04x07 - Sidetracked

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Phineas and Ferb". Aired: August 2007 to November 2015.*
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Stepbrothers adventures during their summer vacation.
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04x07 - Sidetracked

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ There's a hundred and
four days of summer vacation ♪


♪ and school comes
along just to end it ♪


♪ So the annual problem
for our generation ♪


♪ is finding a good way to spend it ♪

♪ Like maybe ♪

♪ Building a rocket,
or fighting a mummy ♪


♪ or climbing up
the Eiffel Tower ♪


♪ Discovering something
that doesn't exist ♪


♪ Or giving a monkey a shower ♪

♪ Surfing tidal waves ♪

♪ Creating nano-bots or
locating Frankenstein's brain ♪


It's over here!

♪ Finding a dodo bird
Painting a continent ♪


♪ Or driving our sister insane ♪
Phineas!


♪ As you can see, there's
a whole lot of stuff to do ♪


♪ before school starts this fall ♪
Come on, Perry!


♪ So stick with us, 'cause
Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all! ♪


♪ So stick with us, 'cause Phineas
and Ferb are gonna do it all! ♪


Mom, Phineas and Ferb are
making a title sequence!

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Chorus: # Perry #

[HORN BLOWS]

Hey, you can't do that!

Hey, the same thing, but in French.

You're out of your jurisdiction, buddy.

I'll take it from here, eh?

Whoa!

[TIRES SCREECH]

Coming through!

Well, there's no catching
up to them, now. [BEEP]

[STARTS ENGINE]

Agent P. We just received
word you're on Canadian soil.


We don't have jurisdiction there.

- Stand down. That's an order!
- Sorry, Agent P. Our hands are tied.


Carl, don't interrupt me!
Return to headquarters, pronto!


Sorry.

[CHATTERING]

Phineas: Good morning, Perry.
Ready to start another fun day?


Ferb: Good morning, Perry.

Mom: Hi, Perry. How are you?

Candace: Okay, Mom. If you
go out into the yard today


and there's nothing there, I'll...
I'll clean the bathroom.


Candace, you were
supposed to do that anyway.


So, we have a deal?

Buford: So, what you're saying is that
it advocates a mixed economy


where significant roles are played

by the private sector
and the government?


Baljeet: No, it... Actually, yes.
That is what I was saying.


Buford: Hey, Perry.

Isabella: Good morning, Perry.
What you doing?


[CAR ALARM BLARING]

Agent P.,
Doofenshmirtz was last seen


boarding a train transporting
Precious Albert the Moose.


Cue the graphic, Carl.

Albert the Moose is
Canada's prized animal


who represents the
unity of the provinces.


We need you to make sure that Doof
keeps his mitts off that moose.


If you fail, the Canada Day
celebrations will be ruined


and Canada will break into civil w*r.

Or, since it's Canada, it
would be a civil conversation


where secession would be the
topic of discussion and...


- Carl! Antlers?
- Sorry, sir.


Now, this train runs along the border
between the United States and Canada.


So, you'll only have jurisdiction
on the American side of the train.


To help you out on the
Canadian side of the train,


you'll be teaming up with
an agent from C.O.W.C.A.,


the Canadian Organization
Without a Cool Acronym,


Agent Lyla.

You may remember her from that special
assignment for our Seattle bureau


we sent you on a couple of months ago.

I know that didn't go too well.

But, I expect you to be a professional
and put that all behind you.


So, get out there and good luck.

- Carl, can I have those antlers back?
- Sure, sir.


[CHUCKLES] Oh, yeah.
I'm rockin' this look!


Lyla: Woo-hoo!

Ah, Agent P! We meet again.

Oh, look at that face!
I know, you work alone.

But you'll see,
Mister "I can do it all by myself",

having someone to watch your back
can be just what you need, there!

Hey, where are you going?

Ah, Perry the Platypus!
What an unexpected...

Oh, wait, wait, wait!
You're trapped...


by societal convention!

Look, we're in a fine
dining environment.


