02x21 - Donut Day Afternoon

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Superior Donuts". Aired: February 2017 to May 2018.
"Superior Donuts" revolves around the workers at a local donut shop and the shop's various patrons, as they keep their business going in a changing neighborhood.
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02x21 - Donut Day Afternoon

Post by bunniefuu »

(speaking Arabic)

Hey, Fawz, uh, who are your friends?

Some Iraqi investors I put together.

We're looking for properties to buy,

and I wanted to show
them your beautiful shop,

the jewel of Uptown.

Now, we could use a bulldozer,

but a wrecking ball will be faster.

Fawz, how many times
do I have to tell you?

I'm not selling the shop.

But, Arthur, they have a lot of money.

They're willing to overpay.

That word doesn't even exist in Arabic.

They had to say it in English.

Fawz, uh, would you get out.

Fine. Yours is not the only
dying business on the block.

(speaking Arabic)

Come on, I'll show you something
they used to call a "bookstore."

Ciao, bella. Dov'é la biblioteca?

Ah, the library's down the street,

and thanks for calling me beautiful.

Want to meet me later
behind the biblioteca?

(chuckles) I'm getting
ready to go to Florence,

so Tavi's making me learn Italian.

You know,
a lot of people in Italy speak English.

I know, but, you know,
our relationship's

been a little rocky lately,

and I'm trying to do my best to,

you know, go with the flow.

Plus, she really wants us to fit in.

I guess there's some Italians who
don't exactly love black people.

So she's making you do homework

and making you feel
bad about being black.

You can get that at any
school right here in Chicago.

Well, you know, it's a good thing

I held on to this old
"Help Wanted" sign.

I thought you threw that
out when you hired me.

Yeah, but I pulled it out of the
trash when you started ranting

about how mass incarceration of
black men was the new sl*very.

Well, you have no idea what it's like

to have your people rounded
up and locked away for no...

You know what, let's just drop it.


Can't believe I'm gonna
hire a new person.

Now, I don't think
you know this about me,

but I'm not great with people.

Arthur, why don't you hire Tush?
It's only for three months.


I think I'm gonna need
someone longer than that.

I mean, let's face it, the...

Franco's not coming back to the shop.

Did he tell you that?

No, but, I mean, come on,
he's-he's going to college,

he's gonna spend the summer in Europe.

He's gonna expand his horizons.

You know, this place
is gonna be too small for him.

Am I gonna be too small for him?

Arthur, aren't you happy for Franco?

Seriously, somebody answer me.

I'm too old to make new friends.

No, of course I'm happy for him.

He's gonna have a whole new
adventure in his life, you know.

Which is what I'll be thinking about
when I'm snaking that damn toilet.

You, uh, you like reading graphic novels

and building pillow forts? (chuckles)

I'm gonna die alone.

♪ ♪

Good morning, gentlemen.
I have come to inquire about the job.

So I guess you're serious about
giving up the gig economy?

Yeah, I'm ready to find a full-time job,

jump back into the rat race.

As opposed to my last gig,
which was organizing rat races.

Well, you know, he definitely
knows his way around the shop.

Yup, ask me anything.

Your biggest seller: the maple creme.

Your biggest mistake:
the baby back rib donut.

It was like the bacon donut,
only with more meat.

And bone.

Okay, fine.

Here's an application, and a pen.

Thank you.

Greetings, fellow donutarians.

Greetings, neighborhood vagrant.

You know the rules, Trashcan Lou.

You got to buy something
before you use the bathroom.

Correction: today,
I am Job Applicant Lou.

Well, well, I hope you can
handle a little competition.

I just wrestled a stray
dog for a pizza crust,

so yeah, bring it on.

Okeydokey. So, uh, Lou,
do you have any, uh, work experience?

I worked construction,
did a short stint at a Burger King,

and I am this close to becoming
a certified vampire hunter.

How about you fill out
a job application, man?

Are you serious?

Why not? He cleaned himself up,
he's-he's-he's making an effort,

and, you know,
he's not gonna hurt nobody.

Unless that's part of the job.

- Hey.
- What's up, So'?

I brought you something for your trip.

It's my journal from when I
backpacked through Europe.

- Oh. (sniffs) Phew.
- (chuckles)

Somebody went to Amsterdam.

Yeah, I got there January.
A week later, it was March.

(both laugh)

Um, but I also went to Florence,

and this might give you
some ideas of stuff to do.

Okay. Uh, who's this guy?

Oh, my God, he's so awesome.

- He dresses up like a clown...
- Mm-hmm.

...and then he sings opera in
this village outside of Florence.

