03x24 - Breaking Stuff Is Hard to Do

[bunniefuu]

[Loki] Listen well, and I shall tell
you a tale of how this strife began.

When the Nine Realms were young,
my uncle, Cul Borson,

now known as the Serpent,
planted the World Tree.

Okay, here's the deal:
Odin's bro took over Asgard,

Thor broke the Rainbow Bridge to
keep them from getting the Bifrost,

which we used to bring
you guys here to help.

Any questions?

Oh, yeah, Quill.
I got one.

Has the green guy over here
ever heard of deodorant?

'Cause he's foul.

Howard here must be
talking about Drax.

That is unlikely, Hulk.

The scent of Drax
is the musky aroma of victory.

[sniffing]

[Rocket] Huh.
That ain't what I'm smellin'.

[Nebula] All I smell
is sanctimonious drivel.

I am Groot.
I am Groot!

How am I supposed to know
what it is?

It's a spore
from the corrupted World Tree.

One of many, no doubt.

The Serpent has gone on the att*ck
using the tree as his w*apon,

just as he always planned.

- We gotta stop those spores!
- Quill, we don't even have a ship.

We don't need a ship. We
have the Bifrost. Right, Loki?

But we'd still need Dragonfang
to stop the Serpent.

- Say what... what now?
- [sighs] Dragonfang.

It's a sword created
in Asgard's Great Forge

and enchanted by Hela,
Queen of the Fallen.

It drove back
the corrupted World Tree,

but when it struck the
Serpent himself, it shattered.

- You guys never heard of duct tape?
- Rocket's right.

How hard could
it be to fix a broken sword?

I mean, it's a sword.

Dragonfang isn't one of
your gaudy playthings, Stark.

And even if you could reforge
the sword,

the fragments were lost,
scattered across the galaxy.

But Heimdall could see
the entire galaxy from here.

Look, there's gotta be a way we can use
the Bifrost to find the broken pieces.

Search Asgardian data
with Stark Industries tech.

Yeah, I could make this work if
Loki will quit whining and help me.

[dramatic music] All right. Well,
while you do that, we'll split up

into three sword-fragment-retrieval
strike teams.

Sweet. Who wants to be on Team Quill?
[music distorts, stops]

Oh, come on!
That's not even physically possible!

[Iron Man] Just so we're clear,
the fact that I'm using your tech

- doesn't meant that I trust you. At all.
- Oh, I should hope not.

You're much too clever for that.
[beeps]

Whoa! Hey!
We got one!

It's near a planet called "Soonevh,"
inside a star.

Wait. Soonevh?

Open up that Bifrost, horn-head.
We got this.

This rock is so tiny that it
needs a gravity-control gizmo

to hold on to its own atmosphere.

All we gotta do is get into that
tower, rejigger the Gravity Matrix,

and use it like a magnet to
pull the fragment right to us.

And what makes Rocket
think locals will allow this?

[together] What they
don't know won't hurt 'em.

Huh.
Look at us, together again,

pulling a classic
Rocket and Howard heist.

Howard and Rocket.
[chuckles]

Just like old times.
[growls]

I am Groot!

Yeah, you're right, bud.

The locals have tapped into
the Matrix for everything.

Power, irrigation...

Even weather control.
So if we flip the whole system...

The entire planet
will know we're here.

[door opens]
[air whooshes]

So I'll reroute the backup comms.

While I run a patch
around the main breaker.

Perfect Howard and Rocket plan.

Uh, Rocket and Howard.

[chuckles] It's like we
can read each other's minds.

Cosmo read both minds.
Trust me, is not pretty.

So what if Rocket
thinks Howard is lazy,

or Howard thinks
Rocket never shares credit.

You think I'm lazy?

I'll share credit when I don't
gotta do everything myself!

Why, you furry little... [grunts]

[blows landing]
[both grunting]

[Rocket] Who you calling "fur"...

[both yelling]

At least I got a brain!
What's your excuse?

[blow lands]
[Rocket groans]

[blows continue landing]
I am Groot!

Oy. Enough is being enough.

[straining]

Finish saving galaxy,
then b*at krutack out of each other.

Fine. Whatever.

[yells, grunts]
[grunts]

Here.
Make yourself useful.

That a real Rigellian
quantum circuit router? Nice!

[electricity arcing]

It's just one circuit, right?

No one's even gonna notice.

[thunderclap]

[wind howling]

[thunderclap]

Nyet! Everyone notice!

I am Groooot!

Not to worry, tree friend.
Cosmo fetch.

Oh, nyet!
Who is to be fetching Cosmo?

I am Groot!
[grunts]

Da! Now would be good time for
Rocket and Howard to cooperate.

- Uh, Howard and Rocket.
- Rocket and Howard.

Why you two just stand there?
Fix gravity thing!

[together]
He's the one who broke it!