Everyone knows not to throw
a scene in a fancy restaurant.


That's right.
You're trapped. Sit down.


Oh, sh**t! I see we're
trapped by societal convention.

Agent Lyla, from C.O.W.C.A.?
Is this an international team-up?

Oh, you must hate that,
Perry the Platypus!

A loner like you?

Lyla: Oh, come on, he's
warming up to the idea.


Yes, obviously. Why, are you causing
trouble in Canada, Doofenshmirtz?

Well, you see, I'm part of a U.S.-Canada
evil scheme exchange program.

I come up with a scheme
and this other Canadian guy

comes up with a scheme and we switch.

I do his scheme, and he does mine.

- You gonna eat those fries?
- Don't touch!

Anyway, I've got a little
math quiz for the both of you.

If a train carrying
Precious Albert the Moose

left British Columbia at : in the
morning, going miles per hour,

what time would it arrive at
the Canada Day Celebration?

Answer? Never. Because I've tied up
the conductor and taken control of

the train using my remote controlled
Train-operator-inator.

Right now we are all headed to my scheme
exchange partner's secret fortress.

Hey! Cut it out!
Those are mine.

Seriously, I can get
the waiter over here

if you want to order
your own, but, please.

This evil exchange partner
of yours, what's his name?

I think his name was Sir Railing
or Dr. Stairway, or something.

Professor Bannister!
Of course, my arch nemesis.

- Can I put some gravy on those?
- Seriously. Leave my lunch alone!

Anyway, after Professor
Bannister gets the moose,

it's going to ruin Canada Day,
or you know, whatever.

- Crazy, right?
- You know what's really crazy?

How good these fries are.

Hey, I am not kidding.
Leave those alone!

I just don't understand it.
Why would you take my lunch


when you're in the dining car
and you can have your own lunch.

Oh, it makes me crazy
when people pick at my food.

Seriously, why is your
hand out like that?


I'm seriously going to lose it! I...

Oh, now you're both doing it?

Stop it! Stop it!

Oh, no, not even taking now,
but squishing. I can't take it!


[SHOUTING]
Get your own lunch!

That man is causing
such a scene in here,

it makes me feel free to break
up with you in a very loud manner!

I can't stand being a waiter.
[ALL SHOUTING]

Very clever.

You've completely dismantled
my societal convention trap!

- Let's get that Inator!
- It's pronounced "in-a-tor!"

[PANTING]

You did that on purpose.

All right, Doofenshmirtz.
End of the line.

Oh, train metaphors, so that's how...

[GRUNTING]

- I got it! Ow! Ugh!
- Mine.

Oh, here, let me...
I know how to use it.

Seriously, just give me...

You know, I think I'm with
Perry the Platypus on this.

I don't like seeing
him teamed up either.

I don't know. I think
he's warming up to it.

Wait, P! That's the
Canadian side of the train!

Ouch! You know, I think I'm
going back to the Canadian side!

- I got this!
- Oh, no, you don't.

I'm on the American side, now.
You can't touch me. Oh!

Canada! Oh!

America! Ow!
Oh, it's on, now.

Lyla: Ha! Take that! This is for
William Hull and the w*r of !


Look it up, kids. I got him, P,
cuff him! Hold it. Hold it.


Ooh, sorry. Where is he?

[DOOR CLOSING]

Open up, big guy!

- Doofenshmirtz: Occupied!
- Oh, oh, sorry.


I didn't realize you had to, uh...

You know what they have in here?
They have those tiny soaps.


They make my hands look so big!
It's like I'm a giant.


All set!

Lyla: I can't believe it!
He left the seat up!

Doofenshmirtz: I'm up
here, Perry the Platypus!


You knew we'd end up up
here eventually, right?

P? Wait up!

[PANTING]

[LAUGHS]

Lyla: He's getting away!

Aah! Oh! Aah! Perry!

P! Help me up.
Give me a hand! [SCREAMING]

[TRAIN HONKS]
Whoops! Sorry! My bad, eh?

