01x03 - New Neighbours

[bunniefuu]

Oh, and the board needs
a slogan by end of day.

Yeah, on it. Just haven't quite
landed on the perfect one.

- I asked you three weeks ago.
- But I want it to be really great.

Something that crystalizes
what this place is about.

Most people won't read it.

Okay. What about, "Hamilton
East Animal Shelter.

We Love Animals."

- Okay.
- Too basic. So basic!

This one's better, "Help!
I'm a homeless animal

and I need a home because
I don't have one."

Bit long and explain-y.

I also cut out some inspirational words.

"We have your next pet."

More of a ransom feel.

Right.

- Is that a pro or a con?
- Don't overthink it, okay?

Just something simple and brilliant

that instantly captures
peoples' hearts and minds.

Matching hearts, finding homes.

No one needs to be alone.

Wait, what was that?

- What did you say?
- I don't know. Write it down!

Oh, my God! Where's a pen?!

Was it, uh... finding hearts?

Homey homes? Home Alone?

Stop saying words when
they're not right!

- Uh! It was perfect.
- Why are these always empty?

This isn't my phone!

Okay, go.

Nope, it's gone.

Okay, let's go with the ransom note.

Good! That thing took me hours.

♪ ... Cool ♪

♪ I love to call you mine ♪

♪ And whenever I'm with you, my baby ♪

♪ I keep my Fahrenheit ♪

♪ I never lose my cool ♪

SHANNON: Hey! My first guests!

LIAM: You've done
wonders with the place.

- Welcome to the building, Ross!
- Liam, Hugh!

Glasses are there. Let's pop it off.

No, no. That's for you.

Hugh's got a lot of work
to do. Right, hon?

Oh, yeah... I guess.

Aw, that's too bad.

You know what? I don't even know
what you do, Mr. Mystery.

Well, I'm trained as a dental hygienist,

but my passion is candle making.

And mine's butter churning.

- He's not joking.
- No, my latest is a honey jasmine

with soy wax and arnica oil.

It's kind of part of my,
uh, 'back to basics' line.

Love it, and do you mix
them yourself, or...

- Ooh. Trade secret.
- In the bathtub.

Question, do you have any
that smell like a hotel pool?

'Kay, we're gonna time out here, Ross.

Oh, no. Uh, at work I'm Ross,

but here I'm Shannon, or Shans.

Nikki called me Shannonna once,

but, to be fair, she was mid-yawn.

Probably thinking about candles.

Liam's not such a fan of shop talk,

or spending too much time
with people from work.

What?

I just think it's better if
we maintain boundaries.

Work-life balance, Ross.

Right. I get it.

I was thinking the same thang.

You know, I'll bring by one
of my white laundry candles.

I mean, it's not quite hotel pool,

but I think the hints of bleach
should get you there.

Oh.

♪ We can't eat ♪

♪ Can't sleep, can't dream... ♪

♪

See you, babe.

Ah. Hey, man.

(MEOWING)

Mm. Smells good.

- Oh, you can have me.
- (MEOWING)

Uh, my food.

Oh, sorry. I'm about
to aspirate some cells.

Oh, it's okay. I'm sterile.

I mean my hands, not my...

Good weekend?

Yeah. Ravi and I went free climbing.

Cool. Ah, how much
does it normally cost?

It just means climbing with ropes.

Right. Yeah. I never
climb with ropes, so...

- You climb?
- Yeah.

I mean, smaller stuff.

Ah, trees and stairs.

Uh...

Oh! And I do orienteering.

Oh, fun!

Yeah. You-you, uh, run through
the woods and find flags.

Wait, like the kids' game?

Yeah, we... the kids
have their own division.

(KNOCKING)

We're out of Wilderness Grain
so I gave you Grass-Fed beef,

- no extra charge.
- Unacceptable, Deb.

Oh, no. The animals prefer
Grass-Fed, actually.

- It's just pricier.
- You can't let them swindle you.

I said no extra charge.

Deal.

- Oh, cool tattoo.
- Yeah. It's a Norse symbol.

My lady's convinced that we
met in a past life as Vikings.

I think tattoos are hot.

I'd love for Ravi to get one, but...

But he's too scared?

No, he's worried that it would
camouflage his muscle tone.

(MEOWING)

- Well, sounds like Ravi can't commit.
- Well, it's not for everyone.