[sighs]
I am Groot.

No more argue.

Focus on what you like
about each other. Da?

Okay. Okay,
Howard is thinking...

has always admired
Rocket's loyalty to Groot.

Aw. Really?

And Rocket is thinking...
Eh, hang on. [muttering]

Ah!
Rocket like Howard's hat.

Seriously? My hat?
That's the best you got?

Trust me, Cosmo had
to dig deep for that.

[both grunt]

Now please to cooperate before
Cosmo mangle both like chew toy!

Fine. Just let us down,
you krutackin' mutt.

[both grunt]
[thud]

We don't gotta
be sneaky no more.

So let's just fire
a grav-beam into the star.

Yank the sword fragment out.

[together]
And get the flarg outta here!

[sighs] Duck and Rodent
finally pass obedience school.

[clatter, thud]

[Howard grunts] You sure
you know where you're going?

[Rocket grunts] Why don't
you look where you're going?!

I am Groot!

[Cosmo grunts] Cosmo
look, but Cosmo cannot see.

[sighs]
Much better.

[grunts]
Hey. Little help here?

[yells, grunts]
[thuds]

[groans]

Never minds.

You know, we should
really team up again,

pull off some really big jobs.

System's fixed, storm's over,
and the fragment is on its way.

Another classic
Howard and Rocket heist.

[chuckles]
Rocket and Howard heist.

This is what I'm talking about.

You never wanna give me credit.

That's 'cause you're
always taking credit!

You know what? I oughta take
this hat you like so much

- and shove it down your throat!
- I am Groot!

- I am Groot!
- Yeah? Well, the joke's on you,

- 'cause I don't really like your hat!
- You lied to me? [yells]

I am Groot!

Da. You are being welcome.

[gasps]
I am Groot!

Careful! Sword seems
particularly lethal to tree.

All the better to chop down that
World Tree-controllin' Serpent with.

I bet Iron Man pops his rivets when
he finds out I got the fragment.

You got the fragment?
That is so typical.

You never give me an ounce of
credit for any of our heists!

Yeah, but that's only 'cause
you deserve it.

[grunts] Let me show
you what you deserve.

Rocket and Howard!
[blows landing]

Howard and Rocket!
[blows continue]

[both yelling]

Quit it, quit it, quit it!

[yelling continues]
[sighs]

Never work with talking animals.

I am Groot.

[beeps] Ah!
Another fragment of Dragonfang.

On Sirius IV.

[groans]
Dismal little world.

It's in some kind of m*llitary facility.
Probably heavily guarded.

- An excellent job for Team Green.
- Team Smash.

[sighs]
How about Team I'm-in-Charge?

We don't want to attract attention.

Intruder alert.
Intruder alert.

[grunts]

[yells]

So much for not
attracting attention.

[grunts]
[weapons continue f*ring]

[grunting]

[grunts]

I cleared the intruder alert.
We should be safe

as long as we don't run into
any more Ultroids.

Huh! We better.
I barely got to smash any robots.

I agree with Hulk, Gamora.

Smashing two robots
is very unsatisfying.

Yeah, you only smashed one,
little man. [robot debris clatters]

Weapons don't count.

- Drax destroyed just as many as Hulk!
- Guys, it's not a competition.

Let's just find the sword
fragment and get out of here.

We'll wait until they
leave, then... [yells]

Intruder... alert...

Drax, that was
completely unnecessary.

Not true, Gamora. Now I have
smashed one more than Hulk.

[groans]
At least we found the fragment.

Curious.
Why would someone send

the sword's fragment's energy
down into this pit?

Loki said Dragonfang drove back
the corrupted World Tree.

Maybe they're trying to destroy
the plant life on this planet.

Which means removing it
will only improve things here.

So let's bash this box open so we
can get back to smashin' robots.

No. According to the computer,
this whole place is rigged

to self-destruct if the
chamber is breached in any way.

That explains why
there's nobody but robots here.

The entire facility is expendable.

Aw, I been blown up lots of times.

Well, I'd like to avoid
that. We'll have to shut off

the power to the entire base
before we open the chamber.

Those cables should lead me
to the generator.

I'll go shut it down, then signal
you from that window up there

when it's safe to open the chamber.

But absolutely no smashing
until I give the signal.

- Got it?
- What signal?

This signal.

Ah! The signal!
[grunts]

That's not the signal!
She was just showing us!

Right.
When I go like this...

That is the signal!
[yells]

After I go away, I'll come back
to that window and give the signal.

Then, only after I come back,
you and Hulk can smash.

Got it?

- You do not have to patronize me.
- [sighs] Keep an eye on him.

I'm gonna go blow the
generator. [grunting]

How am I the smartest guy
in the room?

[whirring]

[grunts, yells]

Shutdown procedure. Shut...
[grunts]

[groans]

Hmm.

