Airplane! (1980)

[bunniefuu]

(THEME FROM JAWS PLAYING)

MAN ON INTERCOM: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only.

There is no stopping in the red zone.

WOMAN ON INTERCOM: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only.

There is no stopping in the red zone.

MAN ON INTERCOM: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only.

There is no stopping in the red zone.

WOMAN ON INTERCOM: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only.

There is no stopping in the red zone.

Hello. We'd like you to have this flower from the Religious Consciousness Church.

Would you care to make a donation? No, but thank you, anyway.

MAN ON INTERCOM: The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only.

There is no stopping in the white zone.

WOMAN ON INTERCOM: No, the white zone is for loading and unloading, and there is no stopping in the red zone.

MAN ON INTERCOM: The red zone has always been for loading and unloading.

There is never stopping in a white zone.

WOMAN ON INTERCOM: Don't tell me which zone is for stopping and which zone is for loading.

MAN ON INTERCOM: Listen, Betty, don't start up with your white zone sh*t again.

Hello. We'd like you to have this flower from the Church of Religious Consciousness.

Would you like to make a donation?

No, thanks. We gave at the office.

INTERCOM: Flight 988 to Milwaukee is now in the final boarding process at Gate 34.

(METAL DETECTOR BEEPING)

Would you put all your metal objects into this dish, please?

MAN ON INTERCOM: There's just no stopping in a white zone.

WOMAN ON INTERCOM: Oh, really, Vernon? Why pretend?

We both know perfectly well what it is you're talking about.

You want me to have an abortion.

MAN ON INTERCOM: It's really the only sensible thing to do, if it's done properly.

Therapeutically, there's no danger involved.

Taxi!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

I'll be back in a minute.

Hello, sir. We'd like you to have this flower on behalf of the Church of Religious Consciousness.

Would you care...

Hey, Larry, where's the forklift?

Forklift?

It's over there by the baggage loader.

Look out!

(EVERYONE SCREAMING)

Elaine! Ted!

I came home early and found your note.

I guess you meant for me to read it later.

Elaine, I've gotta talk to you.

I just don't wanna go over it anymore.

I know things haven't been right for a long time, but it'll be different.

Like it was in the beginning.

If you'll just be patient, I can work things out.

I have been patient, and I've tried to help, but you wouldn't even let me do that.

Don't you feel anything for me at all anymore?

It takes so many things to make love last.

Most of all, it takes respect.

And I can't live with a man I don't respect.

What a pisser.

INTERCOM: Captain Oveur, white courtesy phone.

Captain Clarence Oveur, white courtesy phone.

OPERATOR: No, the white phone. Oh.

This is Captain Oveur.

OPERATOR: One moment for your call from the Mayo Clinic.

INTERCOM: Captain Oveur, white courtesy phone.

Captain Clarence Oveur.

I've got it! INTERCOM: Thank you.

OPERATOR: Go ahead with your call.

BRODY: This is Dr. Brody at the Mayo Clinic.

There's a passenger on your Chicago flight, 209'er.

A little girl named Lisa Davis, en route to Minneapolis.

She's scheduled for a heart transplant, and we'd like you to tell her mother that we found a donor an hour ago.

We have the heart here ready for surgery.

We must have the recipient on the operating table within six hours.

I want you to make sure that she's kept in a reclined position, and that a continuous watch is kept on her IV.

Also, it's very important that she remain calm.

OPERATOR: Excuse me, this is the operator, Captain Oveur.

I have an emergency call for you on line 5 from a Mr. Hamm.

All right, give me Hamm on 5, hold the Mayo.

Look. You'll be back in town tomorrow night.

We'll have dinner. We'll talk things over.

I won't be back. I've requested the Atlanta run.

Elaine, I promise I can change.

Then why didn't you take the job that Louie Netz offered you at Boeing?

You know I haven't been able to get near a plane since the w*r.

Even if I could, they wouldn't hire me because of my w*r record.

Your w*r record?

You're the only one keeping that alive.

For everyone else, it's ancient history.

You expect me to believe that?

It's the truth.

What's hurt you the most is your record since the w*r.

Different cities, different jobs.

And not one of them shows you can accept any real responsibility.

Elaine, if you just give me one more... It's too late, Ted.

When I get back to Chicago, I'm going to start my life all over again.

I'm sorry.

Excuse me, we'd like you to have this flower from the Church of Religious Conscious...

Good evening. Hi.

Well, good evening. There you go.

You can just follow all the way back.

Thank you. Hi, how are you tonight?

Hello.

Any word on that storm lifting over Salt Lake, Clarence?

No, not likely, Victor.

I just reviewed the area report for 1600 hours through 2400. Uh-huh.

There's an occluded front stalled over the Dakotas, backed up all the way to Utah.

Yeah, well, if she decides to push over to the Great Lakes, it could get plenty soupy. Mmm-hmm.

Hey, what about that southern route around Tulsa?

Well, I double-checked the terminal forecast, and the wind's aloft, and IFR ceilings all the way.

Where do they top out?

Well, there's some light scattered cover at 20,000, icing around 18.

(YELLING AND CRASHING)

It looks like the original flight plan over Denver is the best bet.

Denver it is.

Sorry, Clarence.

Latest weather report shows everything socked in from Salt Lake to Lincoln.

Oh, hi, Roger. Glad to have you aboard.

Victor, this is Roger Murdock. Victor Basta.

How do you do, Roger? Nice to meet you.

Roger, I was telling Victor, I reviewed the area report for 1600 hours through 2400.

There's an occluded front stalled over the Dakotas.

(INDISTINCT MURMURINGS OF PASSENGERS)

There you go. Thank you.

Can you tell me if Elaine Dickinson is on this flight?