Wait, like the lady we saw on Navy Pier

- who has that accordion?
- Uh-huh.

I paid her five dollars

to play Bone Thugs-n-Harmony?

And I paid her ten to stop.

(both laughing)

Anyway, uh,

this guy's weird and hilarious,
and I'm sure you'll love it.

Well, you know I'm with it.

Let me text Tavi real quick
and see if she wants to go.

Maybe after we see this clown,
we can get some,

like, authentic Italian food.

You think Italy got Olive Garden?

Oh, you're so cute.

(phone chimes)

That was quick.
(chuckles) Let me see what she said.

"What are you talking about?

Clowns freak me out.
Where'd this come from?"

- You know what, I think she's gonna pass.
- Oh.

I'm ready for my interview!

All right, cool, let's get started.

All right, Lou.
Why don't you take a seat.

Franco is making a huge mistake.

Are we talking the beads in
the hair or the lady boots?

No, I'm-I'm talking about
his trip to Italy with Tavi.

They think it'll fix their relationship,

like those couples who
fight all the time,

and so they have a baby.

Yeah, Tavi's all wrong for him.

Huh. You sure this is
about Franco and Tavi

and not your feelings for him?

(sighs) Maybe a little of both.

No, it's about Franco and Tavi, mostly,

- and a little bit me.
- Okay, look.

You ready for some tough love?

I am a little vulnerable right now.

(clears throat)


you had plenty of chances
to tell him how you feel,

and you didn't.

Three days before he takes
his girlfriend to Italy

is not the time.

- You're right.
- Mm-hmm.

You're right. I-I should've,

I didn't, I need to move on.

And so, in conclusion,
you may call me Trashcan Lou,

but my motto is "Trash Can Do."

Cool. All right, uh,
thanks for coming in, Lou,

and, uh, we'll let you know.

Right now. No.

Tush, you got the job.

Yes! I can't work Fridays.

He didn't even finish his application!

I really need this job.
I'm trying to turn my life around.

Well, you still got the vampire thing.

That's seasonal!

Come on, I just need
somebody to give me a chance.

I don't know what to tell you,
man, I'm sorry.

But, hey, you know what?
How about a free donut?

Gee, thanks. Do you have a donut

that'll clothe me and feed
me and give me shelter?

Bear claw.

All right, so, uh,
before you leave every night,

make sure the sugar canisters are full.

Canisters, sugar, leave, full, are.

Got it.

Quick question... may I use the
deep fryer for personal items?

Tater tots and fish sticks and such?


I'll put down "maybe."

Uh, look, when we close up,

you, uh, put the money in the safe.

Uh, the combination
are the numbers for, uh,

Ron Santo, Billy Williams, Ernie Banks.

- It is not. I changed it.
- Why?

'Cause you keep saying
it out loud in the shop.

Damn, Randy.

- You look amazing.
- Oh, thanks.

But I can't get my dress fastened.

- Oh, I got you.
- Okay.

- You got big plans?
- Yeah.

I'm going on a date with
that guy from Bumble, Shawn.

It's our third date.
You know what they say...

- third date, third time having sex.
- Yeah.

(phone chimes)

Oh, Arthur, that-that's Tavi, man.

Can you get this for me?

Yeah, yeah, sure.
Put on a lot of dresses in my time.

(phone chimes)

- I mean Joanie. Just turn around, turn around.
- Oh.

She's texting me every seconds
to remind me to check her texts.

She's just, she's just thoughtful. Yeah.

You know, this is impossible.
Can I just staple it?

(scoffs) No.

- It's a very expensive dress.
- All right.

And I need it to come off later.

Hey, did you guys hear about
the nail salon next door?

The owner is sick and she had to
sell it for pennies on the dollar.

Oh, that's terrible.

Not for me, they were my pennies.

Arthur, I've got you surrounded.
The walls are closing in.

You're the kosher meat in the
middle of a Fawz sandwich.

I am not selling the shop.

Come on, take the money. Life is short.

Well, yours has been incredibly long,

but the rest has got to be short, right?

- Get out.
- Bah!

Randy, do you need help with your dress?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Uh-huh.

Yeah, this hook is impossible.

It's not a hook, it's a snap.

ALL: Oh, it's a snap.


Hey, Franco.

- What up, So'?
- Um...

I wanted to come in and say good-bye.

- I'm not leaving for a couple more days.
- No, I know.

Uh, but tomorrow morning,
I'm relocating my truck to the Loop.


Well, no one wants my
healthy food here in Uptown.

They'd rather go to Steak on a Stick
or Cheese in a Cup or Pork in a Van.

