe some of her woes.

She's feeding her inner self.

Yeah.

I would bore her if I told her

that coronary artery
disease starts at her age.

Jazz: Thank you guys for being here.

Everything was so delicious.

And this is just the beginning.

There are more surprises.

There's more?

The birthday lunch
is just the beginning.

Later this week, we have Ari, Sander,

and Griffen coming home from college.

And we're gonna have another
awesome event for her birthday.

- [Belches]
- Aw, come on, Jazz.

- Oh, no.
- Oh, god.

I'm gonna throw up. [Laughs]

I give up.

♪♪

Noelle: You're turning sweet ?

Jazz: You remembered! [Chuckles]

Is there anything you'd
want to do, anything

you're looking forward to?

Just, like, food. [Laughs]

Noelle: Jazz doesn't know it
yet, but in a couple of days me

and Jay will be having
a surprise for her

and giving her a couple presents
to celebrate the special event.

After you.

Thank you.

_

Ooh, this seat is comfy.

How you feeling?

I'm looking forward to
the hair falling off,

I'm not actually looking
forward to see the lasers like...

Krrrk.

Yeah.

No, I don't think anyone
looks forward to that.

Jazz: Today, I am joining Noelle at her

laser hair removal appointment.

This is something painful,

and just being by her side
may provide her comfort.

Noelle? Hi. I'm ready for you.

Being suppressed at a young age,

I don't really have too
many body hair issues.

Honestly, sometimes I
feel guilty because I know

a lot of transgender
people out there, like

Noelle, have to get electrolysis
and laser hair removal.

I'm lucky, for sure.

- How's that?
- It's a little uncomfortable.

Noelle: For any trans girl
that's gone through puberty,

it'll take about treatments of laser

before all the hair
completely disappears.

And even after that, I'm
gonna have to come in every now

and then just to make sure
that nothing grows back.

It's the lip that I don't like.

- All right.
- Mm, there we go.

One more.

All done.

That was not the most
pleasant experience.

It feels like someone's
throwing thumbtacks at me,

but that's a fair trade
off for getting hair removed

for only a little bit of pain.

Am I red?

No, not too red.

Just a little bit of red on his...

on her neck right here.

Jazz: I can't believe
the laser technician

just misgendered Noelle.

So, we need to talk
about what just happened.

That was insane.

What happened?

Did you not notice that
she misgendered you?

I was, like, so ready to speak up.

You have to understand
that this happens to me on,

like, a daily basis.

I'm not sure how much it happens to you,

but this is just part
of my life at this point.

But do you correct people, at least?

Like, that's so sad for me to hear.

I do correct people, but I don't think

- it was malicious or anything.
- It wasn't.

Of course it wasn't.

But I don't think it's something
that any transgender individual

should have to accept and say,

"oh, I'm used to it."

Noelle: Obviously, I think it'd be nice

to go through my daily life

without anybody questioning who I am,

but, sadly, I don't
think that's a privilege

that all trans people are afforded

and that I'm certainly not afforded.

If you transitioned at
a later age like me...

Mm-hmm.

...and you didn't have the ability

to look as feminine as you do now,

you'd understand that there
are some masculine features

that you can't let go of.

Like, if I cared about
what people think,

I don't think I'd ever go outside.

I definitely feel like I
take passing for granted.

I almost don't feel like I'm
not a "real" transgender person,

but, you know, I have
other problems in my life.

Being suppressed may have
allowed me to be more feminine,

but it's also prevented me

from having enough material to work with

when it comes to getting
this bottom surgery.

So everyone has a different journey.

Noelle: Even though I do wish
I had transitioned earlier,

all my struggling has
made me who I am today,

and I don't think that's anything

I would trade for the world.

Anyway, how does your face feel?

If I had some caffeine,
I'd go for round two.

[Laughing] Okay.

♪♪

_

- You ready?
- Uh-huh.

Jeanette: Do I have my
hand on the right place?

Greg: Not exactly.

Come on, we can go play doubles
together in a tournament.

There's nobody that sucks as bad as me.

Jeanette: Greg plays tennis
once or sometimes twice a week,

and he is an amazing tennis player.

Seriously? Why are
you hitting it so hard?

If this man were to
serve, like his real serve,

at me, I'd be like, "ahhh!"

Ohh!

Greg: Playing tennis with Jeanette

is all about just being together.