Well, the whole flight crew has boarded.

Let me see.

Oh, yes. She is on board.

I'd like one ticket to Chicago.

No baggage.

(HONKING HORN)

Smoking or nonsmoking? Smoking, please.

There. Have a nice trip.

COMMANDER: Striker, this is Red Leader 4.

Primary target covered by fog.

The decision to proceed is yours.

The decision is yours.

Is yours.

Is yours.

sh*t, man.

(SPEAKING HEAVY SLANG)

Nervous?

Yes.

First time?

No, I've been nervous lots of times.

Hi, we'll be taking off real soon, so I better fasten you in tight.

Thank you.

Oh, Mother, this is so exciting.

I know, but remember, you must get some rest.

That's good advice.

You relax, and I'll be back right after we take off.

Thank you.

God, Bill, I'm gonna miss you so much. I'm gonna miss you too.

Promise you'll write?

Every day.

Bill!

Better get onboard, son.

All aboard!

209'er to ground control. We're loaded and ready to taxi.

Goodbye, Bill!

Goodbye, darling!

I love you, darling!

AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER: 209'er, taxi to runway 19'er.

(SOUND OF TRAIN LEAVING STATION) Goodbye, darling!

Have your picture taken the minute you get there and send me one, all right?

Okay. Here, hurry.

Oh!

But your watch. You shouldn't. You're gonna need this.

It's all right. It doesn't work. Bill!

Goodbye, darling!

Bill...

Bill! Bill... With me all the time.

I swear to you! So long, darling.

Take care of yourself. Goodbye!

AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER: Flight 209'er, you're cleared for takeoff.

Roger. Huh?

CONTROLLER: L.A. departure frequency, 123.9'er.

Roger. Huh?

Request vector. Over. What?

CONTROLLER: Flight 209'er, clear for vector 324.

We have clearance, Clarence.

Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?

VICTOR: Tower radioed clearance, over.

CLARENCE: That's Clarence Oveur, over.

VICTOR: Roger. ROGER: Huh?

CONTROLLER: Roger. Over. ROGER: What?

ROGER: Huh? CLARENCE: Who?

Do you feel all right, sir?

Oh...

I haven't flown for a long time.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Oveur speaking.

Here you go. We'll be cruising at 36,000 feet this evening. Stewardess?

Our arrival time in Chicago will be 10:45 p.m. Central time.

The temperature there is currently 62 degrees, with a 20% chance of precipitation.

Meanwhile, relax and enjoy your flight.

Would you like something to read? Do you have anything light?

How about this leaflet, "Famous Jewish Sports Legends"?

Yes. Thank you.

Ted! What are you doing here? Elaine, I've got to talk to you.

You shouldn't have come. I don't have time now.

Oh, stewardess? Excuse me.

But...

No wonder you're upset.

She's lovely.

And a darling figure.

Supple, pouting breasts.

Firm thighs.

It's a shame you two don't get along.

Yes, I know.

Things used to be different.

I remember when we first met.

It was during the w*r.

I was in the Air Force, stationed in Drambuie off the Barbary Coast.

I used to hang out at the Magumba Bar.

It was a rough place, the seediest dive on the wharf, populated with every reject and cutthroat from Bombay to Calcutta.

It was worse than Detroit.

The mood in the place was downright ugly.

You wouldn't walk in there unless you knew how to use your fists.

You could count on a fight breaking out almost every night.

(GRUNTING AND STRUGGLING)

(JUKEBOX STARTS PLAYING DISCO MUSIC)

I didn't go there that night to fall in love.

I just dropped in for a couple of drinks.

But suddenly, there she was.

I was captivated, entranced. It hit me like a thunderbolt.

I had to ask the guy next to me to pinch me to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

I was afraid to approach her. But that night, fate was on my side.

(GROANING IN PAIN)

(CROWD CHEERS)

(LOUD CRASHING)

(GRUNTING AND STRUGGLING)

(GIRLS PUNCHING AND SCREAMING)

We laughed. We talked.

We danced.

I never wanted it to end. Hell, I guess I still don't.

But enough about me. I hope this hasn't been boring for you.

It's just that whenever I start to talk about Elaine, I always get so carried away.

I lose all track of time.

Would you like to order dinner now?

Yes. Joey will have the steak, and my wife and I will have the fish.

When can I see the cockpit, Dad?

Joey, I think the pilots are probably too busy flying the plane for that.

Oh, gee whiz.

I'll tell you what, Joey.

I'll talk to the captain and see what I can arrange.

Gee, that'd be swell!

Would you gentlemen care to order your dinners?

(SPEAKING HEAVY SLANG)

Lookie here.

(SPEAKING HEAVY SLANG)

Excuse me.

I happened to be passing, and I thought you'd might like some coffee.

Oh, that's very nice of you. Thank you.

Won't you sit down?

Thank you.

Cream?

No, thank you. I take it black.

Like my men.

Well, you see...

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHING)

Oh, Ted, I never knew I could be so happy.

These past few months have been just wonderful.

Tomorrow, why don't we drive up the coast to that little seafood place, and...

What's the matter?

My orders came through.

My squadron ships out tomorrow.

We're bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri at 1800 hours.

We're coming in from the north, below their radar.

When will you be back?

I can't tell you that.

It's classified.

Oh, Ted, please be careful. I worry about you so much.

I love you, Elaine.

I love you.

CONTROLLER: Flight 209'er, this is Denver flight control.

You're approaching some rough weather.

Please climb to 42,000 feet.

Roger, Denver.

We have a visitor.

Hello. Hi.

This is Captain Oveur, Mr. Murdock and Mr. Basta.

This is Joey Hammen.

Well, hi, Joey. Come on up here. You can see better.

