03x03 - Drive My Carnage

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Guardians of the Galaxy". Aired: September 2015 to June 2019.*
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"Guardians of the Galaxy" picks up where the film left off and they patrol the universe protecting it from various villains that thr*aten it.
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03x03 - Drive My Carnage

Post by bunniefuu »

He's too tough.
Nothing is working!

Then we'll have to take down
Wrinkles the old-fashioned way!

Preferably before that symbiote turns him
into an out-of-control force of pure evil.

Thanos is already
a force of pure evil.

But we can use the out-of-control
part to our advantage.

You think I would bond
with another being

and leave myself
vulnerable to its flaws?

Uhh...

You so-called Guardians

only delay your
inevitable destruction.

So, uh, you know this guy?

He's my father.

Well, hopefully,
you take after your mom.

The only destruction
this day will be yours, Thanos!

This symbiote
is merely a shell...

A tool that
I control completely.

You fools thought you could
bury me

At the center
of this primitive planet?!

I have waited a long time
to pay you back in kind.

Thanos will have his revenge!

Look, I didn't have anything to do with
burying you at the center of the Earth.

In fact, I just met these guys!

So I'll be going... Aah!

Your endless prattle
bores me, child.

But your high-pitched squeals of
pain amuse me,

So feel free to continue them.

Hey, they're
not that high-pitched!

I used to think the
same thing about mine too.

I am Groot!

Huh? What?

Took ya long enough.

I am Groot!

Oh, come on!
That worked the last time!

I could finish you now,

but it will be far more
satisfying to enslave you.

I will turn this entire city into
a symbiote army that I control.

Should you survive, you will
have the honor of joining them.

Not bad for a shrub.

I am Groot.

Thanos mentioned
a symbiote army.

Those must be the ones he
weaponized on Groot's home planet.

Then he's out of luck,
'cause we blew 'em all up.

Maybe not all of them. V- ,

the symbiote I bonded with... it's
still in a lab at my high school.

Um, please tell me "high school" is an
Earth term for "heavily reinforced,

absolutely-impossible-to-break-in-or-out-of
maximum security vault."

Tell him now, scrawny human!

He means it's just
a normal school.

And science projects got way more
elaborate since I was a kid.

You're right
about the second part.

But Horizon High is anything
but a normal school.

And, judging by
that path of destruction,

your friend is heading
straight for the place.

Thanos must be able to use his symbiote
to sense the one in your school.

Then it's up to us to make sure he doesn't
get his slimy red tendrils on it.

You guys catch up to Thanos and do
whatever you can to slow him down

while we grab the U sample.

That's "V- ."

How's that better
than what I said?

Laser cannons locked and loaded.

You know, where I come from,
blowing a hole in a school rooftop

isn't considered very heroic.

Yeah, well, we ain't heroes, kid.
We're outlaws.

Besides, we're in kind of a hurry,
and blowing things up is faster.

Faster than walking
in the front door?

Okay, well, now at least
two of us blend.

Guys, chill.
It's Saturday.

Most of the students
will be out doing fun stuff.

"Fun stuff"?

Ah, you know.
Collecting spore samples,

launching model rockets, measuring
ozone levels in the atmosphere...

You go to nerd school.

Oh, yeah?
Where did you go to school?

Yondu Undonta's
Ravager Academy of...

Space Pirate... Stuff.

Can you even read? Ha! Barely.

Well, my school is so respected
that the Space Administration

donated the V- sample
they found for us to study.

Wait. They found it
in this solar system?

Huh. It must've really
wanted to escape Thanos.

It's an outlaw, just like us.

Nearly turned me into an outlaw
when it bonded with me.

I went out of control, and I swore I'd
never be infected by that rage again.

What rage was that, Peter?

Max?!

Oh, uh, thi-this is my,
uh, c-cousin P-Peter.

It's funny.
We're both named Peter.

A-A-And... And this is...

He's from the circus!

Uh, he's a trained
performing ra...

Call me "raccoon."
Go ahead. I dare ya.

He's a prototype
audio animatronic.

Wow. The fur is so lifelike.

I'll show ya lifelike!

Max!

What? I had it on stun.

Wanna see?

No! We believe you!

If we wanna slow Thanos down,
we'll need to speed ourselves up.

Your persistence is
beginning to annoy m... Huh?

I am Groot.

Insolent twig!

I am Groot...

What's up, V- ? Miss me?

What's setting off slimy?

Probably the same thing that's
setting off my spider sense.

Your spi... Seriously?
That's a thing?

What are you sensing, houseflies?

Not exactly.

Down!

Aw, come on!

Does no one from space
know how to use a door?

Oh, man. Whatever you do, keep
the symbiote away from Thanos.

Uh, yeah, about that...

Come to Thanos.

All right, slimy.
No bonding with the enemy!

I think it wants
to bond with me.

Return to your master.

Ah-ah. Finders keepers!

Wait!

Aah!

Aaahhh!

All right, space dude.
Let's rumble!

Symbiote to symbiote.

Aaahh!

Guess only one of us
got increased speed.

How about strength?

Such power...
from a mere Terran?

I'm no mere Terran.

I'm your friendly
neighborhood Spider-Man.

Only now I'm not so friendly.

