02x03 - Picture Day & Agee Ientee Diogee

[bunniefuu]

♪ Look at that sun
Look at that sky ♪

♪ Look at my sweater vest
I look so fly ♪

♪ Look at that mailbox
Look at that tree ♪

♪ It's about as beautiful as it can be ♪

♪ Whoa

♪ Today is gonna be exceptional ♪

♪ Never boring even for a minute ♪

♪ It's my world
And we're all livin' in it ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Never boring even for a minute ♪

♪ It's my world
And we're all livin' in it ♪

[Brigette] Look at you,
Mr. Handsome!

Did you do something extra special with
your hair for the school picture day?

Just my same ol' signature flip.

Maybe this year they'll actually be able
to get a good picture of you.

Oh, Mom.

What?

A mom can dream.

[Milo] At least they got
my good ear.

Fingers crossed
this is the year!

Uh, yeah, the shower's free.

Were you waiting
for the shower, Mom?

I think I'll use
the one in the R.V.

And, I'm all packed.

Hawaii here we come!

[Cavendish] But I don't
want to go on vacation.

I want to stay home and cry.

We've been fired!

We're wastrels. Do-nothings.

We have no purpose!

Aw, you wanna bring Dennis?

[squeaks]

Yes.

Greetings new employees.

I'm Mr. Block,

the great, great, great, great-grandfather
of your ex-employer, Mr. Block.

But you're so young?

[Mr. Block] I know.

Isn't time travel a hoot?

In any case,

I wanted you to know

that when you return
from your Hawaiian vacation,

you'll be working for me.

-What?
-True story.

When I heard
you were available,

I snatched you up
for my top secret government agency.

You guys have a good vacation

and welcome to P.I.G.

P.I.G.? What's that?

You heard him,
it's top secret.

When we get back,
we'll have new jobs.

-[in high-pitched voice] Yay for Daddy!
-[squeaks]

-Hey, guys.
-Hey, Zack.

What happened to your hair?

My mom.

Okay, just sit in front of the library
backdrop there, please.

Why do you even have that?

We're already in a library.

Yes, but this is
a slightly nicer library.

I love picture day.

Tell me, does this cape
make me look pale?

Sure it's the cape.

Can't wait to see what stops you from
getting your photo this year.

What are you talking about?

I've never been able
to get a school photo.

It's like I don't
show up on film.

Wait. You don't show up on film?

Some sort of
Murphy's Law thing.

Mort. Milo doesn't
show up on film.

What?
He must have been bitten by...

-A ghost!
-Yes! Wait, what?

No, ghosts don't have teeth.

What about a shark ghost?

Ugh, he was not bitten
by a shark ghost.

Obviously he was bitten
by a vampire.

[Mort] We've never seen
Mr. Drako bite anyone.

We don't even know
if he's a vampire.

He may just have an accent.
And weird hair. And a cape.

And a coffin. And...

[gasps] Milo's a vampire!

But nobody will believe us
because we sound like idiots.

You're right, we do.

And if we're
going to save Milo,

we're going to have to get...

-A bagel?
-No. Proof!

Then bagels?

If there's time.

Okay. Here goes nothing.

Milo, be careful!

Easy.

Oh, hi, same guy
from last year.

[shrieking]

[door slams]

I'm surprised he came back.

I've got this! Smile-o, Milo!

[objects shattering]

-[camera clicks]
-This is harder than I thought.

Oh, well. Maybe next year.

No way.
We're getting that picture.

Amanda, can we use
any old camera?

Yes, but the photo has to match the others
in the yearbook.

You have to have
that exact backdrop

and it has
to be turned in by : p.m.

Stop everything.
I'll take the proof.

I mean picture.

Wait. Oh, no,
my battery's dead.

And mine's just a bagel!

[both screaming]

Okay, it looks like
it's up to me.

[crashes]

[grunts]

Oh, we're gonna
get that picture, Milo.