Hey, look! An old-timey handcar.

I've got an idea. Come on.

[MUSIC]

P, what are you doing?

This is a handcar.
There's a trick to it.

Look, if we're going to catch the train,

we're going to have to work together.

We've got to get in
sync, develop a rhythm.

Watch. I'll show you.

♪ Yours goes up ♪

♪ When mine goes down ♪

♪ And then we do it
the other way around ♪


♪ Don't you give me that sigh ♪

♪ 'Cause if we can't see eye to eye ♪

♪ Then our missions will
be always filled with strife ♪


♪ 'Cause a handcar
is a metaphor for life ♪


♪ For life ♪

Don't push up.
Just push down.

I'll push down on my side.
That's it.

That's right!

Here we go... [YELLING]

Ah, I see a little platy-smile there.

That's right. Now
we're cooking with gas!


See? It's better
when we work together.


♪ We're on a handcar ♪

Chorus: ♪ Handcar ♪
♪ Yeah, we're getting in the groove ♪

♪ We're on a handcar ♪
Chorus: ♪ Handcar ♪


♪ It's the only way to move ♪

♪ We're on a handcar ♪
Chorus: ♪ Handcar ♪


♪ We're like a well-oiled machine ♪

♪ We're on a handcar ♪
Chorus: ♪ Handcar ♪


♪ Yeah, we're working like a team ♪

♪ We're on a handcar ♪
Chorus: ♪ Handcar ♪


♪ We're a real double header ♪

♪ Yeah, that's a heavy handed metaphor ♪

♪ For how we work together ♪

♪ It's a handcar ♪
Chorus: ♪ Handcar ♪


♪ Yeah, we're on a handcar ♪
Chorus: ♪ Handcar ♪


♪ We're on a handcar ♪
Chorus: ♪ Handcar ♪


♪ Yeah, we're on a handcar ♪

Excuse me, conductor.

You know, the train
doesn't seem to be stopping

- at any of the scheduled stations.
- Is that a fact?

My apologies, Straphanger.
Which one was your stop?

- The next one.
- Oh, don't be concerned.

Step right this way.
So, wife cooking dinner tonight?

Oh, yes.
We're having asparagus tips.

Asparagus tips? Very classy.

- What's the entree?
- Nova Scotia Salmon.

Mmm-mmm! Delish.
Well, here's your station.

Say hi to your wife for me!

Oh, sh**t! Ow!
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, sh**t!

- Well, someone's home early.
- The conductor says hi!

Hey, fellow commuters, look!
It's a lady!


- And a platypus.
- On a handcar.


[RINGTONE]
# Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! #


My cell phone alert says there's a new
platypus video online that's trending.

Perry the Platypus?
And Agent Lyla? On an old-timey...

Oh, ha! Bet you can't do that!

I learned that in the ' s.

I also learned how to back away slowly

on a newly installed escape platform.

[LAUGHING] So long, suckers.

And now, to watch my evil plan
play out from the observa...

This... this is an observation deck?
Chairs nailed to a roof?

You're blocking my view
of Saskatchewan, eh?

Saskatchewan is that way, you dolt!

- Hold it right there, Doofenshmirtz.
- No, you hold it right there.

Because I still have this.
The Train-operator-inator!

Without it, the train
would be completely...

- Oh, boy!
- ...out of control!

Hey, where's Perry?

All right, so I'm on a
runaway train in a tunnel.


Afraid of the dark.
Probably also afraid of runaway trains,


never really given it much thought.

Doesn't come out that...
Ah!


Okay, let's focus.
There's got to be

an emergency brake in the
engine car. Let's go!

Oh, so, uh... so, I, uh...
I guess I'll go with you, then.

Wait up, Perry the
Platypus, my shoe's untied.

Just hang on a second.

You can't be too careful when
you're running across a moving train.

There we go.
Wait. On second thought,

I'll double knot this puppy.

Okay! Let's go!
Ah!

Ah, gross!
Some joker left the seat up.