It's something that I love doing.

It's not necessarily
something Jeanette loves doing,

but we need more things to
do while the kids are away.

Terrible. That was awful.

You got a couple good serves in.

Anyways, I wanted to talk to you

because I made an appointment
for Jazz with Cousin Debbie.

Debbie is my cousin, and
she has a PhD in counseling

and she specializes in
treating the LGBT community

and has a lot of trans patients.

So the whole idea is, I
mean, to get her to open up.

It's two-fold.

We need to figure out why Jazz
doesn't like to go to therapy.

'Cause you need to have
some therapy in order

to have the surgery.

Jazz hates therapy.

She thinks it's a waste of time.

So I'm secretly grateful
that she has to have

two therapist letters
to have the surgery.

You will need two
letters from a therapist

who specializes in transgender matters.

In my opinion, therapy is

the most important part of all of this.

And then also talk to her about
what's going on in her life,

how she feels about things, you know,

some of her social anxiety,

which Jazz doesn't like
to talk about either, so.

Socially, I have a lot
of worries about Jazz.

She has no interest in dating

and she really doesn't
have a lot of friends.

It seems to be getting
progressively worse.

I've always thought
that having Jazz dictate

when she goes to therapy wasn't
necessarily the greatest idea.

Yeah.

It can't be just Jazz
making the decision,

we need to be more regimented,

particularly at this
point in Jazz's life

because she's getting closer
to an irreversible procedure.

Jazz is not gonna be
happy when I tell her

that I set something up for
her to speak to Cousin Debbie.

But she's gonna have to do it.

No choice. That's it.

This is definitely not,
like, a straightforward case.

Your penile skin is only inches.

Your moodiness is a
little bit out of control.

Oh, my god. Whatever.

Stop.

And you have to go for therapy.

Happy birthday to me.

Jeanette: She can throw a temper
tantrum, but she's going to therapy.

_

_

♪♪

I'm curious to see what
Dr. Selgado has to say

since we're so confused right now.

Jazz: Today, I am visiting Dr. Selgado

for a consultation on bottom surgery.

I've had two consultations
already, and they completely

contradicted each other.

In my dream scenario, though, like,

Dr. Selgado will say, "yeah, of course

we can do the penile skin inversion."

It sounds safer, you know.

Mm-hmm.

And if he does mention
the colon vaginoplasty,

what would we do then?

Well, we're gonna ask
a lot of questions.

♪♪

_

[Knocking on door]

- Come in!
- Hey.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- How are you?
- Good. How are you?

Good. I'm Chris
Selgado, plastic surgeon.

Nice to meet you.

I'm Dr. Chris Selgado. I'm a plastic

and reconstructive
surgeon and gender surgeon.

I've been practicing years
and recently published a book

on gender affirmation surgery.

So first consultation
with a plastic surgeon?

Second, third, fourth, fifth... third.

Third, okay. Great.

So do we want to take a
look at it and I can tell you

what options we would
have for you for that?

Okay.

♪♪

Okay, I'm gonna do a quick measurement.

Not much to measure.

Yeah.

It's actually quite interesting

because there's really
hardly any growth.

Yeah.

Jazz's genitalia is very interesting.

You know, I've done a
number of these operations,

but this is one of the
first cases I've seen

with this underdevelopment,

so that does bring up different
challenges for the surgeon.

This is definitely not,
like, a straightforward case.

Typically, we use the penile
skin inversion technique,

but I think it's gonna be
quite challenging for anybody

that does your surgery

to try to create a vaginal canal

with what you have,
using your penile skin.

Mm-hmm.

Your penile skin is only inches.

A normal vaginal canal
length is about , inches.

I would recommend, in your situation,

a colon vaginoplasty.

Which uses your intestine
for the vaginal conduit.

All right.

Jazz: The fact that
the only option for me

is to get the colon
vaginoplasty is really upsetting.

I don't really want that.

So we just came from a doctor
who was very confident that,

you know, she could do the penile

skin inversion technique.

Does that make sense to you?

'Cause she seemed very optimistic.

Well, she may... right.

Did she talk about taking a
skin graft from somewhere, also?

Just from...

Just from the scrotal skin really.

I think if you're going to surgeons

that only do penile skin inversion,

I think they're gonna have
a significant challenge

with creating your vaginal canal.

Mm-hmm.

You know, it's really small.