Oh, I don't think
that last one sells food.

Okay, well, I'm still gonna
see you before I leave, right?

Well, once I'm downtown,

I'm gonna be putting in some long hours,

you know,
to build a customer base, so...

So this is good-bye, good-bye.

All right, bring it in. (chuckles)


Wait, uh, Sofia,
b-before you leave, hold on.

Hey, Tush, can you get
my backpack down there?

So I was gonna frame
this for your birthday,

but because I won't
be able to see you...

Oh, my God, it's beautiful.

I'm glad you like it.

I love it.

Okay. Well,



Ciao, bella.

This is weird, man.

I won't be able to see
Sofia here anymore.

Well, you're not gonna be here, either.

Why you keep saying that?

You mad 'cause I'm going to Italy?

You told me I could go.

No, I was just saying,
it must be nice to be young,

and be able to do whatever you want.

So, you go have fun.

I'll still be here,
dying slowly of powdered sugar lung.

Is that a thing?

All right, let's go, Franco.

Store closes at : .

We got to get you a suit.

Are we buying a suit?

Yep. Tavi wants me to
have one for our trip.

And we sure we want a guy named
"Sweatpants" as our stylist?


Tavi's picking out the suit.

And she's busy,
so she wants to FaceTime me.

And I get to hold the phone.

Hey, if you guys start talking dirty,

that call will get dropped, literally.

All right, Arthur,
Franco covered almost everything.

Should any issues arise,

where might I find HR?

At the bottom of my leg,
when I put my foot up your ass

for complaining.


Hey. Is Franco still here?

- You just missed him.
- Oh, good.

Because I left my phone here,
and we just had

this long good-bye, and
I don't want to do a second good-bye.

Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there.

Look, I don't have time for
your idle chitchat, okay?

Arthur has left me in
charge of his baby.

I have to be laser-focused

to make sure that nothing goes wrong.

Give me everything in the register.

You see what you did?

Don't sh**t.

I just ordered something from Amazon,
and if it's left

outside my apartment,
it's gonna get stolen.

Give me your phones, both of you.

A flip phone?

Don't push any buttons.

I'm in the middle of a Minesweeper game.

Get that register open.

I just started, I don't know how.

Uh, you...
You're gonna have to wait for Arthur!

Who's not here!

And should leave out the
back while he still can!

What's that?

I can't hear a thing...
oh, what the hell?

Careful, he's got a g*n!

Yeah, or maybe he's got
his finger in his pocket.

Careful, he's got a g*n! He's got a g*n.

All right, all right, all right.

Get that register open.

All right, all right,
nobody needs to get hurt.

Here you go.

bucks? That's it?

You're the genius robbing a donut shop.

There's got to be more than that.

There's a safe in the kitchen.


What? You're covered by insurance.


The only insurance I got is
the painting covering the safe.

Oh, damn it.

All right, I'm ready.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I am not wasting a bikini
wax on a hostage situation.

Give me your phone,

and your g*n; I know you're a cop.

Where would I have a g*n?

And how do you know I'm a cop?

Trashcan Lou, is that you?

It's just "Lou."

"Trashcan" is hurtful.

And, no, I'm not him.

Just put the g*n down.

we'll pretend this never happened.

Okay, fine, it's me.

Everybody, shut up,
and let's get in the kitchen.

All right. Okay.

How did you know it was me?

I gave you that coat.

I'm sorry, the place is a mess.

I wasn't expecting a robbery.

Oh, crap, I just remembered, um...

Franco changed the
combination on the safe.

- You expect me to believe that?
- No, it's true.

We can't get into the
safe without Franco.

- Hey, guys.
- Oh, crap.

What's a panic att*ck?
'Cause I think I'm having one, right?

- Uh...
- So, uh, I was trying on suits for Tavi on FaceTime,

then my heart started beating fast,
all right?

And then-then, my butt cheeks got hot...
real, real hot...

Lou, what are you doing?

Hello, Franco.

I'm robbing you.

Get that safe open.

All right.

I can't remember the combination.

Don't pretend, kid, just open it.

I'm not pretending, all right?

I'm dizzy right now,
and my hands are shaking.

LOU: Hey, it's okay.
Just close your eyes, breathe, relax,

imagine you're lying on a
bed of soft little puppies.

Don't crush them!

But I'm so big and they're so little.

(phone chimes)

I'm gonna need that phone.

Okay, man.

- Tavi?
- Yeah.

She's probably wondering
what happened to me.

I-I sort of freaked out
and ran out of the store.