Something ain't right.
She's taking too long.

We oughta cr*ck this thing open
and take our chances.

But Gamora has not yet returned.

Wake up, ya jerk.
Something went wrong!

She ain't coming back!

[grunts] You do not know Gamora.
She will return.

[grunts]
Outta my way, little man.

No. There will be no smashing
until Gamora gives the signal.

Oh, there's gonna be smashin',
starting with you!

[both grunting]

[yells]

Huh! What a numbskull.

[grunts]
Hey!

If you don't put me down,
you're gonna be real sorry.

I am already sorry,
as you are a noble warrior,

but we cannot smash
until Gamora gives the signal!

[growls]

[groans]

Intruder captured in Main Power.
Requesting Interrogation Unit.

[grunting]

[grunts]

"Easy -step shutdown procedure"?

I've only got time for one step.

[yells]

[descending whirring]

[sighs] I can smash
with the best of them.

[both grunting]

[yells]

[groaning]

Hey, look. Gamora's back,
and she's doing the signal.

- [grunts] You are clearly trying to trick me.
- You knucklehead!

You were the one
who was sure she was coming back!

[grunts]

I believe in her,
but I do not believe you!

[both yell]

[both grunting]

Hey! Quit wrestling
and smash open the chamber!

- What are you waiting for?
- We are waiting for the signal.

[groans, scoffs]

That is not the signal.

There. Happy?

- Uhh...
- Yes! Yeah!

[both yell]

[both grunting]

I probably should have made
another signal to get them to stop.

Uh, guys, you need to see this.

- The last sword fragment?
- Something far worse.

The spores have hit
the planet Dasos.

The wave of spores
will sweep across the galaxy.

[roaring]

The insects are carrying the
planet's life energy back to Asgard,

to the Serpent,

leaving lifeless worlds in its wake.

[whimpers]

The World Tree has become
a life siphon.

I'm not gonna let that happen.

Not to the galaxy,
not even to this one planet.

- Open the Bifrost.
- The destruction has already begun.

Nothing can save
that planet now.

- Then we save the people.
- Let's squash some bugs.

We're outlaws, Quill.
We don't rescue people.

You rescued me once, Yondu.

That's 'cause I didn't want my
crew eating up precious cargo.

Uh-huh.

[whimpers]
Help!

Get back!

[shrieks]

Go! Now!

[both yelling]

- Sam, make sure none of those
bugs leave the planet. - On it!

Well Me and Nebula will
check these here houses,

- make sure they're empty.
- Fine.

Make sure they're empty of
valuables, that is. [chuckling]

I've got my eye on something
much more valuable than trinkets.

It's like an old-time arcade sh**t.

They keep coming faster and faster!

b*at it, creepy crawler!
Go on!

[tree creaking]

Guys, your safe house
isn't safe anymore!

Ha!
Another heroic save by Star-Lord!

[male villager] Help!
Someone please help us!

[whistling]

Go on now.
Ain't safe to stay.

I believe I'll rescue a few other
things while I'm here. [chuckles]

[grunting]

There it is... the perfect
aerial att*ck beast.

I will break you.

Ha!
Don't like that, do ya? [yells]

[groans]

[growling]

If I wouldn't let
my own crew eat ya, boyo,

I sure ain't gonna let
some krutackin' bug do it.

[whistling]

Yeah, I admit it.

You was always more
than just cargo to me.

[screeching]
[groans]

[bugs hissing]

Yondu!

- Get this lunkhead somewhere safe!
- What about you?

I can take care of myself.
Now git!

All right.
Let's do this.

[grunts]
Aah!

[grunts, growls]

[screeches]

[yells] I ain't going
down without a fight!

[Quill gasps]
Wha... What's going on?

Relax, hero. I got you.

Yondu told me to take
you somewhere safe.

He's back there
playing with more bugs.

[both yell]

Oh, crud.

Ha! Now I got you.

I am so sorry.
But why were you riding a bug?

I'll explain later.
Go find Yondu.

I think he's making a break for it.

[grunts] Yondu wouldn't run.
Not from you, anyway.

I saw the fool drop his loot
just to save you.

What?
W-What are you talking about?

Quill, I took out
the last of the bugs.

But Yondu...
This is all that was left.

Yondu...

Quill, where is Yondu?

Yondu didn't make it.

I am Groot.

The one time in his miserable life he
actually tried to do something good.

- Big mistake.
- Don't even.

This needs to mean something.

Please tell me you found
that last sword fragment.

[Iron Man]
Well, we found it, but...

It's deep within Niffleheim,
the land ruled by Hela,

and quite possibly
the most dangerous place

- in all the Nine Realms.
- What do you mean, "quite possibly"?

I cannot say for certain,

because no one has ever returned
from Hela's domain alive.

Fine.
Who's up for a road trip?

For Yondu.