You've definitely had underdevelopment.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

You know what I mean?

I was somewhat surprised
to hear that someone

would offer her penile
skin inversion technique

because Jazz doesn't
have that much tissue

to create the vaginal canal.

Show me a patient whose
had a -inch phallus

with about a - / inch circumference

and show me the vag*na
that that patient has.

I don't think she has so many
options for this operation.

With the colon vaginoplasty,
your vaginal depth

will not be an issue.

Is the width still... like,
the colon's stretchy right?

Right. Exactly.

Stretchier, so it allows for more width.

Exactly.

And then you certainly
don't have to dilate as much,

you certainly don't need
lubrication for intercourse.

I mean, those are
significant advantages.

Are there, I don't know,
appearance differences

to this colon procedure? Aesthetically?

Not externally, no.

There is some mucus discharge, okay.

Typically that... that smells, right?

It does for about months,

but usually after a
year that's not an issue.

As far from an external
genitalia prospective,

- it looks the same.
- Really?

Do you have any... are there
any photos in here, or no?

I can go get that.

Thank you.

Jazz: Dr. Selgado has definitely made

the colon vaginoplasty
seem more attractive.

But I also want it to look pretty

because it's a part of my body

and I feel like if my vag*na is lopsided

or if it looks a little weird

and not really like a vag*na that

I'll kind of be disgusted by it.

I just want a very pretty vag*na.

The inside you don't see.

I don't know what the
inside of mine looks like.

Okay, I don't want to...
no one wants to know.

It's so gross. Colon... my colon.

What does the colon do again?

It's where poopy goes through.

Exactly. [Laughs]

No guy wants to put his face near that.

Dr. Selgado: Why are you...

She says funny things.

I'm not laughing at you.

I'm laughing at something she just said.

Oh, okay.

Here's a patient with this colon
procedure I was talking about.

Externally it looks the same.

Yeah. It's very cute.

[Jazz and Jeanette laugh]

Jazz: I honestly thought
that the colon vaginoplasty

would produce a very ugly vag*na,

but after seeing the
pictures, now I know

that it's really not that bad.

Of your patients, how
many have you done?

There are like ,
cases of colon vaginoplasty.

- Really?
- Okay.

Jazz: Now that I've
had three consultations,

I feel like I'm more confused than ever,

because Dr. McGinn
seemed really confident

in her -part procedure.

But Dr. Reed and Dr. Selgado say, "no,

you have to get a colon vaginoplasty."

So all of these options
are circling in my mind,

and I don't know what
I'm gonna do at all.

Dr. Selgado: You don't
have any other questions?

Jazz: Will I end up losing weight?

Not necessarily. No.

No. No.

Okay. Darn!

[Laughter]

♪♪

Jazz: This is, like,
legit my favorite place,

you guys don't even understand.

Today, Jay and I decided that
it would be the perfect idea

to bring Jazz to Mojo
Donuts for her sweet .

Anything to do with doughnuts
is good enough for me.

Jayleen: Stay right there. No peeking.

Close your eyes.

- I'm peeking.
- Close your eyes.

- No.
- Oh, my god. Okay.

My goodness.

Wait, I can open my eyes?

- Ahh!
- Happy birthday.

Jayleen: It's a doughnut
cake and a doughnut tower.

- Happy birthday.
- Oh, my god.

Where do you want me to put this?

It's okay, it's gonna taste good.

Oh, my god!

The tower fell!

Jazz: You know, I'm really
not big on birthdays,

but it's really awesome that
Jay and Noelle did this for me

because I've had struggles

with having friends in the past.

And knowing that they're by my side,

it's really awesome.

What?!

A scrapbook?

Oh, my god.

Look how cute this photo is.

Wait, I was so skinny back then.

We need to fill it out more.

Jayleen: I thought the scrapbook
would be a good gift for Jazz,

because I know she's
struggling with friendships

right now and the ones in the pictures

are her really close friends,

so I know it's
reassuring for her to know

that we're there for her.

There was blank pages,
so we have more to fill.

Thank you. It's very nice.

You're welcome.

I am not as exciting,

but I did find something
that I do think you'll like.

Have you ever heard of
"dating in the dark"?

Like, legit where
people date in the dark?

It's in a restaurant.

For every course of the meal
you will switch a person,

and then at the end of the entire meal,

they turn on the lights

and you get to meet
the person if you want.