Well, no cold feet here.

Although, hand circulation is an issue.

Put 'em in your pits.
Those are nature's mittens.

See ya.

Okay, time for lunch.

Oh, I'm good.

Okay.

♪ Don't stop... ♪

♪ Don't stop, I'mma be over ♪

(DOG WHINING)

Aw. Who is this?

¡Javier! ¡Espera a mami!

Javier, abajo. ¡Abajo! ¡Ven aquí!

¡Hola! ¿Cómo estás?

Oh, ah, nosotros no
hablamos mucho español.

Oh, uh, nosotros no
hablamos mucho español.

- Is she Spanish?
- Ah, I'm not.

Oh, good. Oh, I don't mean "good"

as in, like, "I don't
like Spanish people."

We just don't speak Spanish.

- Except to our dog.
- Who's Spanish.

Aw. Love it.

- I'm Shannon, by the way.
- Hi! Olivia.

- This is my husband.
- Hi.

- George.
- I'm George.

And this is Javier, our
little Dominican rescue!

Aw! He's so cute.

We have some island rescues at work.

Sorry, I work at Hamilton
East Animal Shelter.

- You must know Liam.
- GEORGE: Of course.

- Sorry. He doesn't mean that.
- What? I just said, "Of course."

He's just a little bit pushy.

- George or Liam?
- Both!

You know, not that I mind.

Twenty years in the newspaper business,

- I can handle it.
- Mm-hm.

Well, if you ever want a
little companion for Javier,

we just started a potcake
program at the shelter.

- Really?
- Mm-hm.

We just homed and dewormed
pups from Turks and Caicos.

Amazing.

You should pop by my place.
We can chat more about it.

Maybe you can even write a little story?

"Extree. Extree! We got potcake pups!"

I'm sure that's not how it works.

It's not, but our city desk
is always looking for stories.

Great! I'm in , by the way.

Oh, you're the one that
keeps losing her mitten.

He's a cat named Middens.

Got ya.

Hey, Paul.

- And Joy.
- What's up?

You have tattoos, right?

Why, because I been to prison?

No.

- No, I just...
- I'm kidding. I got tattoos.

I can also make a shiv
and a toilet rosé.

- Oh.
- Can I see your tattoos?

The closest I've had is a henna tattoo,

but I got an allergic reaction,

so it looked like these
really beautiful hives.

Uh, yeah, I got a couple above
the equator I can show you.

- "Ella?" Aw! That's so sweet!
- Yeah?

Yeah, it turned out pretty good,

- if I do say so myself.
- Did it hurt?

Like a MF, but I wanted to
keep Ella close to me, so.

So romantic!

Well, Ella's my daughter,
so, not so much.

Okay. Wrong word,
but, still, so romantic.

What's that?

Ah, that's not my best work.

- You drew that?
- Yeah.

I would love something like that.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

- What's so funny?
- I laugh when I'm nervous.

A tattoo's a big commitment.

Maybe you should think it over.

Oh, you don't think
I'm man enough for it?

- I wasn't thinking that.
- I was.

No, I just think that you're
a really great artist,

and I thought it would be nice if
a friend gave me my first 'too.

- Nobody calls it that.
- Never mind.

I'm sure I can get someone
else to take my money.

Hundred bucks, plus tax and tip.

Done. Risk taking. What a thrill.

- Thanks, Paul.
- PAUL: Yeah.

And Joy.

♪ On and on I go... ♪

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGING)

- Liam!
- God!

- Don't do that.
- Great news.

It's late, Ross. Can't this wait?
Some of us have plans.

I ran into Olivia Pacheva
from the Herald.

Was that little beast with her?

- Javier's super cute.
- I meant her husband.

Well, they're all great.
She's so fun and I convinced her

to write a feature on
the shelter. Holla!

What? This is a big deal.

Our shelter has zero media presence.

I wouldn't say zero.

Okay, so we have an
ad in the Coffee News

and we're on Bumble for some reason.

That was an innocent mistake.

And you know who's
all over social media?

- Don't say Puppy Love...
- Puppy Love Animal Shelter.

I hear they give their dogs Xanax.

Yeah, and they get them
professional headshots,

which is why we need this.

Come on! Olivia promised a big piece.

She promises a lot of things.

Feature, front page, then nothing.

Do you know how many condo
stories I've pitched her?

She loves the potcake program.