♪ He's Recurring Raccoon ♪

♪ He's Recurring Raccoon ♪

I must say, I'm quite chuffed to be out
of the nut-guarding business.

But P.I.G.?

What does it stand for?

Maybe it's Pig. Ina. Glanket.

Hold on! Here it is.

-Paranormal Investi... Glanket?
-I needed a "G."

Anyhoo, Paranormal
Investigation Group.

Oh, we're going to be
Paranormal Investigators.

Actually, I think
a glanket is a thing.

It's not a thing.

It's a
glow-in-the-dark blanket.

It's not a thing.

[Chad] Here they come.

Okay, we just have to hit him with one of
these garlic-filled water balloons.

If he freaks, that will be
proof that he's a vampire.

Yeah cause regular people don't freak

when you hit them
with a balloon full of stinky water.

We need to find the most reliable way
to get a photo of Milo.

And by my calculations, the most reliable
way to get anything done is...

-The airport!
-What?

My cousin Zelda takes
passport photos at the airport.

-She'll get the sh*t. She never misses.
-[crow cawing]

[Melissa] Well, I guess
we are going to the airport then.

Whoa. Ugh, it stinks.
Uh, garlic stinks.

Uh, whoa, it's so garlicky.

[crow caws]

[Zelda monotone]
Stand on the X, sir.

Look at the camera.

Thank you, step forward.

Stand on the X, ma'am.

My cousin is like
a photo-taking machine.

We just put Milo in front
of her camera and snap, it's done!

Hi, Zack.

-Hi, Zelda.
-Stand on the X, sir.

If he doesn't cast
a reflection, we'll know he's a vampire.

[Zelda] Look at the camera.

-Ah! I can't see!
-[screams]

♪ Zippy ♪

♪ The world's fastest Koala ♪

♪ He's the fastest koala in the world ♪

♪ You know he's running around ♪

Great! Now we're gonna have
seven years of bad breath.

Excuse me. Did anyone here
get a look at the perp?

We did.

I'm gonna need you guys to come downtown
and make a witness statement.

Yes!

You know what's an even more
reliable photo op?

Mug sh*ts.

[Dakota]
♪ Going to Hawaii ♪

Pillow? Headphones?

Glanket?

-Told you.
-[horn beeps]

♪ Zippy ♪

♪ The world's fastest koala... ♪

Great Nelson's Turnbuckle!

Whoa!

Gentlemen, board quickly before that
absurdly fast koala gets back.

♪ You know he's running around ♪

[woman] We're ready
with the lineup!

Um...

Hmm...

Seriously? It's number five.

-You sure?
-Yep. That's our guy.

[male cop] Aw, if you'd
mentioned he was a koala,

it would've saved us
a lot of time.

[camera flashes]

Thanks to you kids, we got that fuzzy
little maniac off the streets.

No problem, Officer sir.

Um, can you do us a favor?

Hold still,
it's a really slow f-stop.

I need to get a cat license.

[growls, barks]

[shrieks]

[dog barking]

[cat snarls]

[dogs barking]

♪ Zippy ♪

♪ The world's fastest koala ♪

How on earth did we end up
in the Himalayas?

[shivers] My mustache is frozen solid.

I can't take
an entire week of this.

Great Bollywallocks! A Yeti!

A what-y?

A large, hairy creature
resembling a human or bear,

said to live in the highest part
of the Himalayas.

This is it, Dakota!

Yetis are paranormal.

This is the perfect opportunity

to show off our paranormal
investigative skills.

Come! We must get a photo.

-All right, smile.
-[camera clicks]

Not of me.