Jazz: I honestly don't
know if I'm interested.

I've only been on a
couple of dates in my life,

but I already know that
I don't like it that much.

I just don't know how I
feel about dating in general

because of, like, the social
pressures and expectations.

I mean, that's why I chose this thing,

'cause there aren't all those pressures.

You're not forced to
do anything with anyone.

They won't even really know

who you are apart from
a name and a voice.

So there's nothing to lose.

Noelle: I think Jazz needs
to open up her social circle

so that she can get over the fears

she has about interacting with people.

I think "dating in the
dark" is a unique opportunity

for trans people, 'cause it allows them

to focus more on their personality

rather than any insecurities

they have about their
transitioning body.

Like, overall, I just think
it'll be a fun experience.

♪♪

Okay, this is like the only
time you'll hear Jazz saying

that she's willing to
go on a frickin' date.

But I'm willing to do it.

Jazz: Even though I kind of
have a difficult dating past,

it's something new, it could be fun,

I'll give it a whirl, and
if something goes wrong,

I can just make a poo-poo
face and he won't see.

Rr-rrr.

I think this will be good for you guys.

I'm happy.

What if the lights come
on and everyone's ugly?

- The one time...
- Oh, no!

What if one of them's like
as old as our grandparents?

[Laughter]

No!

♪♪

Jazz: Hello, Nemo!

You want to come drive with me?

Oh, crap!

I was gonna go to the passenger.

Ahh. Uh-oh.

Jeanette: Jazz got
her permit last spring,

but she had no desire to drive,

'cause I can do it
for her and she's lazy.

Every morning I have
to wake up at : A.M.

To drive Jazz to school.

I'm like, "damn, this kid
should have her license by now.

She's ! And I should be sleeping."

Do you remember how to turn it on?

This button.

Yeah, but what do you
have to do with your feet?

The brake. Now press the button.

There you go. No!

What did you just do?

I... oh, my god. Jazz!

That's the gas. The
brake doesn't do that.

Which one's the brake,
the one on the left

or the one on the right?

I can't even move.

Jazz: I got my driver's
permit when I was ,

and, honestly, I have not driven at all.

I like being chauffeured around.

And I don't really care

that my mom doesn't
like driving me around

because that's just her job,

it's like in her description.

I'm supposed to be on the right side...

don't hit the garbage pail.

- I'm not even near the garbage.
- Yes, you are.

Oh, my god!

Jazz!

I really hate driving.

You're not good at it, either.

Jeanette: I've taught
four kids how to drive,

and I'm more afraid of her
than all of them put together.

You didn't stop at the
stop sign, just saying.

First time over a speed bump.

No! Too fast.

No! What are you doing?!

That's how fast you always go.

No. This makes me so nervous.

What are you doing?

I need to think for a second.

[Sighs]

You can't just stop in the
middle of the street and think.

That's not what driving is. [Laughs]

My mom is totally overreacting.

You know, she's not
the best driver, either.

Every time I throw up in the car,

it's in her car, so, mm-hmm.

What are you doing? You're going into...

Stop!

Stop!

Oh, my god. What were you doing?

Did you forget to brake?

- No.
- What was that?

A perfect park, in my opinion.

You don't park over here in the bush.

Oh. [Sighs]

I don't even feel
comfortable when driving.

Maybe I shouldn't do it at
all for the rest of my life.

No. You need to be independent

and drive yourself places
and be able to do things

and not have to count
on me for everything.

I want you to act more like an adult now

that you're getting
closer to being an adult.

Less baby-ish.

You're mature in many
ways, and in other ways,

you're not very mature at all.

Whatever.

I don't even care
what I am or what I do.

I'm gonna be whoever I am and
if that's immature, then fine,

then I'm immature.

Jeanette: Jazz's mood
swings are pretty bad.

She also has social anxiety,

and if she is feeling overwhelmed

about something or
upset about something,

she doesn't know how to rein it in.

Control your moods a little bit, maybe.

Oh, my god. Whatever. Stop!

You know, this is
what I'm talking about.

Your moodiness is a
little bit out of control.

You're moody, too, all the time.

- So you can't complain.
- No.

- Not like you are.
- Yes, like me.

And you know what, you
have to go for therapy.

Because part of the requirement
for having surgery...

I'll go to thera...
yeah, I'll go to therapy

for the surgery requirement, but...

