03x02 - Back in the New York Groove

[bunniefuu]

Shh.

I am Groot.

I am Groot.

I don't care how shiny they are.

We're on a mission here.

I thought we were past
petty theft, Quill.

We are, Gamora, but this...

Um, what are we stealing
again, Drax?

A Xandarian music vase.
A Xandar... Yeah.

Which is going to the Collector,

who's always trying to capture us.
Ugh.

It's karmically neutral
at worst.

Yeah, but if you wanna
actually get the vase,

you're gonna have to keep
your krutackin' mouths shut!

Inside, this baby has
a sound-sensitive alarm.

One loud noise,
and we're caught.

So keep it down!

Oh, so that's why
it's called a music vase.

I am Groot.

Quill! I am Groot!

Bad enough listening
to your lousy ringtones.

Now it's cost me units and
revenge... my two favorite things!

Not to mention the entire ship
to our presence. Turn it off!

I'm trying. Why does this
thing have so many pockets?

'Cause you got no flargin'
fashion sense!

Okay, this is not my phone.

Huh. Well, guess they hung up.

Okay, a butt
dial from the Avengers

must mean Earth's in trouble.

But on the bright side,
my spare jacket still fits.

These Avengers got no manners.
First, they wreck our heist

with a distress signal, then
they don't leave no message,

and now they won't pick up
the krutackin comm!

Somehow I doubt it's just that.

Something spooked them enough to
put this entire place on lockdown.

Humies ain't even thought about
inventing tech that can keep me out.

Hmm?

Ain't you done enough damage
touching things you shouldn't?

I am Groot!
Access granted.

Show-off.

Clearly there was a battle here.
We missed it!

Hello? Avengers!

Anyone wanna jump out
and yell "surprise"?

Tony?

That's Iron Man!

He's unconscious.
The Ant guy is too.

Hey, humie!

Wake... Whoa!

How many times I gotta tell ya to
keep your branches to your... Whoa!

I am Groot!

Tony...

Don't worry. He's stable.

His chest thingie's
fluctuating a bit, but,

I mean, how
important could that be?

If a humie made it? Not.

Now hold still.
I gotta fix your shrinkie sui...

Whoa!

Oh...

Stupid Earth tech!

Why...

Just pull the... grounding wire!

They all look like...

grounding wire!

Can we focus
on what happened here?

Why did you send
a distress signal?

I know we're
not exactly besties,

but the other Avengers
are off on active duty,

and I think whatever att*cked us
might be up your alley.

We possess know alley.

I mean it came from space.

As in Thanos'
Sanctuary Asteroid.

Tony and I were knocked out before
we could get a good look at it.

Our security cams
might've caught something.

With this many angles,
it'll take days

to compile the footage
into anything useful.

Uh, that's 'cause you're a humie
with lam-o humie tech.

We, on the other hand...

Whoa.

Yes, it's all very awe inspiring,
even in flargin' monochrome.

Now tell us what
we're looking at.

Tony and I were scanning the rock
when there was an energy surge.

I tried to call you guys,
but whatever was in that rock

broke out and hit us
before I got through.

Oh, that's not good.

Any idea what it was?

A symbiote! It's not behaving
like any symbiote I've ever seen.

Why didn't it try to bond
with either of you.

Bigger question: Why was Thanos

keeping a pet symbiote
inside his rock recliner?

Well, maybe we should ask him.
Oh, wait. We can't.

He's buried somewhere
at the center of the Earth.

If a symbiote is loose on this
planet, then we must destroy it.

Glorious combat at last!

That was not me. No, no,
no, no, no, that was Tony!

His Arc Reactor isn't fluctuating!
It's on the verge of a meltdown!

I am Groot!

Oh, you definitely
ain't touching that!

It's complicated,
but I can fix it.

Although... there's a chance
he'll explode.

Okay, new plan.

You focus on that.
We'll nab your symbiote.

Don't worry. I got this.

We believe in you, Ant-Man.

Okay, everybody walk faster.

And we're back in the Big Apple,

which is both
out of Iron Man's blast radius

and right on top of the
symbiote on our scanners.