Would you guys mind bringing me
some paper towels or something?


I... is that a no?

The emergency brake is toast

I'm gonna have to jury-rig
the controls. Darn it!

[YELLING]

If we weren't in the middle
of a runaway train crisis,

I would totally be giving you a hard
time for leaving me in the toilet bowl.

Lyla: Now, let me just get the red wire.
[LAUGHS] Bingo!

Um, not to burst your bubble,
but I don't think we're slowing down.

We're not. I just got
the hazard lights working.


Safety first.

The brakes were too far gone to fix.

Now, we just need to get all
the passengers and Precious

Albert the Moose into the
same car and we can save them.

[CHATTERING]

You're right!
The caboose! Let's go.

This is why I'd rather not make friends.

They find someone else
and bam, you're alone.

Attention, passengers.
There is no need to panic but...

[SCREAMING]

Pardon the interruption,
Precious Albert, sir,

but your tea is ready.

[CROWD SCREAMING]

Folks, everything is under control, eh?

We're gonna separate the caboose
from the rest of the train.

Oh, you already did it.
Nice going, partner.

I'm gonna take a pic of this and
send it to C.O.W.C.A.! [CAMERA CLICKS]

[ALL CHEERING]
We're saved! We did it.

Wait, I swear that wasn't me.

[PASSENGERS SCREAMING]

Bannister! I should have known.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Oh, man! I never have
a grappling hook when I need one.

And I totally looked at mine this
morning when I was getting dressed.

It was right there on the dresser.

Oh, I hate it when that happens.

Well, well, well.
If it isn't C.O.W.C.A.'s best agent,

the unfortunately named Lyla Lolliberry.

Listen, you, I come from a long
alliterative line of Lolliberries.

And now you're trapped
miles above solid ground

with nothing but a beaver at your side.

Uh, he's a platypus, not a beaver.
Hiya, Banni!

Pardon me, official exchange
buddy coming through.

Yo, bro. Back so soon?
My evil plan usually takes all day.

How...
how'd you do it so fast?

Well, I'll tell you. It went
a little something like this.

[CLICK]
[POWERING UP]

Well, I guess if you've got
no one to monologue to...

- Enough back story.
- Actually, that's not, uh...

That's not really a back story.
It's just an expositional flashback.

It doesn't, uh, have
any childhood trauma,

it doesn't really form who he is,
it's not... it's just flashback.

There's a difference. It's
subtle but there's a difference.

Anyway, you're not the
only productive one.

I've taken care of your moose problem.

Perfect! No Albert the
Moose, no Canada Day.

- And you call yourself a Canadian.
- Do I?

You think that just because I'm polite,

smell like pine needles and
over-emphasize my T's, I'm Canadian?

Well, you'd be wrong.
Because I'm from Greenland!

[BOTH GASPING]

- Cool flag!
- Thanks.

Wait, no, it's not.
And that's the problem.

We have no national pride.
I mean, listen to this.

[PATRIOTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Greenland's national anthem.

Seriously, does that inspire you
to do anything other than ice fish?

But, Canada, oh, they got it all.

The maple syrup, the national parks,

the medal-winning curling team.
And the moose.


The moose. The symbol of
Canada's national pride.

Precious Albert the Moose.
But what if he were to disappear?

Everyone would lapse
into a deep malaise,

forgetting what it means to be Canadian.

I would then annex Canada to
Greenland, bring back Precious Albert,

and reinvigorate the national pride!

And I've written a new national anthem.

♪ Oh, Greenland! ♪

♪ Home of things that aren't so green ♪

♪ Though we call it Greenland ♪

♪ Shining Greenland ♪

♪ People are very short there ♪

♪ In Greenland ♪

You're from Greenland? Do
you know the punishment for

misrepresenting your country of
origin to the Love Muffin organization?

Plus, your scheme is
unnecessarily complicated

and doesn't even seem
like it would work.

- And that's coming from me.
- It's the perfect plan!

[ROBOTIC BEEPING] Yes, it will.