Yeah, but you need to go also to control

this moodiness and I think...

it's not something
that therapy helps with.

You're wrong.

And I think you should talk
to Cousin Debbie about it.

I think that she can talk
you through some of this.

I really don't like the idea of therapy.

That just doesn't work for me.

But sometimes talking about your issues

can make you feel better.

Mom, I really don't
want to talk about this.

I'm done.

Happy birthday to me.

She forgets she is still
the kid and I am the parent,

and she can throw a temper tantrum,

but she's going to therapy.

What do you think your
mom is concerned about?

My mom, she thinks I
have social anxiety,

but that's not the truth.

I think she
needs to go to therapy.

You're frustrating me.

You think some random
individual who doesn't even know

who I am internally

will have the answers to my questions?

No!

The things you're saying are
really just triggering me.

♪♪

Jeanette: We're on our way to therapy,

and Jazz is not happy.

But Jazz doesn't have a choice.

So you promise you're not gonna
be rude at counseling today

with Cousin Debbie?

I'm not gonna be rude.

I'm really worried about Jazz's behavior

because she could
be zip-a-dee-doo-dah

happy one minute and the next minute

like Linda Blair, pea-soup,

head-spinning, like, seriously.

And lately it's gotten worse.

What issues can you
discuss with Debbie today?

I really don't think there's
any problems with my life

that I'm not aware of.

Jazz: I am diagnosed with
depression and anxiety.

I have a lot of problems.

So I understand why my
mom keeps pushing therapy,

but I think she needs to understand

that it's just not for me.

If I didn't need these
psychological examinations prior

to getting the procedure done,

then I wouldn't ever
go to therapy again.

You need some coping mechanisms.

Definitely.

What coping... they're not gonna give me

any coping mechanisms

that I don't already know.

"I think you should punch a
pillow when you feel angry."

It makes me feel worse
after, like I cry.

Well, some people do cry after therapy,

'cause it brings up emotions.

Jeanette: I honestly do not know

how Jazz is gonna be with Debbie.

So it's very difficult to
get somebody to work on her,

improve certain things that they need to

unless they perceive it as
a problem and she doesn't.

Maybe you'll really be like,

"wow, that was very enlightening."

Please.

♪♪

You know when you start
and you can't stop?

Come on. Cousin Debbie's waiting.

I love biting into these.

Jazz's behavior is not acceptable.

She's fired up to prove why
she doesn't need therapy,

so I don't think

that she's gonna be too
kind to Cousin Debbie.

Hey, you guys!

Look at you!

Hi!

My name is Dr. Deborah Grayson.

I am a licensed mental health counselor

and a clinical sexologist.

Ooh, what are these?

Debbie: They're Tibetan tingshas.

They signal the beginning or
the end of a certain session.

- Like that?
- Yes.

Whoa.

Right?

So, is it weird to be here?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So tell me... what's going on with you?

What's happening?

Why are you chewing the
heck out of that straw?

It's like how you squeeze a stress ball.

Do you want a stress ball?

No, I like the straw.

Jazz is chewing on the straw.

Maybe she was a little uncomfortable,

maybe she was annoyed.

Mom spoke to me about some
things that were bothering you.

And I know you're not
a big fan of therapy.

Yeah.

Can you tell me why?

I just don't like talking about things

and no matter how much you talk about it

and who you're talking to,
you can't fix the situation

unless if you help yourself, you know.

Yeah, I know. At least for me.

But, I mean, you can get
as much advice as possible,

but at the end of the day,

you know what you have to do
and how you're gonna do it.

For the most part, I know
how to solve situations.

That's why I don't feel
like I need therapy.

Jazz has some walls
when it comes to therapy,

and I see that a lot.

You know, people saying,
"I'm the expert on me,

and I'm just not gonna
give you anything."

There's a lot of people that come here

who never wanted to be here for therapy,

that's for sure.

They were very resistant.

They didn't see what therapy
would do, but sometimes

just having a non-judgmental
ear helps a lot, too.

A lot of people going
through what you are need

a lot more guidance.

Jazz: Talking to
Debbie's kind of annoying

because it's this therapy format,

and therefore, we're not really
having a genuine conversation.

It's more like, "so how can I fix you?"

And, ugh.

You seem to be very
strong, very confident.

Nothing worries you?

Nothing concerns you
about anything right now?

No.

Dating?