Joey, we have something here for our special visitors.

Would you like to have it? Thank you. Thanks a lot!

Sure. You ever been in a cockpit before?

No, sir, I've never been up in a plane before.

Have you ever seen a grown man naked?

Do you want me to check the weather, Clarence?

No, why don't you take care of it?

Joey, do you ever hang around a gymnasium?

We'd better get back now, Joey.

No, Joey can stay here for a while if he'd like.

Could I? Okay. If you don't get in the way.

ROGER: Flight 209'er to Denver radio.

Climbing to cruise at 42,000.

Will report again over Lincoln. Over and out.

Wait a minute. I know you.

You're Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

You play basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers.

I'm sorry, son, but you must have me confused with someone else.

My name is Roger Murdock. I'm the co-pilot.

You are Kareem. I've seen you play. My dad's got season tickets.

I think you should go back to your seat now, Joey. Right, Clarence?

No, he's not bothering anyone. Let him stay here.

All right, but just remember, my name is Roger Murdock.

I'm an airline pilot.

I think you're the greatest, but my dad says you don't work hard enough on defense.

And he says that lots of times, you don't even run downcourt.

And that you don't really try except during the playoffs.

The hell I don't!

Listen, kid.

I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA.

I'm out there busting my buns every night.

Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes.

Joey?

You like movies about gladiators?

Elaine, just hear me out.

I know things haven't been right for a long time, but it'll be different.

Like it was in the beginning, remember?

I remember everything.

All I have are memories.

Mostly, I remember the nights when we were together.

I remember how you used to hold me.

How I used to sit on your face and wriggle, and afterwards how we'd watch till the sun came up.

When it did, it was almost like...

Like each new day was created only for us.

That's the way I've always wanted it to be, Elaine.

But it won't be.

Not as long as you insist on living in the past.

COMMANDER: You're too low, Ted. You're too low.

NURSE: You mustn't believe everything that you see.

The mind can play tricks on people.

Pain. Pain.

He looks so happy today, doesn't he? Okay, I'll be back.

Thank you, thank you. You look so happy today.

DOCTOR: Okay, Robert, slip them down. This won't hurt much.

NURSE: Give me a big smile.

You got a telegram from headquarters today.

Headquarters! What is it?

Well, it's a big building where generals meet, but that's not important right now.

They've cleared you of any blame for what happened on that raid.

Isn't that good news?

Is it?

Because of my mistake, six men didn't return from that raid.

Seven, Lieutenant Zipp d*ed this morning.

But Dr. Sandier says you'll be out in a week.

Isn't that wonderful?

I wish I could say the same for George Zipp.

Be patient, Ted.

Nobody expects you to get over this immediately.

MAN: Hey, Striker. How about a break? I'm getting tired.

Yeah, all right. Take five.

Thanks.

I've found a wonderful apartment for us.

It has a brick fireplace and a cute little bedroom with mirrors on the ceiling, and...

PATIENT: Red Leader! Red Leader! I'm going down.

Captain Geline.

He thinks he's a pilot, still fighting the w*r.

GELINE: ...around here somewhere.

I've found the tunnel, Johnson! It's this way!

$25 for a cigarette is too much!

(PATIENT MOANING)

What's his problem?

That's Lieutenant Hurwitz.

Severe shellshock.

He thinks he's Ethel Merman.

(SINGING) You'll be swell You'll be great Gonna have the whole world on a plate Startin' here, startin' now Honey, everything's coming up roses w*r is hell.

STEWARDESS: Excuse me, sir.

Would you like some coffee before we serve dinner?

No. No, thank you.

Would either of you like another cup of coffee?

I will, but Jim won't.

I think I will have another cup of coffee.

Jim never has a second cup of coffee at home.

Excuse me, Sister. Yes?

There's a little girl onboard, up front, who's ill and, well... Oh, yes, I saw. Poor child.

Could I borrow your guitar? I thought maybe I could cheer her up.

Oh, of course. Thank you. Thank you.

(GROANING IN PAIN)

Hi. Hi.

Do you mind if I talk to your daughter?

Why, I think that'd be nice.

Hi, I'm Randy.

I'm Lisa.

Oh, you have a guitar.

Mmm-hmm.

I thought maybe you'd like to hear a song.

I'd love to.

Okay.

Let's see.

This is one of my favorites.

(SINGING) I traveled the banks of the River of Jordan To find where it flows to the sea I looked in the eyes of the cold and the hungry And I saw that I was looking at me And I wanted to know if life had a purpose And what it all means in the end In the silence I listened to voices inside me And they told me again and again There is only one river There is only one sea And it flows through you And it flows through me There is only one people We are one and the same We are all one spirit One name We are the father We are one We are one

We are one

A little late tonight. We've been waiting for you.

Who wants to be first? Go ahead, Clarence. I got it.

Okay. How's the weather?

Not so good. We got some heavy stuff ahead of us.

It might get rough again unless we can climb on top.

Yeah, after the w*r, I just wanted to get as far away from things as possible, so Elaine and I joined the Peace Corps.

We were assigned to an isolated tribe.

The Molombos.

They'd never seen Americans before.

(TRIBAL DRUMS PLAYING)

(ANIMALS HOOTING)

It was really a challenge during the year, introducing them to our Western culture.

At first they didn't know what to think of us.

But soon, we gained their trust.

It'll help you better prepare storing foods for the up and coming monsoon months.

Also, Supperware products are ideal for storing leftovers to help stretch your food dollar.

This 2-quart Seals-M-Rite container keeps hot dog buns fresh for days.

You must understand, these people had been completely isolated from civilization.

No one had ever outlined a physical fitness program for them, and they had no athletic equipment.