Twelve, and it's not just sales stories.

It's human interest.

"Broken elevator brings condo
couple closer together!

Units available!"

Well, this time you
have a secret w*apon.

Thought you'd jump in there. It's me.

- I'm the secret w*apon.
- I'm just saying, if she doesn't have time

for the condo king of east
Hamilton, good luck, sister.

- HUGH: Hey, Bubble Bear.
- Oh.

So, is it, uh, Condo
King, or Bubble Bear?

Work-life balance, Ross.

♪

So, I was thinking about your tattoo

and I found some great ideas online.

Way ahead of you, Joy.

What am I looking at?

An orienteering compass.

Pretty badass, hey?

It shows I know who I am and where I am.

Or what about this?

It's a medieval armour sleeve,

but it looks like it's breaking
out from under the guy's skin.

I was thinking of something
that will show her...

I mean people... that
I'm committed and cool.

Oh. Then how about this?

- "Never Don't Give Up?"
- It screams you.

- It screams, "I don't know English."
- Mm. You're overthinking it.

What about a mountain and a climber?

I feel like I know people
who would really like that.

Or "Keep Calm and Carry On?"

It says, "Keep Clam and Carry On."

- That's just a typo.
- Yeah. A permanent typo.

You'd be surprised how
many there are like this.

Well, thankfully, I am in
good hands with Paul.

The best. You want someone
you can trust, like an ex-con.

I didn't mean that sarcastically.

No, I trust Paul.

Right? Who doesn't? I mean, the
jury that convicted him didn't,

but that was a long time ago.

Everybody makes mistakes and, boy,

these pictures are proof of that.

Do you want me to
forward you more ideas?

- No! Thanks.
- 'Kay, good.

'Cause it's a lot harder to find
good examples than I thought.

Uh-huh.

(SIGHING)

♪

Olivia and I talked
for almost two hours.

About what?

The shelter. My life.
Growing up in Tatamagouche,

but having roots here in Hamilton.

Then I made a hair roots joke,
which didn't really land,

but we laughed anyway.

- Tell me you were professional.
- Psh, yeah!

We just got to know each other.

There's no such thing as oversharing.

Then why do I know what
shaving cream you use?

Oh, and she loved the potcake program.

I told her how we were k*lling it.

The program, not the potcakes.

And... she wants to talk to you!

- To me?
- She wants your take

on how East Hamilton is blowing up.

- She said that?
- No,

but she definitely said it was cleaner.
Can you meet her today?

Of course. Oh, my God. So much to cover.

Green roofs, adhesive-free
floors, skyrocketing sales.

And maybe something more personal?

I could throw out a cute anecdote
about Hugh's start-up,

get him some business.

Poor thing. This is his latest.

Dessert Sand Chestnut.

Hm.

It smells like Parmesan.

See? Just be yourself
and you'll do great.

Thanks, Ross. After the interview,

I'll come over and tell you
how charming I was.

Spoiler, extremely.

Ah, sorry. Work-life balance, Turner.

No, I'm meeting my aunt
and some of her gal pals

for karaokes if you want to join.

- There isn't a world.
- I didn't think so.

♪

♪ Get that feelin'... ♪

- (KNOCKING)
- Hi.

Just f*ring up the ol' autoclave?

The Internet said that's the
first thing you should ask about

- when getting a tattoo.
- Yeah, I don't have one of those.

Ah, but you're the first
person I'm using this on,

so should be okay.

Great.

Uh, I was hoping to get this on my back.

- A goose?
- A flying crane.

Really looks like a goose.

It's not.

Well, I'll take a cr*ck at it.

- Just adjust this thing here...
- Wow.

- Pointy, huh?
- Yeah.

I guess that's a good
thing, needle-wise.

That way it can really pierce the skin.

- Yeah.
- Over and over and... (SHUDDERING)

And over again.

You having second thoughts?

If I were, they would be,
like, "On second thought,

see first thought, 'cause this
is definitely a great thought!"

Okay. Take your shirt off.

Ah, listen, a couple of
things we need to go over

for when we're done.

You need to keep the dressing
on for a couple hours.

It'll help absorb any of the fluids
that might ooze out of you.

Uh, by fluids you mean, uh, ink?

Sure.

Also keep an eye out for infection,

chills, pain, fever, purulent drainage.

More fluids, uh, draining.

