02x18 - Mr. Roboto

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Guardians of the Galaxy". Aired: September 2015 to June 2019.*
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"Guardians of the Galaxy" picks up where the film left off and they patrol the universe protecting it from various villains that thr*aten it.
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02x18 - Mr. Roboto

Post by bunniefuu »

Listen up,
people. My dad's out there,

somewhere on the loose
with five Centurion helmets.

It's only a matter of time before
he pops up and makes his move.

So, how do we stop him?

We shall destroy J'Son of Spartax!

Okay, you get points
for consistency, Drax,

but none of our weapons can
stand up to those helmets.

- I am Groot.
- You read my mind, bud.

Only one gearhead in the galaxy
can engineer that kind of boom...

Ja Kyee Lrurt.

The greatest weapons designer in
the history of the known universe?

You guys got no culture whatsoever!

Trading knives!

Collectible targets!

And my "piece de resistance",

Ja Kyee's patented Universal Hex Bolt!

- Hey, cool!
- Ah-ah-ah! Don't touch, Quill.

In fact, don't even
look at it no more, okay?

Just go, go, go!

So, like I was saying,
if anyone has a w*apon

that can stop J'Son and the
Centurion helmets, it's Jackie.

Rocket may be right. Thanos
considered Ja Kyee's work

dangerous enough to keep tabs on her,
but she went into hiding years ago.

Not "hiding," Gamora, retirement.

Legend has it she created a
doomsday device so powerful

that Nova Corps paid her a
fortune not to build it.

Eh, she found a quiet
little planet and lives in seclusion.

Okay, new plan: Get Jackie to make
us a sweet little anti-helmet w*apon.

Eh, Jackie hates Spartax,

so she'll definitely wanna
help us stick it to J'Son.

- But how will we locate her?
- Finding her's easy.

Getting past her totally fearsome
planet-wide security system?

Not so much.

And you know this from experience?

What? I just wanted her autograph.

You know, maybe a selfie.

And her approval.

Okay, this is it,
people. Battle stations!

We're passing through the sensor net...

now!

Huh. That's weird.

Last time, I had about
anti-matter missiles

screaming down my tail.

So much for those impenetrable defenses.

Hey! Show some respect.

She must've upgraded to
something even more powerful.

And invisible.

Or something happened to her.

Okay, this does not look
like a planet I'd want to retire to.

It looks like a place of
rampant destruction. I like it.

I am Groot.

What? I wanna show off my
new remote control to Jackie.

Assuming she's alive.

Trespassers will
be terminated on sight.

Guys, this is one
of Jackie's classic designs!

A J.L. Sentry!

Just look at the engineering!

The balance between armor and firepower!

Oh, this thing is a work of art!

Uh, Rocket, your "work of art" is
about to paint the floor with us!

Trespassers will be terminated on sight.

Look at the rate of fire!

It's totally gonna terminate us!

Terminate this!

Drax! You know how
lucky you are to get pounded

by an actual J.L. Sentry?

Ooh-hoo! I bet it's
gonna sh**t missiles!

I am Groot!

I am Groot! Called it!

I'll never wash this suit again.

Why start now?

Everyone back to the Milano!

Quick! Quick!

Somebody get a picture of me with the...

Let me handle this.

Oh, hey, guys.

Yeah, you know, we're looking for
the Chitauri Adventure Water Park.

But it doesn't look like this is it,

so we'll just be on...

You trespassers will
be tried and found guilty.

The penalty is termination.

- Uh, spoiler alert...
- Whoa!

Is Jackie's security
system the best or what?

This doesn't feel right.

Why would Jackie retire to a w*r zone?

The greatest weapons
designer in the galaxy?

Why wouldn't she?

Well, if we can just talk to her,

I'm sure we can sort this
whole thing out with the robots.

Doubt it. I'm their prisoner too.

Ja... Ja... Ja...

Ja Kyee Lrurt.

Call me Jackie. And you are?

The Guardians of the Galaxy.

Meet Gamora, Drax, and Groot.

I'm Peter Quill, also
known as Star-Lord.

"Star-Lord"? You're Spartaxian!

Wou... Would you sign...

hex bolt?

Sign my... Please!

And this is your stalk...
Your number one fan Rocket.

Why are you here?

We came for your help to fight
my father, J'Son of Spartax.

'Course, that was when
we expected to find

you retired to a technological paradise,

not a prisoner on a w*r-torn wasteland.

What happened here?

The tragedy of unintended consequences.

After a lifetime
designing weapons of w*r,

I wanted to build something
to help people.

I started by adding an adaptive
learning capability to my robots.

But their command
programming was too basic.

They only learned to
become more w*r-like.

