02x13 - Symbiote w*r, Part 2: I Will Survive

[bunniefuu]

Who knew a flying rock covered in
Symbiote gunk could move this fast?

I am Groot.

Well, that's good news.

Groot says this goop grenade's
heading straight for Spartax.

My family is on Spartax, Rocket.

How is being infested by vicious
ink creatures good news?

I thought you hated your dad, Quill.

That doesn't mean I want my
sister and billions of people

covered in feral,
rage-fueled Symbiotes!

Agreed. It would be an
inappropriate form of vengeance.

Drax the Destroyer knows vengeance.

And not much else.

Okay, look. Here's an idea.

What say we warn my baby sis about
the space parasite fastball

speeding toward her planet?

Okay, you are not my baby sis.

This is General Glogug.

Empress Victoria
is not to be disturbed.

Especially by you, Star-Lord.

Really? Well, I think
she'd wanna know.

About the Symbiote-infested
comet you're chasing?

I assure you, we have that
situation well in hand.

The comet will be destroyed
as soon as it is within range.

We already tried that.

If you blow up the comet, it'll just
rain down Symbiotes all over Spartax.

No offense,
but the Spartax Imperial Fleet

is far more sophisticated
than a single derelict ship

manned by a ragtag band
of pseudo-pirates.

Why do people always say "no offense"
right before they offend you?

More importantly, how do we
get Victoria's attention now?

We can't shout in the vacuum of space.

You're right, Gamora,

so I'm gonna have to shout
a little louder.

I told the Star-Lord
you were engaged

in a delicate m*llitary
operation and shooed him away.

And that worked? My brother
is nothing if not persistent.

Ohhh...

Open hatch before he drools
all over the windshield.

Baby sis, look. I knew you'd...

Aah! Ow.

What part of "delicate m*llitary
operation" did you not comprehend?

Look, we were trying to warn you
not to blow up that comet.

The comet you created by blowing up an
entire planet, if my intel is accurate?

Well, does your "intel" mention
that comet is full of...

Space parasites that turn people
into feral rage monsters.

- I know what Symbiotes are, Peter.
- Okay, so you know then

that the only things that even slow
'em down are electricity,

sound, and massive heat.

Blowing up, not so much.

If even a fragment of that
comet lands on Spartax...

Empress, the comet's nearly in range.

What are your orders?

Tell the fleet to fall back and
everyone aboard to abandon ship.

- Empress?
- Say what now?

That's an order, General.

All
personnel, evacuate the ship.

This is not a drill.

Okay, it's been awhile
since I've been on this ship,

but aren't the escape pods
the other way?

They are. Take one and evacuate.
I have an empire to save.

So how do you save an empire
with no one else on the ship?

By deliberately smashing
this ship into the comet.

- Why are you still aboard?
- I'm sorry.

I thought you just said, "Smash
this ship into the comet."

Wait. You're really gonna
smash this ship into the comet?

Vicky, do not smash the ship
into the comet.

You were right, Peter.
Blowing it up won't work.

But the fuel on this ship
should bring enough massive heat

to incinerate every last
Symbiote on that comet.

What about the part where
we incinerate with it?

Why do you think I ordered you
to abandon ship?

Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

This is what a true leader does.

They put the needs of their people
over their own petty survival.

Well, it's kind of hard to lead from
the middle of a flaming inferno.

How about instead we graze
the comet on one side,

while the Milano pulls on the
other side with a tractor beam?

Look, we might be able to deflect it
away from Spartax and into the sun,

like a bank sh*t in pool.

Why would you sh**t something
while swimming?

It's an Earth thing.
Don't worry. I got this.

Quill, what's going on? Huh?

Guys, execute Plan Bank sh*t:

Eight Ball in the Side Pocket.

They actually know what that means?

Oh, yeah. Another krutackin'
stupid Quill plan we never tried.

I will not do this
untested. I...

Sorry, sis, but you gotta trust me.

No, I don't!

Aw, come on.
Just trust me a little.

- No.
- Why not?

Past experience.

This stupid plan of yours
better work, Quill!

Why does nobody trust my plan?

Yes! Told ya!

Now let's get off this rock.

Aw, krutack.

Excellent. We've upgraded
from being a flaming inferno

to being covered with Symbiotes!

No wonder Father left you with pirates.

Imperial Fleet
in reach. Cannon locked on target.

Sir, we're awaiting orders
from the empress,

but her flagship does not respond.