Although why that thing

would want to come
to this dump is beyond me.

Signal's coming
from underground.

Subway station means civilians.
This needs to be a stealth job.

What, are you outta your d'ast mind?
It's a symbiote.

We need to go in
blasters blazing!

Okay, you can come, too,

but you're gonna have to blend.

This ain't my idea of blending.

So what if a few humies
get hurt?

Shh!

Cats don't talk on Earth.

What did you call me?

Quiet. We're almost there.

No one puts me in no box!

And no one calls me a flargin' cat!

If you sh**t me, you'll have to explain
to a planet full of stupid humies

what a talking raccoon is doing down
here with a glob of living space gunk!

Fine. I won't sh**t.

Good.

Ow!

Gamora,
which way to the symbiote?

The signal's coming from
just ahead of you.

A few steps,
and you should see it.

Um, how many steps is a few?

Quill, it's right there! sh**t!

Rocket!

Is it just me, or are these
subway rats getting huge?

Okay, who are you, and what
pajama party do I return you to?

Low blow.
What, you don't recognize

your friendly neighborhood
Spider-Man?

I know your cousin, Ant-Man.
Now drop the raccoon.

I ain't no raccoon!

Never thought I'd say this, but
I'm gonna agree with the raccoon.

And Ant-Man is not my cousin.

This thing, however, is clearly
some type of genetic experiment.

Well, when you put it
like that... Rocket, get down!

Is that supposed to surprise me?

What's next,
you gonna yell "psych"?

Okay, now, that surprised me.

I'm full of surprises, bug boy.

It's "Spider-Man."
The webs kind of give it away.

Just like your name
must be "Freeze Blast Dude"?

This thing does more
than just freeze.

And it's "Star-Lord." Who?

Star-Lord. Who?

Star-Lord, Star-Lord, Star-Lord!

Okay, okay. Sheesh!

You're not the only one
with tech, high-tops.

Hey! No fair! I can't see!

Rocket, where are you?

Psych! Whoa!

Dude, we just went over that.

We... We went over what now?

Wait. Are you
taking it easy on me?

Well, duh. I don't wanna hurt you, kid.
I just want my partner back.

Still not feeling the
trust, Grandpa. Whoa!

Hurry up!

Ugh! This stuff tastes like
dried Spartaxian dung beetles!

And how do you know
that that tastes like?

Long story.

As adorable as this is,
let's get back to...

Huh?

Friends of yours?
Define "friends."

We heard your screams.

Where's the symbiote? Where's the
vicious creature that att*cked you?

That would be me.

What? He's tougher
than he looks.

Got that right!

Okay, I'm guessing you guys
aren't from around here.

Long Island, maybe?

I am Groot!

And I am stuck.

If you know what's good for you,
Terran, you will stay down.

Yeah, about that...

I am Groot?

We're fine.

We just...

Oh, I am not drinking
tap water anymore.

Copycat move. I'll take it.

We found the symbiote.

I am Groot!

Oh, I'd love to help.

I'm just a little
tied up. Again!

Point taken.
What say we call a truce until...

Peter, look out!

Thanks.

Wait. Your name's Peter too?

What? No! Who said that?

Well, whoever you are,

better leave this one to people
who actually have experience.

Hey, I fought one
of these slimeballs before.

Ooh, you fought
one whole symbiote.

We fought a whole planet of 'em!

I was taken over by one.

Raise your hand

if you ever escaped
a symbiote bonding.

Fine.

But I still know these
goo-balls, and this one's weird.

You are correct.

It is the wrong color!

And it's still not trying
to bond with anyone.

Groot!

I am Groot!

Okay, weird or not weird,

if there's one thing that always
stops symbiotes, it's tunes.

Rocket, pump up the volume!

You're gonna att*ck a monster from
outer space with that antique?

That's the beauty
of space tech, kid.

It makes even Earth tech awesome.
Groot, get down!

♪ I am Groot!

I am Groot!

Would you rather I let you
get snapped like a twig?

I am Groot.

Well, chalk one up
for the Guardians.

What are you doing?
Looking for the symbiote.