[rock music playing]

♪ I want your picture
Want a photograph ♪

♪ But I didn't know that it
Would take extensive labor ♪

♪ And now I feel
A little understaffed ♪

-[bats screeching]
-[both yelling]

♪ We better get your likeness
On a piece of paper ♪

♪ Doesn't have to be posed ♪

♪ I can take one candid ♪

♪ I can take one candid

♪ But I don't want to leave
With such an empty-handed ♪

♪ Empty-handed ♪

♪ Just say cheese ♪

♪ I wanna capture
that look in your eye ♪

♪ Say cheese ♪

♪ Some five by seven
And some wallet sized ♪

♪ Say cheese ♪

♪ I think you wanna be immortalized ♪

♪ Say cheese ♪

♪ I wanna take your picture ♪

♪ I wanna take your picture ♪

♪ I wanna take your picture ♪

Hurry.
I'm holding the presses.

Oh, I'm so sorry, Milo.

It's okay.

You know, w-who needs a photo when they
can have a day full of great memories

made with the best friends
in the world?

You meant us, right?

[dramatic music playing]

[both screaming
in slow motion]

[camera clicking]

[slow mo screams and clicks]

[screaming]

[camera clicking]

Chad?

Uh, Chad?

I... I don't think he...

-Chad?
-[Chad] Finally.

We have proof.

[all] Aw!

Oh, I guess we were wrong.

No vampire. Delete.

[all shout] No!

[Chad grunts]

Oh, sorry about that,
my boy.

Hi, Cavendish and Dakota.

Hello, Murphy and your lot.

Gotta run. We've vital government business
to attend to.

Cheery Bye!

Quickly! Send that photo to me
before anything else happens.

[cell phone beeps]

[Cavendish] Sir, we have made
an amazing discovery.

We need you to see this

Uh, okay.

I'll bite.
Who's the kid?

No, no, no!
This isn't my phone!

We had a picture of a Yeti.

We were doing our jobs
as Paranormal Investigators.

-Excuse me?
-Paranormal Investigation Group.

The acronym.
We figured it out.

Oh, yes, but you will be
in the janitorial division.

Which is also P.I.G.

Purgers of Intergalactic Garbage.
[chuckles]

Aliens are such litter bugs.

But you won't be doing
any actual investigation.

We have competent people for that.

Wait. There are aliens?

Welcome aboard.

[Brigette] Well,
maybe next year Milo.

[chuckles] Can't say
we didn't try, Mom.

Aw, who needs a picture when I've got the
real thing right here?

The shower in the R.V. is free.

♪ It's my world
and we're all livin' in it ♪

[music playing on tv]

[munching]

We're out of chips.

Hello.

Out of chips. Anyone?
Chip me over here? Any...

Where is everybody?

Ew!

Oh, right, they go out
during the day. Huh.

Guess it's just you and me, doggy.

Little puppy.

You know,
you look familiar to me.

You remind me of somebody
that I met this summer.

I remember it
like it was yesterday.

Actually, I don't remember this part
because I wasn't there.

But apparently, this is where
the story starts.

So, let's just go with it.

So, can we do
something safe today?

I'm kind of Murphyed out.

It doesn't really
work that way.

Can we at least try
for an uneventful day?

Well, there is a new ice cream parlor
that opened up nearby.

Ice cream is usually
pretty uneventful.

Okay then, ice cream it is.

-[barks]
-Diogee, go home.

You can't go to the ice cream parlor
with us.

Poor Diogee. He never gets
to do anything interesting.

Good day, Agent G.

While you're trying to escape
my fast hardening maple syrup,

you have to be
asking yourself,

"How's my sworn enemy, Dr. Not-Sorry,
greatest Canadian evil scientist ever,

"like, still alive, eh?"

I mean, I, like, blew up
this maple tree mountain fortress, eh.

Well, guess what?
My plaid lab coat doesn't just look good.

It's like expl*si*n proof, eh.

[chuckles] Ain't it a beauty?

Okay, time to end this, eh.

I know I'm rushing this,
but like an evil Canadian, I'm not polite.

Oh, bear, that was,
like, my favorite. Ow!

Okay, now you've done it, eh.

Oh, it's go time now.

Not sorry.

Not sorry.

[grunts]

Not sorry.

Not sorry about that one.