Hmm?

Then we must assume the worst.

Quill, you alive under that gunk?

Guys...

I can hear you,
but I cannot understand you.

That's nothing new.

Vicky and I...

Attention Spartax forces.

Empress Victoria
and the Star-Lord

have been overwhelmed by Symbiotes.

I am taking command of this fleet.

Prepare to destroy that comet.

General, hold your fire.

The Star-Lord and Empress
Victoria are still alive.

Their flagship's inside the comet.

You'll forgive me
if I don't trust the word

- of a daughter of Thanos.
- Ugh!

Then trust the word
of Drax the Destroyer.

That comet is no thr*at
to Spartax, General.

It is heading straight for your sun.

I am Groot.

If you won't take our word,
then at least give us

the chance to save our friends.

Or you could just go down in history

as the dimwit who blew up
your own empress and prince!

Hmm? Fine.

If you're going to prove me
wrong, then do it quickly.

You heard the man.
Get a move on!

That should keep the Symbiotes out.

- For now.
- Don't worry, baby sis.

If the blobs break through,
I'll be ready.

As will I, big bro.

I'm ready to make my last stand.

Yeah, well, I'm not.

And we may not have to.

Symbiotes are vulnerable
to sound, remember?

I don't think they're gonna keel over

just because of your bad taste
in music, brother.

Never underestimate
the power of the Top .

This is DJ Star-Lord

with a special dedication
going out to Empress Victoria

called "Get Off My Ship,
You Freaky Parasites."

You actually did it.

My tunes!

I think we have bigger problems.

Uhh...

Hang on, baby sis. I just
need to rewind this cassette.

Peter, forget
your primitive music player,

and help me fight these Symbiotes!

Switch to lightning.
I got you covered.

Oh!

Maybe you should watch your own back
before you offer to watch mine.

Sounds like more guests.

Let's not be here when they arrive.

So you are a survivor.

If those Symbiotes take us over,

they could divert the ship
away from the sun.

I will not let our sacrifice
be in vain.

Nobody's sacrificing anything.
I'll think of something.

Or my friends will. You'll see.

I am Groot.

Of course it's moving.

Duh! It's a comet.

But comets do not
usually change course.

Those Symbiotes must've taken
control of the ship.

They're headed back toward Spartax.

Attention Guardians.
Clear the area immediately.

I now have full authorization to destroy
the comet, regardless of who's aboard.

- What idiots authorized that?
- These idiots.

General Glogug acts under the
authority of the Galactic Council.

An invasion of Spartax could spell
disaster for the entire galaxy.

We must not let that happen.

Well, I ain't lettin'
no stuffed-shirt council

- blow up my friends!
- There has to be another way.

If there is, the collective wisdom

of the entire Kree race
fails to see it.

General, you have your orders.

The council has spoken, Guardians.

The millisecond that comet crosses
back into Spartax's orbital range,

we will open fire.

But until then, you can't
stop us from trying my plan.

So, you actually got a plan?

Not even % of one. You?

Me?

Coming up with stupid plans
is Quill's job.

I am Groot?

Pelt 'em with rotten fruit?
What kind of plan is that?

A stupid one, per your request.

I am Groot.

I am Groot!

Not bad, bud.

If we yank the antennas
off that satellite,

we can use them
just like lightning rods.

Pull the juice out of our engines,

zap it into the rods, and boom!

Bye-bye, Symbiotes.

Bye-bye Quill and Victoria too.

Not if they flip their shields to
insulate the ship from the lightning.

And who's gonna tell them?

The Symbiotes are blocking
their comm links.

But they cannot block
Drax the Destroyer.

I will deliver
your instructions myself.

Right. And all you gotta do
is fight your way

through a thousand Symbiotes.

I approve of this plan.

Sarcasm is not a plan!

But it is our only sh*t.

I'll go with him. I am Groot!

Force Shield Generators.

Huh. Now, that's a plan.

My Force Shield Generators

will stop the inkblots
from bonding with ya.

But it won't stop 'em
from grabbin', slashin',

beatin', stabbin', and...

We get the picture, Rocket.

Once you're inside,
we'll lose radio contact.

Then you'll have exactly
minutes to flip those shields

before we start zappin'.

So here's my plan. We get to the
engine room, overload the engines,

and let the electricity vaporize
the Symbiotes on the ship's hull.

You know how to do that?

I saw Rocket do something like it once.
How hard could it be, right?