I don't want to talk about that.

Mm.

Nobody wants to talk
about their social life.

But you're not lonely?

I never have felt lonely before.

What do you think your
mom is concerned about?

She's always worried
about me socializing.

It's really annoying, 'cause my mom,

she thinks I have social anxiety,

she thinks I'm socially awkward,

she thinks all these
things due to the fact

that I don't really have many friends.

But that's not the truth.

I'm very outgoing,
it's just that I prefer

not doing those things,

because I prefer to be by myself.

Honestly, I think she
needs to go to therapy.

'Cause I think she's having problems

accepting the way her child is.

♪♪

My mom, I think she
needs to go to therapy.

'Cause I think she's having problems

accepting the way her child is.

She can't admit to herself, you know,

that I'm different from the way she was.

'Cause she was a very social butterfly.

That's true, she was.

And I think she expects me
to be like that, as well,

in order to be happy because

that's how she found her happiness.

But really, every
individual's different.

They are.

Mom just wants to make
sure that, you know,

you're on a good path.

[Groans]

I know. Mothers.

Infuriating.

They care so much.

I mean, I'm in high school.

You can't feel amazing
while you're in high school.

[Laughs]

No matter what you do.

Debbie: Toward the end of the
session, Jazz started opening up more,

which is very common.

We call it "doorknob therapy".

That, by the time it's
time to say goodbye,

it's like, "oh, wait.

I wanted to tell you about
this, that, and the other."

But she was still uncomfortable
and it might be an ongoing issue

because she does feel very strongly

that she does not need help.

But, you know, it takes a
very strong person to admit

when they do.

♪♪

Therapy is tiring.

Did you see any significance
of what you were doing with her?

Hmm? Did you learn anything?

I don't think I learned that much.

Jeanette: The fact that she
wasn't opening up to Debbie was

probably intentional and
thought out ahead of time,

and that really pisses me off.

How can I get you to go
to therapy more often?

I don't think you can.

So, basically, I am wasting my
time trying to get you to go.

Yes, mom!

How many times do I have to tell you?

Aghh.

So annoying.

Jazz: My mom is trying to
force me into more therapy,

and it's really annoying.

I already did it.

I don't know why she
wants me to do more.

When you're at a loss
and you're freaking out

and you're at your lowest of the lows,

I don't have the answers to what it

is that you need to
make you feel better,

to pull you out of that dark spot.

She keeps pushing it and
pushing it and pushing it,

and it's really just
messing with my mind.

It's making me super
upset and super negative.

'Cause I'm too attached to you...

Mom, you know what...

...and I'm so overwhelmed
when you're upset,

it sucks me into your black hole.

But you know I'm able to
do it myself, like, I'm...

No! You can't always do it yourself.

Mom, stop it!

You're frustrating me.

This is so freaking annoying!

I'm getting so pissed, actually.

You think some random
individual who doesn't even know

who I am internally and doesn't
know my thought processes

will have the answers to my questions?

No!

I feel the way I do because
it's just the way my mind works.

All right. Chill out. Shh.

And the only way I have
to compromise those issues

is by fixing myself.

No, for some reason,
the things you're saying

are really just triggering me.

Okay. And you know what, watch.

This is how you control it.

♪♪

So I'm making you worse right now?

- Look.
- That's what you're saying.

- I have calmed myself.
- Okay.

Is everybody happy? I'm not happy.

Do I need freaking therapy? Nope.

I'm not happy.

I'm just worried about
you when I see you have

some of your episodes.

It's a little scary,
to be honest with you.

But we all have episodes.

Well, I have four kids
and a husband and myself

and you take it to a new level.

♪♪

Jeanette: Jazz is very,
very strong-willed.

When it comes to therapy,
we're at a stalemate.

And I honestly don't
know what to do next.

What good am I doing
for her if she's like,

"that was awful, that was terrible,

I don't want to go
again," and she's crying?

But she's gonna have
to go to two therapists

to have the surgeries,

so gonna have to figure
out a way to solve this.

You need help?

I really have left
Jazz's therapy to Jeanette

because I'm off at
work most of the time,

but I know that Jazz is going
through a difficult time.

And her mental well-being
is the most important thing.

So how did it go with Dr. Selgado?

Well, okay, so he actually mentioned

the colon vaginoplasty, which
is what Dr. Reed mentioned.