My guardian robots, the Sentries,

turned against my combat
model, the Ultroids.

I had to do something before
their w*r engulfed this planet

and spread beyond it.

I had no choice but to
build my doomsday device...

An E.M.P. detonator powerful enough
to destroy every robot on the planet.

But before I could use it, I
was captured. And here we are.

So, these robots of
yours, do they, like,

you know, turn into anything else?

You know, like trucks
or planes and stuff?

Oh, what a dumb idea. Don't
embarrass me in front of Jackie!

Shapeshifting robots. Intriguing.

Ah. The applications are endless.

I was just gonna say the
same thing myself.

Almighty Engineer Lrurt.

Betrayer of your own creations,

I implore you for the final time

to build us a w*apon to
defeat the Ultroid menace.

And I say for the final time
that I will build no more weapons.

Then I must resort to
other methods of persuasion.

Methods far less
pleasant for biologicals.

Let her go, ya miserable, yet
magnificent, hunks of junk!

This is an outrage! A travesty of
an injustice against the universe!

We gotta save her! Guys?

Uh, I am Groot?

Okay. But remember, rescuing
Jackie was my idea.

Almighty
Engineer and traitor Lrurt,

this device will overload the
pain structures in your brain.

You will cooperate or perish.

Ah, there are too many of them.

How 'bout I even the odds?

Don't damage 'em too bad! They
lose their collective value!

Gamora, behind you!

I am Groot!

Eat magma, metal-head!

Okay, not my best battle cry.

Hmm. Not many warriors have the
skill to defeat my J.L. Sentries.

And your ship is quite impressive.

Well, I've been working
on it my whole life.

The Milano's one of a kind.

Everyone in the Milano! Rocket,
get Jackie out of these restraints!

Wait a minute, Quill! I don't know
if I can get these things open!

Figure it out on the way!

Quill, what are you...

Oh, your designs are so elegant.

The use of superconducting magnets
and quantum-vacuum solenoids... genius!

And the Universal Hex Bolts
to integrate components?

Well... Focus!

Remove the hex bolt
at the primary linkage.

Oh. Yeah. Duh.

I didn't do tha-a-a-at!

Hang on, Jackie! I got you!

Pretty good rescue, huh?

Well, we're alive. Now run!

We lost the tractor beam!

Swing around. We'll take
care of the Sentries.

I am Groot!

Now we just need to hold
this position until...

Supreme Builder Ja Kyee Lrurt.

Are those Ultroids?

You are under the protection
of the Ultroid Alliance.

And our prisoner for your
crimes against robot-kind.

Oh, this day can't
get any better.

You mean it can't get any worse.

Next time you have a death
wish, leave me out of it.

Jackie, Rocket, fall back now!

- Wait! I wanna see who wins!
- What? Come on!

Sentries versus Ultroids!
It's the best fight ever!

Appreciate the save, Guardians.

I wish there was a
way I could repay you.

I don't know. Maybe we
could be best friends

and hang out together and blow
stuff up, like, all the time.

You mentioned you actually
built your doomsday w*apon.

Yeah, my jerk dad's got these
ancient Centurion helmets

that make him kind of invincible.

So maybe we could borrow
your E.M.P. thingie?

I mean, we'll bring it right back.

Problem is, my w*apon is secure
inside the Ultroid fortress.

It's useless to them, though, because
I'm the only one who can operate it.

So, we raid the fortress, grab
the w*apon, and blow 'em all up.

- Problem solved.
- Or maybe we can

talk the Ultroids into
giving up the w*apon.

You know, if I've learned
anything from movies and TV,

it's how to teach robots a
lesson about the futility of w*r.

Eh, bear with me.

This is an Earth game
called tic-tac-toe.

Players take turns putting
X's and O's on the board.

The object is to get three in a row.

But once you know the simple strategy,

every game ends in a draw.

When you realize that nobody
can win, you stop playing.

Same thing with w*r. Boom.

Let me try. Drax the
Destroyer wins at all things.

That did not count!

Drax was still learning the rules.

So Quill's dumb Earth game

is gonna teach the robots
the error of their ways?

Give me a break.

His idea is elegant in its simplicity.

- It could work.
- I am being cheated! Again!

Quill!

I have beaten your game,
Quill... by destroying it!

- Ha!
- See, this...

This is why we can't have nice things.

That's the Ultroid fortress.

My E.M.P. generator is inside.

How do we get past all
those Sentries and Ultroids?

Relax.

Just get as close as you can
and let me do the talking.

You Ultroids have stolen.

Almighty Engineer Lrurt
from our protection.

I know you intend to have
her use the ultimate w*apon

to eradicate all Sentry
units from this planet.