I started them on simple calisthenics, then gradually worked them up to rudimentary game skills.

And finally, advanced competitive theory.

I was patient with them, and they were eager to learn.

They seemed to enjoy themselves.

It was probably due to the advanced American teaching techniques that we were able to bridge the generations of isolation and communicate so successfully with the Molombos.

I think they're getting the hang of it.

When we re-enlist, I'll teach them baseball.

Ted, I don't wanna stay here.

It's time for us to go back home to the plans we made before the w*r.

A lot of people made plans before the w*r.

Like George Zipp.

It was at that moment that I first realized Elaine had doubts about our relationship.

And that, as much as anything else, led to my drinking problem.

We did come back to the States.

I tried a number of jobs.

Well, I could go on for hours, but I'd probably start to bore you.

You know, I really couldn't blame Elaine.

She wanted a career.

I can't stand it.

What is it?

Yes? Oh, it's my stomach.

I haven't felt this awful since we saw that Ronald Reagan film.

I'll see if I can find some Dramamine.

Captain, one of the woman passengers is very sick.

Airsick?

ELAINE: I think so, but I've never seen it so acute.

Find out if there's a doctor on board as quietly as you can.

Joey, have you ever been in a...

In a Turkish prison?

I shouldn't have had that second cup of coffee.

(VOMITING SOUNDS)

(VOMITING CONTINUES)

Jim never vomits at home.

I'm sorry I had to wake you. I'm just looking for a doctor.

There's nothing to worry about.

Stewardess?

I think the man sitting next to me is a doctor.

Sir? Excuse me, sir. I'm sorry I have to wake you.

Are you a doctor?

That's right.

We have some passengers that are very sick.

Could you come take a look at them? Yes. Yes, of course.

Let me see your tongue.

(BIRD CHIRPING)

I'll be back in a minute.

You'd better tell the captain, we've got to land as soon as we can.

This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.

A hospital, what is it?

It's a big building with patients. But that's not important right now.

Tell the captain I must speak to him. Certainly.

Victor, we're running into some heavy weather, can you...

Roger, take over!

Captain, how soon can you land? I can't tell.

You can tell me, I'm a doctor. No, I mean, I'm just not sure.

Well, can't you take a guess? Well, not for another two hours.

You can't take a guess for another two hours?

No, no, no. I mean, we can't land for another two hours.

Fog has closed down everything this side of the mountains.

We've got to get through to Chicago.

(PASSENGERS SCREAMING)

Get him out of there!

What is it, Doctor? What's going on? I'm not sure.

I haven't seen anything like this since the Anita Bryant concert.

What was it we had for dinner tonight?

Well, we had a choice. Steak or fish.

Yes, yes, I remember. I had lasagna. What did he have?

He had fish.

Doctor, there are two more sick people, and the rest of the passengers are worried.

I'll take care of the passengers.

Find out what the two sick people had for dinner.

This is Captain Oveur speaking.

It's been a little bumpy up here, but we'll be past it in a few minutes.

A couple points of interest.

We're now flying over Hoover Dam, and a little later on, we'll pass just to the south of the Grand Canyon.

Meanwhile, relax and enjoy your flight, okay?

Chicago, this is flight 209'er.

We're in trouble.

We've got to have all traffic below us cleared, and I want a priority approach and landing in Chicago.

Yes? Stewardess. My husband's very sick.

Can you do something, please?

Well, the doctor will be with you in just a moment.

One thing, do you know what he had for dinner?

Yes, of course. We both had fish. Why?

It's nothing to be alarmed about.

We'll be back to you very quickly.

Dr. Rumack, Mr. Hammen ate fish, and Randy said there are five more cases, and they all had fish, too.

And the copilot had fish.

What did the navigator have? He had fish.

All right. Now we know what we're up against.

Every passenger on this plane who had fish for dinner will become violently ill in the next half-hour.

Just how serious is it, Doctor?

Extremely serious.

It starts with a slight fever, dryness of the throat.

As the virus penetrates the red blood cells, the victim becomes dizzy, begins to experience an itching, a rash.

From there, the poison goes to work on the central nervous system, causing severe muscle spasms, followed by the inevitable drooling.

At this point, the entire digestive system collapses, accompanied by uncontrollable flatulence...

(CLARENCE PASSES GAS) Until finally the poor bastard is reduced to a quivering, wasted piece of jelly.

(PASSENGERS SCREAMING)

Turn on a*t*matic pilot.

a*t*matic pilot. a*t*matic pilot.

There it is!

I'll go back to the passengers.

CONTROLLER: Come in, 209'er. This is Chicago.

Flight 209'er, come in.

This is Elaine Dickinson. I'm the stewardess.

Captain Oveur's passed out on the floor, and we've lost the copilot and navigator, too.

We're in terrible trouble. Over.

CONTROLLER: Roger, Elaine, roger. I read you.

This is Steve McCroskey at Chicago Air Control.

Get back to you in a minute. Hold all takeoffs.

I don't want another plane in the air. When the 508 reports, bring it straight in. Yes, sir.

Put out a general bulletin to suspend all meal service on flights out of Los Angeles.

Tell all dispatchers to remain at their posts.

It's gonna be a long night.

How about some coffee, Johnny? No, thanks.

I want the weather on every landing field this side of the Rockies no matter what the size.

Do you understand?

Anyplace. Anyplace where there's a chance to land that plane!

Stan, go upstairs to the tower and get a runway diagram.

Terry, check down the field for emergency equipment.

Chief, we got fog, right down to the deck, every place east of the Rockies.

There's no possible place they can land.

They'll have to come through to Chicago.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.

I want the best available man on this.

A man who knows that plane inside and out and won't cr*ck under pressure.