You will be. To me.

What are you... doing?
It's impossible. No!

Your will is strong, child,

but the symbiote you bond with

cannot resist
the will of Thanos.

What?

Looks like we'll have to do
the resisting for ya, kid.

What will it take
to destroy you, Thanos?

Something more
than that hatchet.

I am Groot!

That ain't what he had in mind!

His symbiote's
volumetric mass density

must be over , kilograms
per cubic meter!

No idea what that means,

but I still got
one more trick left.

What have you done
to my symbiote?

Quill, you're a genius. I am?

Your walking houseplant's sap
created a chemical reaction

that turned Thanos' symbiote
into a magnetorheological fluid.

No idea what that means, either,
but it'd be an awesome band name.

It gets thicker

when subject to
an electromagnetic field...

Created by lightning.

Space Pirate Education
for the win!

You cannot defeat Thanos!

I will raise a mighty army
and rain down carnage

on all who oppo...

'Fraid I'm gonna have to stop
that carnage plan...

cold.

Not so much "stop" as "pause."

That ice won't hold him long.

But with the right amount
of zap 'n sap,

we could turn Thanos' symbiote
rock solid.

Sure, but we still have to find
a way to deliver the catalyst

so the reaction's
inside the symbiote.

To the lab!

Now, we need to find the right voltage
to produce a viscoelastic solid.

Assuming this primitive Earth
tech can even count to ten,

let alone calculate
fluid yield stress.

I'd be less concerned
about my equipment

and more concerned about controlling
your friend.

What?

I am Groot.


Yeah, I'd be more concerned

about Drax and Gamora
controlling that crowd.

Move along. Nothing to see here.

Actually, there is
a great deal to see here,

but we would prefer it
if you left the area.

Okay, try another ...

no, , volts.

Wait. Is it volts or amps?

What's the matter, kid?
The grease stain takin' over?

I know what it feels like
when my symbiote asserts itself.

No. This is different.
I don't feel anything.

I take it back!
I feel something.

I feel like someone else is
controlling this symbiote! Huh?

That's... not a good sound.

Yes. Return to your master.

Hey, hey, what do you think
you're doing, kid?

It's not me, I swear!

Guys, look out!

Why do you att*ck us?

He's not. I am.

I'm really sorry about this!

Not a good look for you.

On the plus side, the scrawny
little guy's finally filling out.

Filling out, indeed.

Into a symbiote b*mb that
will infect this entire city.

An unstoppable army
all at my control!

Yo, bug boy! Whatever goop b*mb
you're weaving, cut it out now!

I'm trying!

And failing.

Your symbiote
is my puppet to control.

Then we need to take down
the puppet master.

But first we must
take down Thanos!

That's what he meant.
Never mind.

Your efforts are futile.

Thanos will have
his symbiote army.

Not if I can stop it!

All right, kid.
Time for a costume change.

I don't get it.

The sonic blast should rip the
symbiote right off me. Unless...

Thanos increased its density
when he infected it.

There's no getting
this thing off me.

You'll have to blast me into
space where I can't hurt anyone.

I won't let you go "boom," kid.

And nobody likes
a good "boom" more than me.

I'd rather sacrifice myself than
let innocent people get hurt.

Pretty noble for a punk kid.

My Uncle Ben once told me,

"With great power
comes great responsibility."

That's the stupidest thing
I ever heard!

Nobody disrespects my Uncle Ben!

Especially not
some mangy rodent!

Oh, yeah? Well,
nobody calls me "rodent"!

See? That's you calling
the sh*ts, not Thanos.

Keep it up, kid!

You're not as dumb as you look.

Oh, man! Seriously?

Come on! You're not gonna
win this by being a hero.

You've gotta be an outlaw.

Now get mad!

What is the delay?

My b*mb should've
detonated by now.

I am Groot!

No good. That trick won't work

without the kid's
symbiote tendrils.

Did somebody say,
"Symbiote tendrils"?

Show him what you got, kid.

You will obey your master!

What?

Not to sound five,
but you're not the boss of me,

or my symbiote!

Now let's finish him.

Care to do the honors, sapling?
I am Groot!

Pathetic.

You lack the will
to wield such power.

But Thanos will mold you
and your species

into something far greater.

Something that will
serve my will.

All right, suit. All you've
done so far is run away.

Time to be a hero and an outlaw!

Now, Quill!

Insolent child!

Huh?

No!

You and your entire planet

shall pay for this humiliation!

Whoa!

Oh-ho-ho, the humiliation
has just begun.

All who defy Thanos will suffer
as none have suffered.

Your punishment shall be swift
and...

You're welcome.

Hey, that's my line.

We owe you a debt
of gratitude, Terran.

Thanks to you, Thanos will
finally face justice.

You are surprisingly heroic

for one so scrawny and puny.

Thanks. I think.

And speaking
of scrawny and puny...

Aah!

I'm gonna let
that one slide, kid.

But only 'cause I don't
completely and totally hate you.

I am Groot.

Huh. Wonder what was so funny.

Ugh! Seriously? My web sh**t?

The only
thing better than duct tape

is this spider gunk.

Once I reverse engineer this
thing, we'll be rolling in units!

Oh, stupid Earth tech!
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