And he said that the colon vaginoplasty

would be the best option
for someone like me.

Has he done a lot of them?

Yeah, he's like one of the doctors

who does it more frequently
than other doctors.

So, in terms of recovery and
discussions about that stuff,

was there any new
information about that?

Yeah, no. The colon vaginoplasty,

the recovery would be easier
and also less dilation.

There is mucus, but, I mean, doesn't

every vag*na produce fluid?

You're getting a little
too graphic for me, sorry.

Okay, sorry! I'm just... little TMI.

This is a pretty graphic
in-depth procedure.

I understand.

So you sound like you're
comfortable with Selgado.

Maybe. I don't know, Dad.

I still want to get a
fourth opinion, though.

Jazz: If I had to pick my
doctor and procedure right now,

I don't know what I
would choose, honestly.

The doctors offered contrasting opinions

and I don't know which one I prefer

because I feel like I still
need to do more research.

When you met with Debbie, did
you talk about that at all?

No, not at all.

I mean, you know me.

I don't really like therapy, so,

therefore, it was just
kind of, like, repetitive.

Did you get anything out of it?

Did it make you feel better,
did it make you feel the same?

It just made me feel the same.

Greg: As a parent, I
want to do everything

I can to make the world
a better place for her,

to make her happy.

But I don't have all the answers.

It's just annoying.

I wish that I could have,
like, a little micro-robot

on my shoulder who says like,

"this is how Jazz feels about this.

Leave me alone now."

Jazz: My dad is definitely
more open to hearing my opinion

when it comes to therapy.

I think he really listens
to what I have to say

and kind of cooperates more.

While my mom, on the other
hand, just wants a specific thing

or else she'll be very uptight.

Well, you know we're
here for you all the time.

At least talk to me and Mom about it.

- Okay?
- Okay.

Oh, man. I knew you were gonna do that.

♪♪

Does Jazz know where
we're going tonight?

Nope.

- We're poppin' cherries tonight.
- Oh!

I don't know what that means.

Jazz: I love drag queens.

♪♪

Save $ , Greg.

$ on what?

Jewelry. Do you need something?

Or is it for Jazz's birthday?

I can turn again if
you get me one of these.

Does Jazz know where
we're going tonight?

Nope.

It's really hard to
surprise Jazz anytime.

And for her birthday, especially.

But I think this one is
really gonna blow her away.

Because Ari, Sander, and Griffen

are gonna come down from college

and surprise her, so, I'm excited, too.

It's a fringe benefit for me.

You've never been to lips, have you?

No.

It's a little dirty,
it's a little frisky.

Jeanette: Lips is a drag show
where they serve marvelous food,

wonderful entertainment,

they have impersonators,

they get a little dirty, it's fun.

They're men dressed as
women, so it's a lot of balls

and things like that.

- Wait, what?
- You know what I mean.

No, what are you saying?

Balls.

You think it's age-appropriate?

- For Jazz?
- For Jazz?

- Yeah!
- Yeah.

They just make jokes about the
fact that they have men's...

Pe... well, I'm not
gonna say that right.

Greg: This is my first drag show.

I have no expectation whatsoever,

other than it's gonna
be a little raunchy.

I'm not sure what that means, exactly.

Oh, you know, they're drag queens,

they like to play with the men.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Jazz!

We got to go.

Where are we going?

Just tell me, I don't like surprises.

This is my birthday, I
do not like surprises.

Tell me where we're going.

I'm fine with doing anything
besides having a surprise party.

I really don't want to be
the center of attention.

I'd prefer to be chilling
in my room watching netflix.

Can you get shoes on?

Why don't you wear heels?

I don't wear heels, Mom.

Okay.

♪♪

- Hey!
- Hi, honey.

- Are you our valet?
- Yes, I'm your valet.

Happy, happy, happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

Jazz: I love this place.

I don't know how you guys knew about it.

I see that we are at Lips and,
oh, my god, I am so excited.

I love drag queens.

They are fun, funny, beautiful,

and they can just say
what's on their mind,

they can be whoever they want to be.

Honestly, inside I'm a little bit drag.

- Hi!
- Hello.

My name's Calypso.

I heard we're celebrating something.

- Jacky: We are!
- Special th birthday here.

Jeanette: Sweet !

First drag show or not
your first drag show?

Jazz: No, not my first.

It's our first.

- But she hasn't been here!
- Your first?