How about Mr. Rogers?

Get me Rex Kramer.

STEVE: Elaine, right next to the throttle is the air-speed gauge.

What speed does it indicate?

520 miles per hour.

Good. Very good. Now check your altitude.

That's the dial just below and to the right of the air-speed indicator.

35,000 feet.

No, wait. 34,000 feet.

No, it's dropping. It's dropping fast.

Why is it doing that?

Oh, my God! The a*t*matic pilot, it's deflating!

Now, Elaine, don't panic.

On the belt line of the a*t*matic pilot, there is a hollow tube.

Now that is the manual inflation nozzle. Pull it out and blow on it.

What the hell's going on up there?

Elaine?

Yes, Doctor?

Elaine, you're a member of this crew.

Can you face some unpleasant facts? No.

All right. Unless I get all those people to a hospital quickly, I can't even be sure of saving their lives.

Now, is there anyone onboard who can land this plane?

Well...

No, no one I know of.

I think you ought to know what our chances are.

The life of everyone onboard depends upon just one thing.

Finding someone back there who can not only fly this plane, but who didn't have fish for dinner.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your stewardess speaking.

We regret any inconvenience the sudden cabin movement might have caused.

This is due to periodic air pockets we encounter.

There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight.

By the way, is there anyone onboard who knows how to fly a plane?

(PASSENGERS SCREAMING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Hello, I'm Paul Carey from the airline. I'm here to pick up Captain Kramer.

Yes. Come in, Paul. Rex'll be right out.

(DOG WHINING)

Shep, sit. Sit.

So, I understand you have a real emergency down there.

Yeah, something like that.

But as I say, they didn't have time to tell me very much.

(BARKS)

Shep, no!

I'll bet you have exciting things happen all the time down there.

Well, the airline business does have its moments, but after a while you begin to get used to it.

(DOG GROWLING AND BARKING)

Shep, come!

He gets so excited when new people are here.

Are you a pilot yourself?

No, I'm in... (SCREAMS) A training program.

It's unbelievable!

Just unbelievable!

How many times I've warned those people about food inspection.

You'd think after all these years, someone would listen to you.

Oh, well. Airport management, the FAA and the airlines,

they're all cheats and liars!

All right, let's get out of here.

(DOG VICIOUSLY GROWLING)

(THUNDER CRACKING)

I'm sorry to bother you.

I was just looking for someone with flying experience.

When they built those roads, they had no thought of drainage in mind.

So we had to take a special jeep up to the main road.

In fact, we were lucky to even get a jeep since just the day before, only one that we had broke down.

It had a bad axle.

Excuse me, sir.

There's been a little problem in the cockpit...

The cockpit! What is it?

It's the little room in the front of the plane where the pilots sit.

But that's not important right now.

You see, the first officer is ill, and the captain needs someone to help him with the radio.

Do you know anything about planes?

Well, I flew in the w*r, but that was years ago.

I wouldn't know anything about it.

Well, would you go up? Please?

The stewardess said that...

Both pilots?

Can you fly this plane and land it?

Surely you can't be serious?

I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.

Doctor, I've checked everyone. Mr. Striker's the only one.

What flying experience have you had?

Well, I flew single-engine fighters in the Air Force, but this plane has four engines.

It's an entirely different kind of flying altogether.

It's an entirely different kind of flying.

Besides, I haven't touched any kind of plane in six years.

Mr. Striker, I know nothing about flying, but there's one thing I do know.

You're the only one on this plane who can possibly fly it.

You're the only chance we've got.

Yeah, that's right. That's right.

No, that's what I said. You heard me.

Tell Omaha to acknowledge and stand by.

Every piece of emergency equipment you can reach.

Alert rescue units at every mile of the way.

From here to the Rockies. Chief?

We'll need a pre-landing flight check.

Tell them I'm in the dispatch office, and I want it here fast.

It's your wife.

I want the kids in bed by 9:00. I want the dog fed, the yard watered, and the gate locked. And get a note to the milkman.

No more cheese!

Where the hell is Kramer?

No, we can't do that. The risk of a flameout's too great.

Keep them at 24,000.

No, feet.

One of the passengers is gonna land that plane.

Is that possible?

Possible. It's a 100-to-1 sh*t.

1,000-to-1 . I know this guy.

You do? CYCLIST: assh*le!

Who is it? Name's Ted Striker.

I flew with him during the w*r.

And that won't make my job any easier tonight.

Ted Striker was a cr*ck flight leader up to a point.

He was one of those men who...

Well, let's just say, felt too much inside.

Maybe you know the kind.

He went all to pieces one particular mission.

Just hope that doesn't happen tonight.

Let's see.

Altitude, 24,000 feet.

Level flight.

Speed, 520 knots.

Course, zero-niner-zero.

Trim, mixture.

Wash, soap, rinse, spin.

Ted! What are you doing here? You can't fly this plane.

That's what I've been trying to tell these people.

Elaine, I don't have time to say this gently, so I'll be very direct.

Everyone in this plane is in a desperate situation.

Mr. Striker is the only hope we've got.

Those are the flaps.

This is the thrust.

This must turn on the landing lights.

(PASSENGERS SCREAMING)

Mayday! Mayday!

Mayday! Mayday? What the hell is that for?

Mayday? Why, that's the Russian New Year.

We'll have a big parade. We'll serve hot hors d'oeuvres.

I can't stand it anymore.

I've gotta get out of here. I've got to get out of here!

Calm down. Get a hold of yourself!

Stewardess, please, let me handle this.

I've gotta get out.

(BABBLING INCOHERENTLY)

Calm down, now get back to your seat. I'll take care of this problem now.

Calm down! Get a hold of yourself.

Doctor, you're wanted on the phone.