[screaming]

[wind howling]

Hmm?

[yelps]

Guten Morgen, Agent G.

I thought I would welcome you
by wearing this Lederhosen.

The traditional garb
of your Germanic homeland...

Carl, are you sure this is Agent G
from our German division?

He doesn't look much
like his profile picture.

It's probably 'cause
his eyes are covered sir.

You know what they say,
the eyes are the window to the soul.

Carl, what have I told you?

We're spies, not poets.

And don't forget it.

Anyhoo, Agent G, thanks for
filling in while Agent P is on vacation.

Doofenshmirtz is up to
his old tricks and by old...

Agent G! Where'd he go?

He's sniffing
the equipment, sir.

[Monogram] What a pro.

Familiarizing himself with every piece of
equipment before the mission.

Agent G, we know you want
to get right to business.

So we programmed
the autocopter

to take you directly
to Doofenshmirtz's lair.

Now, get out there
and stop Doofenshmirtz.

He's uh, he's stuck
in the corner, sir.

[Monogram] I'm sure he's just a little
turned around after his long plane flight.

Carl, help him out.

All right, Agent G.
Go get Doofenshmirtz.

[spy themed music playing]

You could learn
a lot from him, Carl.

♪ Doofenshmirtz
Evil Incorporated ♪

[sniffing]

Ah-ha! Gotcha,
Perry the Platyp... Wait.

Wait a second.
You're not Perry the Platypus.

Oh, I see how things are.

I guess I'm not on the A-list anymore
and I get stuck with...

What are you? Some kind of,
some kind of dog, I guess?

Okay, well give me
your best sh*t, Agent...

I don't know
what your name is, uh,

I... I'm just gonna call you
Nigel Weatherbone.

That sounds like an agent.

And has bone in it
'cause your a dog.

Okay, Nigel Weatherbone,

give me your best sh*t.

Um, why isn't
Agent G doing anything sir?

Ugh, I knew
we sent him out too quickly.

I should have given him
one more briefing.

Don't get your
lederhosen in a pretzel, Carl.

Agent G knows
exactly what he's doing.

He's sussing out
the situation,

and when he's found the weakness
in Doofenshmirtz's armor,

he'll strike!

[panting]

[sighs] So, aren't you gonna do anything,
Agent Weatherbone?

Perry the Platypus
used to try to escape but...

I'm sorry, I don't
mean to be judgmental.

I'm sure you've got your own M.O.
that works for you.

Your own modus operandi.

Maybe you're waiting
for my reveal. Maybe that's it.

Behold!

The Shock Absorber Absorbinator.

It finds all the shock absorbers
in the tri-state area

and absorbs them
into this canister.

Then I can sell them back
to the unwitting public

for a considerably mark-up.

People will come
crawling to me.

Literally, because they have
no shock absorbers.

And driving will be
slightly uncomfortable.

[Diogee whines]

What's the matter?
Do you feel sorry for the people

who are crawling to me?

Oh, you wanna play fetch?

You wanna play fetch?

Well, you can't
because I'm evil.

[laughs]

Oh, wait.
No, no fair. Wait.

Nigel.
Where are you, Nigel?

Nigel? Nigel Weatherbone?

Where are you?

All right, where are you?

Where'd you go?

[systems powering down]

Oh, oh, I see.
Psychological games.

Well, that's my forte.

And you're in my backyard now.

[chains clinking]

I don't remember there being
so many chains but...

-[clanking]
-[screams]

Oh, I see what you're
doing here.

If you're trying
to freak me out,

you are not getting to me,

but I am gonna get out
of this room right now,

is what I'm gonna do.
This is crazy.

This is my place.
I'm not afraid of some...

[screams] No, no, no.

Now you're just... [laughs]

Please, stop it...
[stammers]

You're just...
You're just licking me?

[laughs] I hope nobody
was filming that

because I came off a little less than
manly, I'm afraid.

[both laughing]

-I gotta share this. I gotta share this.
-Oh, my gosh.