See, he agrees.
Will you stop it?

Who is he talking to?

Oh, how rude of me!
Allow me to introduce...

Me-positive and Me-negative.
They are two magnetic robots

I created for the purpose
of vanquishing my enemies.

- Magnetic robots?
- Yes, because it's all about polarity.

You can't have two
positives or two negatives.

Oh, you can have two negatives.
Just look at my family.

Wait a second!
Those robot parts look familiar!

Oh, right! I got them
from some friends of mine.

I think you may have met in Seattle?

Doofenshmirtz: Wow. Those guys have
been playing cards really quietly.


I remember them!

But I knew they would
lead me to you, Bannister.

- That's why I let them escape.
- Bannister: Never mind them!

Me-positive and Me-negative
can take care of you.

Oh, I get it! We're going to have
an old-fashioned helicopter fight.

Oh, a helicopter fight!
Things can get really nasty.

I'm just gonna go play cards.

♪ If you're looking for
rapture, better hold on tight ♪


♪ Helicopter fight, helicopter fight ♪

♪ Lookity-looks like we got
ourselves a helicopter fight ♪


♪ Helicopter fight, helicopter fight ♪

♪ Do we move any confusion
from ambiguous writing? ♪


♪ Helicopter fight, helicopter fight ♪

♪ This is people
fighting on a helicopter ♪


♪ Not two helicopters fighting ♪

♪ Oh! ♪
♪ Though that would have been cool ♪


♪ It might have been more exciting ♪
♪ You think? ♪


♪ Let's take a look ♪

[GLASS SHATTERING]

♪ Though that looked better in my head ♪

♪ Let's just get back to the action ♪

♪ That was really pretty lame ♪

♪ I apologize for the distraction ♪

♪ This is a helicopter fight ♪
♪ People fighting on a helicopter ♪


♪ This is a helicopter fight ♪
♪ People fighting on a helicopter ♪


♪ This is a helicopter fight ♪

♪ It's not two
helicopters fighting, oh, no ♪


♪ It sounded good
but it was only so-so ♪


♪ This is people
fighting on a helicopter ♪


What?

I have just one thing to
say to you, Lyla Lolliberry.


[YELLING] Farvel!

- What does "farvel" mean?
- It's Danish for "goodbye".

It's one of the languages we
speak in Green... [YELLING]

Jinx you, Lyla Lolliberry!
Jinx you!

[CHATTERING]

Way to text in the cavalry.

Okay, let's get this
bird off to Canada Day.

We have a guest of honor to deliver.

[O CANADA PLAYING]
[CROWD CHEERING]


- Go, Canada. Go, eh!
- Way to go, Constitution Act of .

[HOLLERS]
Right on.

So, now you see why I had to
let those guys go. Right, P?

But how was he supposed to know
you had a tracker on their truck?

He understands how these things are.
One minute you're catching a thief,

the next you get Intel they might be
leading you somewhere bigger and better.

Oh, and by bigger and better you
obviously mean me. Right? Right?

Yeah, right. Ah, anyway.

You got some serious skills there, P.

[CHATTERING]

Oh, stop.
You're making me blush.

Good work to the both of you.

I can see that things went well
with our neighbors to the North.

- Well, now that our mission is done...
- Our mission?

Maybe we could drop by Niagara Falls.

It's so close by and I've
always wanted to see it.

Well, I suppose we could
swing by on our way back.

[VIOLINS PLAYING]

[SUCKING NOISILY]

[SIGHS]

I wonder how my scheme worked
out for Professor Bannister.

I'm sure that
Cloud-magnetize-inator was a winner.


Candace: Mom! Mom! Mom!
Hey, Perry. Mom! Mom! Mom!


Phineas: How was it that a
cloud was able to carry off


our metal super structure?

- But, but, but...
- Someone's got a bathroom to clean.


Everyone else, there's pie.

Oh, there you are, Perry.

Ah, a platypus' life
is a life of leisure.

Yes. Yes, it is.
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