Hard enough that botching it could
get us both electrocuted, Peter.

You were gonna ram us straight
into the sun! How is that better?

Because I didn't give in to my base
survival instincts. I'm not like Father!

Wait. You did all this just
to prove you're not like Dad?

J'Son taught me everything
I know about ruling,

and then he betrayed us all
for his own selfish ends.

I swore I'd never put myself above
the people I was born to protect,

even if it means risking my life.

But I never wanted it
to cost you yours.

Well, for what it's worth, sis,
I think you're a great ruler.

That's why I want you to stick around.

Get to the engine
and start the overload!

Right!

Mm, mm...

Mmm...

Mmm...

Peter, now!

Okay, I actually don't know
how to overload the engines.

I just wanted to buy time for the
Guardians to come and save us.

And maybe give you a teeny-weeny
bit of hope, you know?

But they are not coming, and
for that, I'm sorry.

Peter!

I believe the phrase
is "You are welcome."

You really thought we weren't coming?

Ha! Of course I did.

Just making your entrance
more dramatic.

Regardless of the level
of drama, we have a plan.

You must turn
your ship's shields inward

while we electrify the common surface.

That I can do.

I am Groot!

Cannons
charged to full capacity.

Awaiting your orders, General.

Guardians of the Galaxy,

the comet is approaching
Spartax orbital range.

I suggest you get out
of the line of fire.

I was gonna suggest
you do the same thing, Gloggy,

'cause this is gonna be one
krutackin' huge light show!

- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
- I am Groot!

Wait. I...
I just need a bigger zap!

A very entertaining light show,
Guardians,

but now it's our turn.

Fire at will!

We are not entertained!

- I am Groot!
- I know those missiles

are headed straight for Quill
and Victoria.

I am Groot.

I guess going over the general's head

and talking straight
to the council could work.

Yo, Supreme Lack-of-Intelligence,
you seeing this?

As a citizen of this lousy galaxy,

I demand your stupid council take back
its stupid vote right-stupid-now!

I am Groot!

Fortunately,
neither rodent nor shrubbery

wield that authority.

The vote was unanimous,
with only a single abstention.

Abstention? Which one of you
krutackers didn't vote?

I am Groot.

The Prince of Asgard
votes with deeds, not words.

What in the galaxy...

Eh, never mind.
I figured it out.

Yo, Thor, a little help here?

Fear not, small mammal.

I have bound my fate to you
Guardians before and I do so again.

Great, 'cause I got just the job
for a guy who can hurl lightning.

You see that Symbiote-infested
comet over there?

Verily.

- That mean yes?
- I am Groot.

You think Rocket's plan worked?

Warning.
Radiation leak detected.

Spoken too soon.
That mist is toxic,

and I'm reading hull breaches
all over the ship.

Then it would be best to leave this
area for a more stable part of the ship.

We're not gonna make it.
I can shield us.

Force field activated.

Okay. No problem. We can still
figure a way out of this, sis.

Sis?

Victoria!

No!

You can't go in there, Quill.

See? She's trying
to seal the leak.

But no one could survive
the toxic mist.

She knows that!

Victoria, don't do this!
There's gotta be another way!

Victoria? No!

I know that.

That's why I got these survival suits.

I thought... Okay. I thought
you did something stupid.

Relax. That's still your job.

Warriors of Spartax,

cease this fruitless att*ck
in the name of honor,

Asgard, and the Galactic Council!

Stand down, Thor.

We're going to b*mb that comet to dust,

even if it means bombing you with it.

You do not represent the council,

this has nothing to do
with Asgard, and honor...

Well, that's
just an old-fashioned word.

Like "empress"?

I, Victoria, Empress of
Spartax and all its people,

order this fleet to stand down.

Whoever fires the next m*ssile
will be a traitor to the empire

and dealt with as such.

Please forgive me for this
misunderstanding, Empress.

I was only following protocol.

Somebody's gonna be looking
for a new job.

You think I should hire pirates
and mercenaries instead?

Don't knock it till you try it.

No sign of
Symbiotes on the surface.

- I am Groot!
- Or below it.

Verily, Guardians.
Victory is yours this day.

- So it does mean yes.
- I am Groot.

Asgard awaits.

Open the Bifrost, Heimdall!

I am Groot!

I thought you were gonna
scan him for Symbiotes.

What sorcery is this?

Did Thor just...

Get taken over
by the k*ller alien goop?

And now it's loose in Asgard!