Everything's gonna be all right, please!

Sister, please. I'll handle this. Just try and get a hold of yourself.

I've gotta get out of here! Ahhh!

Out of here! I've gotta get out of here!

Excuse me, we'd like you to have this flower.

Excuse me, sir, would you...

Donations for Reverend Moon?

(GRUNTS)

Jews for Jesus?

Read about Jehovah's Witness.

Ahhh! (GRUNTS)

How about Buddhism?

(EXCLAIMS)

Help Jerry's kids?

Scientology?

More nuclear power?

INTERCOM: Your attention please.

No-frills passengers now arriving.

Please have your baggage claim checks ready to show attendant upon leaving the terminal.

I know, but this guy doing the flying has no airline experience at all.

He's a menace to himself and everything else in the air.

Yes, birds too.

Okay, okay, he's a terrible risk. But what other choice have we got?

That's the whole story there, Rex. Everything we know.

All right, Steve, let's face a few facts.

As you know, I flew with this man, Striker, during the w*r.

He's gonna have enough on his mind without worrying about those times when things weren't so good.

Well, right now, things aren't so good.

Let me tell you something, Steve.

Ted Striker was a top-notch squadron leader, a long time ago.

Look, Rex, I want you to get on the horn and talk that guy down.

Now, you're gonna have to let him get the feel of that airplane on the way.

Then you'll have to talk him onto the approach.

So help me, you'll have to talk him right down to the ground!

Very well.

Put Striker on the speaker. Okay, use my radio over there.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.

Now, you can work them direct from here, Captain.

Thanks.

Striker?

Striker, this is Captain Rex Kramer speaking.

Yes, Captain Kramer. Read you loud and clear.

All right. It's obvious you remember me.

So, what do you say you and I just forget about everything except what we have to do now?

Let's not kid each other, Kramer.

You know I've never flown a bucket like this!

I'm gonna need all the luck there is.

Stand by, Striker.

Our one hope is to build this man up.

I've gotta give him all the confidence I can.

Striker?

Have you ever flown a multi-engine plane before?

TED: No. Never.

sh*t. This is a g*dd*mn waste of time!

There's no way he can land this plane!

STEVE: Grab a hold of yourself. You gotta talk him down. You gotta.

REX: Route him into Lake Michigan.

At least he'll avoid k*lling innocent people.

You're the only chance they've got!

All right.

Striker, you listen, and you listen close.

Flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle.

Just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.

Now first, I want you to get the feel of the plane.

Later, we'll run down the landing procedure.

(EXPLODES)

All right, now I want you to disengage the a*t*matic pilot.

But watch out you don't make any violent control movements like you did in the fighter plane.

All right, I'm going to unlock the a*t*matic pilot.

REX: Just remember, the controls will feel very heavy compared to a fighter.

Don't worry about that. It's perfectly normal.

Now, one more thing, is somebody there who can work the radio and leave you free for flying?

Yes. The stewardess is here with me.

Good. Have her sit in the copilot's seat.

Elaine, he wants you to sit in the copilot's seat.

What's going on? We have a right to know the truth.

All right, I'm gonna level with you all.

The most important thing now is that you remain calm.

There is no reason to panic.

Now, it is true that one of the crew members is ill.

Slightly ill.

But the other two pilots are just fine.

They're at the controls flying the plane, free to pursue a life of religious fulfillment.

The radio's all yours now.

And keep an eye on that number three engine gauge, over there.

It's running a little hot.

(BEEPING)

REX: Striker, before we start, I'd like to say something.

I know that right now things must look pretty rough up there, but if you do what I tell you, when I tell you to do it, there's no reason why you shouldn't have complete confidence in your chances to come out of this thing alive and in one piece.

Striker, what kind of weather you in up there?

Rain.

And a little ice.

And a little ice.

How's it handling?

It's sluggish, like a wet sponge.

Sluggish, like a wet sponge.

All right, Striker. You're doing just fine.

It's a damn good thing he doesn't know how much I hate his guts.

It's a damn good thing you don't know how much he hates your guts.

Can I get you something?

It's your mofo butter laying me to the bone, jacking me up.

Tightening me.

I'm sorry. I don't understand.

Cutty say he can't hang.

Oh, stewardess?

I speak jive. Oh, good.

He said that he's in great pain, and he wants to know if you can help him.

All right. Would you tell him to just relax, and I'll be back as soon as I can with some medicine.

Just hang loose, blood.

She gonna catch up on the rebound on the medi side.

What it is, big mama?

My mama didn't raise no dummies. I dug her rap.

Cut me some slack, Jack.

(ALL SPEAKING OVER ONE ANOTHER)

Chump don't want the help, chump don't get the help.

Say he can't hang, say seven-up.

Jive-ass dude don't got no brains, anyhow.

Macias, get me Captain Oveur's wife on the phone.

We better let her know what's going on.

Chief, this weather bulletin just came off the wire.

Johnny, what do you make out of this?

This?

Why, I could make a hat or a brooch. Or a pterodactyl, could eat your...

(PHONE RINGING)

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

MACIAS: Mrs. Oveur? Yes, this is Mrs. Oveur.

This is Ed Macias calling from the airport.

There's some trouble on your husband's flight.

Now, we don't know how serious it is yet.

But Steve McCroskey thought you'd wanna get down here right away.

Yes, I'll be right down.

I've gotta go to the airport.

You can let yourself out the back door.

There's juice in the refrigerator.

(WHINNYING)

Dr. Rumack says the sick people are getting worse, and we're running out of time.

I've got to concentrate.

Concentrate. Concentrate. Concentrate.

I've got to concentrate.

Concentrate. Concentrate. Concentrate.

Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?