Purulently. (SNIFFING)

Um, okay. Let's, uh...

Hey, listen, you don't have to
do this if you don't want to.

You know, there's no
shame in chickening out.

I mean, there is, but
your body, your choice.

No. Let's tat this.

Okay. (LAUGHING)

(BREATHING DEEPLY)

Here we go.

♪ If only you could see what I see ♪

♪ I see, I see, I see, I see ♪

♪ If only you could see what I see... ♪

OLIVIA: Hey, neighbour!

- GEORGE: Hello.
- Oh! Hey!

Look at us, two ships.

(CHUCKLING)

We're just stepping out to
pasear el perro, right, Javi?

Aw! Sounds perro-fect!

Oh! I spoke to Liam. It went great.

Piece'll be online tomorrow
and in print Friday.

Ah-mah-zing.

- Thank you.
- Good night, Sharon.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGING)

♪ Resilient ♪

(BARKING)

Middens, stop barking.

(BARKING)

George! What-what are you doing here?

I live here.

OLIVIA: Quiet, Javier.

George, who are you talking to?

Shannon? Is she naked under there?

Oh, my God. I should go.

Great read, by the way.
Was, uh, that a gift?

How did she get in here?

I left the door open.

I'm so sorry. All the units
look so much alike.

It's okay.

Hopefully this is on right...

(GRUNTING)

And I will def pay to get that cleaned.

Though nacho dust comes out pretty easy.

GEORGE: Is that my mouth guard?

It didn't fit.

Oh.

Look alive, Ross, code red.

- There's an animal missing?
- Oh, is that what that means?

- Yeah.
- No. This is important.

Olivia's piece was supposed to
come out today and it's not.

Instead, there's a feature

on how grapefruit gets
rid of your eye bags,

which was actually quite good,

but nothing about my condos!

Or the shelter.

I'm sure she's just doing a final edit.

I doubt it's anything you or I did,

- or said, or didn't wear.
- Right.

Although...

What? Did you hear something?

No, but I may have said something.

Maybe too much.

She asked me about where I grew up,

next thing I was showing
her my baby pictures.

- Oh.
- Then I took off my socks mid-interview.

- Why?
- My feet were burning... up!

She said it was fine.
She made me feel safe.

Oh, my God. It was my George comment.

You gotta admit he's kinda...

- You said that?
- Said it.

Thought it. Who knows?

I'd had a couple hits off Hugh's
bubbler to take the edge off.

God, I blew this. I'm sorry.

I'll call her. And on the off,
off chance it was something,

we should remember that
everybody makes mistakes.

It is totes normal.

Don't try to make me feel better.

Olivia's like my grade three
teacher, Miss Spencer,

and she used to spit in my juice.

A fact I also shared with Olivia.

♪ On the way up to you ♪

♪ I'm all the way up for you ♪

Beep-beep. Coming through!

- Whoa!
- Excuse me, Ravi. Yeah.

There he is. Animal Man.

IFO training.

International Federation
of Orienteerers.

Gotta keep it tight.

We're just going to go eat some salads.

RAVI: Ah, yeah. It's this
new raw fusion place

I've been dying to try.

Well, I wouldn't die for
anything except my girl.

- Later.
- Yeah, okay. I'll see you.

(GROANING)

Whoa! Sounds like muscle moan.

Yeah, yeah, must be my
new workout regime.

Little something I call,
boulders on shoulders.

Is that safe?

Or it could be the fresh ink.

My new tattoo.

Really?

We were just talking about that.

Yeah and I thought, "Let's just
do this." I mean, that's me.

I'm totally spontaneous
and totally tatted.

Wow! Living in the moment, man. Kudos.

See? Some people just do it.

Don't think it over for three months.

Yeah, wha... No big deal,
but, uh, check it.

What is it?

Ah, no. It's... it's a flying fish.

Oh, wait, no! Dragon in a flood.

Whatever it is, man, I love it.

Soaring crane.

Oh, yeah.

- Yeah. It's just a bit blurry.
- KRISTIAN: What?

LARA: Oh, maybe the ink hasn't set yet?

RAVI: Oh! Hey! Now I see it.

So majestic.

What the heck? I paid you for a tattoo.

- That marker said permanent.
- Paul!

Look, I was going to
give you a real one,

but then I figured what's
the point, you know,

after you passed out, rolled over,

- and fell on your clipboard.
- Oh. I thought Nikki broke it.