Share, share, share.

But I know how to get
that little demon.

Okay, Nigel,

wanna play a little game
of fetch?

[laughs] You fell
right into my trap.

This tennis ball's a lot more
grenady than I recall.

Uh-oh.

-Oh, shrink grenade?
-[barking]

Curse you, Nigel Weatherbone

and your indiscriminate
fetching skills.

Stay away from me!

-Bad dog, bad dog!
-[barking]

No, no, no, that's my dinner.
That's my dinner.

Leave it alone.
Leave it alone.

[panting]

Finally, I got rid of that...

Now all I have to do
is get over to the...

-[thuds]
-[screams]

Oh, hello.

Hi, Mr. Fluffypants .

I'm just like... [stammers] What?
No, no, no, stop it. Please.

♪ Grab your raincoat
And put on your relaxers ♪

♪ Come on ♪

-[cat snarling]
-[barking]

Stay away from my cat.

♪ Open your umbrella
Seems like if you are watching ♪

♪ Come on ♪

[screaming]

♪ Don't forget your way ♪

♪ 'Cause you know
It's raining dogs and cats ♪

♪ It's raining cats and dogs ♪

[music continues]

[screaming]

This smells bad.

God, it smells like...

Fish.

Uh...

[chuckling nervously]

I'm not a fish!
I'm not a fish!

I'm not a fish!
I'm not a fish!

I have arms and legs.
I'm not a fish.

When I offer you a real fish,
you can't be bothered.

I see how it is.

Ugh!

Hey, wait.
Is this tea pot shrinking?

Oh, you know what, the more
likely explanation

is that the shrinkanator is wearing off

and that I'm... Actually...
Growing.

This hurts even more
than my yoga class.

[grunts] Wow, talk about
a tempest in a tea pot.

[barking]

Oh, look at the little puppy.
How did you get in here.

Careful, I'm in mid-thwart
with a new agent.

He's around here somewhere.

Wild too.

[Diogee sniffing]

[cat meows]

Oh, there you are.

Oh, there was somebody here
I wanted you to meet because he...

Well, it was another dog.
I thought...

Hey, look, I know you guys
don't all know each other.

I just thought maybe
you had something in common.

Never mind. Have at you. [grunts]

All right, Nigel Weatherbone,
you have outstayed your welcome.

Wait, do you smell gas?

[gas hissing]

Oh, great.

[expl*si*n]

It's been lovely having you.

Please never bark
at my doorstep again.

Oh, yes, curse you,
Nigel Weatherbone.

Ta-Ta.

That Agent G is amazing.

I'm gonna throw some dudlesack on the
barbeque for his triumphant return.

Um, sir, "dudlesack" means
"bagpipe" in German.

Uh, I knew that. It's a...
It's a German delicacy.

Fried bagpipe.

I'm going to cook some right now.

Carl, go out to the store
and get me a bagpipe.

Yes, sir.

[spy themed music playing]

[panting]

[spy themed music playing]

How you ever escape
those k*ller electro-beavers,

let alone b*at Mr. Skate and his team of
henchmen is beyond me, eh.

Goodbye, Agent G.

[water rushing]

Oh, what kind of park
has a cliff?

[screams]

[echoes] Still not sorry!

Congratulations, Agent G.

You did a brilliant job of
defeating Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

Um, sir, this looks like a completely
different dog from the one earlier.

That's because he's a master
of disguise, Carl.

A master of disguise.

And that's the story
of the dog you remind me off.

The one who showed up
in the middle.

Not the one with the hat.

He was clearly a secret agent.

Or maybe
you just look familiar

because I've been crashing
on your couch for a month.

♪ Go, Milo
Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ Oh, thanks, everybody
That is so motivational ♪

♪ Go, Milo
Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ I'm not sitting here
Watching the world turn ♪

♪ You know I'd rather spin it ♪

♪ Go, Milo
Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ It's my world
And we're all livin' in it ♪