Why'd you freak out? I mean, that jacket

really flatters your build.

I know why you freaked out.

Franco, the panic att*ck is a sign.

Going to Italy with
Tavi is a huge mistake.


You deserve to be with
someone who gets you.

Someone who gets how amazing
and talented and fun you are.

Someone who would go see
the opera clown with you.

I would go see the opera clown with you.

RANDY: Sofia,

this isn't exactly the right time.

No, I-I'm sorry, but he needs
to hear this in case we all die.

Oh, no, no, no, no, honey,
nobody's gonna die.

It's Lou.

He's not gonna sh**t anyone.

- (shouting)
- Hey!

Everybody thought I was
a big joke yesterday.

Well, you're taking me seriously now.

Get that safe open.

All right, all right, man.

It's Chicago Bulls numbers.

Uh, damn, is it Pippen, Jordan, Rodman,

or is it Rodman, Jordan, Grant?

I thought it was white guy,
white guy, black guy.

I would never pick two white guys, man!

I got it. I got it, I got it.


(sighs, chuckles)

It was two white guys.

Here you go.

That's the whole week's take, bucks.

For a week?

How are you not homeless?

FAWZ: Hey, Arthur, guess what?

There's a secret passage
right from the nail salon

right to your basement!

- Hey, buddy, get in here...
- Get over here.

Put down... get the g*n.

Get the g*n.

- (grunts)
- All right, cuffs in my bag.

Wait a minute, you don't have your g*n,

but you have your handcuffs?

I told you, it's my third date.

So what's gonna happen to Lou?

I got them to take him to a
psych hospital for evaluation,

instead of lockup.

It sucks the only way a
dude like Lou can get help

- is if he gets locked up.
- Yeah.

FYI, I posted on Instagram
that I saved you all,

so if you could like it,
that'd be great.

Hey, Arthur.

How are you holding up?

I don't know.

When that sh*t went off,

my whole life really did
flash before my eyes.

Did you see that time we went fishing?

'Cause that was fun.

No, no, well, all I saw was donuts.

My whole life,
making donuts in this place.

What I should've seen
was Joanie and I, you know,

on a cruise, or, uh, going to Europe.

That didn't happen,
because I was always here.

I'll be fine.

Just need some rest.

Well, I should go, too.

Wait, wait. Wait, wait, Sofia.

We got to talk about what
you said in the kitchen.

Oh. Did I say something?

(laughs softly) I don't remember.

Well, not if I see you first.

- (laughs)
- Sofia!

Okay, I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have said anything, okay?

Y-You're going to Italy with
your girlfriend, and what I said

- was really inappropriate...
- Come here.



Fawz, are you crying?

Shut up, you're crying.

Look, I'm not going to Italy.

A-And you ain't moving your truck.

And there's a strong chance
I'm gonna kiss you again,

so just watch the suit;
it's got needles on it,

- all right? So...
- Okay.

So who wants to catch a brother up?

So, uh, thank you
for walking me to work.


I'm gonna miss you.

I'm gonna miss you, too.

So when am I gonna see you again?

Every time you turn around.

She works right out there.


- All right.
- Okay.


Whoa, what's going on?

I'm not going to Italy no more,
man, so I can keep my job here.

We'll see if we can work you
into the schedule, cowboy.

Arthur, here is the paperwork.

It was a pleasure doing
business with you.

(chuckles) What's he talking about?

I sold him the shop.

- You what?
- TUSH: What?

Just like that?

If this is about me going to Italy, man,

- I ain't going no more, I'm staying here.
- I didn't do this because of you, kid.

That robbery, it opened my eyes.

I-I've got to get out
there and live my life.

I'm gonna finally take that road trip.

I'm gonna see the three states
that Joanie and I never got to.


Excuse me.

So who am I working for?

You may call me Mr. Al-Shahrani.

Hell no.

That's it?
You're just gonna leave me here?

No, I'll be back. (laughs): Hey.

I'm gonna still live upstairs.

It's not the same.

Well, maybe things
shouldn't be the same.

I mean, if they were,
you wouldn't be in art school,

and you wouldn't have Sofia.

Hey, come on, you're always
pushing me to live my life.

So I'm gonna do it.

Okay, man.

(laughs softly)

Stay in touch, all right?

Text me once in a while.


If you show me how again.

FAWZ: Franco,

don't worry,
your job at Superior Donuts is safe.

Thanks, Fawz.

Until I turn this shop into
something more upscale, where,

let's be honest,
you probably won't be "the right fit."



let's get to work, you're on the clock.

Chop-chop! (chuckles)

Arthur, take me with you!
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