Echo! Echo! Echo! Echo!

Pinch hitting for Pedro Borbon, Manny Mota.

Mota. Mota. Mota.

(BASEBALL BAT CRACKS AND CROWD CHEERS)

How you doing, honey? Jack, I'm so hot, I'm burning up.

I'll turn on some air.

(WIND WHOOSHING)

WOMAN 1: What's going on up there?

WOMAN 2: Close the window!

Chicago, the passengers are beginning to panic.

When do we start down?

Not just yet. We'll have you in radar range any second now.

I don't understand it. Should have been in range 10 minutes ago.

Gunderson, check the radar range. Anything yet?

It's about two more minutes, Chief.

Two more minutes? They could be miles off course.

That's impossible. They're on instruments.

This is gonna be a real sweat.

Gunderson, let me know when you get anything.

Got a cigarette, Nels?

I can't take much more of this.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.

Johnny, how about some more coffee. No, thanks.

Chief, these reporters won't leave without a statement.

How much longer can those passengers hold out?

Half-an-hour, maybe 45 minutes.

Who's flying the plane?

One of the passengers, but he's an experienced Air Force pilot who flew during the w*r, so there's no cause for alarm.

Hinshaw, take over.

What kind of plane is it?

Oh, it's a big, pretty white plane with red stripes, curtains in the window, and wheels, and it looks like a big Tylenol.

Okay, boys. Let's get some pictures.

REPORTER: I want the one that'll block a wall.

REPORTER: C-47, right? I love that one.

This bulletin just handed to me.

Stricken airliner approaching Chicago.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

Shana, they bought their tickets.

They knew what they were getting into.

I say let them crash.

Would you like a little whiskey, ma'am? Certainly not.

(BELLS RINGING)

How are the passengers doing?

I won't deceive you, Mr. Striker.

We're running out of time.

Surely there must be something you can do.

I'm doing everything I can.

And stop calling me Shirley.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what it means to me R-E-S-P-E-C-T Take out T-C-P Sock it to me, sock it to me Sock it to me, sock it to me Sock it to me, sock it to me A little respect, just a little bit (VOMITING SOUNDS)

Just a little bit

(CRYING)

Randy, are you all right?

Dr. Rumack.

I'm scared. I've never been so scared.

And besides, I'm 26 and I'm not married.

Now, we're going to make it. You've got to believe that.

Dr. Rumack, do you have any idea when we'll be landing?

Pretty soon. How you bearing up?

Well, to be honest, I've never been so scared.

But at least I have a husband.

(SOBS)

(CRYING)

COMMANDER: Stay in formation. Targets just ahead.

Target should be clear if you go in low enough.

You'll have to decide.

You'll have to decide.

You'll have to decide.

Stay in formation. Targets just ahead.

Target should be clear if you go in low enough.

You'll have to decide.

You'll have to decide.

You'll have to decide.

Oh, rats!

Lost number four.

What happened, Ted? What went wrong?

The oil pressure. I forgot to check the oil pressure.

When Kramer hears about this, the sh*t's gonna hit the fan.

Watch that oil temperature. What the hell's he doing up there?

Striker, that plane can't land itself!

It takes a pilot who can handle pressure!

Ease off, Rex. He hasn't flown for years.

It's not his fault. Could happen to any pilot.

It happened to Barbara Stanwyck.

Can't push him too hard. He might break.

Gotta remember who you're dealing with.

Nick, Pete, Jared. There's a fire in the barn!

He's right.

I can't take the pressure.

I was crazy to think I could land this plane.

But, Ted, you're the only... I don't care.

I don't have what it takes.

They'd be better off with someone who'd never flown before.

Bad news. The fog is getting thicker.

And Leon's getting larger!

I know what you're gonna say, so save your breath.

No. I don't have a thing to say.

You've done the best you could.

You really have. The best you could.

You can't expect to win them all.

But I wanna tell you something I've kept to myself through these years.

I was in the w*r myself, Medical Corps.

Was on late duty one night when they brought in a badly wounded pilot from one of the raids.

He could barely talk.

He looked up at me and, "Doc," he said, "The odds were against us up there, but we went in anyway.

"I'm glad.

"Captain made the right decision."

That pilot's name was George Zipp.

George Zipp said that?

The last thing he said to me, "Doc," he said.

"Sometime, "when the crew is up against it, "and the breaks are b*ating the boys, "tell them to get out there and give it all they've got.

"And win just one for the Zipper.

"I don't know where I'll be then, Doc," he said.

"And I won't smell too good, that's for sure."

Excuse me, Doc.

I've got a plane to land.

(SOUNDS OF CROWD CHEERING)

REX: All right, Striker, you better stay up there for a bit.

Soon as the fog lifts, we'll bring you in.

I'll take it, Elaine.

Listen to me, Kramer.

Dr. Rumack says the sick people are in critical condition, and every minute counts.

We've got to land now.

Don't be a fool, Striker.

You know what a landing like this means.

You more than anybody.

I'm ordering you to stay up there!

No dice, Chicago.

I'm giving the orders, and we're coming in.

I guess the foot's on the other hand now, isn't it, Kramer?

He'll never make it in this soup. Never, not one chance in a million.

I know, I know. But it's his ship now. His command. He's in charge.

He's the boss, head man, top dog, big cheese, the head honcho, number... Captain, look at this!

"Passengers certain to die."

"Airline negligent."

There's a sale at Penney's!

All right, I'll need three men up in the tower.

You, Neubauer. You, Macias.

Me, John, big tree.

Stand by, Striker. We're going to the tower. Good luck.

We're going to the tower.

The tower! The tower!

Rapunzel! Rapunzel!

Stewardess?

How soon do we land?