I tracked it here with
my Venom Positioning System,

and there is no way I'm lucky
enough for it to be gone yet.

Luck had nothing to do with it.

You guys have no clue how bad
Spidey luck is, do you?

No. Uh, but if you want a cosmic
outlook, just take the win.

Hmm. Maybe I actually...

Hold up.

That's a lot of symbiote.

Guys, the symbiote's
still here! It's...

Now, that's my kind of luck.

Great. The only people
on the planet

who can help me
take down this symbiote,

and they're flying back
to outer space!

Guys, hold up!

Whoa! Bad idea!

Rocket, the ship's dragging
a little on one side.

If you tried to smuggle
another half ton of duct tape...

Hey, it's not me, okay?

Just some Earth trash
stuck to the ship.

I'll shake it loose.

Guys! Guys!

Hey, guys.

Why do I get the feeling
you're trying to get rid of me?

So, what was this
incredibly important thing

you risked life and limb
to tell us, kid?

I'm on a spaceship.
A real alien spaceship!

What's this do?

Artificial gravity.

Got it.

And this?

Is highly radioactive!

What's in here? Occupied!

Ew!

Drax needs his
private time, kid.

Okay, I get that
it's your first time on a spaceship,

but did you really just risk your lungs
exploding just to poke around our bathroom?

Right. Sorry. I meant to tell you
the red symbiote's still out there.

In fact, it's spreading. See?

What is going on?

Nothing. I ain't
turning around my ship

just 'cause some humie
gizmo's on the fritz. Hey!

Ooh, ah...
But we must turn around

to return the Man of Spiders,
must we not?

Fine, but that don't mean
he's right.

When I blast something,
it stays blasted.

See, kid? Nothing there.

Because your scanners
are looking

for the symbiote's
original signal.

It's spread out now,
fluctuating.

Huh. Okay.

So maybe all humies
ain't as dumb as Quill.

What?

All right. You proved
you can track him, kid.

Now show me you can blow him up.

Impress me.

This is like that dream
I had in third grade.

Okay, we know sonics hurt it.

So sonic-ing up these weapons
should give us the edge.

Already thought of it.

Great minds think alike.

Don't flatter yourself.

So what do we do
for super-shrub?

Groot?
No, he's staying on the ship.

Him and sonics don't mix.

Uh, good news, bad news:

Ant-Man's got Tony's
Arc Reactor stabilized,

but he needs to monitor it
for the next hours.

Wait. Tony Stark?

As in Iron Man? You know him?

Well, he only called me
one of the most promising

up-and-coming young
scientists in the country.

Huh. I b*at him up once.

Come on! Really?

With a magnet.

So now that we have
no Avengers backup,

I hope you rigged up
some noisemakers

to take down that symbiote
for good this time.

Yeah, I just need to jigger your
Element Blasters for sound.

Already done.

It appears we are standing on
at least some of the symbiote.

Where does this tunnel lead?
Only one way to find out.

Go with the flow.

We're close.

What ticked ya off?

The goo rolling uphill?

Yeah. And them.

Looks like the symbiotes
finally bonded with someone.

Just so they could get overtime?

I do not know
what "overtime" is,

but they will not receive it!

Don't hurt them! There are still
good people under that sludge.

Well, people at least.

Wha...

And done!

Record time too.

Looks like they'll be okay.

What were they digging?

And why does this place
look so familiar?

I don't know.

But it's almost as if the goo's
trying to dig something out.

Or someone.

Uh, remember how I
said I have really bad luck?

The Guardians of the Galaxy.

As I recall,
I was about to destroy you

when I was rudely interrupted.

Is that the purple guy
that att*cked Earth?

I saw him on TV.
His name is Thanos.

And now we know why
he kept a symbiote.

A failsafe, Gamora.

Though a bit delayed
in its arrival.

Thanos, only you
would be mad enough

to voluntarily bond
with a symbiote.

Not bond, use.

It is a tool, a w*apon.

And it has returned to its master,
as it was programmed to do.

Allow me to demonstrate
what else it can do.

Just gonna say it.

He looked a lot smaller on TV.