Don't be embarrassed.
When I did my Ella tattoo,

I thought I was going to pass out.

I mean, I didn't.
I'm a man, but I get it.

So, you just drew on my back?

Well, you just seemed so nervous.

I thought maybe you should
give it a try first, you know?

- A test run.
- Now she thinks I'm an idiot.

- Who?
- No one.

Look, do you know why I
wear long sleeves so much?

I just assumed eczema.

Because I'm not always proud
of what's under 'em, you know?

They remind me of who I
used to be, not who I am.

You're just saying that
to make me feel better.

No. I truly don't care how you feel,

but if you're going to get a tattoo,

you've gotta have a
good reason, you know?

And if you do ever really want one,

I'll do it for free.

Okay, thanks.

- Yeah.
- I'll think about it.

And, hey, at least I started
working out again.

I'm actually pretty sore.

Well, that's where you
rolled on your clipboard.

Let me have this.

Hi, it's me again.

Shannon, from your bed.

Obviously, big apologies there.

Also, totally out of character.

I had just kind of come
from a blow-out hang.

Karaoke.

There were seven of us and the
first person bought a round,

so then everybody bought a
round... it's not important.

Anyway, call me.

Wow. How bad was the sex?

- It wasn't sex.
- So, bad.

Are you vaping?

No. Furnace is broken.

Chilly, huh?

I can smell the hazelnut.

- I'm taking that.
- Get your own.

'Kay, I'm off. Call me if you hear back.

And, don't worry, we'll
get this all sorted out.

He was there, too? (LAUGHING)

Oh, my God. Stop stealing my vape.

Then don't leave it at reception.

- Shannon!
- Oh, wow!

- Olivia. It's good to see you.
- So sorry if I rambled yesterday.

- George is a lovely man.
- What?

Maybe we should chat in my office?

I didn't put my best
foot forward, or feet

that should have been socked.

Oh, no, you weren't the problem.

I mean, the whole thing is mortifying

and it's so unprofessional.

- Well, I'm sorry for having a few drinks.
- What?

I got drunk and I stumbled
into her apartment.

I fell asleep, naked, and
stole a pair of pants.

- Yep.
- It's like a Thursday for me.

It was an honest mistake,

unlike denying this shelter
some much-needed publicity.

I really don't know her that well.

It's those stupid unit numbers.

The fours look like ones
and the ones look like Ls.

That's an award-winning font.

Look, please, I didn't
hold back the story

because you were drunk.
I didn't publish it,

because I taped over your
interview when I spoke to Liam.

I feel like an idiot. Maybe
not like you do, but...

- Okay, we get it.
- LIAM: So, my stuff's fine?

I was just here to re-interview Shannon,

and to take a photo for the piece.
I mean, unless you don't want...

No, no, no, no, no!

- We def do. We do.
- Yes.

OLIVIA: That's great.

Oh, finally, some real exposure.

I mean, for the shelter.
You've already had yours.

Shut it.

Your building sounds awesome.

Units still available.

SHANNON: She says our
programs are outstanding.

- That's a quote from you.
- Okay, facts are facts.

Ah, and here you are:

"Liam Turner, the
shelter's board chair... "

"... spoke at length about
his vision for the shelter.

While Mr. Turner can be
overbearing at times,

I was slightly charmed by him."

It's a compliment.

That's what you get for opening up.

Don't take it too seriously.
I think you're alluring,

exotic, a breath of fresh
air with valleys of mystery

and sensual confidence.

I know that's a candle description.

- But say it again.
- Should I get more bubbly?

Actually, uh, we should get going.

Oh, but sushi's on the way.

And I just feel like a...

Yeah. Me, too.

Okay. I see what's going on!

Work-life balance, Shans.

Oh, my God! You called
me Shans! Bring it in.

I don't like where this is going.

Mm. I can really smell the
hints of lavender now.

- Thank you.
- Oh, my God.

♪ Let's shake it up ♪

♪ It's kind of scary,
but I'm loving the rush ♪

♪ My heart is racing like, oh ♪

♪ 'Cause this feels like home ♪

♪ Feels like home ♪

♪ Yeah, it's true ♪

♪ Look in the mirror and
I'm feeling so good ♪

♪ Yeah, I've been searching like, oh ♪

♪ This feels like home ♪