Our first.

So we're poppin' cherries tonight.

Oh!

I don't know what that means.

Well, you're at a drag club,

so everything gets turned
upside-down and inside-out.

What did you order?

Jeanette: A blowjob.

[Laughter]

Greg's having the orgasm.

We're getting a little raunchy here.

♪♪

- Ah!
- Oh, my god.

You scared me. Ahh!

- Happy birthday!
- Ahh!

Surprise!

We made it. We're here.

Jazz's sweet .

What are you guys doing here?

Jazz: I am so surprised
seeing my siblings down here

all the way from Gainesville
just for this dinner.

It's amazing. Oh, my god.

You scared me so bad!

It shows that they really care about me.

Or they just want to see drag queens.

Announcer: Good evening,
everybody! Welcome to Lips.

How we doin'?

[Cheers and applause]

It's show time!

♪♪

Make some noise.

♪♪

_

Sander: Having my grandparents
there definitely makes it

a little more awkward

that we're watching sexual dancing,

but it also makes it really funny.

Jazz: The show is very sexual and racy,

and I'm just loving the fact

that my grandparents
are enjoying the show.

My grandpa, he has dollar
bills up in the air.

I like that it's racy, I
think it has to be racy.

Otherwise, it would be
dull, and what's the purpose?

It's naughty.

Now, here at Lips, we're
not just about entertaining,

we're also about celebrating.

We've got people
celebrating with us tonight.

We got celebrations.

[Cheers and applause]

Honey, is it your birthday?

- Yes.
- What's your name, baby?

- Jazz.
- Jazz.

Oh, my god. Little Princess Jazz.

How old are you?

- .
- !

[Cheers and applause]

Little baby.

_

[Laughter]

Look at grandma,
honey, she spent all day

at the salon today.

_

You look fabulous, honey.

Ah. My hair is worn in a definite style

and sprayed to death.

They call it "the helmet".

They can call it whatever.

It's always a point of discussion,

and I guess I have to accept that.

But that's who I am.

Jazz: Wow!

Oh, my... no.

- It's a big cake.
- Aww.

Another wet one!

Pbht!

[Cheers and applause]

Happy birthday, darling.

- Thank you.
- Mwah.

Did you have a good time?

Thank you. Yes, of course.

Jazz: You know, my
life has been crazy with

all of these doctor consultations,

the surgery, and therapy,

so it's really great to
have this family night off

where we could relax,
really enjoy ourselves,

and just have a good time.

We got you a present.

Here you go.

[Laughter]

That's all we have time
for in college... money.

- Oh, yeah!
- Happy birthday.

Wait! This is too much!

Cake! This!

This! This!

Jeanette: All I want is
for my kids to be happy,

and right now Jazz is so happy.

And there's so many
times where she's not.

So, that she's having a great
time just warms my heart.

I'd have to say we did a pretty
good job for Jazz's sweet .

Jazz: Grandma, put it on! Ah!

Timber!

Jazz is growing up very fast.

- Time is speeding and as...
- I just gave birth to her.

Happy birthday!

It's hard, and, like,

I want her to stay a
little girl forever...

I always say that.

She doesn't look like
my baby girl anymore,

you know, I was holding on there,

but she's gone.

This is a big time in her life,

we're going on all these consults

and huge decisions are being made

and this is probably the
most serious time of her life.

And in the past, there were
things that could be undone,

but once she has the bottom surgery,

that's it, there's no turning back.

It's one step closer to
becoming the whole woman

that she wants to be.

Okay, for my next year's
birthday, can we do nothing?

[Laughs]

Next time on "I Am Jazz"...

This pride event is in Orlando,

and that is where the
Pulse sh**ting took place.

The Pulse sh**ting was
one of the most horrific

events in American history.

Man: This is a sh**ting that
happened at Pulse, Orlando,

it's the heart of the city.

And it is with great sadness
that I share we have not ,

but casualties.

Did you get injured?

_

Oh, wow.

Jeanette: [Sing-song]
"Dating in the dark"...

The part that makes me nervous

is what if, like, no one chooses me.

Is there anything,
like, on a lighter note

- that you want to share?
- I have a cat.

[Gasps] Me, too!

I love animals.

I wasn't expecting to make

a legitimate connection with someone,

so I'm nervous about
how he's going to react

when I tell him I'm transgender.

Um...