Your accusations are false, Sentry.

I know you are forcing the Supreme
Builder to create a new w*apon

to destroy all Ultroid-kind.

Prepare to fire.

Now that I've got your attention,

shall we play a game?

This is a logic test from my home world.

Only the most intelligent
can truly master it.

Now, let me go over the rules.

Okay, so each side takes a
turn drawing an "X" or an "O"

right here on this grid.

Perhaps we have
underestimated Quill's plan.

- Whoever gets three in a row, wins.
- No. It's a terrible plan.

But we only needed the distraction.

I knew it!

I'll get that blast door op...

Well done, rodent.

Trust me, you don't want to call him...

Jackie can call me whatever she wants.

I am Groot.

Force field deactivated.

Try not to slow us down, rodent.

"Rodent."

That's... That's a good one, Jackie.

And that is tic-tac-toe,
my metal friends.

So, who wants to play?

I calculate this game is un-winable.

Agreed. Blast the biological.

What?

Oh, hey, now!

I... I can't believe I'm here.

It'll take some time
to build up a charge.

It's... It's...

It's like a dream... A
beautiful, beautiful dream.

Wait! Don't touch those!

Huh?

Intruders, prepare to be terminated.

And the dream is now a nightmare.

The Supreme Builder has
activated the doomsday w*apon.

Destroy it.

No! The w*apon!

Capture the Supreme Builder.

- Terminate the intruders.
- Quick, get in the mech suits!

- But Jackie said not to touch them.
- The rodent's right.

The suits will give us
protection and firepower.

I know you're my hero and all,
Jackie, but I changed my mind.

Don't call me "rodent"!

So you don't like
tic-tac-toe. How about tag?

You're it.

Okay, how about questions?

Destroy the biological.

That is not a question.

Fine. Well, I've got a question for you.

What's the meaning of life?

Here's another one. Which came
first, the chicken or the egg?

No? Nothing? Okay.

Uh, bet you can't calculate
pi to the last digit.

Ha-ha! There is no final digit for pi!

That'll melt your mainframe.

How'd your talking strategy go?

I got them to agree on one
thing... uh, blasting me.

This is how I do my best talking!

I am Groot!

Okay.

I'm thinking we may
not be able to talk...

And by "talk," I mean "sh**t"...
Our way out of this either.

Ain't no problem can't
be solved by blowing it up!

We're shutting it down with an E.M.P.

Please tell me you found
the doomsday device.

We did, but the robots blew it up.

The robots blew up the thing
we need to blow them up.

I'm aware of the irony!

The real irony is that I thought

I could help people by
building these things.

That's it!

We can't talk our way
out or blast our way out,

but we can build our way out!

Now's not a good time to tinker!

Just trust me.

Ohh, it's brilliant. Keep going.

Everyone form up on me!

What is happening?

All of Jackie's
creations use Universal Hex Bolts.

They make her machines customizable.

So I'm customizing.

I am Groot?

Gammy, Groot, don't move.

Ladies, gentlemen, and vegetables,

I give you the Jackie-hammer!

Mm. Like the name.

Shape-shifting robot!
Totally called it!

Yes! Drax the Destroyer
wishes to punch some more!

Uh, Drax, wish granted.

Armor can't take much more of this.

Rocket, I need you to modulate the
core so it can expel all its power

in a single electromagnetic pulse.

An E.M.P.

Just like your doomsday
device? But... But that'll...

Deactivate all the robots on the planet,

including this one.

I'm trusting you to do this, Rocket.

You're trusting me?

I won't let you down, Jackie.

Rocket, hurry!

Okay, let 'em have it!

Rocket, you saved us.

Yeah, and all I had to do was destroy

every one of Jackie's creations.

You sure you don't want
to come with us, Jackie?

Nah. Too many broken
things to fix around here.

I signed it.

- To keep you inspired.
- Huh?

Truth is, my E.M.P. w*apon won't
work on Nova Centurion helmets.

Their tech is so
ancient and complicated,

even I couldn't figure it out.

But you're Ja Kyee Lrurt.

They say successors
first have to destroy

their masters' works
before they surpass them.

Wait. Y-You mean I'm

your successor?

That's why I retired.

I knew that little roden...

Uh, young upstart would get
past my defenses someday.

And I'll bet you can get
past Nova Centurion tech too.

Now go grab the title. You've earned it.

You heard the lady, Quill.

Let's fire up the Milano!

Yeah, about that.

Um, I have an idea
for your next project.

Maybe you can build us
a new remote control.

Oh, I already
got a back-up system.

It's called get your flargin' butt
up there and bring back my ship!

Rocket!
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