Oh, it won't be long now. Try not to worry.

We're all ready, sir.

This is Captain McCroskey. This is Captain Roberts.

Captain Kramer, this is Captain Colosimo.

Captain Hinshaw, this is Captain Gatz.

Captain Kramer, Captain Gatz.

Captain Hinshaw, Captain Roberts.

All right, Colosimo, you work the relay.

Roberts, check all air traffic within 5 miles.

Get that finger out of your ear.

You don't know where that finger's been.

LINDA: Steve?

Got a cigarette, Nelson? Now, Linda.

Your husband and the others are alive, but unconscious.

Just like Gerald Ford.

Now, there's a chance that we can save them if Striker can get that plane down in time.

That isn't much of a chance, is it? I don't know, Linda, I don't know.

But we'll do everything we can. Now excuse me, yeah?

Where did you get that dress? It's awful!

And those shoes, and that coat. Jesus!

8 miles. Turn right to heading 044.

ELAINE: We're now at 2,000 feet, beginning our descent.

Steve.

I want every light you can get poured onto that field.

Being done right now.

Tower to all emergency vehicles. Runway is niner.

Airport vehicles take positions one and two.

Civilian equipment, number three.

Air Force, positions number four and five.

All ambulances, go to number three.

CONTROLLER: Air Israel, please clear the runway.

In a moment, we'll ask you to assume crash positions.

Your life jackets are located under your seat.

Place the jacket over your head, and when I give the word, pull the cord on the right-side flap.

PASSENGER: Isn't that cute? Your seat cushions are also equipped with a floatation device.

DJ: WZAZ in Chicago, where disco lives forever.

(RADIO BROADCAST ENDS)

Watch your altitude, Striker. You're too erratic.

You can't come straight in.

You've got enough fuel left for two hours of flying.

I'll take it, Elaine.

Listen to me, Kramer.

We have people up here who will die in less than an hour, let alone two.

I may bend your precious airplane, but I'll get it down.

I'm putting the landing gear down now.

Mr. Striker, the passengers are ready.

Thanks, Randy.

You better leave, sweetheart. You might get hurt up here.

(RANDY SCREAMS AND LOUD CRASHING)

Ted?

Yes?

I wanted you to know, now, I'm very proud.

Tell them the gear is down, and we're ready to land.

The gear is down, and we're ready to land.

All right, he's on final now.

Put out all runway lights, except niner.

Captain, maybe we ought to turn on the searchlights now.

No.

That's just what they'll be expecting us to do.

I just wanna tell you both, good luck. We're all counting on you.

All right, now just listen carefully.

You should be able to see the runway at 300 feet.

Aim the touch down a third of the way along.

There's a slight crosswind from the right, so be ready for it.

Land too fast, use your emergency brakes.

Red handle's right in front of you.

If that doesn't stop you...

If that doesn't stop you, cut the four ignition switches over the copilot's head.

Do you see us now?

You should be able to see the field, now.

(BARKING)

Sure is quiet out there. Yeah, too quiet.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

There it is.

There he is!

Striker, you're coming in too fast!

I know! I know!

He knows! He knows!

Wow.

He's below 700 now, still going down.

675, 650, 625. He's holding.

He's holding. He's at... No, no. He's down, he's down.

Sound your alarm bell, now!

(ALARM SOUNDING)

All right, now, everybody, get in crash positions.

(ALL CLAMORING)

Put down 30 degrees of flap!

Striker, now listen to me.

Remember your brakes and switches!

Get ready to flare it out!

He's all over the place.

900 feet up to 1300 feet.

What an assh*le.

REX: Hold up, harder! Put down more flap!

Just kidding.

(LAUGHS)

REX: Striker, lift your nose. Straighten your wings!

Coming in too fast. Watch your speed.

He's coming right at us!

(SCREAMING)

Coming in too hot!

Ease up on the throttle!

Watch for that crosswind. Level it out.

Aim for the numbers. You'll have to dip your left wing.

You're drifting. Keep your eyes on the far end of the runway.

You're too low, damn it!

Watch your stall speed.

Flare out!

Now ease her down! Down!

The brake! Pull the red handle!

I just wanna tell you both, good luck. We're all counting on you.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

INTERCOM: Flight 209 now arriving, Gate 8.

Gate 9.

Gate 10.

REX: Pull on a lever. Push a button!

INTERCOM: Gate 13.

Gate 14.

Gate 15.

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

Auntie Em, Uncle Henry, Toto! It's a twister! It's a twister!

INTERCOM: Gate 23.

24.

25.

(SIRENS BLARING)

(ALL CONGRATULATING EACH OTHER)

(ALL EXCLAIMING WITH RELIEF)

I just wanna tell you both, good luck. We're all counting on you.

REX: Striker?

Striker, you all right? Yeah.

We're okay.

Ted, that was probably the lousiest landing in the history of this airport.

But some of us here, particularly me, would like to buy you a drink and shake your hand.

And, Ted, I just want you to know that when the going got rough...

Okay, all right. Have a nice day.

Okay. Have a nice day.

Thank you for flying Trans American.

REX: Loneliness, that's the bottom line.

I was never happy as a child.

Christmas, Ted, what does that mean to you?

To me, it was a living hell.

Do you know what it's like to fall in the mud and get kicked, in the head, by an iron boot?

Of course you don't. No one does. That never happens.

I'm sorry, Ted. That's a dumb question. Skip that.

Hurry, hurry.

Okay, folks. There you go.

Have a nice day.

(TIRES SQUEAL AND CAR CRASHES)

(WOMAN EXCLAIMS)

Municipal bonds, Ted. I'm talking double-A rating.

The best investment in America.

Well, I'll give him another 20 minutes.

But that's it.